Guest guest Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 Thank you for your kind and helpful reply. Unfortunately Fada's breakdown in his ability to stay socially correct only occurs within the home and with those who are most intimate with him. He can tell you the day and the year and who is President and governor, and how much money he has in the bank. We can't prove him incompetent or senile, but surely his behavior is due to some kind of age related break in his ability to control his inappropriate impulses and that has to be some form of senility. At some level during adolescence he always made me uncomfortable and the splitting adoration seemed to have sexual undertones, (my mother was dead) but he always managed to maintain control. When I was in my thirties he broke down completely and his sisters made me take him to a psychiatrist. I remember my husband had pulled a lot of strings to get me in with a highly regarded psychiatrist and Fada sat there and pretended he was normal and the psychiatrist looked at me like I was the crazy one. Fortunately, I knew Fada's trigger and I was able to trigger a psychotic episode, but for right now Fada is holding true to BPD form, when he is around strangers he maintains. Another reason we need to start studying BPD and the end of life.Thank you for caring! Your answer truly helped me with my pain. Respectfully, Kay Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 26, 2012 Report Share Posted February 26, 2012 I'm glad my post helped you. Its sad, but I'm willing to bet that as your fada becomes used to his new care-givers, and they make that transition in his mind from " strangers " to " intimate " acquaintances, he will probably begin to treat them abusively as well. But it won't hurt the professional care-givers' feelings nearly as much because of their professional detachment: they're not related to your fada, don't have a history with him and don't love him as a parent. In a way, a really sad way, it was a relief to me when my nada began losing her ability to remain charming and adorable in public, and her delusional, paranoid thoughts & accusations were directed at other people besides Sister and me. Everyone would nod sadly and say, " Ah, its the Alzheimer's... " but to me it was just her bpd on " high-octane steroids. " So when nada started accusing other people of wanting to hurt her or steal from her, the fact that she was mentally ill wasn't " secret " anymore. I had always felt that somehow I was causing my mother to feel so angry at, disappointed with, and suspicious of me, so when she started accusing her neighbors, strangers, her doctors and hallucinations of being out to get her too, somehow it was like a curse had been lifted from me. -Annie > > Thank you for your kind and helpful reply. Unfortunately Fada's breakdown in his ability to stay socially correct only occurs within the home and with those who are most intimate with him. He can tell you the day and the year and who is President and governor, and how much money he has in the bank. We can't prove him incompetent or senile, but surely his behavior is due to some kind of age related break in his ability to control his inappropriate impulses and that has to be some form of senility. At some level during adolescence he always made me uncomfortable and the splitting adoration seemed to have sexual undertones, (my mother was dead) but he always managed to maintain control. When I was in my thirties he broke down completely and his sisters made me take him to a psychiatrist. I remember my husband had pulled a lot of strings to get me in with a highly regarded psychiatrist and Fada sat there and pretended he was normal and the psychiatrist looked at me like I was the crazy one. Fortunately, I knew Fada's trigger and I was able to trigger a psychotic episode, but for right now Fada is holding true to BPD form, when he is around strangers he maintains. Another reason we need to start studying BPD and the end of life.Thank you for caring! Your answer truly helped me with my pain. > > Respectfully, > Kay > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 I keep waiting for that day when my nada loses her ability to play nice in public. She can be a crab in public and complain loudly about children near her or a person walking by her too quickly in the grocery store but they leave and never have to witness her behavior again. Recently she loaned a large amount of cash to a neighbor she's known less than a year. Nada told me it was $1800. I'm thinking, " Uh-oh, is this neighbor weaseling her way into my nada's life? " Then I thought, " Good, another person to take care of her. " LOL But then my nada said the woman only repaid $1500 and my nada felt used and cheated. I'm staying out of it. It's very possible she only gave the woman $1500. I wasn't there. But this young woman was frantic, calling her and apologizing and saying really, she only got $1500, etc. If the woman is sincere, then she's just been stabbed by my nada. Not something I'd wish on anyone. But it gives me perverse hope that perhaps things are slipping and the doctor will pick up on it and say it's time for her to go to assisted living. I know I'm having to fill out checks to pay her bills, refill her meds box each week, drive her every where. Her conversations drift randomly from one topic to another with no rhyme or reason. I see her slipping but she's not slipping fast enough. (shame on me) > > I > > In a way, a really sad way, it was a relief to me when my nada began losing her ability to remain charming and adorable in public, and her delusional, paranoid thoughts & accusations were directed at other people besides Sister and me. Everyone would nod sadly and say, " Ah, its the Alzheimer's... " but to me it was just her bpd on " high-octane steroids. " > > So when nada started accusing other people of wanting to hurt her or steal from her, the fact that she was mentally ill wasn't " secret " anymore. I had always felt that somehow I was causing my mother to feel so angry at, disappointed with, and suspicious of me, so when she started accusing her neighbors, strangers, her doctors and hallucinations of being out to get her too, somehow it was like a curse had been lifted from me. > > -Annie > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 29, 2012 Report Share Posted February 29, 2012 There are so many elderly running around with bad behaviors, and unfortunately the world lets them off the hook. The last time I met my nada for breakfast was in the diner of the small town where we both live. My nada kept complaining, LOUDLY, about a woman at a neighboring table that I consider a friend (her child and mine were close in HS). I was mortified! I did not know how to handle the situation, other than to ignore nada. I don't know if my friend heard or understood. I felt like a bad friend for not shutting nada down, or apologizing. There are so many of these things in my history with nada. Sometimes I just wish for amnesia. > > > > I > > > > In a way, a really sad way, it was a relief to me when my nada began losing her ability to remain charming and adorable in public, and her delusional, paranoid thoughts & accusations were directed at other people besides Sister and me. Everyone would nod sadly and say, " Ah, its the Alzheimer's... " but to me it was just her bpd on " high-octane steroids. " > > > > So when nada started accusing other people of wanting to hurt her or steal from her, the fact that she was mentally ill wasn't " secret " anymore. I had always felt that somehow I was causing my mother to feel so angry at, disappointed with, and suspicious of me, so when she started accusing her neighbors, strangers, her doctors and hallucinations of being out to get her too, somehow it was like a curse had been lifted from me. > > > > -Annie > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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