Fw: Twitter me not . . . .

[Guest guest]

FOR A GOOD LAUGH......This is for the over 50 generation:I thought about the 30-year business I ran with 1800 employees, allwithout a Blackberry that played music, took videos, pictures andcommunicated with Facebook and Twitter.I signed up under duress for Twitter and Facebook, so my seven kids,their spouses, 13 grandkids and 2 great grand kids could communicatewith me in the modern way. I figured I could handle something assimple as Twitter with only 140 characters of space.That was before one of my grandkids hooked me up for Tweeter,Tweetree, Twhirl, Twitterfon, Tweetie and Twittererific Tweetdeck,Twitpix and something that sends every message to my cell phone andevery other program within the texting world.My phone was beeping every three minutes with the details ofeverything except the bowel movements of the entire next generation. Iam not ready to live like this. I keep my cell phone in the garage inmy golf bag.The kids bought me a GPS for my last birthday because they say I getlost every now and then going over to the grocery store or library. Ikeep that in a box under my tool bench with the Blue tooth [it's red]phone I am supposed to use when I drive. I wore it once and wasstanding in line at and Noble talking to my wife as everyonein the nearest 50 yards was glaring at me. Seems I have to take myhearing aid out to use it, and I got a little loud.I mean the GPS looked pretty smart on my dash board, but the ladyinside was the most annoying, rudest person I had run into in a longtime. Every 10 minutes, she would sarcastically say,"Re-calc-ul-ating". You would think that she could be nicer. It waslike she could barely tolerate me. She would let go with a deep sighand then tell me to make a U-turn at the next light. Then when Iwould make a right turn instead, it was not good.When I get really lost now, I call my wife and tell her the name ofthe cross streets and while she is starting to develop the same toneas Gypsy, the GPS lady, at least she loves me.To be perfectly frank, I am still trying to learn how to use thecordless phones in our house. We have had them for 4 years, but Istill haven't figured out how I can lose three phones all at once andhave run around digging under chair cushions and checking bathroomsand the dirty laundry baskets when the phone rings.The world is just getting too complex for me. They even mess me upevery time I go to the grocery store. You would think they couldsettle on something themselves but this sudden "Paper or Plastic?"every time I check out just knocks me for a loop. I bought some ofthose cloth reusable bags to avoid looking confused, but I neverremember to take them in with me.Now I toss it back to them. When they ask me, "Paper or Plastic?" Ijust say, "Doesn't matter to me. I am bi-sacksual." Then it's theirturn to stare at me with a blank look.I was recently asked if I tweet. I answered, No, but I do toot a lot."ps: I know some of you are not over 50; I sent it to you to allowyou to forward it to those who are.