The odds..

[Guest guest]

So, for the past few days I've been a little depressed. My step-sister asked me

to go to the mall with her. I didn't really feel like going, but I didn't want

to say no either. Anyway, I ended up going to the mall with her and guess what

happens...I ran into my nada..I've been avoiding her for the past week just

trying to figure out what i'm going to do, and then all the sudden she's right

in front of me. I couldn't pretend I didn't see her. Our eyes had already met

and she was already heading towards me. For a split second I thought " oh, this

won't be too bad. we're in public. she'll be fine. " But I knew better. The first

thing she did was start screaming about why I hadn't answered her calls. Here we

were in the middle of the food court and she was making a scene. I looked at my

step-sister and I could tell she was super embarrassed. I didn't know what to do

or say. I tried to calm my nada down, but that only made her worse. I told my

step sister to

go ahead and that I would catch up with her soon. Then my nada and I sat at a

table while she continued to say hateful things about me and what kind of person

I am. All of the sudden her new husband comes up and she stops talking and

smiles. He asked if she was ready to go and she got up, gave me the worst look,

and just walked off. I was completely embarrassed. The people around me had

heard everything she had said about me. All I could do was act like nothing had

happened when really I just wanted to break down right there. How could she be

so angry with me and then walk away without saying a word. If I was depressed

before it's worse now. I don't even want to leave the couch. Advice?

[Guest guest]

, do you have to depend on her for income or any other official means of

support? If not - then you have absolutely no reason to EVER put up with this

behavior again. Meeting her in public is the best scenario - you just get your

purse and packages, turn around, and walk away. The louder she screams, the

easier it is for everybody else in the mall to be convinced that she's crazy.

Don't get in " private spaces " with her - like a car, her house, YOUR house,

small booths in restaurants, etc. Always be in full view of the public, just as

if you 'had' to meet an axe murderer for some reason.

If you're having to depend on her for income or support of some kind, this is

going to be harder - it sounds like you're emancipated, but I don't know how

you're paying for college, and it's crucial that you keep that plan in place.

You must not allow her to derail your future (and she will almost certainly try.

It's what they DO.) How soon do you leave for school, and how far away will you

be?

>

> So, for the past few days I've been a little depressed. My step-sister asked

me to go to the mall with her. I didn't really feel like going, but I didn't

want to say no either. Anyway, I ended up going to the mall with her and guess

what happens...I ran into my nada..I've been avoiding her for the past week just

trying to figure out what i'm going to do, and then all the sudden she's right

in front of me. I couldn't pretend I didn't see her. Our eyes had already met

and she was already heading towards me. For a split second I thought " oh, this

won't be too bad. we're in public. she'll be fine. " But I knew better. The first

thing she did was start screaming about why I hadn't answered her calls. Here we

were in the middle of the food court and she was making a scene. I looked at my

step-sister and I could tell she was super embarrassed. I didn't know what to do

or say. I tried to calm my nada down, but that only made her worse. I told my

step sister to

> go ahead and that I would catch up with her soon. Then my nada and I sat at a

table while she continued to say hateful things about me and what kind of person

I am. All of the sudden her new husband comes up and she stops talking and

smiles. He asked if she was ready to go and she got up, gave me the worst look,

and just walked off. I was completely embarrassed. The people around me had

heard everything she had said about me. All I could do was act like nothing had

happened when really I just wanted to break down right there. How could she be

so angry with me and then walk away without saying a word. If I was depressed

before it's worse now. I don't even want to leave the couch. Advice?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I don't depend on her financially. I got a scholarship for college, so that's

how I'm going to be able to go. However, I don't move until August 26th. & I'll

be about an hour and a half away. I just can't believe she would do that in

public. She's always just acted like then when we were alone. I'm afraid she's

getting worse; if that's even possible?

[Guest guest]

,

Congrats on your impending escape and even more on the scholarship! Mine was

only like 2 years ago so I know how weird nadas can get when a KO leaves for

college. Thank heavens you don't depend on her financially. One less thing she

can hang over your head.

