Family of flying monkeys of varying degrees...

[Guest guest]

Okay, I just have to vent and update you all on what happened this weekend at my

grandmother's funeral. I have to say, it's completely amazing how everyone in my

family is conspiring, even people who don't like nada, but conspiring to make me

be in the same room as her. It's just unbelievable. Prepare yourself, this is a

long story. And I'm just looking for validation and getting it off of my chest.

But feel free to give tips and advice to help me get through the next two days

if you have any.

Day 1, Arrival in Tampa: my dad picked me up at the airport and we went fishing

right away, which was nice and relaxing for both of us. But when we got home, we

share a couple of cigarettes, and he asks me " How would you respond if I said

your mother is coming to the funeral? "

Now you all know I have been NC with nada for over a year now, despite her

stalking attempts. Apparently one of my brothers, " Ken " , had mentioned it to her

and she said she was coming down for the funeral. Apparently my dad's brother,

my idiot histrionic PD uncle, had also been talking to her and was encouraging

her to come. To me, it appeared they were all conspiring to force a reunion. And

a little background, not only was my parents' divorce messy and unfriendly, but

she very much dislikes him, and NEVER had a nice thing to say about hi parents.

She resented and disliked them.

So my response is " Is she coming? " And he won't answer, he wants to know how I

would respond first. And I tell him I can't answer that. So he assures me she's

not coming, but that she was going to, but I guess Ken told her not to. My dad

said that in his grief he accidently said he didn't mind and didn't think about

me when someone asked if it was okay for her to come. She would have had to

drive 8 hours down to ville by herself to do so, which doesn't make sense

for someone you don't like. I believe she only wanted to do it to take advantage

of all her children being there, and trying to make some kind of family reunion

and to also accost me.

I was very upset because they weren't even going to warn me. It was bad enough

that I knew I was going to have to deal with my other brada and his NPD bitch of

a wife, but to have BPD nada on top of that was too much. They just don't

understand the mental trauma she causes me.

Anyways, I'm going to skip the crap dealing with HPD uncle, which is a whole

different story and the least of my problems. Anyways, my brothers and even

father were doing this guilt hoovering thing to make me acquiesce to nada

coming, even though she wasn't.

So skip to the next day, I fully expected her to still show up, but she doesn't.

Instead, her brother who lives in town shows up. WTF was he doing there? He

didn't even know my grandma, nor have any of us had a particularly close

relationship with any of my nada's side of the family because they are all

mentally ill assholes. At first I ignored him, but then said " hello " and to be

polite gave him a brief hug. He said something jokingly rude to my father about

him getting fat, but my dad just brushed it off.

After the service nada's brother asks my dad if he can get a picture of me. Dad

asks me and I said I wasn't comfortable with that, so dad told him no, and he

immediately left. Later Ken told me that he had taken a picture of him and brada

together for grandnada. I snorted and was like, and since when has she ever been

a good grandnada to us? Ken said something like " oh, well she hasn't seen us in

a while. " And I was just like, well there's a reason for that, and I'm not about

to do something that makes me uncomfortable because it's convenient for her that

my grandmother died and she can send a flying monkey to get a picture.

But not for a minute did I believe that he was there for grandnada. I firmly

believe nada sent him there to try and talk to me and get a picture of me. But I

avoided him at all costs and wouldn't fall for his taking a picture of me. I do

not trust him, and I don't have to let him get a picture of me just because he

has some of the same DNA and he's older than me. I don't feel I was rude. I feel

he was rude for coming disrespectfully to this funeral where we are trying to

mourn and using it as some warped version of a family reunion to get close to

us, either for grandnada or nada. I mean, how inappropriate do you get?

Seriously, am I right in thinking that was totally wrong and disrespectful to

all of us that knew my grandmother, her sons, etc., who are mourning her

unexpected passing? It was especially hard for me because I was building a very

special relationship with her and felt like she and I were developing a very

real friendship. I was finally getting to know her after all these years.

So I just need to know that my instincts were right. Please send some validation

my way...

And the stuff with my HPD uncle can wait for another day.

Thanks to all,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

So sorry about your grandmother passing. At least you got some time together

without your nada's ugly influence.

Yes, your instincts were spot on--don't doubt it--there are very few reasons why

uninvolved parties would volunteer to show up for a funeral.

>

> Okay, I just have to vent and update you all on what happened this weekend at

my grandmother's funeral. I have to say, it's completely amazing how everyone in

my family is conspiring, even people who don't like nada, but conspiring to make

me be in the same room as her. It's just unbelievable. Prepare yourself, this is

a long story. And I'm just looking for validation and getting it off of my

chest. But feel free to give tips and advice to help me get through the next two

days if you have any.

