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wowzers - too many things - friend has bpd

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So I went and stayed with my friend last night whose husband " tried " to off

himself this time last week.

He got out of the hospital Thursday and then a family member came and got

him.

In the hospital they diagnosed him with BPD. Wow, ton of bricks. And my

friend is just totally grief stricken. I'm hoping she leaves him, but I

don't know if she will. He really hasn't contributed much for the last 2

years. . . I don't se e all the criteria in him - I've never seen him split

and he seems to have a consistent identity, but I see a lot of the others -

esp the raging and self injuring.

At the same time this was going on, a guy I have only met for a few minutes

sent me an e-mail to tell me that I shouldn't use live models in my artwork

in the future. He said it detracts from my work. What the hell???? First of

all, he has no freaking right to even have an opinion, I BARELY even know

him. Second of all, who tells a fashion/costume designer that their model -

who an outfit was created to represent - that the model detracts. I told him

it was like telling someone that the gift inside of a gift-wrapped package

detracts from the ribbon on top. So we got in kind of a fight. I don't get

it - he volunteered at my friend's gallery. I suspect I have spent more

time in that gallery than he has. Then 8 days after I did something mildly

controversial with live models at the gallery (with the gallery owner's

permission), he e-mails me and tells me I got the presentation wrong on my

own work? So anyway I'm just bugged as hell about that. I unfriended him

electronically and I won't be talking to him again. We think he has that too

big for his britches intern syndrome.

Ok and then there is more. I just had another horrible horrible horrible

migraine. Puking, crying etc etc etc. I don't know how I'm going to get

through this with the pain that just comes out of no where and completely

envelopes me. It was actually really scary. I can't get a neurologist to

take me - not that they helped me that much in the past when they were bad.

I wish I had an emergency eject button, but instead I took a couple of

tynenol PMs the analgesic doesn't even touch it, but to escape into sleep

for a few hours is miraculous.

..

Effffff kinda hating my life right now. Also having a lot of probs with

equipment breaking down. And I'm still not on speaking terms with my office

manager because she left me without a phone for 11 days (in the middle of a

horrible migraine flare) and then she made me jump through a thousand hoops

to get my phone number back and I ended up having to get a new number anyway

because she was lazy/mistrustful/bitchy and humiliated me.

That's my world in a nutshell. UGGGGGH anyone want to trade?

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HA HA lets trade. I lost about 10 years worth of pictures today when my hard

drive went out.

THe fashion show was a pain but went off without a hitch and I got feedback

that it was the most professional one yet. So that was good, But the

conflict is very hard on me!!!!! Should I hide out? I don't know. This

weekend a dumbass who I have only met for a few min sent me a critique of my

art and told me my whole approach detracts. HELP ME MAKE IT STOP

HA HA ok I was just being dramatic. I'm doing better this hour.

> **

>

>

>

> Me.

>

> Sorry you're having such a rough time.

>

> How did that fashion show go?

>

> --.

>

>

>

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Girlscout, I know it's hard, but just say " thank you for your feedback " and

DELETE. Don't give it any other thought. Treat the jerk just like your nada.

I wish I had done the same thing with a guy who did the same " I know everything "

thing to me about a year ago, and I actually called him out on it. Well, now I

wish I hadn't because I've changed jobs and he's a donor (albeit not the biggest

by far) to the organization I work for now. Of course, I can, fortunately, have

others deal with him, and if it ever comes up I can completely defend myself, I

can show the emails and how rude he was (he actually accused me of being bipolar

when I told him, after saying " no thanks " a number of times, to stop forcing

unsolicited advice on me). So just delete and move on. Some fights are not worth

it at all. This guy doesn't sound worth the effort of getting worked up. I say

just laugh at his pathetic ass and move on.

Seriously, we all need bigger egos. We get crushed by the smallest little jerks.

If we had bigger egos, we would just laugh at them like the puny little children

they are and walk away.

>

> > **

> >

> >

> >

> > Me.

> >

> > Sorry you're having such a rough time.

> >

> > How did that fashion show go?

> >

> > --.

> >

> >

> >

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>

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Thank you. On the topic of ego, I have a role model. I watch my friend, a

transvestite and utter queen. She is always always nice- but always always

confident and doesn't waste time on people who don't realize she is a total

star. Now I feel guilty for saying that I see myself as a star - but good

god when you are a spokeswoman, pro dancer, fashion designer, runway

organizer, social media personality and artist. . . well at some point you

have to stop seeing yourself as an unworthy piece of shit :)

That's how I've progressed through all my issues in therapy to date. I find

a role model or an image or photo to fixate on, and then I work around that

until I'm comfortable. Wow, I'm really uncomfortable with this one. But I

can't go through life feeling like I'm dirt under a shoe. And I know I have

just a little of that something Tyler More had - she can turn the world

on with her smile. . . type of thing.

Help me guys I feel like an ass admitting that I picked a tranny queen with

Tyler charisma for my role model - but I'm telling you she shakes

her platnum hair and 5 hot guys pick up her chair and twirl her around.

Meanwhile she makes everyone feel beautiful, loved, cherished. . . so long

as they deserve it.

Yeah next time I will delete. I asked him a few questions and then I did

just that. What a jackass. And they always end up being a client/donor

eventually. But I do have my ways with clients - I don't think they would

translate to donors. . . XOXO

On Wed, Jul 20, 2011 at 7:23 PM, afldancer ne

fwrote:

> **

>

>

> Girlscout, I know it's hard, but just say " thank you for your feedback " and

> DELETE. Don't give it any other thought. Treat the jerk just like your nada.

>

>

> I wish I had done the same thing with a guy who did the same " I know

> everything " thing to me about a year ago, and I actually called him out on

> it. Well, now I wish I hadn't because I've changed jobs and he's a donor

> (albeit not the biggest by far) to the organization I work for now. Of

> course, I can, fortunately, have others deal with him, and if it ever comes

> up I can completely defend myself, I can show the emails and how rude he was

> (he actually accused me of being bipolar when I told him, after saying " no

> thanks " a number of times, to stop forcing unsolicited advice on me). So

> just delete and move on. Some fights are not worth it at all. This guy

> doesn't sound worth the effort of getting worked up. I say just laugh at his

> pathetic ass and move on.

>

> Seriously, we all need bigger egos. We get crushed by the smallest little

> jerks. If we had bigger egos, we would just laugh at them like the puny

> little children they are and walk away.

>

> e

>

>

>

> >

> > > **

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > > Me.

> > >

> > > Sorry you're having such a rough time.

> > >

> > > How did that fashion show go?

> > >

> > > --.

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

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" She is always always nice- but always always

confident and doesn't waste time on people who don't realize she is a total

star. "

Wow, I love that! I want to be like that. It really is a waste of time trying

to make people you don't even like see what they'll never see.

> > >

> > > > **

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Me.

> > > >

> > > > Sorry you're having such a rough time.

> > > >

> > > > How did that fashion show go?

> > > >

> > > > --.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

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