My nada got a LOT worse the year before I left and when completely ape-sh*t the

summer before I left. She calmed down a bit for like a month and then picked up

where she left off. It was like she just jumped the tracks and kept on going.

She'd always have periods where she would be really TRULY insane, but usually

she'd pick up the pieces after a little while and be semi-normal for a bit.

Leaving home will give you the freedom to control the contact you have with your

nada. Like what said, stay away from private places. Public ones are best,

but I guess your nada isn't even afraid of those! How crazy do they get?!? I'm

angry even thinking about her treating you like that. In those situations, I've

found the only thing I can do is walk away. It's a damned if i do/damned if I

don't situation. If I tried to calm her down or talk rationally she would get

even angrier. If I fought back, the situation escalated. The only thing I could

do was keep quiet and learn how to get myself out. Find a way out. You don't

even have to bother with excuses. She has no right to be cruel and vindictive,

and you have the right to protect yourself and leave.

It's really scary going out on your own into a brave new world without normal

parental support. Do you have people in your corner that are going to support

you into the transition? By the sound of it, you're definitely suffering with

respect to the nada stuff. I really feel for you. I was in a lot of pain when I

started college with all the nada stuff (I found out she had BPD during my

senior year) and I hate to think of other people in a similar place. Things get

better. I may still be in a lot of pain, but looking back, freeing myself from

nada was the first step in battling the intense depression, self-loathing and

anxiety I've been facing for a long time.

We're all here for you and we're rooting for you. It's going to be a lot of

work, but you're a survivor and will thrive.

Clefairy

P.S. What are you planning on studying?

>

> I don't depend on her financially. I got a scholarship for college, so that's

how I'm going to be able to go. However, I don't move until August 26th. & I'll

be about an hour and a half away. I just can't believe she would do that in

public. She's always just acted like then when we were alone. I'm afraid she's

getting worse; if that's even possible?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose to

live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've recently

started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. In the

beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my past

things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even been

able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I plan

on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

[Guest guest]

((((()))))

Ambushes are the worst. How horrible for you. I react badly to being ambushed

(migraine, nausea, vomiting) so, its understandable to me that you would feel

both physically and emotionally devastated after such a gut-wrenching event.

It seems to me that it was a deliberate attempt to " pay you back " : to shame you

and embarrass you for giving nada a " narcissistic injury. " (When you are not

obedient or do not grovel for her forgiveness, you are cutting off her supply of

narcissistic feed.)

What she did to you was not in any way an effort at reconciliation; it was

simply an attack. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.

I would not be in any hurry to contact nada, myself, if mine had done that to

me. But you must do what feels right or tolerable to you.

You, in my opinion, have done nothing to apologize for, so to me the ball is in

nada's court and its up to her to apologize to you if there is to be any

possibility of reconciliation. To me, personally, that kind of ambush-attack

would be a deal-breaker.

-Annie

>

> So, for the past few days I've been a little depressed. My step-sister asked

me to go to the mall with her. I didn't really feel like going, but I didn't

want to say no either. Anyway, I ended up going to the mall with her and guess

what happens...I ran into my nada..I've been avoiding her for the past week just

trying to figure out what i'm going to do, and then all the sudden she's right

in front of me. I couldn't pretend I didn't see her. Our eyes had already met

and she was already heading towards me. For a split second I thought " oh, this

won't be too bad. we're in public. she'll be fine. " But I knew better. The first

thing she did was start screaming about why I hadn't answered her calls. Here we

were in the middle of the food court and she was making a scene. I looked at my

step-sister and I could tell she was super embarrassed. I didn't know what to do

or say. I tried to calm my nada down, but that only made her worse. I told my

step sister to

> go ahead and that I would catch up with her soon. Then my nada and I sat at a

table while she continued to say hateful things about me and what kind of person

I am. All of the sudden her new husband comes up and she stops talking and

smiles. He asked if she was ready to go and she got up, gave me the worst look,

and just walked off. I was completely embarrassed. The people around me had

heard everything she had said about me. All I could do was act like nothing had

happened when really I just wanted to break down right there. How could she be

so angry with me and then walk away without saying a word. If I was depressed

before it's worse now. I don't even want to leave the couch. Advice?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, in my own personal experience, it is possible for someone with bpd to get

worse and lose more control over her negative, hostile, paranoid, delusional,

irrationally angry behaviors as she gets older, instead of getting better.

