Re : How to regain the family place if lies of your BDP parents agaist you has cut th

[Guest guest]

Dear Milicent,

I accept your sympathy with enthousiasm !!!! Oh, I am so sorry for you

that you are going through that kind of thing too ! I feel conforted to

know that someone finally understands what I live in that situation, but I

wouldn't wish that to my worst enemy and if I think of this situation from

outside, it appears to me more unhuman that if I suffer it myself !

This is so unfair !

It is so strange for me beeing alone in this pain for 40 years to know

that someone else has gone through that kind of things too !

I give you a big hugh !

Take very good care of yourself !

Natacha

________________________________

De : Millicent Kunstler

À : WTOAdultChildren1

Envoyé le : Vendredi 2 mars 2012 0h37

Objet : Re: How to regain the family place if lies of your

BDP parents agaist you has cut th

Natacha,

This is so very sad! I can't tell you how to get your family to care again.

I can't get mine to care either. All I can do is offer my sympathy and say

that I understand the depth of your pain. Good luck.

> **

>

>

> Dear Group,

>

> First I would like to present myself.

>

> I am 40, single mother of three children. The difficulties I had with my

> elder son made me doing researches and I found that he should have BPD. By

> reading the characteristics of the troubles, I was so shocked to realize

> how much well it described my mother. Then I bought the book from

> Ann Lawson : " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and I recognized so well

> my mother as the witch type, and sometimes when I was a child, the queen.

> Then during one year I stopped thinking about this.

>

> But this year as difficulties with my older son increase, and as I am

> writing a book about my childhood memories, I feel more and more that I

> need some help to cure about what I have been through all my childhood,

> most of all because in my family, noone knows.

>

> I was very popular and loved by all my aunties and uncles and cousins,

> until I moved to Paris to make my university studies during nine years.

> During these years, I barely met any of them.

> Few years ago, I moved back to my childhood area and I was so happy that I

> will have more opportunities to see all these families members I hadn't met

> for years. But they don't live in the same town than me and I don't have my

> driving licence. So I thought as they have all theirs, they would come to

> see me or phone. I have contacted them many times but they never call back

> or come to my home. I have finished by realizing that my mother has

> certainly said things about me that has made all my family cut all links

> with me. I have no idea what she has told them, but now I live here for 8

> years and if I had no family arround, it would be exactely the same.

>

> Today I thought about this and I felt inside me a lot of anger against

> her, and also against them. They knew me. Why are they believing her ? And

> most of all, what could she have said so horrible that they all have cut

> with me ? Most of my cousins are also my " friends " on a chat line, but if I

> comment on their profile, they won't answer to me. And I just don't know

> why.

>

> I think of moving far away, then I could imagine that they don't contact

> me or come to see me because of the distance. I think I should leave and

> start a new life somewhere else, and decide that my family are my friends,

> the people kind with me.

> Once I thought to contact some of my cousins and told them what I have

> been through all my life with my mother and all what she has done to me,

> but I never did it, because after thinking of it, I just feel discouraged,

> because I just think that they won't believe me and then they will hurt me

> even more.

>

> I have never spoken yet with another adult whose mother had BPD. I have

> never told about what my mother did to me to someone who will believe me

> and understand how much it is painfull inside.

>

> Before the age of one year old, I suffered of rickets. I discovered last

> year by reading the very good book from Louise Hay : " You can heal your

> life " , that the emotional cause of rickets is " emotional malnutrition, lack

> of love and security " . I know I have suffered since my very early age. I

> think it started inside her. Because I was two weeks late and they forced

> my birth with an injection, I think I didn't want to be born.

> She never gave cuddles and kisses. She hided to me my father's identity

> during 13 years. My father was her worst enemy and I was her daughter. I am

> my mother's only child ....

>

> She has done to me so many awfull things, one of the worst was when she

> sold my Grand-Mother house without telling me and she burned all my

> childhood and teenager belongings in the garden o my Grand-Mother's house

> before selling it. I knew only two months later.

>

> I am actually alone in my pain. I have not any kind of support here about

> that.

