Want a Christian perspective on boundary involving church

July 25, 2011

I have known my mother had BPD for years, but didn't really understand it until

last week when I read Stop Walking on Eggshells. Now I understand it is not my

responsibility to protect my mother from herself or to try to make her be happy.

I'm ready to stop trying to take care of her and it all makes sense, BUT there

is one boundary I would REALLY like to set but am not sure about. I REALLY need

to attend my own church. My mother recently moved to live near me (we were in

different states) and, despite my brother's explicit advice and my hinting, she

immediately started attending my church. She is so negative and critical at

church that I hate being there. She is also so clingy that I feel like I am

trying to take care of not only my 3 and 5 yr. old throughout the service, but

also my mother. It's bad enough that my husband is disabled and can't attend

with us very often. It's worse now that I feel overwhelmed by mother's presence.

We recently started attending a different church and, of course, she went right

with us. BUT, she only attended for about a month and then she left the state

for several months and is returning today. She also has moved to a new house

that is further away from this new church and much closer to other churches.

This is the perfect opportunity to say, hey, mom, I think it would be best if we

went to different churches. BUT, I really think if she doesn't go to church with

me she won't go at all and that the suggestion of it might really shake her

faith. I understand that I am not responsible for her, but isn't a little

different when dealing with someone's salvation? (I mean, this could actually

make her turn her back on God, but then again, I have lost track of how many

times she has turned her back on God.) Any suggestions? Support? Am I doing the

wrong thing?

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