brand new, in shock, overwhelmed...hopeful

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having that

" I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole world is

altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now) and

endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure out

what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone. Each of

my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me that I

was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random, but

looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and feelings

separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized for the

rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people they love

the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults. They've

been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's been

difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is amazing to me

because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in my fantasies

where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize to me, I'm

still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too late for

them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to develop a

strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I think I have

to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family. They forced

me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions, or

anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

-ine

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group ine. Truly, it does help to realize that its not

just you, that others have experienced uncannily similar behaviors from their

own parents. It helped me a lot to realize that. It helped relieve some of the

misplaced, inappropriate guilt I was carrying. And having the emotional support

and validation of a sibling is more valuable than gold, I agree. I am so happy

for you that you and your brother can be a support and an " enlightened witness "

for each other.

I wish for you that you will begin to find some real, permanent peace and

healing with your new therapist, it sounds like this one understands the

devastating trauma that can be inflicted by bpd parents. And I'm glad for you

that you feel stabilized now RE the depression; that's wonderful.

I agree with you: getting as much education about bpd and the other Cluster B

disorders is very therapeutic, very healing. And empowering! There is a

reading list at BPDCentral, the " home " website of this support Group. I highly

recommend " Understand the Borderline Mother " , and other members here have highly

recommended " Surviving A Borderline Parent " if you haven't discovered those yet.

Powerful stuff.

Best wishes to you on your journey to peace and healing. Its good to have

companions to share the journey with you, even if our paths are different from

each other.

-Annie

>

> Hi all,

>

> I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having that

" I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole world is

altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now) and

endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure out

what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

>

> So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

>

> I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone. Each

of my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me that

I was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random, but

looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and feelings

separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized for the

rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people they love

the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults. They've

been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's been

difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

>

> My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is amazing to

me because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in my

fantasies where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize to

me, I'm still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too

late for them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to

develop a strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I

think I have to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family.

They forced me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

>

> Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions, or

anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

>

> -ine

>

[Guest guest]

Hi ine,

Welcome to our group. You sound intelligent, well read, humorous, and express

yourself so well in written form that I amazed you do not have close friends. I

would befriend you in a heartbeat!

Every person I came in contact with by my nada (a term we use around here for

" not a mother " in the ways that counted) was an opportunity for nada to find

faults, denigrate or otherwise show me how scary the world was. I have a

terrible fear of social situations and people in general. I can do the

phony-friendly with store clerks, and one-on-one in a quiet situation, but

anything in between is so stressful I get exhausted. I have gotten too involved

with people quickly, revealed too much (or they have), and then been burned.

ly, I am afraid of forming any new relationships, thinking my ability to

spot a healthy friend is broken. Nor do I think I am socially savvy enough to be

a good BGFF.

I have a husband who is my BF, a sister I cherish, and my children. But I am

afraid to look outside that circle.

Good luck on your journey--you will find lots of like minded people here who

will validate you--YOU are not the crazy one, you just were painted in that role

so that your crazy parents didn't have to face their illness and do something

about it.

>

> Hi all,

>

> I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having that

" I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole world is

altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now) and

endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure out

what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

>

> So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

>

> I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone. Each

of my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me that

I was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random, but

looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and feelings

separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized for the

rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people they love

the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults. They've

been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's been

difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

>

> My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is amazing to

me because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in my

fantasies where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize to

me, I'm still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too

late for them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to

develop a strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I

think I have to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family.

They forced me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

>

> Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions, or

anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

>

> -ine

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for your replies. I'm still fighting these nagging voices

that tell me I'm horrible for thinking my parents are crazy. I did read

" Surviving a borderline parent, " and also " Children of the self-absorbed. " The

second book was extremely useful in helping me understand why I'm so out of

touch with my own emotions and thoughts. It focuses more on the child and less

on the NPD parent's perspective, which is a nice touch.

This is interesting timing to figure this out. I'm going to be forced to

spend a month or so staying with them while I recover from surgery, which I am

very anxious about. I keep rehearsing two situations in my head: 1) they ask me

to do some small thing that I'm not in the mood for, like have a " nice " family

dinner, and when I try to refuse I get ranted at for being selfish and

ungrateful and arrogant etc. 2) They get needy and mushy and want to discuss my

" issues " and how I'm not normal and my mother wails about how I'll never get

married. I'm afraid that I'll totally lose it and scream at them that they were

(are) abusive and selfish and I hate them and want parents that love me. Given

that this won't get me anywhere, not to mention my leg will be in a cast, this

really shouldn't happen.

So I need advice. What are people's self control strategies for situations

like that? Silence can escalate their anger, of course (don't ignore a

narcissist!). I'm quite expert at dissociating, but I ought to get out of that

habit.

Oh, and to clarify, I do have friends and even some close friends, although no

romantic relationships. I'm confused and afraid about relationships generally

because my parents told me that when people are close they don't hide any of

their emotions. So I assume that if someone isn't regularly screaming at me etc

that the relationship is just casual, and the person doesn't like me enough to

show me all the ugly stuff that I assume everyone has. Turns out the ugly is

just my parents. And, now I know, a few other people's parents as well...