>

> I want my family from here to come back to me and be nice with me. I think

> it is too unfair. I have cut all links with my mother since last June only.

> She smiled and told me that I will be back in less than 14 months, like I

> did one time before. I want this time to stay strong and never allow her

> back in my life. I think all my family from here hate me from what she is

> telling about me I ignore. I love all of them so much .... Please if you

> know how to make family come back tell me.

>

> Natacha

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Natacha,

How nice! Thank you. I studied college in Paris too but I'm from the US.

It's so hard to accept that some people don't care. Hopefully you can find

people who will give you what you need and deserve. My family would give

crumbs and I recently gave up running after them. All my best to you.

On Thu, Mar 1, 2012 at 6:49 PM, Daszkel Natacha wrote:

> **

>

>

> Dear Milicent,

>

> I accept your sympathy with enthousiasm !!!! Oh, I am so sorry for you

> that you are going through that kind of thing too ! I feel conforted to

> know that someone finally understands what I live in that situation, but I

> wouldn't wish that to my worst enemy and if I think of this situation from

> outside, it appears to me more unhuman that if I suffer it myself !

>

> This is so unfair !

>

> It is so strange for me beeing alone in this pain for 40 years to know

> that someone else has gone through that kind of things too !

>

> I give you a big hugh !

> Take very good care of yourself !

> Natacha

>

> ________________________________

> De : Millicent Kunstler

> À : WTOAdultChildren1

> Envoyé le : Vendredi 2 mars 2012 0h37

> Objet : Re: How to regain the family place if lies of

> your BDP parents agaist you has cut th

>

>

> Natacha,

> This is so very sad! I can't tell you how to get your family to care again.

> I can't get mine to care either. All I can do is offer my sympathy and say

> that I understand the depth of your pain. Good luck.

>

>

>

> > **

>

> >

> >

> > Dear Group,

> >

> > First I would like to present myself.

> >

> > I am 40, single mother of three children. The difficulties I had with my

> > elder son made me doing researches and I found that he should have BPD.

> By

> > reading the characteristics of the troubles, I was so shocked to realize

> > how much well it described my mother. Then I bought the book from

>

> > Ann Lawson : " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and I recognized so

> well

> > my mother as the witch type, and sometimes when I was a child, the queen.

> > Then during one year I stopped thinking about this.

> >

> > But this year as difficulties with my older son increase, and as I am

> > writing a book about my childhood memories, I feel more and more that I

> > need some help to cure about what I have been through all my childhood,

> > most of all because in my family, noone knows.

> >

> > I was very popular and loved by all my aunties and uncles and cousins,

> > until I moved to Paris to make my university studies during nine years.

> > During these years, I barely met any of them.

> > Few years ago, I moved back to my childhood area and I was so happy that

> I

> > will have more opportunities to see all these families members I hadn't

> met

> > for years. But they don't live in the same town than me and I don't have

> my

> > driving licence. So I thought as they have all theirs, they would come to

> > see me or phone. I have contacted them many times but they never call

> back

> > or come to my home. I have finished by realizing that my mother has

> > certainly said things about me that has made all my family cut all links

> > with me. I have no idea what she has told them, but now I live here for 8

> > years and if I had no family arround, it would be exactely the same.

> >

> > Today I thought about this and I felt inside me a lot of anger against

> > her, and also against them. They knew me. Why are they believing her ?

> And

> > most of all, what could she have said so horrible that they all have cut

> > with me ? Most of my cousins are also my " friends " on a chat line, but

> if I

> > comment on their profile, they won't answer to me. And I just don't know

> > why.

> >

> > I think of moving far away, then I could imagine that they don't contact

> > me or come to see me because of the distance. I think I should leave and

> > start a new life somewhere else, and decide that my family are my

> friends,

> > the people kind with me.

> > Once I thought to contact some of my cousins and told them what I have

> > been through all my life with my mother and all what she has done to me,

> > but I never did it, because after thinking of it, I just feel

> discouraged,

> > because I just think that they won't believe me and then they will hurt

> me

> > even more.

