don't know how to handle this

[Guest guest]

I don't have a therapy appointment this week and I am having a problem with

Fada. I posted a while back that I sent an email to Nada asking for the cedar

chest that was left to me by my pedophile grandfather when he died and which she

told me I coudn't have because I didn't visit him in the hospital before he

died. She has me blocked apparently and didn't get the email and never

acknowleged it. But since I sent that email it released something in me and I

can't stand the sight of her. I haven't spoken to her and really have no desire

to ever speak to her again. Now Fada is getting dysfunctional about it and told

me 'it won't continue if you expect to stay here'. I would not have been within

range of that except that it was over a hundred degrees today and I have no air

conditioner so I went into their house to sit for about a half an hour and eat

before work. He is being really bullying about it. I know she is working him

over behind the scenes, moaning and gnashing her teeth. I am *not* prepared to

leave, it would take money I don't have with deposits for rent and utilities,

etc. I just spent my last dime signing up for class this fall and can't even

afford to buy the book but I took a leap of faith (which is one of the reasons

why I want the cedar chest back because I resent the hell out of the fact that

it's sitting there legally mine and I need money to buy this book and can't).

Just writing this out is making me feel a bit more peaceful. But I don't know

what to say to Fada. He is being her rescuing hero when he leans on me about

this. I know better than to answer because he will get abusive and it could

really blow up into a big dramatic scene. There was one just a week ago because

of her ambush and I don't want to repeat that.

I DON'T want to talk to Nada and I resent the hell out of him pressuring me to

do so. I resent the fact that she knows how inflammatory he is and she's

inciting him behind the scenes. it makes me realize she has always done this,

which pisses me off even further. I guess I just needed to vent. I feel sooooooo

much like he is trying to control me and that triggers me to a ridiculous level.

It feels very threatening. I think I am almost decompensated to the point that I

can't even figure out what to do next.

[Guest guest]

Medium Chill. If you must participate conversationally with them, Medium Chill.

That way you won't be selling your soul, they won't have won anything, and you

won't have lost anything.

>

> I don't have a therapy appointment this week and I am having a problem with

Fada. I posted a while back that I sent an email to Nada asking for the cedar

chest that was left to me by my pedophile grandfather when he died and which she

told me I coudn't have because I didn't visit him in the hospital before he

died. She has me blocked apparently and didn't get the email and never

acknowleged it. But since I sent that email it released something in me and I

can't stand the sight of her. I haven't spoken to her and really have no desire

to ever speak to her again. Now Fada is getting dysfunctional about it and told

me 'it won't continue if you expect to stay here'. I would not have been within

range of that except that it was over a hundred degrees today and I have no air

conditioner so I went into their house to sit for about a half an hour and eat

before work. He is being really bullying about it. I know she is working him

over behind the scenes, moaning and gnashing her teeth. I am *not* prepared to

leave, it would take money I don't have with deposits for rent and utilities,

etc. I just spent my last dime signing up for class this fall and can't even

afford to buy the book but I took a leap of faith (which is one of the reasons

why I want the cedar chest back because I resent the hell out of the fact that

it's sitting there legally mine and I need money to buy this book and can't).

>

> Just writing this out is making me feel a bit more peaceful. But I don't know

what to say to Fada. He is being her rescuing hero when he leans on me about

this. I know better than to answer because he will get abusive and it could

really blow up into a big dramatic scene. There was one just a week ago because

of her ambush and I don't want to repeat that.

>

> I DON'T want to talk to Nada and I resent the hell out of him pressuring me to

do so. I resent the fact that she knows how inflammatory he is and she's

inciting him behind the scenes. it makes me realize she has always done this,

which pisses me off even further. I guess I just needed to vent. I feel sooooooo

much like he is trying to control me and that triggers me to a ridiculous level.

It feels very threatening. I think I am almost decompensated to the point that I

can't even figure out what to do next.

>

[Guest guest]

thanks for reminding me about this.

I wonder if it is just me or if it is true for other people but this is the

EXACT OPPOSITE of how I was schooled to be. I was raised to be deeply involved

in my parents personal problems and conflicts. To a very damaging and ridiculous

degree. Reading about medium chill really has the potential to be life-changing

for me. When I first read it I thought, wow, isn't that a sin? Healthy

detachment or compassionate detachment feels like a criminal act to me. Yet it's

so clear to me now that this is the EXACT reason i was reeling in borderlines

and in general wackos on jobs and in life...because I was reacting with rapt

interest and compassion to everyone who had a tragedie or trauma problem

(because it was required of me at home). Wow.

The problem with fada was my fear that I would react and he would become

physically threatening. she apparently has told him to lay off though. this is

about the same relationship my sister has with nada, that I am having

now...even though she adopted something similar to 'medium chill' about 25 years

ago. How in heavens she saw this stuff when I did not I will never understand.

It stupefies me really, that this wasn't clearer to me since she is the silver

child (would be golden if not female, LOL) and I am the painted black one.)

> >

> > I don't have a therapy appointment this week and I am having a problem with

Fada. I posted a while back that I sent an email to Nada asking for the cedar

chest that was left to me by my pedophile grandfather when he died and which she

told me I coudn't have because I didn't visit him in the hospital before he

died. She has me blocked apparently and didn't get the email and never

acknowleged it. But since I sent that email it released something in me and I

can't stand the sight of her. I haven't spoken to her and really have no desire

to ever speak to her again. Now Fada is getting dysfunctional about it and told

me 'it won't continue if you expect to stay here'. I would not have been within

range of that except that it was over a hundred degrees today and I have no air

conditioner so I went into their house to sit for about a half an hour and eat

before work. He is being really bullying about it. I know she is working him

over behind the scenes, moaning and gnashing her teeth. I am *not* prepared to

leave, it would take money I don't have with deposits for rent and utilities,

etc. I just spent my last dime signing up for class this fall and can't even

afford to buy the book but I took a leap of faith (which is one of the reasons

why I want the cedar chest back because I resent the hell out of the fact that

it's sitting there legally mine and I need money to buy this book and can't).

> >

> > Just writing this out is making me feel a bit more peaceful. But I don't

know what to say to Fada. He is being her rescuing hero when he leans on me

about this. I know better than to answer because he will get abusive and it

could really blow up into a big dramatic scene. There was one just a week ago

because of her ambush and I don't want to repeat that.

> >

> > I DON'T want to talk to Nada and I resent the hell out of him pressuring me

to do so. I resent the fact that she knows how inflammatory he is and she's

inciting him behind the scenes. it makes me realize she has always done this,

which pisses me off even further. I guess I just needed to vent. I feel sooooooo

much like he is trying to control me and that triggers me to a ridiculous level.

It feels very threatening. I think I am almost decompensated to the point that I

can't even figure out what to do next.

> >

>