Beware Nada Bearing Gifts?

[Guest guest]

I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with her

when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I have

not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight, she

told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and told

me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving me

an easy out for NC, so I took it.

Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages saying

that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to these

messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little kid

getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started sweating

and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back the

tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She just

won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I see

this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a $10

store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move, she

has a long history of this kind of stuff.

This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH said

we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to do...I

don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

[Guest guest]

Bring it to the salvation army. Good luck!

> **

>

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with

> her when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me.

> I have not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone

> fight, she told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then

> emailed me and told me not to write her because she would not read it. I

> figured she was giving me an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages

> saying that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even

> listen to these messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel

> like a little kid getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my

> nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I

> never gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done

> practically everything possible to get my name & address off the

> internet...but as we all know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

> sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting

> back the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become

> hysterical. She just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in

> antagonizing people. I see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from

> a woman who last gave me a $10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas

> present. This is a calculated move, she has a long history of this kind of

> stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH

> said we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what

> to do...I don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I understand how upsetting this kind of thing is, and I really hear your

distress. The way I see this is that there are two levels of this that need to

be addressed: the practical and the emotional.

I think you should address the emotional first because no one can really think

clearly when they are in the kind of emotional state I am imagining that you are

in.

What kinds of things can you do to soothe yourself? What has worked in the past

to help you calm down? Walks, baths, talking with a good friend or partner,

reading, exercising, watching a movie? These are the kinds of things you can do

for yourself to bring your nervous system down a few notches. It is possible

that you in the midst of a ptsd reaction. If the kinds of things that I am

suggesting are not enough to do the trick, and you have any anti anxiety

medication around, you could make use of it.

Don't worry about if/how to respond right now. I do suggest though that you

pick up the package and very intentionally tell yourself that you are in charge

of it as you put it away some place such as in a closet, so it is not staring at

you.

Taking good, deep breaths and reminding yourself of your present circumstances

can be helpful as well.

I would be really interested to know if any of these suggestions are helpful to

you or if you need something else right now that I or someone else here might be

able to provide.

Hugs,

HC

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with her

when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I have

not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight, she

told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and told

me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving me

an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages saying

that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to these

messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little kid

getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH said

we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to do...I

don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

[Guest guest]

Return to Sender!!!! Just my gut instinct there. natalia, I hear you about

the intense frustration of her finding where you are and trying to force

interaction. My fada (npd) found me out after I had spent many years assuming

I was safe and it was profoundly upsetting. It was like having to relive

everything and my NC decision all over again. Big Hugs to you.

I too spend a lot of time and money to keep my name off of the internet. Every

day it's getting put back on there but I keep at it. I subscribe to

reputation(dot)com - they automatically remove your info from most sites once a

month but there are a couple that you have to do yourself also. Remember the

good old days when having an unlisted number was enough?

Eliza

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with her

when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I have

not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight, she

told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and told

me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving me

an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages saying

that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to these

messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little kid

getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH said

we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to do...I

don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

[Guest guest]

The exact same thing, exact, happened to me over Christmas as well. I moved far

away, never gave Nada the address, tried very hard to make sure she wouldn't get

it, but she somehow sniffed it out anyway and sent me a package. I should have

just thrown it away, but instead I opened it. It had a note from her saying that

she was sorry my Xmas gift was late, but she accidentally sent it to the wrong

address. No acknowledgement that I purposely had not spoken to her for a year or

had intentionally not given her my address!

My advice is to throw it away. Or give it away. But don't open it. Don't read

it. That will just make life so much harder. Don't bother opening it at all.

Don't return to sender, because that's a response. And she will revel in it. She

will tell people how cruel you are that you sent back her lovely package. She

will get off on the sympathy of others by telling them what a poor daughter you

are.

So just throw it away or give it away but do not open it.

I hope you are more successful than I am. I stupidly opened it up and have been

shaken for a month about it.

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with her

when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I have

not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight, she

told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and told

me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving me

an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages saying

that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to these

messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little kid

getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH said

we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to do...I

don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

[Guest guest]

If it were me, I'd have to assume that any package sent from my nada

was filled with very angry bees! I would not open it, no no.

I do like Millicent's suggestion of taking it to salvation army.

Don't send it back to her though, that's a form of contact IMO. I'd

give it to someone who might have use for whatever is in it...

Unless it's very angry bees. (Sorry, I'm just joking, I'm in a joking

kind of mood today.)

Sorry this has been so difficult. Hang in there!

Mia

>

>

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with

> her when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me.

> I have not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone

> fight, she told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then

> emailed me and told me not to write her because she would not read it. I

> figured she was giving me an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages

> saying that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even

> listen to these messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel

> like a little kid getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my

> nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I

> never gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done

> practically everything possible to get my name & address off the

> internet...but as we all know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

> sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting

> back the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become

> hysterical. She just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in

> antagonizing people. I see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from

> a woman who last gave me a $10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas

> present. This is a calculated move, she has a long history of this kind of

> stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH

> said we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what

> to do...I don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

>

[Guest guest]

I agree...either dump it unopened at goodwill or have a friend write " return to

sender " on the package (so she doesn't even get to see your handwriting) and

drop it back in the post.

Sorry that happened, it must feel very triggering. I know I feel violated when

my nada just won't leave me alone...

Sveta

[Guest guest]

After I went No Contact with my nada, I never opened anything she sent me. I

just put the envelopes or boxes in a closet. Now that she has passed away, I

think it would be better for me to just not open them now and throw them away.

I don't want to be punched in the gut by nada again, at this point in time. I

personally would recommend dropping the unopened box off at Goodwill, with your

names and addresses removed.

I agree: Nadas are after ANY form of response; even sending the box back to her

is a form of responding to her, and she might very well use that somehow. " Look

at this beautiful thing I sent my daughter, and she sent it back to me. Poor

me! "

-Annie

>

> I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with her

when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I have

not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight, she

told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and told

me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving me

an easy out for NC, so I took it.

>

> Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages saying

that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to these

messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little kid

getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

>

> Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

>

> So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

>

> This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH said

we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to do...I

don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

>

[Guest guest]

Annie, please reconsider before tossing anything! If there is someone you trust,

please consider having them at least open and check the contents first.

I mention this because when my nada and I were NC a decade ago, she would clean

out drawers and send stuff to me--often it was little memorabilia from my

paternal grandmother that she was 'purging' from her life (she hated her MIL). I

have a couple of precious documents now that I wouldn't otherwise have opened.

> >

> > I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with

her when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I

have not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight,

she told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and

told me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving

me an easy out for NC, so I took it.

> >

> > Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages

saying that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to

these messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little

kid getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

> >

> > Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I never

gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done practically

everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but as we all

know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

> >

> > So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

> >

> > This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH

said we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to

do...I don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks, echo babe, that is a good point to consider. I will rethink just

donating the unopened boxes to Goodwill.

-Annie

> > >

> > > I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a fight with

her when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of miles from me. I

have not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway, during this phone fight,

she told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to her. She then emailed me and

told me not to write her because she would not read it. I figured she was giving

me an easy out for NC, so I took it.

> > >

> > > Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving messages

saying that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't even listen to

these messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I feel like a little

kid getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my nerves for days.

> > >

> > > Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her. BUT...I

never gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately done

practically everything possible to get my name & address off the internet...but

as we all know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

> > >

> > > So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I started

sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am fighting back

the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will become hysterical. She

just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels in antagonizing people. I

see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is from a woman who last gave me a

$10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas present. This is a calculated move,

she has a long history of this kind of stuff.

> > >

> > > This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it. My DH

said we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not know what to

do...I don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Nada's bearing gifts . . . .

This is one of my Nada's favorite ploys, to send a box o' crap, that

may, or may not contain one or two pieces of treasured memorabilia from

deceased - and - deeply - loved family members. If the box is returned -

to - sender, she displays its contents to her friends, as proof that I am

ungrateful and undeserving of any future consideration, and she is

justified in cutting me out of the will. However*, if I do not return the

box*, it is used as evidence that I am greedy, interested only in what I

can get from her, thus he is justified in cutting me out of the will, etc.

BPD's are Master Manipulators, and spend more time working on their

twisted " theater of absurd revenge, " than all of the combined brains within

the U.S. Space program, spend calculating landing coordinates.

Thus, knowing this, the only thing I can do, to release the damn box,

letter, etc., is to take them to my T, and we open it together. I

photograph the unopened box, on my porch, along with the address label, and

postage marks, the bottom of the box (because I'm obsessive ) photograph

it again in my T's office, and video the two of us opening the damn thing

together.

If items are childhood treasures, ( a few of which I have received with

broken heads and necks, or missing components !) or, just pieces of

weirdness, such as a copy of the Constitution, ( yes, she has sent one of

these!) my deceased Fathers broken Ipod, etc., then someone else, who is a

credible witness sees them, and we have a record of the items, and choices

can be made.

The whole purpose of the " Mystery Box, or Letter, " is to hold your

emotions hostage, make you seem unworthy , cruel, greedy, and uncaring, and

to hurt you as deeply as they possibly can, from " long distance. " A

cowardly, disingenuine, passive aggressive, cruel, and sadistic wound,

delivered thru the mail.

BPDs are terrorists, they make us afraid to answere our doors, our

phones, our mail, they poison our freindships, relationships with family,

children, spouses, fiances, neighbors, bosses, teachers and co-workers, all

while claiming to love us (even though we are unworthy,) and to only have

our own best interests at heart.

Knowing these things, I had to understand that, no matter how dear the

childhood relic, they were simply being included as " Trojan Horses "

carrying deeply poisonous, wounding agents within them.

Natalia, I'm so glad you posted this topic, it is such a difficult issue

to deal with.!

Best of Luck, Sunspot

On Sat, Mar 3, 2012 at 9:54 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Thanks, echo babe, that is a good point to consider. I will rethink just

> donating the unopened boxes to Goodwill.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > > >

> > > > I have been NC with nada for almost a year. It was because of a

> fight with her when we were LC (she lives in another state, hundreds of

> miles from me. I have not actually seen her since about 2006.) Anyway,

> during this phone fight, she told me how horrible I was, and not to talk to

> her. She then emailed me and told me not to write her because she would not

> read it. I figured she was giving me an easy out for NC, so I took it.

> > > >

> > > > Well, now she is ringing my phone every now and then...leaving

> messages saying that she doesn't know why I am not talking to her. I don't

> even listen to these messages because just hearing her voice upsets me. I

> feel like a little kid getting yelled at all over again and it screws up my

> nerves for days.

> > > >

> > > > Then today....I get a huge package on my front porch from her.

> BUT...I never gave her the address I am at now. In fact, I have desperately

> done practically everything possible to get my name & address off the

> internet...but as we all know and as I have seen today....it didn't work.

> > > >

> > > > So, what do I do? I was so shocked to see this huge package...I

> started sweating and my hands and feet went cold. I feel like crying. I am

> fighting back the tears because I feel like if I start to cry, I will

> become hysterical. She just won't leave me alone and I KNOW how she revels

> in antagonizing people. I see this as some kind of stunt, I mean, this is

> from a woman who last gave me a $10 store catalog for my one and only Xmas

> present. This is a calculated move, she has a long history of this kind of

> stuff.

> > > >

> > > > This package is still on my front porch. I haven't even touched it.

> My DH said we should sent it back " Return to Sender " . I honestly do not

> know what to do...I don't know what to think. Mission accomplished, Nada.

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>