> >

> > I have never spoken yet with another adult whose mother had BPD. I have

> > never told about what my mother did to me to someone who will believe me

> > and understand how much it is painfull inside.

> >

> > Before the age of one year old, I suffered of rickets. I discovered last

> > year by reading the very good book from Louise Hay : " You can heal your

> > life " , that the emotional cause of rickets is " emotional malnutrition,

> lack

> > of love and security " . I know I have suffered since my very early age. I

> > think it started inside her. Because I was two weeks late and they forced

> > my birth with an injection, I think I didn't want to be born.

> > She never gave cuddles and kisses. She hided to me my father's identity

> > during 13 years. My father was her worst enemy and I was her daughter. I

> am

> > my mother's only child ....

> >

> > She has done to me so many awfull things, one of the worst was when she

> > sold my Grand-Mother house without telling me and she burned all my

> > childhood and teenager belongings in the garden o my Grand-Mother's house

> > before selling it. I knew only two months later.

> >

> > I am actually alone in my pain. I have not any kind of support here about

> > that.

> >

> > I want my family from here to come back to me and be nice with me. I

> think

> > it is too unfair. I have cut all links with my mother since last June

> only.

> > She smiled and told me that I will be back in less than 14 months, like I

> > did one time before. I want this time to stay strong and never allow her

> > back in my life. I think all my family from here hate me from what she is

> > telling about me I ignore. I love all of them so much .... Please if you

> > know how to make family come back tell me.

> >

> > Natacha

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

I have been thinking about these same kinds of issues lately. the sad reality is

that my Nada can't get close to people without seeing and LOATHING their flaws,

and subsequently hating people for them. on the flip side my nada refuses to

believe horrible things people do even if she does not know the person for

strange and illogical reasons.(like my sister's teacher who molested some girls,

and touched many inappropriately and who ended up in jail.)

there are a large number of people in my life who Nada successfully turned me

against. I have been taking a closer look at those crazy opinions lately and

piecing together my reality.

I grew up around many cousins. one family nada claims are " clones " and that they

are not allowed to choose their paths in life like we were. (that is just her

excuse for negligence of us,and feeling guilty that this family actually cares

about each other's interests.) everything is a competition. how many grand kids

she has, who has the most perfect children etc. and she hugely splits her

brother and sister-in-laws disproportionally black.

I was also in a prestigious choir for 7 years. NADA had one bad experience with

the director. we will call her L. it involved L. exerting her authority

appropriately when nada offended people at church. nada decided she was horrible

and as such she was horrible for and to me. she even claims L. is responsible

for my weaknesses in music. nada likes to have excuses and people to blame for

disliking peoples flaws.

distortion campaign is and accurate description. sadly the closer I look the

more I realize that the very people nada tried the hardest to turn me against

are some of the most important people in my life.

I have been unfaltering relationships this year I just spent 2 hrs on the phone

with a cousin this week who was my best friend for years, but whom nada had

worked for years to turn me against. as it turns out we have so much in common.

her family was always more welcoming to me than my own.

I told her that I believe my mom is mentally ill. I did not tell her that nada

thinks poorly of her and wants me to believe she was mean to me (she totally

wasn't)

my Nada loves to tell people I am needy, " too sensitive " and all other forms of

unstable emotionally and not capable of rational feelings and thoughts

(projection?) I also have a " chip on my shoulder " (another way to say that I am

imagining things) that people are tying to hurt me. I believed that myself until

I started choosing the people I interacted with and realized that I only take

offense when people are mean.

so yeah it is really hard to break out of that role. I have found that many in

my FOO actually listen to me.

I recommend you feel it out. start calling/e-mailing people who you particularly

liked in the past. chances are they will be happy to hear from you, and even if

they did not really see Nada at her nastiest they may be willing to dismiss her

opinions if they realize you are a worthwhile person.

if you find yourself getting defensive chances are you don't feel listened to,

or believed. that is something I learned about myself anyway.

it is so hard to understand these kids of things. Nada's sure cause trouble for

us.

wishing you the best.

