Guest guest Posted July 25, 2011 Report Share Posted July 25, 2011 I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. Thanks. Pandey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 26, 2011 Report Share Posted July 26, 2011 welcome to the group, I can identify with narcissism being so common in the family it's almost a genetic trait like blue eyes or brown hair. I can relate to the frustration of dealing with narcissists, i was watching Hoarders the other night and the counselor for one said that the man he was trying to treat wasn't going to change and that, of his daughter who was trying to help them treat him, that it was 'unsafe for her to trust him with her emotional life'. That resonated with me so strongly because I realized that that is exactly what I do with my mother, I entrust her with my emotional life, and it was so strange to me to hear it so clinically described as an obvious mistake when dealing with BPD or NPD people. They have this inner script going on all the time, that they feel they have to fit you into, and everything that they perceive with their five senses is going into that script and coming out completely convoluted, no matter what. It's so weird because there is this encouragement toward 'communication of feelings' that comes to us from culture and with BPD NPD that is just the wrong tactic to take, it's like a completely different world with it's own set of rules with them. I can't believe how long it has taken to for me to get to this realization, but I am glad I am finally here, and glad you are too. > > I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. > Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. > I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. > I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. > i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. > Thanks. > Pandey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 27, 2011 Report Share Posted July 27, 2011 " Unsafe to trust with my emotional life " ~~~ I just put that wonderful sentence up on the whiteboard in my living room. Interesting, that after almost two months of extricating myself from my mother and the narcissist..what has helped the most to STAY AWAY, function, and thrive (mostly) has been discovering these support groups. I had burned out a few people with my neediness and desperation. Reading and posting with people who " get it " is enabling me to contain the madness so I can take care of my everyday business/relationships and get back to the issues without it being at someone or something's expense. > > > > I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. > > Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. > > I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. > > I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. > > i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. > > Thanks. > > Pandey > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 isn't that absolutely brilliant? when he said that it was like the clouds parted and the sun shone through...I have never heard it put more succinctly before and it was a big 'aha' moment. it is kind of the summation of 'medium chilll' that has been posted here a couple times...between those two I am feeling lately like someone has just realized I never got life's original playbook and they just decided to hand it to me in the last month or so, at 42. It's like 'oh, that's what I am doing wrong with nada and fada, I am entrusting them with my emotional life'. Good grief, it's so simple, how did I not isolate that before. I know that is why i am drawn to that show, like a train wreck, because the intensity of emotions like rage and fury and seething resentment is something I am so familiar with although for a lot of people it's like aliens but for a KO it is so much like the family that I grew up in even though my family were not hoarders, the whole family dancing around this person who insists on being blind to the craziness piled up around her is just soooooooooo familiar to me. > > > > > > I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. > > > Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. > > > I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. > > > I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. > > > i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. > > > Thanks. > > > Pandey > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 My mother is a BPD, my father an NPD who is married to another BPD (not as severe as my mother was, but a lot more hateful towards me). I'm also married to the military (husband is military). I do have to say that it is a bonus to be on the other side of the country from the crazy. I'm no contact with my mother, and recently went " limited contact " with my father. His lovely wife decided to go batshit crazy on me, and he doesn't seem to understand why I want no part of her, or her life. He chose her over me when I was 12 (after my mother tried to kill me), and now he's reaping what he has sown. He was quite put out when he contacted me to inform me that he and his wife would be staying with us in september for a week and I said " NO " . He said that he understood while talking on the phone, but I know the way his brain works. By now, I've been made into the evil villian plotting to keep him way from his grandchildren. NOT as the mother protecting her children from an abuser (the stepmonster). They will be staying with friends about an hour away. Works for me. No way in hell will I allow her in my home again. He made his choice, I made mine. > > I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. > Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. > I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. > I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. > i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. > Thanks. > Pandey > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 28, 2011 Report Share Posted July 28, 2011 Good for you for having the strength to take a stand! He just wanted to save money on a hotel. Screw that! My home is my safe zone, for and toxic parents are not allowed! > > > > I'm the adult daughter of a BPD mother and narcissists run rampant in my family of origin.. I'm the exiled one..of four children.. > > Gotten my but kicked by a narcissist recently, but now that I've looked it up, I'm handling things better.. > > I've been reading up and so grateful to have found these support groups. I want better for myself my husband and two teenagers. I just hope I'm not too late to not have damaged my children. > > I'm part of a military family far away from familiar surroundings and people, which probably has been a blessing. > > i look forward to getting to know others in the same boat, so to speak. > > Thanks. > > Pandey > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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