weddings (was: Re: Mother n law with bpd)

[Guest guest]

Katrina,

Many MANY years before I ever knew that anything was wrong with my nada, I mean,

anything specific (I knew something was wrong but not that it had a name or

could be diagnosed) I decided that if I ever got married, it would be in Vegas

and no one would be invited. Why? Because I didn't want it to turn into a thing

about my nada. I want it to be a special moment between me and my future husband

that is completely about us and for us, and I don't want to share it with

anyone.

Now that I know about BPD and that my nada has it, my decision is further

reinforced. I shared everything in my life that should have been about me with

her. In fact, she took everything that should have been special and about me and

made it about her. Part of me feels bad that I would not want to share that day

with the rest of my family, but I know that as I said above, I only want to

share it with one person. Every one else can go to hell.

In my experience, weddings have always been an event of family gossip to say bad

things about each other, including the bride and groom, and try and out do each

other. I'm sure other people have different experiences, but that's mine.

So no, nada will not be invited to my wedding, nor will I ever bother to tell

her if I decide to get married or get married. I think of her like an alcoholic

that I have set a boundary with. Unless you get treatment, I will not be around

you. Period. I will not enable her to hurt me or those I love. I'm pretty much

the only one in the family who has taken that stand, but I can't control others,

just me. And I won't associate with someone who behaves the way she does. If she

were attempting some kind of real treatment, I could definitely be supportive,

because what happened to her when she was a child was awful. She was sexually

abused by her brother from the time she was a little girl; she told her mother,

who refused to do anything about it; and her mother only stopped it when nada

started menstruating. Then the brother died in a boating accident, and

grand-nada mourns him like a saint. So, my nada definitely has a reason to be

f'd up, but that doesn't give her license to be abusive. It gives her a reason

to seek therapy and ask for the help of her family. But if she won't do that,

then I can't help and I can't be around her and I can't let her be a part of my

life.

Blah, I went on too much. Just meant to agree with the no nada at wedding idea.

> >What is it with BPD's and weddings? My nada did not attend my

> >wedding either....I let her make my wedding day feel sad and

> >tearful. No more.

>

> --

> Katrina

>