Guest guest Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 22, 2012 Report Share Posted February 22, 2012 For me there was a last straw incident of epic proportions and in the 15 minutes it took my husband to drive me home, I had a complete " shift of consciousness. " I had a an almost out of body experience and with absolute clarity, I saw that all the values and standards that I'd not measured up to for 47 years were imposed on me, not choices I would have made for myself. The lack of self-worth I'd always struggled with evaporated within minutes and I knew that I have something to offer this world beyond being a doormat for my parents (NPD dad/BPD mom.) I was almost giddy....my husband thought I was going into shock. I felt the most profound sense of peace I can't even begin to describe and I knew it my heart that the toxic world had to be left behind. I'd tried to go NC several times before but got hoovered after a few weeks. This time, I knew that if I could feel this good moments after being chewed up and spit out by my momster, I could only imagine how much better my life would be without ever having contact with them again. I've been NC for more than 6 months now and it's been the best 6 months of my life, without a doubt. I don't mean to imply it's been easy, but my new found peace and happiness have been my strongest indicators that I need to continue in this direction. If you're interested, a couple months after the precipitating incident, I confided to a friend that I was afraid this feeling of peace was some strange part of shock that would wear off. I didn't want to lose it! She recommended I read Eckhart Tolle's A New Earth. Eckhart described my " shift of consciousness " experience to a tee. It's sad that I had to experience the trauma, but in reality, it's the best gift my mother ever gave me.....complete and utter devastation that allowed me to rebuild a better life. If you haven't read the book, I'd recommend it. It's very helpful, identifying a positive approach to help stop those awful memory loops of things in the past that can do nothing but bring you down. Best wishes for finding the best path for your life. If you choose to go NC, may you have all the strength you'll need to stick to your decision. Hugs to you! > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Due to a precipitating incident, it finally became clear to me that my mother wasn't capable of either really knowing me or loving me. If she knew me and loved me, if she had any empathy, compassion or insight, she could never say something like that about me; so in my mind, that was when my mother " died. " It was the death of my hope, my illusion that underneath it all, somehow, maybe she really did love me. When that illusion died, I mourned and grieved deeply. It all hit home, so to speak. On some level I recognized, I guess, that I was staying in contact with my mother due to a kind of " intermittent reinforcement " . Meaning, I kept subjecting myself to her emotional abuse with the hope that sometimes there would be good times, just like a gambler who keeps throwing money into the slot machine hoping to hit a jackpot. I realized that (given our particular relationship dynamic) my need for contact with my mother was kind of sick, really; rather masochistic. I grew to understand that my " closeness " with my mother had been due to " betrayal bonding " , aka The Stockholm Syndrome, and that is a very unhealthy, very sick kind of relationship. So, once I realized all of that so clearly, it became equally clear to me that I needed to stop contact altogether, and I mourned. I chose self-preservation, and I mourned and grieved that I had to do that. When my mother physically died, back in December, I was sad and still have lingering feelings of sadness, but they are just soft echoes of the deep grieving I did several years ago. -Annie > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 I have been using the analogy of death as well, Annie. I tell those close to me that it's like my entire family drove off a cliff the day my precipitating incident occurred (btw, my husband calls this my " re-birthday!) In those seconds that unfolded like hours, I realized their disorders render them 100% incapable of genuine love and that I never really had a family. I am mourning and grieving accordingly and the process has aided in my recovery. > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Annie and ...your words are ringing very true to me right now. I have been reading group postings for a few days and now feel ready to post myself. I am 29 years old, and found out 2 weeks ago that my nada is a witch BPD. I myself experienced a " precipitating incident " 2 weeks ago that started me doing internet searches of " how to get along with a crazy mother " . I found the term " borderline " which led to more research and now I'm currently reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother " . My whole life I have felt that only my sister could validate the awful experiences my witch put me through, because of course the rest of the world saw a false front. It left me feeling like I was the crazy one, even though deep down I always knew something was wrong with my mom. Now it has a name, and I have found a whole culture of " sisters " who can validate my experiences...I am not the crazy one anymore! My whole life I have struggled with trying to figure out my witch nada, wondering what I was doing wrong, and always holding out for that hope that ONE day she would have a moment of clarity and we