Sorry this is so long, and thank you for listening.

> >

> > Hi all,

> >

> > I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having

that " I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole

world is altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now)

and endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure

out what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

> >

> > So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

> >

> > I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone. Each

of my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me that

I was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random, but

looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and feelings

separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized for the

rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people they love

the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults. They've

been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's been

difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

> >

> > My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is amazing to

me because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in my

fantasies where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize to

me, I'm still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too

late for them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to

develop a strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I

think I have to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family.

They forced me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

> >

> > Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions, or

anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

> >

> > -ine

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Pain meds! Use that as your excuse for not engaging. My fada is a wimp and

almost never speaks, but nada can keep pushing at me until eventually I swing

back. And I think I am disowned at the moment for being such a horrid child. So

in my case, I'd have to check myself into a nursing home for such a recovery.

> > >

> > > Hi all,

> > >

> > > I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having

that " I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole

world is altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now)

and endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure

out what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

> > >

> > > So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

> > >

> > > I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone.

Each of my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me

that I was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random,

but looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and

feelings separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized

for the rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people

they love the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults.

They've been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's

been difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

> > >

> > > My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is amazing

to me because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in my

fantasies where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize to

me, I'm still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too

late for them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to

develop a strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I

think I have to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family.

They forced me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

> > >

> > > Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions, or

anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

> > >

> > > -ine

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

That could work... Hmm, perhaps I could be horrid enough that they'll disown

me...wow, am I getting passive-aggressive or what? They actually don't call me

too often anymore, because they think I don't like them. (Um...) I'm

considering just staying in my apartment, even though it'll be hard. I'll be

laid up on crutches for two months, but I live in NYC where literally anything

can be delivered and I can have friends check on me. My parents will be furious

when they realize I'm serious, but they live two hours away so they probably

won't come harass me.

> > > >

> > > > Hi all,

> > > >

> > > > I've just found your board and have been reading the posts- I'm having

that " I'm not the only one " reaction. This PD stuff is all new and my whole

world is altered. After 20 years of recurrent suicidal depression (I'm 34 now)

and endless useless therapy, I recently decided to hit the library and figure

out what's " wrong " with me. Even when I'm not depressed (at the moment I'm

remarkably stable on a cocktail of mood stabilizers), I'm still soul sick. I

feel completely disconnected from other people and the world. I've never had a

real relationship, and besides being terribly sad about that I'm also ashamed

and mortified by it. I'm quickly exhausted and overwhelmed by even the simplest

interactions with people, and I always assume that they don't like me.

> > > >

> > > > So I went to therapy convinced that my wild mood swings, frequent

dissociation, and terror of rejection meant that I had BPD. Turns out, it's my

parents who are personality disordered. My father is narcissist, and I'm sure

now that my mother has a full blown Cluster B disorder, a terrifying mix of BPD

and NPD. My brother, miraculously, is healthier than I am and confirmed my

memories of how they treated me in childhood, and agreed that their behavior was

and is abnormal, unhealthy, and abusive. I owe him for that- validation is

precious and rare when this is your background.

> > > >

> > > > I feel like reality as I know it, and me as I know myself, are gone.

Each of my parents had at least one daily rage attack at me, usually telling me

that I was selfish, greedy, and didn't love the family. The rages felt random,

but looking back I see a pattern of me showing signs of having thoughts and

feelings separate from theirs being the main triggers. They never apologized

for the rages, but they often said that people get the angriest at the people

they love the most, and when you love someone you have to accept their faults.

They've been telling me for years that I have trouble with intimacy and that's

been difficult for them, especially since it means that I won't give them

grandchildren. My other brother is autistic and they think I have the same

genes in a milder form, and that's why I'm like this. Until now, I believed

them. They say no one else will ever love me like they do.

> > > >

> > > > My story seems like it isn't that unusual around here, which is

amazing to me because I thought I was born a freak. I've just realized that in

my fantasies where my parents are made to understand what they did and apologize

to me, I'm still angry. Nothing they do now can possibly help me. It's way too

late for them to teach me healthy interpersonal boundaries and to allow me to

develop a strong sense of self. I don't know how to do these things, but I

think I have to if I want to have people in my life who aren't my crazy family.

They forced me to be an adult-like child, now I'm a child-like adult.

> > > >

> > > > Thank you for reading, and for any stories, advice, book suggestions,

or anything that you think could help. I love the " fleas " metaphor by the way-

when I get the boundary situation under control I'll be able to approach the vet

for a flea dip.

> > > >

> > > > -ine

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

I'm so happy that you found this board, and are finding books to read and

starting this path. The major thoughts in my head that rang out while reading

your story were " You are not crazy! They are! " and " Don't stay with them for

recovery!!! "

You are not crazy:

I am so glad that your brother validates your experiences. That is so important!