>

> Day 1, Arrival in Tampa: my dad picked me up at the airport and we went

fishing right away, which was nice and relaxing for both of us. But when we got

home, we share a couple of cigarettes, and he asks me " How would you respond if

I said your mother is coming to the funeral? "

>

> Now you all know I have been NC with nada for over a year now, despite her

stalking attempts. Apparently one of my brothers, " Ken " , had mentioned it to her

and she said she was coming down for the funeral. Apparently my dad's brother,

my idiot histrionic PD uncle, had also been talking to her and was encouraging

her to come. To me, it appeared they were all conspiring to force a reunion. And

a little background, not only was my parents' divorce messy and unfriendly, but

she very much dislikes him, and NEVER had a nice thing to say about hi parents.

She resented and disliked them.

>

> So my response is " Is she coming? " And he won't answer, he wants to know how I

would respond first. And I tell him I can't answer that. So he assures me she's

not coming, but that she was going to, but I guess Ken told her not to. My dad

said that in his grief he accidently said he didn't mind and didn't think about

me when someone asked if it was okay for her to come. She would have had to

drive 8 hours down to ville by herself to do so, which doesn't make sense

for someone you don't like. I believe she only wanted to do it to take advantage

of all her children being there, and trying to make some kind of family reunion

and to also accost me.

>

> I was very upset because they weren't even going to warn me. It was bad enough

that I knew I was going to have to deal with my other brada and his NPD bitch of

a wife, but to have BPD nada on top of that was too much. They just don't

understand the mental trauma she causes me.

>

> Anyways, I'm going to skip the crap dealing with HPD uncle, which is a whole

different story and the least of my problems. Anyways, my brothers and even

father were doing this guilt hoovering thing to make me acquiesce to nada

coming, even though she wasn't.

>

> So skip to the next day, I fully expected her to still show up, but she

doesn't. Instead, her brother who lives in town shows up. WTF was he doing

there? He didn't even know my grandma, nor have any of us had a particularly

close relationship with any of my nada's side of the family because they are all

mentally ill assholes. At first I ignored him, but then said " hello " and to be

polite gave him a brief hug. He said something jokingly rude to my father about

him getting fat, but my dad just brushed it off.

>

> After the service nada's brother asks my dad if he can get a picture of me.

Dad asks me and I said I wasn't comfortable with that, so dad told him no, and

he immediately left. Later Ken told me that he had taken a picture of him and

brada together for grandnada. I snorted and was like, and since when has she

ever been a good grandnada to us? Ken said something like " oh, well she hasn't

seen us in a while. " And I was just like, well there's a reason for that, and

I'm not about to do something that makes me uncomfortable because it's

convenient for her that my grandmother died and she can send a flying monkey to

get a picture.

>

> But not for a minute did I believe that he was there for grandnada. I firmly

believe nada sent him there to try and talk to me and get a picture of me. But I

avoided him at all costs and wouldn't fall for his taking a picture of me. I do

not trust him, and I don't have to let him get a picture of me just because he

has some of the same DNA and he's older than me. I don't feel I was rude. I feel

he was rude for coming disrespectfully to this funeral where we are trying to

mourn and using it as some warped version of a family reunion to get close to

us, either for grandnada or nada. I mean, how inappropriate do you get?

>

> Seriously, am I right in thinking that was totally wrong and disrespectful to

all of us that knew my grandmother, her sons, etc., who are mourning her

unexpected passing? It was especially hard for me because I was building a very

special relationship with her and felt like she and I were developing a very

real friendship. I was finally getting to know her after all these years.

>

> So I just need to know that my instincts were right. Please send some

validation my way...

>

> And the stuff with my HPD uncle can wait for another day.

>

> Thanks to all,

>

>

[Guest guest]

How sad that what should be a time of remembering and honoring your grandmother

has become all about your mother and all the other dysfunctional family...

....but then again, what more can you expect from PD'd people?

Sorry you had to deal with all that, and about the loss of your grandmother.

Of course you were right to avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable and to

refuse to have your picture taken by someone who creeps you out. Good job with

your boundaries.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Ugh, so sorry . Sorry for the loss of your grandmother and that

the flying monkeys tried to invade. I think you did a good job

listening to your gut & keeping your boundaries firm. You do not have

to spend time around any people who make you uncomfortable, be they

relatives or otherwise.

Again, so sorry for your loss & that it turned into an even more difficult time.

*HUGS*

Mia

>

>

>

> How sad that what should be a time of remembering and honoring your

> grandmother has become all about your mother and all the other dysfunctional

> family...

>

> ...but then again, what more can you expect from PD'd people?

>

> Sorry you had to deal with all that, and about the loss of your

> grandmother.

>

> Of course you were right to avoid people who make you feel uncomfortable

> and to refuse to have your picture taken by someone who creeps you out. Good

> job with your boundaries.

>

> Sveta

>

>