Re: Want a Christian perspective on boundary involving ch...

July 26, 2011

I started my journey as a Christian 7 yrs. ago. Have taken some classes

at my church and have some kind friends at church that have been aware for

years about my nada & fada........they came from similar homes themselves so

they were able to guide me thru how to handle situations such as yours.

First of all I would tell her honestly " Mom, I love you. I need to tell

you that when you are negative or judgmental towards me or anyone else, it

hurts me and should you speak that way, I will remove myself from whatever

situation where it occurs. " I would also remind her of Mathew 5:9, Mathew

5:16. Also, Mathew 12:36 which says " But I say to you that for every idle

word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment " .

Also, the book of Proverbs encourages us to speak less rather than risk

saying something offensive (Proverbs 17:28) 1:19 cautioned believers to

be " swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath "

Christians are encouraged to speak only words that uplift and bring grace

to others (Eph.4:29). Ask your mother to evaluate whether her words build

up others or whether they destroy and hurt others.

Also, in the 10 Commandments, " Thou shalt not kill " also includes 'the

tongue', because you can kill others with your words.

Laurie

In a message dated 7/26/2011 10:00:45 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,

trhthaga@... writes:

I have known my mother had BPD for years, but didn't really understand it

until last week when I read Stop Walking on Eggshells. Now I understand it

is not my responsibility to protect my mother from herself or to try to make

her be happy. I'm ready to stop trying to take care of her and it all

makes sense, BUT there is one boundary I would REALLY like to set but am not

sure about. I REALLY need to attend my own church. My mother recently moved

to live near me (we were in different states) and, despite my brother's

explicit advice and my hinting, she immediately started attending my church.

She is so negative and critical at church that I hate being there. She is

also so clingy that I feel like I am trying to take care of not only my 3 and

5 yr. old throughout the service, but also my mother. It's bad enough that

my husband is disabled and can't attend with us very often. It's worse now

that I feel overwhelmed by mother's presence. We recently started attending

a dif ferent church and, of course, she went right with us. BUT, she only

attended for about a month and then she left the state for several months

and is returning today. She also has moved to a new house that is further

away from this new church and much closer to other churches. This is the

perfect opportunity to say, hey, mom, I think it would be best if we went to

different churches. BUT, I really think if she doesn't go to church with me

she won't go at all and that the suggestion of it might really shake her

faith. I understand that I am not responsible for her, but isn't a little

different when dealing with someone's salvation? (I mean, this could actually

make her turn her back on God, but then again, I have lost track of how many

times she has turned her back on God.) Any suggestions? Support? Am I

doing the wrong thing?

July 26, 2011

Hi, just found some more info for you. Mathew 7:1... " Judge not, that ye

be not judged.

Also, have you ever read " Boundaries " by Drs. Cloud & Townsend? Found

this for you " We can't manipulate people into swallowing our boundaries by

sugarcoating them. ...Those who can't respect our boundaries are telling us

that they don't love our no. They only love our yes, our compliance.

Setting limits has to do with telling the truth. The Bible clearly

distinguishes between those who love the truth and those who don't.

Hope this helps. I've been in your shoes. It's difficult, I know. But

you can do it! Your mothers' critical behavior is just that, hers.....not

yours to encourage.

Laurie

In a message dated 7/26/2011 10:00:51 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time,