Talk to him as much as he is willing. It will help you to convince yourself that

you aren't crazy. I still have moments of doubt, even after thousands of hours

of discussing nada and understanding intellectually that it wasn't my fault, my

subconcious still thinks it must be. And maybe you can seek out others who might

also be able to validate your experience, although with this it's hard. My nada

always seemed to be the perfect mother to outsiders. Very frustrating. Maybe

other friends from when you were young? They probably didn't hide it as well

from other kids. Or possibly neighbors, distant cousins, be creative in finding

them.

Don't stay with them for your recovery:

I think it's very very important that you don't stay with them during recovery.

I don't know if you've had surgery before, but for me recovery has always been

both physically and emotionally difficult, and I can't even imagine trying to

negotiate crazy family stuff while in that state. Living in NY is perfect. Order

food, have friends drop off the mail or do laundry. People are often more happy

to help than we expect. Especially if you explain why, and it's short term. I

think you'll be surprised at how allowing others to help you will make

everything better.

From now on your priority is to take care of yourself, not them. They are the

parents. If they were healthy, they would want you to come first, that's what

being a parent means. They have failed at that, so now you do it for yourself.

You come first!

Take care and come back often

Terri

[Guest guest]

That was going to be my suggestion, truly, if you have ANY other option other

than staying with your personality-disordered parents, then, that would be my

suggestion. Anything would be healthier and less stressful than that, from my

point of view. If you have the means to have food and other supplies delivered

at your own place, and you have friends who can check up on you from time to

time, then, that sounds to me like a MUCH better idea than pd parents' place.

Best of luck to you.

-Annie

>

> That could work... Hmm, perhaps I could be horrid enough that they'll disown

me...wow, am I getting passive-aggressive or what? They actually don't call me

too often anymore, because they think I don't like them. (Um...) I'm

considering just staying in my apartment, even though it'll be hard. I'll be

laid up on crutches for two months, but I live in NYC where literally anything

can be delivered and I can have friends check on me. My parents will be furious

when they realize I'm serious, but they live two hours away so they probably

won't come harass me.

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you Terri. I think I'm in a kind of grieving process for everything I

missed in life, not only a healthy childhood, but connections to other people.

I wish I'd figured out sooner that all people weren't secretly like my parents.

My brother doesn't seem to want to talk about it too much more. He was the

golden child until recently, and now he's decided our nada is crazy and is

distancing himself. He agrees that she was awful to me, but he doesn't see why

I don't just write her off and move on. He says I'm lucky I came out just fine

and I'm tired of trying to tell him that I've never felt fine. I do remember

childhood friends seeing my fada's rages on occasion, but most people think my

nada is the nicest person ever.

I've never had surgery, or been ill or incapacitated and dependent on others

before, so this is terrifying. I'm having the surgery near them, but I'm going

to try to come home a few days after. It's hard to ask for help, but I guess

it's a good time to learn. One of my worst issues is that if I ask someone for

help it feels like I'm telling them that I have no one else to ask, and that

embarrasses me.

This may force me to get over that, which is a silver lining.

Thanks for the support.

-V

>

> Hi

>

> I'm so happy that you found this board, and are finding books to read and

starting this path. The major thoughts in my head that rang out while reading

your story were " You are not crazy! They are! " and " Don't stay with them for

recovery!!! "

>

> You are not crazy:

> I am so glad that your brother validates your experiences. That is so

important! Talk to him as much as he is willing. It will help you to convince

yourself that you aren't crazy. I still have moments of doubt, even after

thousands of hours of discussing nada and understanding intellectually that it

wasn't my fault, my subconcious still thinks it must be. And maybe you can seek

out others who might also be able to validate your experience, although with

this it's hard. My nada always seemed to be the perfect mother to outsiders.

Very frustrating. Maybe other friends from when you were young? They probably

didn't hide it as well from other kids. Or possibly neighbors, distant cousins,

be creative in finding them.

>

> Don't stay with them for your recovery:

> I think it's very very important that you don't stay with them during

recovery. I don't know if you've had surgery before, but for me recovery has

always been both physically and emotionally difficult, and I can't even imagine

trying to negotiate crazy family stuff while in that state. Living in NY is

perfect. Order food, have friends drop off the mail or do laundry. People are

often more happy to help than we expect. Especially if you explain why, and it's

short term. I think you'll be surprised at how allowing others to help you will

make everything better.

>

> From now on your priority is to take care of yourself, not them. They are the

parents. If they were healthy, they would want you to come first, that's what

being a parent means. They have failed at that, so now you do it for yourself.

You come first!

>

> Take care and come back often

>

> Terri

>

[Guest guest]

oh - and I don't think asking for help is easy at all. I never do it myself, I'm

not sure why not, scared they'll say no and I'll feel even worse I suppose.

It's just that lately I've been a part of some new community groups here in the

suburbs (we just moved), and have been surprised by how eager everyone is to

help each other. Plus I know that I would step up in a minute if I had a

neighbor in your situation ask me for anything. People relate to medical things

in particular, since lots of people have had to suffer through something like

that at one time or another.

Anyway sounds like you have the right attitude about it.

Good luck and I hope the surgery goes well too!

-Terri