Well, roll me in carpet and call me floored!

[Guest guest]

A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my perspective

would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical needs are. After

I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up a time to talk

over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on the limited info

I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be involved and that I

may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not sure

optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's such

an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I never

dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I will

give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little nervous

but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective because

*maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to her.

What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick with

T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would certainly

appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can present

my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

Thanks,

Sveta

[Guest guest]

WOW!

>

> A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

>

> I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

>

> But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up

a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on

the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be

involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

>

> I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not sure

optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's such

an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I never

dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I will

give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little nervous

but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective because

*maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to her.

What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

>

> I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

>

> Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would certainly

appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can present

my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

That is amazing! I am so happy for you!

Best of luck!

> >

> > A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

> >

> > I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

> >

> > But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up

a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on

the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be

involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

> >

> > I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not

sure optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's

such an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I

never dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I

will give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little

nervous but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective

because *maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to

her. What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

> >

> > I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

> >

> > Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would

certainly appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can

present my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Sveta

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Where I m from, we would say, Well butter my butt and call me cornbread!

> >

> > A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever

went to therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't

want any contact from them directly anymore.

> >

> > I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting

struck by lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

> >

> > But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents'

clinical needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her

back and we set up a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds

pretty reasonable based on the limited info I have, she even said she

understood if I didn't want to be involved and that I may even be very

surprised to be getting a call like that.

> >

> > I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm

not sure optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I

guess it's such an unexpected step in the right direction that my

parents have made. I never dreamed they would ever seek help, even with

my ultimatum, so I guess I will give them a little credit for even

starting the process. I'm a little nervous but honestly, also hopeful

about being able to share my perspective because *maybe* just maybe it

will mean making the proper treatment available to her. What she would

do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

> >

> > I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if

they stick with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be

willing to teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my

parents to find some peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with

them or not, and I know T is the only way for either of them to get

there.

> >

> > Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would

certainly appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so

that I can present my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make

her own diagnosis.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Sveta

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Truly a WOW! I bet it felt wonderful to get validation that they do care about

your feelings and value the relationship.

I hope this is a new beginning--and not just another tactic. Wow!

>

> A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

>

> I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

>

> But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up

a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on

the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be

involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

>

> I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not sure

optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's such

an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I never

dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I will

give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little nervous

but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective because

*maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to her.

What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

>

> I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

>

> Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would certainly

appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can present

my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

Holy crap, Sveta. I can't believe they did it. I agree with you in the cautious

optimism, but I'm amazed.

You're for sure in my thoughts. Deeep breath. Let us know how it goes!

Fiona

>

> A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

>

> I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

>

> But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up

a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on

the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be

involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

>

> I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not sure

optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's such

an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I never

dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I will

give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little nervous

but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective because

*maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to her.

What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

>

> I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

>

> Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would certainly

appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can present

my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

My feelings exactly.

I too hope for you that in your parents' case their willingness to go into

therapy means that they realize that their behaviors have hurt you, means that

they care about your feelings, that they're now willing to accept personal

responsibility for what they say and do.

If that is the case, then there is a good chance that you can eventually have a

better relationship with them. Best of luck to you with this; it IS unusual

for those with personality disorder to voluntarily seek therapy and its a good

sign!

-Annie

> >

> > A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any contact

from them directly anymore.

> >

> > I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck by

lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

> >

> > But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we set up

a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable based on

the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't want to be

involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a call like that.

> >

> > I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not

sure optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess it's

such an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have made. I

never dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so I guess I

will give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm a little

nervous but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my perspective

because *maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper treatment available to

her. What she would do with a diagnosis or any related info would be up to her.

> >

> > I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T is

the only way for either of them to get there.

> >

> > Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would

certainly appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I can

present my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own diagnosis.

> >

> > Thanks,

> >

> > Sveta

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My nada has been in therapy twice and quit. I hope yours stays in and does

well. It's a minor miracle when any of these people gets into any therapy at

all.

Good, good luck. May we finally hear a story about a BP improving and lives

getting better.

--.

[Guest guest]

Thanks for the kind words, guys.