could have a healthy relationship. It is second nature to want to love your mother. I had a baby boy 7 months ago, and she is around a lot more so now there is more conflict too. The precipitating incident happened when she was telling me she disagreed with some of my parenting choices. A little argument with her escalated to craziness...like it always does with her...where she is yelling and getting in my face despite me trying to stay calm. I told her she needed to leave and as she was storming away she turned back and looked me right in the eye, pointing in my face for emphasis to say to me... " you know NOTHING of being a loving nurturing mother " . The worst thing she could have ever said to me. The lowest blow she could have dealt. To accuse me of not loving my child, or somehow being a bad mother, when my biggest fear is that I will be a mother like her and have a child who grows up to hate me. I realized later that there is no truth to what she said. I love my baby boy deeply, he is my world. She was just trying to hurt me, and she knew what would strike a chord. What kind of mother would get joy out of hurting her child? This is when I had my moment of clarity, or as I see it now, the first day of the rest of my life. I realized that no normal mother would hurt their child intentionally, and that I have a mother who is capable of truly evil bad things. I am now on the road to recovery and discovery, and now trying to figure out the next step. Do I go NC or limited contact? Honestly the more I am reading and remembering it is making me sick to my stomach, and making me hate her. I also do not want her around my son at this point, because I know what she is capable of and I do not trust her. I will protect him, because no one protected me. I know that NC solves some problems, and creates others. I just don't know how this will play out, I guess time will tell. I thank everyone for having the courage to post, and in doing so helping others heal. Thank you so much! > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Hi . I have been 100% N/C since 2004. One last threat of violence from good 'ole momster opened the floodgate of memories. I began having panic attacks not just in private but in public. Looking at a Christmas tree in a church prompted tears that wouldn't stop. My heart pounded at moments when I should have been peaceful. Waves of terror came over me when I feared for my life, but it was all based on past events and triggered by the thought of even a phone call or letter from Nada and Fada. I couldn't go on like this so I went to therapy. The therapist made things even worse. She harped on forgiveness which escalated my terror to the point where I finally made the decision to go N/C. I realized that it didn't matter if my decision was illogical or if it hurt others. I had to take care of myself because I was breaking down. My subconscious mind was screaming for me to listen and it was going to take me down if I didn't. With silence came peace. With peace came healing. It needed to be done and my life has never been better. Hope this helps, AFB > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 To this day, I desperately love my nada and remember many of our good times fondly. But unfortunately, there was a price that I had to pay to be in relationship with her and that price was my own self worth. As long as I was willing to give up myself, then all was well. Once I decided to assert myself and have my own thoughts and ideas, the drama and accusations against me began. Outside of this relationship with my nada, I was building many quality relationships with friends, husband, extended family and my children that were healthy and based on unconditional love. At some point, I reached a tipping point, an understanding that true love didn't hurt, didn't contain drama, and allowed me to have my own thoughts. With a desire to lean more toward healthy, positive relationships in my life, I started to move away from my nada, questioning her methods, and after one last telling hurtful exchange, I broke off contact altogether. Basically, as I came to see her for who she was and that she was essentially broken and unable or unwilling to fix herself, I no longer wanted to be the recipient of her harm. So, at age 50, I walked. Told my nada that I was going NC for a year in order to find my true self. Rather than trying to talk me out of it, my nada walked too. Walked away and acts like I no longer exist. Wrote on her blog that she was leaving the part of the country we both live in because she no longer has family here. Her words kinda made me feel like she never loved me. That I was never important to her despite all of the good times we shared on occasion. I am now made to feel that even if I wanted to resume some kind of LC relationship in the future, she wouldn't. That I am some kind of horrible daughter she is glad to be rid of. So the emotions of leaving and going NC are hard. Initially, I went through a grieving process and was sad to have lost the parts of my nada I enjoyed, even though I was also experiencing joy at having gotten drama out of my life. It has been 4 months since I went NC and my life is wonderful, filled with great times with those I have in my life. Unfortunately, there are times when I get down and miss my nada and wish things could be different between us. I just can't seem to be able to accept that our relationship is broken and there seems to be a void in my life. I guess it is like Annie says, like the Stockholm Syndrome, where you continue to