New to site and need help

[Guest guest]

I am so happy to discover the wonderful support here. I am new and wondering if

there is anyone out there who can help us. My husbands mother fits the bill for

bps. We just had our seventh anniversary....however it has been difficult. I

was able to get my husband into therapy...a short time. I knew there was

something wrong with His mother but the father has become a mute and she started

affecting our marriage. She is very emotionally abusive toward me and for the

longest time my husband said I should suck it up and not take it personally. We

have two children and they are treated good by her but sees me being treated

rotten. Now that my husband is aware of her disorder he has tried to protect

me...but he cannot even protect himself let alone me. So I have to set

boundaries for both of us. Of couse I am the bad guy and it enforces her

hatefulness towed me and blackmails my husband. It is a constant struggle to

let her in our lives or not. There is always a birthday or holiday or event

that they want to be involved and I cannot do it anymore. She is untreated

totally negative Of which seeps into my husbands head. My husband has learned

to survive this crazy world and I cannot tolerate another second. The guilt and

blackmail is more than one person can handle. My husband is the only child and

the mother just lost her mother and father in law only to want to replace them

with having her son and husband who are the only people who will talk to her.

His mother has been mean to my parents and my brothers family that now they

refuse to have any family event or holidays with my husbands family. Since they

are so mean to not only me but my parents. I have tried to read about this

disorder and open my husbands eyes who doesn't know what to do. Our therapist

told him she will ruin our marriage if we let her.

[Guest guest]

Many hugs. I am so glad that you guys are getting treatment for this, it is so

sad that someone so external is doing so much damage. i hope the therapist can

work with both of you to set boundaries, and for your husband to understand both

of you have to be on the same page. it sounds like he is enmeshed with them

really bad in what is called the FOG...fear, obligation, and guilt. this is the

second post on this board tonight that is along these lines; I have been single

for ten years and to be honest it mystifies me that these men would risk having

a wife for the relationship with a crazy mother. I honestly don't understand how

it is, that they do not understand the precious, precious gift that they have,

in having a life partner, and that they would put it in jeopardy for something

as unrewarding and painful as a relationship with an untreated bpd. You have my

greatest empathy, and I hope that he will in time learn to deal with his parents

in a way that keeps them from harming your relationship or your family. Hugs.

>

> I am so happy to discover the wonderful support here. I am new and wondering

if there is anyone out there who can help us. My husbands mother fits the bill

for bps. We just had our seventh anniversary....however it has been difficult.

I was able to get my husband into therapy...a short time. I knew there was

something wrong with His mother but the father has become a mute and she started

affecting our marriage. She is very emotionally abusive toward me and for the

longest time my husband said I should suck it up and not take it personally. We

have two children and they are treated good by her but sees me being treated

rotten. Now that my husband is aware of her disorder he has tried to protect

me...but he cannot even protect himself let alone me. So I have to set

boundaries for both of us. Of couse I am the bad guy and it enforces her

hatefulness towed me and blackmails my husband. It is a constant struggle to

let her in our lives or not. There is always a birthday or holiday or event

that they want to be involved and I cannot do it anymore. She is untreated

totally negative Of which seeps into my husbands head. My husband has learned

to survive this crazy world and I cannot tolerate another second. The guilt and

blackmail is more than one person can handle. My husband is the only child and

the mother just lost her mother and father in law only to want to replace them

with having her son and husband who are the only people who will talk to her.

His mother has been mean to my parents and my brothers family that now they

refuse to have any family event or holidays with my husbands family. Since they

are so mean to not only me but my parents. I have tried to read about this

disorder and open my husbands eyes who doesn't know what to do. Our therapist

told him she will ruin our marriage if we let her.

>