Believe me, I'm aware that it's very likely she'll quit, based on all the

stories I've read on the boards. Hence my reluctance to be optimistic.

But the convo with the T went well. She asked for my perspective and actually

said she had observed a lot of the things I was talking about, but that it was

helpful to hear about some other behaviors that she hadn't seen yet. She didn't

tell me, but after I had listed about 3 criteria, you could kind of hear a light

bulb go off: " OHHHHH, okay. " By the time I got to the 4th and 5th she was

saying, " I understand exactly what you're talking about. " So I think at the very

least the T knows what she's dealing with, my mom might get a diagnosis.

She asked what kind of specific behavior changes I would need to see in order to

consider contact again, and said she understood " timing is important. " I said I

would need to go slowly and see that they are willing to stick with T and make a

genuine effort for at least 6 months, and then we can consider some very small

steps--with clear " rules " in place--like exchanging simple Xmas cards or talking

with the T present. She understood that I wanted to see changes before I commit

to anything, but she just wanted to have some realistic goals and a timeline to

work with.

Overall, it went really well. It always takes me a few days to decompress after

thinking about my experiences with my parents. And honestly I am not ready right

this minute to consider contact, so that stressed me out a little just thinking

about it, but I am going to just relax and enjoy the next 6 months and then just

re-evaluate when we get there. I know I am not locked into anything and can make

a decision when the time comes.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

WOW, that is jaw dropping amazing! But, I have to ask you one question...

here comes my hypervigilance, so forgive me if you can... are you sure it's

an actual therapist and not some kind of trick?

Wow, yeah... I do sound paranoid, but I also know how my nada works LOL.

So I can understand why you are feeling " Cautiously optimistic " ! I would

feel the same way.

But yes, again I have to say WOW. That's pretty amazing. Talk to the T and

just remember to take it slow if you decide to rekindle a relationship and

that you have every right to put down boundaries if you do rekindle, and

every right NOT to reforge a relationship too.

Good luck & keep us posted!

Mia

>

>

> A while back I went NC with my parents and told them if they ever went to

> therapy I would consider talking with their T but that I didn't want any

> contact from them directly anymore.

>

> I think I posted here that I knew I had a better chance of getting struck

> by lightning twice than I did of ever hearing from a T.

>

> But I got a call from one last week. The message said she thought my

> perspective would be really helpful in evaluating what my parents' clinical

> needs are. After I scraped my jaw off the floor, I called her back and we

> set up a time to talk over the phone this week. She sounds pretty reasonable

> based on the limited info I have, she even said she understood if I didn't

> want to be involved and that I may even be very surprised to be getting a

> call like that.

>

> I would say I'm cautiously optimistic at this point, except that I'm not

> sure optimistic is the right word. Maybe just cautious! But still I guess

> it's such an unexpected step in the right direction that my parents have

> made. I never dreamed they would ever seek help, even with my ultimatum, so

> I guess I will give them a little credit for even starting the process. I'm

> a little nervous but honestly, also hopeful about being able to share my

> perspective because *maybe* just maybe it will mean making the proper

> treatment available to her. What she would do with a diagnosis or any

> related info would be up to her.

>

> I certainly am not ready for contact from my parents yet, but if they stick

> with T for a good while longer and make progress, I might be willing to

> teleconference in at some point. Really I just want my parents to find some

> peace in their lives, whether I am in contact with them or not, and I know T

> is the only way for either of them to get there.

>

> Anyway, if you all could keep me in your thoughts this week, I would

> certainly appreciate it! I have been trying to collect my thoughts so that I

> can present my POV clearly but also in a way that lets the T make her own

> diagnosis.

>

> Thanks,

>

> Sveta

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> WOW, that is jaw dropping amazing! But, I have to ask you one question...

> here comes my hypervigilance, so forgive me if you can... are you sure it's

> an actual therapist and not some kind of trick?

>

>

Ha! Yeah, that's where screening calls actually comes in handy. Of course I

googled the lady right away before I decided to call her back. She's legit, with

a PhD and everything. I don't know what her track record is in helping

borderlines recover, but she is at least a real-life T.