love those that have abused you. Being away from my nada has also allowed me to finally understand that unless my nada decides to get some help for herself, our relationship will never be healthy. That there is nothing I can do to fix things between us. This isn't about us being in a fight and me trying to figure out what I have done wrong once again. I can't ever fix this no matter what I do. Only she can and I know she won't so that leaves me knowing our relationship will never be repaired and that I have to live forever more without having a real mother. But then again. I suppose I have never had a real mother. Someone who loves unconditionally. Now that I have experienced being away from my nada, and am finding my life full of love and joy and peace from those who care about me, I don't want to dip myself in the drama filled days of yesterday, the days when I was under my nada's thumb. What keeps me away then, what keeps me being NC, is the desire to be whole and free and me. > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 Although I'm not NC with nada, I do feel empowered when I assert myself and say " no. " I realize now that her demands are absurd. It really started when I had my first child. I thought to myself: what parent would not want the best for their child -- to love and cherish them? To help and protect them? To enjoy and have a fun family life together? These are the things that nada did not teach, yet I found them myself. They are natural, human needs that need no explanation. I have a such a close bond with my kids. So for me, having a child spurred a shift in my consciousness. Aly > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 23, 2012 Report Share Posted February 23, 2012 alyd01, I am so glad that you had a shift in your consciousness upon the birth of your child. Unfortunately, I was too caught up in Fear, Obligation, and Guilt (FOG) to see what my nada was doing to me and stayed the course with her, even after she began to treat my first born son in the same harmful way she treated me. Thankfully, I woke up in time to save my other child from her venom but not in time for my niece and firstborn who are in counseling now because of her. My nada is now estranged from 3 of her 4 grandchildren so at least most of them will suffer no more. > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Welcome to the Group Nadanomore, My point of view is that there isn't any one " right " way or " best " way or " only " way to manage having a borderline pd parent; its just a process of discovering what will work best for you, in your individual situation. I think you are right, and whatever you choose to do will have both some advantages and some disadvantages. You'll have to determine whether you can have limited contact with your nada, with clear boundaries and consequences for boundary violation firmly in place, or whether its better and safer for you to choose total No Contact. A factor in making such determinations is recognizing and accepting the degree of dysfunction your mother is showing toward you and your child. Some nadas are only mildly to moderately affected by bpd, while others are severely affected by their cognitive distortions, high impulsivity, tendency to become paranoid and delusional under stress, and their tendency to trigger into explosive, violent rage, which can make them quite dangerous to their loved ones, and even to their own self. You are the only one who can make that determination, based on your own experiences and observations, and based on your own strengths, vulnerabilities, resources, your needs, and your child's needs, etc. We're here to give you encouragement and validation as you figure out what your best choices might be. -Annie > > Annie and ...your words are ringing very true to me right now. I have been reading group postings for a few days and now feel ready to post myself. I am 29 years old, and found out 2 weeks ago that my nada is a witch BPD. I myself experienced a " precipitating incident " 2 weeks ago that started me doing internet searches of " how to get along with a crazy mother " . I found the term " borderline " which led to more research and now I'm currently reading " Understanding the Borderline Mother " . My whole life I have felt that only my sister could validate the awful experiences my witch put me through, because of course the rest of the world saw a false front. It left me feeling like I was the crazy one, even though deep down I always knew something was wrong with my mom. Now it has a name, and I have found a whole culture of " sisters " who can validate my experiences...I am not the crazy one anymore! > > My whole life I have struggled with trying to figure out my witch nada, wondering what I was doing wrong, and always holding out for that hope that ONE day she would have a moment of clarity and we could have a healthy relationship. It is second nature to want to love your mother. I had a baby boy 7 months ago, and she is around a lot more so now there is more conflict too. The precipitating incident happened when she was telling me she disagreed with some of my parenting choices. A little argument with her escalated to craziness...like it always does with her...where she is yelling and getting in my face despite me trying to stay calm. I told her she needed to leave and as she was storming away she turned back and looked me right in the eye, pointing in my face for emphasis to say to me... " you know NOTHING of being a loving nurturing mother " . > > The worst thing she could have ever