Meikjn

> >

> > > **

> >

> > >

> > >

> > > Dear Group,

> > >

> > > First I would like to present myself.

> > >

> > > I am 40, single mother of three children. The difficulties I had with my

> > > elder son made me doing researches and I found that he should have BPD.

> > By

> > > reading the characteristics of the troubles, I was so shocked to realize

> > > how much well it described my mother. Then I bought the book from

> >

> > > Ann Lawson : " Understanding the Borderline Mother " and I recognized so

> > well

> > > my mother as the witch type, and sometimes when I was a child, the queen.

> > > Then during one year I stopped thinking about this.

> > >

> > > But this year as difficulties with my older son increase, and as I am

> > > writing a book about my childhood memories, I feel more and more that I

> > > need some help to cure about what I have been through all my childhood,

> > > most of all because in my family, noone knows.

> > >

> > > I was very popular and loved by all my aunties and uncles and cousins,

> > > until I moved to Paris to make my university studies during nine years.

> > > During these years, I barely met any of them.

> > > Few years ago, I moved back to my childhood area and I was so happy that

> > I

> > > will have more opportunities to see all these families members I hadn't

> > met

> > > for years. But they don't live in the same town than me and I don't have

> > my

> > > driving licence. So I thought as they have all theirs, they would come to

> > > see me or phone. I have contacted them many times but they never call

> > back

> > > or come to my home. I have finished by realizing that my mother has

> > > certainly said things about me that has made all my family cut all links

> > > with me. I have no idea what she has told them, but now I live here for 8

> > > years and if I had no family arround, it would be exactely the same.

> > >

> > > Today I thought about this and I felt inside me a lot of anger against

> > > her, and also against them. They knew me. Why are they believing her ?

> > And

> > > most of all, what could she have said so horrible that they all have cut

> > > with me ? Most of my cousins are also my " friends " on a chat line, but

> > if I

> > > comment on their profile, they won't answer to me. And I just don't know

> > > why.

> > >

> > > I think of moving far away, then I could imagine that they don't contact

> > > me or come to see me because of the distance. I think I should leave and

> > > start a new life somewhere else, and decide that my family are my

> > friends,

> > > the people kind with me.

> > > Once I thought to contact some of my cousins and told them what I have

> > > been through all my life with my mother and all what she has done to me,

> > > but I never did it, because after thinking of it, I just feel

> > discouraged,

> > > because I just think that they won't believe me and then they will hurt

> > me

> > > even more.

> > >

> > > I have never spoken yet with another adult whose mother had BPD. I have

> > > never told about what my mother did to me to someone who will believe me

> > > and understand how much it is painfull inside.

> > >

> > > Before the age of one year old, I suffered of rickets. I discovered last

> > > year by reading the very good book from Louise Hay : " You can heal your

> > > life " , that the emotional cause of rickets is " emotional malnutrition,

> > lack

> > > of love and security " . I know I have suffered since my very early age. I

> > > think it started inside her. Because I was two weeks late and they forced

> > > my birth with an injection, I think I didn't want to be born.

> > > She never gave cuddles and kisses. She hided to me my father's identity

> > > during 13 years. My father was her worst enemy and I was her daughter. I

> > am

> > > my mother's only child ....

> > >

> > > She has done to me so many awfull things, one of the worst was when she

> > > sold my Grand-Mother house without telling me and she burned all my

> > > childhood and teenager belongings in the garden o my Grand-Mother's house

> > > before selling it. I knew only two months later.

> > >

> > > I am actually alone in my pain. I have not any kind of support here about

> > > that.

> > >

> > > I want my family from here to come back to me and be nice with me. I

> > think

> > > it is too unfair. I have cut all links with my mother since last June

> > only.

> > > She smiled and told me that I will be back in less than 14 months, like I

> > > did one time before. I want this time to stay strong and never allow her

> > > back in my life. I think all my family from here hate me from what she is

> > > telling about me I ignore. I love all of them so much .... Please if you

> > > know how to make family come back tell me.

> > >

> > > Natacha

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >