Guest guest Posted July 20, 2011 Report Share Posted July 20, 2011 I am still really new on here..I posted once before. There is just so much history I dont even know where to begin..My mother, and I do not call her that anymore..So I call her Dorothy. I never knew anything about BPD until my counselor told me about it. He actually had dorothy nailed on it in the first 5 minutes of my 1st meeting over a year ago. Between Dorothy and my 2 biological kids, I feel like I am losing my mind!! Dorothy always treated me different than my 2 brothers. I have an older and a younger brother. I was the epitome of Daddy's little girl, until I lost him when I was 19yrs old..it's been 24 yrs since he passed away at the age of 41. Massive heart attack. I got into a very very abusive marriage and had my 2 boys...and they are 21 and 19yrs old now. The 21 yr old is married with 2 kids. Dorothy was so extremely angry when I got pregnant. I didnt really ever think that she would ever hear the words again..that she would be a grandma...But she did on Easter, when my younger brother and his wife of 9 yrs told my family, I was not there on Easter, but they had the announcement then. I had been " invited " and " uninvited " in the same conversation with my older brother. Nice. But as my kids were growing up...I leaned on my family alot...I was a single mother ( I divorced the Idiot when the kids were 3 1/2 and 1 1/2 yrs old) so I had to lean on them...I received no child support. When I remarried, I didnt need their help. I have always given my family the thank yous that I needed to give. My hubby Fred has watched over the last 11 yrs how my family, especially Dorothy has treated me. My youngest son always ran and escaped to Dorothy because she babied him SOOOO much!! I am not saying that I didnt, my ex had also abused him. But he was getting out of control at home. Seriously out of control. He is a type 1 diabetic...and when his numbers were off and I mean seriously dangerously high numbers...Dorothy blamed me. She blamed me and he doesnt even live at home anymore!! He went to live with her as soon as he turned 18. That completely broke my heart. After a few months Dorothy was complaining about the exact same problems that we were having with him. I finally said...You know, I am not trying to be a bitch, but this is what I have been TRYING to tell you for several years. Her reply was...Well he has never done that to me before...and I said..Well...He is now! So I was horrible for being totally truthful with her. Now that I am in therapy and am being told all the time that she is BPD and I do see that...Dorothy and I had a knock down drag out fight, cause that is the only way we communicate. She's right, I am wrong period. So I have questioned myself for years...is this the right decision..what would Dorothy think? The last argument that we had was because my family does not want our other 4 kids (29-25 yrs old) to come to " my side of the family's events " or get togethers, whatever you want to call it. No holidays, nothing. So I finally blew up thru emails to them...and they also blew up at me. When my hubby came home and found me in tears...he took over and he is a big thinker...so it took him 2 hours to think about what he wanted to put in his email. Well..he wrote it and nobody responded. He put each and everyone of them in line. No holds bar. So when Dorothy confronted me via phone after listening to her and honestly I was very calm..I told her I was done. so we hung up. A couple of hours later she called and asked if I was alone. I said yes and she wanted to know what I meant when I said...I am done. So I told her I was done with the conversation. Well it went on for about an hour or so...and by the end..I lost it! She had been yelling at me telling me that she NEVER wanted to be around Fred ever again, Ikept saying..dont you think that's going to be slightly difficult if he is with me?? she said NO cause she never wanted to speak to him again, unless he apologized and even then she didnt know if that would even work. I said..He is not going to apologize..he was sticking up for me and that's it. So she said that she never wanted to see me again either...I blew up and finally yelled at her that she has never apologized for not 1 argument or anything my entire life..She doesnt feel like she has to. So I hung up on her. We have not spoken since. That part I really am ok with. What I cant stand, is that since then, my 2 boys really have nothing to do with me either! along with my brothers of course. I cant stand it that I feel " left out " of my brothers and my 2 boys' lives. That is what is driving me to the brink. I am not a bad person..I just dont get it. I have not spoken to her, not spoken to my boys about her. I dont want to involve them...I already know that she has involved them. How do I handle the hurt? I know that I have been all over the place on here, but I cant help my feelings. I feel like I am the bad guy. I know that I am not, I keep telling myself that...I do have a great support system...but it's just not enough sometimes. I also know that it doesnt help that I am perm. disabled and so I am home alot by myself and I cant shut my brain off. Any suggestions? I would appreciate it. I feel like I am hanging by a thread. Thanks!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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