said to me. The lowest blow she could have dealt. To accuse me of not loving my child, or somehow being a bad mother, when my biggest fear is that I will be a mother like her and have a child who grows up to hate me. I realized later that there is no truth to what she said. I love my baby boy deeply, he is my world. She was just trying to hurt me, and she knew what would strike a chord. What kind of mother would get joy out of hurting her child? > > This is when I had my moment of clarity, or as I see it now, the first day of the rest of my life. I realized that no normal mother would hurt their child intentionally, and that I have a mother who is capable of truly evil bad things. > > I am now on the road to recovery and discovery, and now trying to figure out the next step. Do I go NC or limited contact? Honestly the more I am reading and remembering it is making me sick to my stomach, and making me hate her. I also do not want her around my son at this point, because I know what she is capable of and I do not trust her. I will protect him, because no one protected me. > > I know that NC solves some problems, and creates others. I just don't know how this will play out, I guess time will tell. I thank everyone for having the courage to post, and in doing so helping others heal. Thank you so much! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 I guess I'm not sure how to be clear, because I was NOT talking about precipitating incidents. I guess I must have an incredible tolerance or am really weak, because all of the awareness and realizations in the world do not help me. I fully recognize my mother for what she is and what she does. I guess I'm looking at the more concrete, practically side of going NC. I've never been good at gaining anything from anecdotal information. I find internet support really frustrating as it seems like something that is great on the surface, but I always feel like no one gets what I'm saying. Maybe it's because most people are NC or because I have no other family beside my mother. I guess I just need to accept it doesn't work for me. > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 For me, there were no practical considerations impacting my choice to go No Contact. There was no financial impact on me: at the time I finally chose to cut all contact I was completely self-supporting. My nada and I lived 2K miles apart from each other (she and dad had moved away from me decades earlier; it wasn't my choice) so there was no chance of running into my mother casually. All her friends and my extended family lived back east, where she and dad had moved to. So my decision to go No Contact had no practical repercussions on me. I have to admit that if my parents hadn't decided on their own to move away from me, I might have remained enmeshed with them until both their deaths. I was very highly enmeshed with them to a very unhealthy degree when they decided to move across country, basically leaving me behind. Once we were physically separated, I was able over a period of many years to " become my own person " in a manner of speaking. But I can see how it would be different for someone who has children who know and love their grand-nada, for someone who lives in the same town or state as her bpd mother, or someone who is financially or emotionally dependent on her bpd mother / lives with her bpd mother. That would be a different situation that would be like comparing apples to oranges, in my opinion. Are any of those things the kind of *practical considerations* you are dealing with, in your own situation? -Annie > > I guess I'm not sure how to be clear, because I was NOT talking about precipitating incidents. > > I guess I must have an incredible tolerance or am really weak, because all of the awareness and realizations in the world do not help me. I fully recognize my mother for what she is and what she does. I guess I'm looking at the more concrete, practically side of going NC. I've never been good at gaining anything from anecdotal information. > > I find internet support really frustrating as it seems like something that is great on the surface, but I always feel like no one gets what I'm saying. Maybe it's because most people are NC or because I have no other family beside my mother. I guess I just need to accept it doesn't work for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 , So at first you wrote... >>so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... and then you wrote >>I guess I'm looking at the more concrete, practically side of going NC. I've never been good at gaining anything from anecdotal information. These questions seem to contradict each other, so I would say, go back and examine what it is you are really wanting here. Annie did not go into her precipitating event. She went directly to the emotions and process for her decision, which is what you had asked for in your initial query. C > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 Rebecaa, I too often get misread and it is frustrating - I think sometimes it comes down to writing style or not giving enough detail. I remember my English teach in school always giving me a hard time about not giving enough detail or expanding broad statements. But I'll give a guess as to what you might be wanting.... I did go NC for a few months with my nada years ago. What led to my being able to do it was that I was at probably the highest level of self-sufficiency and self-esteem I'd been at in my life. My career was going well, I'd just been promoted and for the first time I