I've also heard of the bpd's negative, acting-out behaviors escalating when a

big change is coming (such as the adult child leaving home to go to college):

it triggers even stronger reactions in nada. Its about nada's abandonment

issues.

But gee, nothing says " I love you " and " let's make up " like public humiliation.

Yeah, right. " The beatings will continue until morale improves. "

Maybe if you can focus on being in " countdown mode " to exiting, that will help

you get through the next few weeks. Consider spending as little time in your

nada's home as possible; basically, you're just there to sleep. If there is

any possibility of just crashing at your dad's house for a few weeks or on one

or two friend's sofas for a week at a time, maybe that is an option.

Sometimes all you can do is just grit your teeth and just endure the untenable

situation until its over.

-Annie

>

> I don't depend on her financially. I got a scholarship for college, so that's

how I'm going to be able to go. However, I don't move until August 26th. & I'll

be about an hour and a half away. I just can't believe she would do that in

public. She's always just acted like then when we were alone. I'm afraid she's

getting worse; if that's even possible?

>

>

[Guest guest]

she's probably emboldened by the boyfriend and convinced him she's some kind of

victim.

Honey, the reason she's getting worse is because you are about to leave. It

doesn't make any sense but that is what's happening, bpd see their children's

pursuit of individuality as a personal rejection and that is when they are most

likely to last out. I am so sorry this happened, you do NOT deserve to be

treated this way. My mother did this kind of thing to me in the food court of a

mall one time, she really went outer limits when I started into my mid-teens for

whatever reason. She did not yell but she hatefully and loudly lectured me for

about a half an hour and there was a woman several tables away who kept smiling

at me compassionately the whole time and I have never forgotten that.

Your mother is mentally ill and I hope you will keep coming back here for

validation and also in life surround yourself with people who know this and

understand it that you can lean on for support. Congratulations on your success

at getting a scholarship, that is amazing. Don't let anything derail you from

your dreams, just continue to reach out for validation because she might go off

the rails several times before you leave. Many hugs.

>

> I don't depend on her financially. I got a scholarship for college, so that's

how I'm going to be able to go. However, I don't move until August 26th. & I'll

be about an hour and a half away. I just can't believe she would do that in

public. She's always just acted like then when we were alone. I'm afraid she's

getting worse; if that's even possible?

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ugh, Alison, how awful. Usually nadas behave out in the open!

You don't have to answer her calls, or run to her beck and call.

Could you send her a letter explaining why you haven't called, OR just saying

stop calling me I will not be picking up, whatever you feel comfortable saying?

Of course, you don't have to communicate at all. She won't understand anyway!!

I don't know if you're in therapy (not that I'm saying you need to be), but I

have found it extremely helpful to talk to my therapist or counselor to get

feedback. I love the feeling afterwards that " I have been heard. " For me, that

was my greatest grief and rage all of my life: not being listened to, not being

asked what I thought, not being heard.

Also, Alison, " they " say depression is anger that has not been expressed. There

have been a few messages floating around on the board about how so many of us

have just not been " allowed " to be angry or express ourselves. Maybe you could

keep a journal where you could let out all the anger and hurt you haven't been

able to say to your mother (because she won't hear it)?

Hugs, we're here for you!

