aunt on FB

[Guest guest]

I think I posted last week about how my aunt added me on FB. I researched,

tested out security settings, and set it so that as soon as I added my aunt, I

added her to a friends list called " restricted profile. " And my settings for

that profile is so that she can't see my wall. Not at all. Zilch. Didn't trust

her yet.

I tested it thoroughly (so I thought) and then that would be what I can handle.

Then I got a message from her today. Sent me into a panic, but then I was able

to calm myself down pretty quickly. Here's what she said:

Holly, Read what u wrote on FB concerning my request to be friends. Have to say

that it hurt my feelings. I really have no ulterior motive than to just keep up

with what is going on in your life...like I do with my other nieces and nephews.

If you really feel that being friends with me compromises your principles I will

totally suport your decision not to be friends any more. If you have future

concerns about our relationship then please talk with me first so that

misunderstandings are avoided. Hope all is going well in [city redacted].

I'm still sorting out all the thoughts on this. First thought was, FB security

must be lax! But no, it really can't be. I went back and checked--there should

be absolutely no way she can see my wall, where I posted asking good friends for

advice.

So, it's possible that she somehow saw my wall another way--nobody can see any

of my stuff when they search for me, except for my profile picture. So she

couldn't have logged out to see my wall. It's got to be somebody else on FB. My

suspicion might be my cousin, the only cousin from mom's side of the family on

FB. It's possible my mom's brother and sister in law can access my highschooler

cousin's profile, and see me that way. and then told my aunt what I said. I have

no proof--it's just conjecture. But I do have to entertain that thought.

Either way, I feel like my aunt is still being untrustworthy--I don't know if

it's her, or if someone told her, or what.

Also, I'm a little bit confused. Principles? In my last email to her, when she

tried to be a flying monkey for a little while, I told her I needed to protect

myself from my dad's emotional abuse. It ain't principles, it's protection. I

deserve to be loved (an affirmation from counseling.) I don't deserve abuse.

Hence, I drew the line when my parents couldn't understand the difference

between love and abuse.

She oculdn't understand it then, she can't understand it now.

I do understand that I could have done better by talking with her, and I meant

to. But a) I didn't trust her. I've been busy with my wonderful in-laws in

town. c) grad school--sort of ran out of time.

And perhaps d) I was afraid to. I was afraid of starting up the flying moneky

business again---and either way, if I friended her or not, I was afraid of what

the reaction might be. So,I thought restricted FB would do the trick.

So, tomorrow when i'm more awake (I'm dead tired) I will have to restrict access

my cousin has to my profile and wall.

I just wanted to talk out loud. At first I felt ashamed, but the more I think

about it, the more I wonder if this is further proof that it's a good thing I'm

LC with aunt.

Facebook is so nice for keeping in touch with a lot of people--I was able to

foster communication with DH when we first met, was able to connect with

classmates outside of online school, meet people, etc. But as soon as you add

anything as far as dysfunctional family members goes..

All in all, it's tame letter from aunt compared to the other stuff I see other

people sahring, so I'm counting my blessings. Thanks again for letting me talk

out loud. And I'm so thankful for counseling--not looking forward to the 3 wk

hiatus with her vacation and mine, though.

okay, I'm sleepy, so I ramble. Night, all.