BPD Ex Libeling Me :(

February 26, 2012

Hi, all.

About three years ago, I was in serious financial trouble. (I still am, but

it started three years ago). My boss (I work out of my home for a company

in NYC) hadn't been paying me on any sort of schedule, and when she did pay

me, it was far less than what she owed me. I tried to find another job, but

couldn't. I didn't have anywhere to go for help. I ended up going on

disability for several chronic physical ailments, as well as major

depression and PTSD, and at first only got $475 a month, which only paid

for my rent and meds. I was literally going hungry. Then the IRS garnished

my bank account - I had made an error in my 2003 taxes and they didn't let

me know for FIVE YEARS - so the penalties and interest had built up from

$200-something to SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. Without warning, they garnished my

bank account $900, and left me terribly overdrawn. Then they started taking

$90 a month out of my disability check.

At about that time, my ex-finance and I had gotten in back in touch after

15 years. I had broken up with him because he was a heavy-duty alcoholic

(drank 12 hours a day), was unreasonably jealous and paranoid, and

emotionally abusive, was sweet one minute and absolutely horrible the next.

When we got back in touch, he told me that he had stopped drinking, and

that he missed me and still loved me, and hadn't dated another woman since

he and I were together, etc. etc. etc.

Anyway, we had a few friendly phone conversations, and I was even thinking

of giving him another chance because he'd stopped drinking, and it sounded

like he was working on himself.

So in the course of one of our conversations, I told him about my life

situation, my financial woes, and that I had zero money. I didn't even

consider asking him for help - I was just telling him about my life. And

then he said that he wanted to help me, that he'd been very lucky in life,

he reminded me that he was a millionaire (huge inheritance, made a killing

in the stock market, made an excellent salary), and he liked helping people

he cared about. I said no thanks at first, but he literally begged me to

let him lend me $1000. He said I could take as long as it took to pay him

back, even if it took years. So I accepted, mainly because I hadn't been

able to afford enough food, and was very hungry and weak. I used the money

he sent me to pay long-overdue bills, and to buy food.

The VERY NEXT WEEK he called me and said he wanted ALL his money back

IMMEDIATELY. I told him I had nothing, which was the truth, and that I was

waiting for my boss to pay me back what she owed me, and as soon as she

did, I'd send him everything I owed him. I said, didn't you say I could

take as long as it took to pay you back? He denied ever saying that. And he

started denigrating me in ways he knew would hurt me deeply (he was always

good at that) and calling me the most horrible things, and then he hung up

on me. He started calling me many times a day, leaving ugly voice mails,

and besieging me with nasty emails. At first I answered the phone calls

because I didn't want him to think I was ducking him, but when he started

calling me a liar and a thief, and denigrating me worse and worse, I

stopped answering them. I also answered his emails at first, but there were

so many of them and they were so nasty, I blocked him.

In the meanwhile, I was trying to gather together $1000. I am someone who

ALWAYS pays my debts, and it made me very unhappy and anxious that I

couldn't pay him back, even if he had changed his terms of payment so

abruptly. My boss still hadn't paid me what she owed me. All I had was $475

a month, which was immediately spent on basic necessities. I had nothing of

value to sell. I called my best friend and told her what was going on, and

asked her if she had any ideas for me. She asked me if lending me $300 to

send to him would help. I accepted (and paid her back within three days

because my boss sent me $250 of the thousands she owed me), took $100 out

of my account (which completely drained it) and sent him $400, with a note

apologizing for not being able to send everything at that time, and telling

him that was the best I could do right now, and was it possible for us to

set up a payment plan.

Oh, the slew of horrible voice mails and emails that followed! He even

called my boss, who explained that she owed me a lot of money, and he

didn't believe her. He then started sending me postcards calling me every

bad thing under the sun.

My financial situation has not changed. I am still on a small amount of

disability, and get only enough to pay for basic necessities. My boss,

after three years, still owes me thousands of dollars. My credit, formerly

excellent, has been nonexistent for three years. (Ironically, I used my

credit card to buy work equipment to work for the boss who hasn't paid me).