Fiona

>

> So, for the past few days I've been a little depressed. My step-sister asked

me to go to the mall with her. I didn't really feel like going, but I didn't

want to say no either. Anyway, I ended up going to the mall with her and guess

what happens...I ran into my nada..I've been avoiding her for the past week just

trying to figure out what i'm going to do, and then all the sudden she's right

in front of me. I couldn't pretend I didn't see her. Our eyes had already met

and she was already heading towards me. For a split second I thought " oh, this

won't be too bad. we're in public. she'll be fine. " But I knew better. The first

thing she did was start screaming about why I hadn't answered her calls. Here we

were in the middle of the food court and she was making a scene. I looked at my

step-sister and I could tell she was super embarrassed. I didn't know what to do

or say. I tried to calm my nada down, but that only made her worse. I told my

step sister to

> go ahead and that I would catch up with her soon. Then my nada and I sat at a

table while she continued to say hateful things about me and what kind of person

I am. All of the sudden her new husband comes up and she stops talking and

smiles. He asked if she was ready to go and she got up, gave me the worst look,

and just walked off. I was completely embarrassed. The people around me had

heard everything she had said about me. All I could do was act like nothing had

happened when really I just wanted to break down right there. How could she be

so angry with me and then walk away without saying a word. If I was depressed

before it's worse now. I don't even want to leave the couch. Advice?

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ugh, Alison, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were in college. My mother was

just like yours when I lived away at college. I think she was also menopausal,

which made her even more witchy.

She would expect a call from me once in the morning and once at night. I

wondered why my roommates didn't have to do that. I also wondered why I was the

only one who had to go home every, single weekend. I think my mother was more

obsessed with sex than she assumed I was; she figured I was going to have orgies

as soon as the clock struck midnight on Friday night!

Maybe you could give her what she wants, but in a way that suits YOUR schedule.

" Mom, I love you and just have a full academic plate. Talking to you is

important to me, so can we talk once a week, on Friday mornings? That way we can

catch up. " At least that way, you can keep her at bay the rest of the week,

perhaps?

I would also recommend reading up on boundaries (you may have already read

Boundaries by cloud/townsend; I'm currently reading " The Mom Factor " by the same

authors; it's very good) so you can avoid getting caught up in her emotional

whirlpool and still have a life.

It's good to read up on those b/c as you get older, (hate to be an Eeyore but

here goes) she's going to get worse. When you leave home. When you get married.

Etc. Sigh. Best wishes!

Fiona

>

> Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose to

live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've recently

started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. In the

beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my past

things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even been

able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

>  

> And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow, I cried while reading all of the feedback from you guys. It's very

overwhelming to have people actually understand and care about what i'm dealing

with. and I LOVE it! It feels so good to have support and I just want you guys

to know that I appreciate it VERY much! I'm going to try to set boundaries with

her, but i'm thinking i'll start small and try to ease her into it?

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Wednesday, July 27, 2011 7:48 AM

Subject: Re: The odds..

 

Ugh, Alison, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were in college. My mother was just

like yours when I lived away at college. I think she was also menopausal, which

made her even more witchy.

She would expect a call from me once in the morning and once at night. I

wondered why my roommates didn't have to do that. I also wondered why I was the

only one who had to go home every, single weekend. I think my mother was more

obsessed with sex than she assumed I was; she figured I was going to have orgies

as soon as the clock struck midnight on Friday night!

Maybe you could give her what she wants, but in a way that suits YOUR schedule.

" Mom, I love you and just have a full academic plate. Talking to you is

important to me, so can we talk once a week, on Friday mornings? That way we can

catch up. " At least that way, you can keep her at bay the rest of the week,

perhaps?

I would also recommend reading up on boundaries (you may have already read

Boundaries by cloud/townsend; I'm currently reading " The Mom Factor " by the same

authors; it's very good) so you can avoid getting caught up in her emotional

whirlpool and still have a life.

It's good to read up on those b/c as you get older, (hate to be an Eeyore but

here goes) she's going to get worse. When you leave home. When you get married.

Etc. Sigh. Best wishes!

Fiona

>

> Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose to

live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've recently

started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. In the

beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my past

things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even been

able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

>  

> And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

That sounds like a good way to start. Pick some behavior of your mother's that

feels intrusive or inappropriate or hurtful to you, and start there. Keep in

mind that you don't have to explain it to her or get her to understand your

reasons or get her to buy into it/agree to it. If she could understand why

you're setting the boundary, you wouldn't need to do it in the first place.

So, let's say your mother calls you a bad name. When she does that, you say

something like, " I'm not going to listen to you when you call me bad names, mom.

Can we have this discussion without you calling me bad names? " Then if she

continues/escalates, you either leave the room or hang up.

And you have to be consistent and not cave in and apologize if she pitches a

tantrum or escalates her verbal abuse. You can say something like, " We can

talk again later when you're feeling calmer, but I won't stay and/or listen to

you when you talk to me like that. I'm going to hang up/leave now. "

If you haven't already, I suggest reading (or re-reading) Stop Walking On

Eggshells, or Understanding The Borderline Mother, or Surviving A Borderline

Parent, or Boundaries to give you more ideas about how to establish boundaries

with your bpd mom.

This is NOT easy.

Be prepared for her to fight you (emotionally) and try every tactic she knows to

re-establish her control over you. She will probably use Fear, Obligation, and

Guilt on you (FOG). But its worth it in the long run to learn how to set

boundaries with your bpd mom now, and establish your adult emotional autonomy

now; it will have long-term benefits for your own mental health, and your

ability to have a joyful, independent adult life.

-Annie

> >

> > Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose

to live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've

recently started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done.

In the beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my

past things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even

been able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

> >  

> > And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Good for you for getting into therapy. You're still in the midst of a battle

with nada, I'm glad you are getting that support, validation and a chance for

introspection. It's tough and it takes a while to get into the heavy stuff when

you're still dealing with the infringements of your boundaries and other crazy

nada stuff on the daily.

Nursing sounds wonderful. It will give you a chance to nurture others and

yourself and let your caring, wonderful person shine through.

Hugs!

>

> Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose to

live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've recently

started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. In the

beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my past

things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even been

able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

>  

> And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

- Annie is SO right - you can pick one behavior and try to establish

boundaries there, and see how much she fights back. An important point to keep

in mind - YOU can decide to interact with her in this way if YOU choose to do

so. You're fairly new to being an adult, so it's understandable that you might

think you have to let her guide and control the way you interact with her. If

she weren't mentally ill, that would make sense - you'd defer to a loving, sane

parent who has always shown that she has your best interest at heart. That

isn't the case here - so you have to move into the adult role sooner and start

deciding just how much interaction you can tolerate, and feel not one whit of

guilt that you're changing the dynamics in the relationship. After all, it

hasn't worked that well up to this point, has it?

The other people who have posted are also right - your mom is going to get worse

before this gets better. Notice I didn't say that she will get worse before SHE

gets better. She might or might not change her behavior toward you. That is

not a variable you can control. Sadly, most of us here have not had a lot of

luck with changing our BPD parents' behaviors. What we CAN change is the way WE

behave, and the tapes we play in our heads - we can switch out the negative

litany our Nadas and Fadas put there, and figure out a new reality for

ourselves.

As Annie said, it's not easy. It's hard work, but it won't get any easier if

you wait. You're at a natural breaking point right now - it's normal for you to

move into a freer, more self-determined role when you leave for college. Seek

counseling at school. Stay in therapy if you can. Let your step-sister know

that if you EVER run into Nada again when you're together, she is not to leave

your side (safety in numbers!). Don't meet your mother without reinforcements to

guarantee her good behavior. Don't let the car get blocked in the driveway when

you're at family gatherings. Never, ever agree to ride with your mother or let

her ride with you (they tend to use the car as a sounding booth for their

tirades). Take command of your own security so that she can't back you into a

corner, ever again.

Being in school, especially in a demanding major like Nursing, means you will

have a perfect excuse not to go home for the weekend, or spend days at a time

with her over semester break. Gotta study! (and then you need to really study,

says this Mom. Eyes on the prize!)