felt like the outer world told me I was " somebody " .....and at long last being treated like " nobody " by my nada was something I felt free to challenge. I only challenged her on a small thing, but the discussion quickly exploded into an argument or horrifying proportions and I cut her off for a while. So it was a combination of the stronger self-reflection I had in the world at that time and the pain/horror of what happened when I stood up to her. I'm sad to say I've backslid quite a bit since those days. You mention having no other family besides your mother. This is probably the key right there. Until you build " family like " relationships and structure in your life it probably will be very hard to make the stands you need to. I'm not weak and I know you aren't either. It's more a matter of resources and support to back up your sense of self. Some people have more support than others for this, whether external or internalized from previous experiences. I've found the book " Leaving Home " by Celani very helpful. Good luck! Eliza > > I guess I'm not sure how to be clear, because I was NOT talking about precipitating incidents. > > I guess I must have an incredible tolerance or am really weak, because all of the awareness and realizations in the world do not help me. I fully recognize my mother for what she is and what she does. I guess I'm looking at the more concrete, practically side of going NC. I've never been good at gaining anything from anecdotal information. > > I find internet support really frustrating as it seems like something that is great on the surface, but I always feel like no one gets what I'm saying. Maybe it's because most people are NC or because I have no other family beside my mother. I guess I just need to accept it doesn't work for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 24, 2012 Report Share Posted February 24, 2012 ,  As KO's of a BPD parent, we were harshly criticized. Then as adults we may feel the need to explain things and to provide additional details  in case something outcome-determinative was omitted and to avoid the  risk of being misunderstood.  That is all that's at work here in your response. Please take some solace in the fact many others have no family other than a BPD parent as it seems to be a recurrent pattern, to me.  To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, February 24, 2012 2:57 PM Subject: Re: Strenght to go/stay NC  I guess I'm not sure how to be clear, because I was NOT talking about precipitating incidents. I guess I must have an incredible tolerance or am really weak, because all of the awareness and realizations in the world do not help me. I fully recognize my mother for what she is and what she does. I guess I'm looking at the more concrete, practically side of going NC. I've never been good at gaining anything from anecdotal information. I find internet support really frustrating as it seems like something that is great on the surface, but I always feel like no one gets what I'm saying. Maybe it's because most people are NC or because I have no other family beside my mother. I guess I just need to accept it doesn't work for me. > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 Hi I also have no other family but my dysfunctional FOO (nada, fada & sister). For me they are the three ring circus that likes to treat me as the doormat/root-of-all-evil/emotional-punching-bag. It has taken me a long time to feel worthy/loved/capable without having to justify myself at every turn. I've been LC with my FOO for a long time but essentially went NC just before Christmas. I realise that I may be cut out of the will and slandered (this is already happening) but I'm willing to pay that price if it means that I can build a happy healthy life for me, my husband and my kids. I just had to make a choice between my family's health/sanity and my FOO's " needs " . I have had to build a healthy extended " family " of my own choosing which consists of friends rather than relatives. It has been hard and I'm still working on a lot of areas but I'm glad I made the choices I have. I hope you can find a road to healing that does work for you. LT > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 25, 2012 Report Share Posted February 25, 2012 You're clearly not weak if you're considering going NC from your only family. Maybe the reason you're having trouble finding concrete advice here is that most of us don't give concrete advice. We feel like we're all walking our own individual paths, so we can't give you advice about where you have to put your feet next. You have to figure that out for yourself. As for me, I'm not NC, and I can't imagine what my life would be like if I were. I find ways to minimize the drama and I have boundaries in my life to keep myself sane, but it's still difficult and painful. You don't need a precipitating incident to decide to live a better life. You just need to decide what's best for you and stick to that (far easier said than done, of course, but we all just do the best we can each day). Best of luck in your decision! > > > > > > For those of you who were particularly " close " to a momster what helped give you the strength to go and stay NC? I'm not really talking about precipitating incidents, but more inner feelings, thoughts etc. I am very knowledgeable about bpd and understand all the benefits of NC etc. so my questions is more about the process of the emotional side of it... > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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