I stopped hearing from him after a while. I figured he'd remembered that I

was never a liar, and that he remembered the two times I had borrowed money

from him when we were together and that I had paid him back within a few

days, and that he knew I'd pay him back when I was able to.

Well, last night I had this weird feeling that I should check his Facebook

page. And it turns out that he made a whole new Facebook page completely

dedicated to calling me a scam artist, liar and thief. His profile says,

" Judy Ariel , cousin of (name of very famous cousin) is a liar, a

scam artist and a thief. DO NOT LEND JUDY ARIEL THOMAS MONEY. " And on his

wall, it says the exact same thing, under a photo of my famous cousin.

Now - I have only borrowed money four times in my life, and three times

paid the money back within a few days. But I just didn't have that $1000,

and he wouldn't agree to a payment plan, and I still don't have the $600 I

still owe him, and my boss still hasn't paid me back the thousands of

dollars she owes me. (Every week she promises she will, and every week she

breaks that promise).

Reading what he wrote - that I am a liar, a scam artist and a thief - it

sounds so much like what my nada and fada would say to me, and it makes me

hate myself and doubt myself - AM I A SCAM ARTIST, LIAR AND THIEF?

And this comes at such a bad time. Two months ago, I suddenly found out

that I had to move after 10 years of living in the same place. (My

landlady's husband died, left her in a huge financial mess, and she has to

sell her property like yesterday). I had NO money for moving expenses, and

my health problems made it impossible for me to pack, do heavy cleaning,

lift things, etc., but I couldn't afford to hire anyone to help with those

things. It was VERY difficult for me to find a place to live because of my

messed-up credit. I have had to accept help from my synagogue - not

financial help, but with packing, cleaning and moving. And reading what he

wrote makes me feel so guilty about accepting that help.

I WANT TO PAY HIM BACK SO MUCH but until my boss pays me, I can't. And it

HURTS BEYOND BELIEF to know that he's posted such a horrible thing about me

on Facebook, and linked me to my cousin. I reported his profile to

Facebook, but I doubt if there's anything they can do about it.

I just feel terrible today...

....thanks for reading this...

February 26, 2012

(((((Judy)))))

How awful for you! Holy Cow! I'm so sorry you are having to go through this

horrible stuff. Yes, I think that the Facebook page libeling you should qualify

to be removed by them for legal reasons. Good Lord. I hope that your client

starts paying you the money you are owed soon, so you can pay back the creep of

an ex boyfriend. This must be so stressful for you, I hope you have some good

ways of de-stressing and centering yourself. I'm sending you good thoughts, and

hoping that things turn around for you sooner rather than later.

-Annie

>

> Hi, all.

> About three years ago, I was in serious financial trouble. (I still am, but

> it started three years ago). My boss (I work out of my home for a company

> in NYC) hadn't been paying me on any sort of schedule, and when she did pay

> me, it was far less than what she owed me. I tried to find another job, but

> couldn't. I didn't have anywhere to go for help. I ended up going on

> disability for several chronic physical ailments, as well as major

> depression and PTSD, and at first only got $475 a month, which only paid

> for my rent and meds. I was literally going hungry. Then the IRS garnished

> my bank account - I had made an error in my 2003 taxes and they didn't let

> me know for FIVE YEARS - so the penalties and interest had built up from

> $200-something to SIX THOUSAND DOLLARS. Without warning, they garnished my

> bank account $900, and left me terribly overdrawn. Then they started taking

> $90 a month out of my disability check.

> At about that time, my ex-finance and I had gotten in back in touch after

> 15 years. I had broken up with him because he was a heavy-duty alcoholic

> (drank 12 hours a day), was unreasonably jealous and paranoid, and

> emotionally abusive, was sweet one minute and absolutely horrible the next.

> When we got back in touch, he told me that he had stopped drinking, and

> that he missed me and still loved me, and hadn't dated another woman since

> he and I were together, etc. etc. etc.

> Anyway, we had a few friendly phone conversations, and I was even thinking

> of giving him another chance because he'd stopped drinking, and it sounded

> like he was working on himself.

> So in the course of one of our conversations, I told him about my life

> situation, my financial woes, and that I had zero money. I didn't even

> consider asking him for help - I was just telling him about my life. And

> then he said that he wanted to help me, that he'd been very lucky in life,

> he reminded me that he was a millionaire (huge inheritance, made a killing

> in the stock market, made an excellent salary), and he liked helping people

> he cared about. I said no thanks at first, but he literally begged me to

> let him lend me $1000. He said I could take as long as it took to pay him

> back, even if it took years. So I accepted, mainly because I hadn't been

> able to afford enough food, and was very hungry and weak. I used the money

> he sent me to pay long-overdue bills, and to buy food.

> The VERY NEXT WEEK he called me and said he wanted ALL his money back

> IMMEDIATELY. I told him I had nothing, which was the truth, and that I was

> waiting for my boss to pay me back what she owed me, and as soon as she

> did, I'd send him everything I owed him. I said, didn't you say I could

> take as long as it took to pay you back? He denied ever saying that. And he

> started denigrating me in ways he knew would hurt me deeply (he was always

> good at that) and calling me the most horrible things, and then he hung up

> on me. He started calling me many times a day, leaving ugly voice mails,

> and besieging me with nasty emails. At first I answered the phone calls

> because I didn't want him to think I was ducking him, but when he started

> calling me a liar and a thief, and denigrating me worse and worse, I

> stopped answering them. I also answered his emails at first, but there were

> so many of them and they were so nasty, I blocked him.

> In the meanwhile, I was trying to gather together $1000. I am someone who

> ALWAYS pays my debts, and it made me very unhappy and anxious that I

> couldn't pay him back, even if he had changed his terms of payment so

> abruptly. My boss still hadn't paid me what she owed me. All I had was $475

> a month, which was immediately spent on basic necessities. I had nothing of

> value to sell. I called my best friend and told her what was going on, and

> asked her if she had any ideas for me. She asked me if lending me $300 to

> send to him would help. I accepted (and paid her back within three days

> because my boss sent me $250 of the thousands she owed me), took $100 out

> of my account (which completely drained it) and sent him $400, with a note

> apologizing for not being able to send everything at that time, and telling

> him that was the best I could do right now, and was it possible for us to

> set up a payment plan.

> Oh, the slew of horrible voice mails and emails that followed! He even

> called my boss, who explained that she owed me a lot of money, and he

> didn't believe her. He then started sending me postcards calling me every

> bad thing under the sun.

> My financial situation has not changed. I am still on a small amount of

> disability, and get only enough to pay for basic necessities. My boss,

> after three years, still owes me thousands of dollars. My credit, formerly

> excellent, has been nonexistent for three years. (Ironically, I used my

> credit card to buy work equipment to work for the boss who hasn't paid me).

> I stopped hearing from him after a while. I figured he'd remembered that I

> was never a liar, and that he remembered the two times I had borrowed money

> from him when we were together and that I had paid him back within a few

> days, and that he knew I'd pay him back when I was able to.

> Well, last night I had this weird feeling that I should check his Facebook

> page. And it turns out that he made a whole new Facebook page completely

> dedicated to calling me a scam artist, liar and thief. His profile says,

> " Judy Ariel , cousin of (name of very famous cousin) is a liar, a

> scam artist and a thief. DO NOT LEND JUDY ARIEL THOMAS MONEY. " And on his

> wall, it says the exact same thing, under a photo of my famous cousin.

> Now - I have only borrowed money four times in my life, and three times

> paid the money back within a few days. But I just didn't have that $1000,

> and he wouldn't agree to a payment plan, and I still don't have the $600 I

> still owe him, and my boss still hasn't paid me back the thousands of

> dollars she owes me. (Every week she promises she will, and every week she

> breaks that promise).

> Reading what he wrote - that I am a liar, a scam artist and a thief - it

> sounds so much like what my nada and fada would say to me, and it makes me

> hate myself and doubt myself - AM I A SCAM ARTIST, LIAR AND THIEF?

> And this comes at such a bad time. Two months ago, I suddenly found out

> that I had to move after 10 years of living in the same place. (My

> landlady's husband died, left her in a huge financial mess, and she has to

> sell her property like yesterday). I had NO money for moving expenses, and

> my health problems made it impossible for me to pack, do heavy cleaning,

> lift things, etc., but I couldn't afford to hire anyone to help with those

> things. It was VERY difficult for me to find a place to live because of my

> messed-up credit. I have had to accept help from my synagogue - not

> financial help, but with packing, cleaning and moving. And reading what he

> wrote makes me feel so guilty about accepting that help.

> I WANT TO PAY HIM BACK SO MUCH but until my boss pays me, I can't. And it

> HURTS BEYOND BELIEF to know that he's posted such a horrible thing about me

> on Facebook, and linked me to my cousin. I reported his profile to

> Facebook, but I doubt if there's anything they can do about it.

> I just feel terrible today...

> ...thanks for reading this...

>

February 26, 2012

Judy, so sorry to hear of your situation. Not as bad as yours, but going through

grad school I was totally broke and only made $400 a month, which didn't cover

rent or anything. Between paychecks (only got paid monthly), I would sometimes

not eat, and always the first thing that I did when I got paid was to go buy a

huge box of ramen and eat it. It was a horrible and humiliating experience,

those 3 years, but things did eventually get better. I hope they get better for

you too. I will keep you in my thoughts and send out good wishes for great

opportunities to come your way.

I am sure you probably like your boss, but she is using you horribly if she owes

you such a large amount of money for so long. I would like to offer some advice:

give her a deadline to pay or you quit. She is abusing you, and even if she's a

friend, you need to take care of yourself, and working for her is not taking

care of you. (I know this is tough to hear, but when I hear your pain and

misery, I feel the need to point this out to you so you can move into something

better.)

If she does not pay by the appointed date, say you give her 30 days, tell her

you will have to go to small claims court to recover the owed money. Explain

that it's nothing personal, but you can no longer work for free with the promise

of payment someday. You obviously have medical issues that need to be looked

after. You can even be as nice about it as possible, I would get the request on

paper and notarized, even send a copy with a return-receipt through the mail, so

you have proof that you gave her a deadline. It might cost a little to recover

the funds, but it sounds like she owes you a lot.

From what you've said, it sounds like she is using you very badly, and just

paying you a pittance to keep you from jumping ship whenever she feels like it.

Not only is that insulting to you, it's abusive, and not a relationship you need

to be in. (Again this is my opinion from what I understand and just my advice in

your situation. Please don't interpret that I am telling you what to do. Just

suggesting.)

Regarding BPD ex: email Facebook and notify them of his abuse of their policies.

You could even threaten to sue if they don't take the page down. But I think

just notifying them of the abuse will do the trick. Then, I would never contact

BPD ex again or respond to his texts. Block his number in your phone if you can.

If not, immediately delete his texts without reading them. Send him a certified,

notarized letter saying that when he made the loan, he told you that you could

take as long as you needed to pay him back. You realize that he has changed his

mind and would like payment immediately. You have paid him $400 of the $1000,

but since you have no real income, you will adhere to a repayment schedule of

BLANK (and name the dates and amounts of repayment--try to make it as quick as

possible, like over just a few months). That way if he tries to take you to

court, you can show the judge that you are making a good faith attempt to pay

him back even though he changed the terms of the loan. I would then tell him (in

the letter) that due to the abusive nature of his communications you will not

accept phone calls or texts from him, and that he should only contact you by

certified mail. This should put him on his guard that if he sends you abusive

letters, you will have hard copies of them, and can use them in obtaining a

restraining order if necessary.

I truly hope you can see some light at the end of the tunnel and some

opportunities present themselves so you can have a better situation and better

life. I know it's hard right now. We are here for you though. You sound like a

very resilient lady, and I know you will make it through.

Maybe Annie and Doug and others can chime in here and say whether or not they

think my suggestions would work or not. This is just my advice on how to handle

it, if you want it. I would definitely get a second opinion on this course of

action, because reading your post just made me so mad at your ex that I wanted

to spit in his face on your behalf.

Stay strong!