The longer you're away from home, the easier it's going to get. But right now

let's focus on getting you through the next four weeks. Who pays your cellphone

bill? (don't tell me, it's a rhetorical question) - if it's not your mother,

then you don't have to answer when she calls. If you don't have time to call

her every day, then don't. Have a friend or sympathetic relative listen to the

messages for you and tell you whether there's really anything you need to know

(actual content vs. a tirade). Ditto with the texts. If it really gets out of

hand, change your number or - good idea from another poster here - get a cheap

throwaway cell phone and tell her you've changed your number to that one. Then

only answer it or check messages when you are ready to do so.

Focus on your safety and security, just as you will have to do when you're

living at school. Get used to being aware of who's in the parking lot when you

walk to your car. Don't just answer the door if you're home alone, and don't

automatically think you must let your mother in if she comes over. Have an ally

with you if you have to spend time with her. Get your dorm stuff together, make

sure your tuition, fees, books, and paperwork are all set (so you don't have to

go to her for last-minute emergency aid) and try to spend time with the people

you need to see before you leave town - rather than dwelling on how upset your

mother is going to be.

Yes, she is losing her grip on you, so she's losing her grip on her behavior

right now. Yes, she's going to miss you. All of us who are sending kids off to

school, or the military, or adult life - we're all going to miss our kids. But

we don't make their lives miserable because of it. , you are entitled to

begin your adult life free of your mother's illness. Let us know how it's going.

We're here all the time!

> > >

> > > Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose

to live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've

recently started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done.

In the beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my

past things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even

been able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

> > >  

> > > And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

She IS trying to break you down. I wish we could come over there and form a

human chain around you until you leave for college. I hope you can surround

yourself with lots of support in real life, that is essential so that you can

have other people's strength to draw from. It's amazing that you are going into

nursing for special needs children, it takes a big heart to do so. I hope it

gets better and she cools off, it might help to find some things to do to

alleviate anger like doing kick-boxing at the gym or going to the batting cage

and pretending the baseball is her. You aren't dealing with a rational adult but

a child (her) who thinks their parent (you) is about to leave them which for a

child spells death, so you have some extremely powerful and frightening

dysfunction coming at you right now, the human survival instinct, there really

isn't much out there stronger than that which is why it feels overwhelming. I am

so sorry you have to be tortured like this, I have been there and I remember the

awful feelings and it is absolute torture, I remember the pain i used to be in

at at that age, there was absolutely no way for me to win no matter what I did.

You will continue to need A LOT of support around you because college is hard

for kids with supportive parents but for kids with none it's even harder, and

nursing school in itself is hard as all get out. It's important to remember that

you are one of your patients and you need to give yourself the best care in

terms of surrounding yourself with loving and supportive people, that is just as

essential as brushing your teeth and washing your face. I have taken 4 decades

to learn that that is a human need, for validation and support, I hope you will

keep coming back and posting when you need to. Hugs.

>

> Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose to

live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've recently

started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done. In the

beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my past

things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even been

able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

>  

> And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

>

>

[Guest guest]

" i'll start small and try to ease her into it? "

My suggestion is to do whatever you feel comfortable enough with that will allow

you to enjoy your college life and focus on your studies. The nursing program is

tough; you don't need more stress.

So anything that brings her overbearingness down is good!

> >

> > Yeah, it really seems to have gotten worse since I chose a college & chose

to live on campus. It's like everyday she's trying to break me down. I've

recently started therapy, and it is the absolute hardest thing i've ever done.

In the beginning, I decided to go to therapy because I wanted to work through my

past things so that I could start fresh on this new journey. But I haven't even

been able to do anything but talk about the new things she's doing because she

honestly calls atleast 10 times a day. And if I don't answer she'll leave a

message every time and send excessive text messages. I love her so much. I

really do, but I can't keep going through this with her. I'm excited to figure

out who I am without her while I'm gone to school, but i'm also terrified of

what's going to happen when I leave. It's just so so complicated

> >  

> > And thank you so much for all of the support. This really helps! Oh, and I

plan on majoring in nursing. I want to be a nurse for special needs children.

> >

> >