Guest guest Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 I'm so sorry you are going through this battering of FOG: Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These guilty feelings are completely undeserved, inappropriate and misplaced. You have done nothing to feel guilty about! Do you have access to a therapist for help in learning how to effectively handle this smothering level of intrusive, demanding, controlling behavior from your bpd parent(s) and NOT FEEL GUILTY for doing so? Could your spouse, or SO, or a friend or trusted relative read the texts for you, and let you know if there is anything that actually requires a response? It seems that your parent(s) have brainwashed you into feeling extremely responsible for their feelings. The level of your reaction (panic attacks) would seem (to me, anyway) to indicate that they've probably used chronic, frequent, and intense conditioning tactics on you, probably from toddlerhood on. They've made you believe that its your job to cater to them and nurture them as though they are helpless infants and you are their parent, using Fear, Obligation and Guilt on you, or, possibly, they've trained you to fear their anger and obey them as though you are their slave, or risk unendurable punishment by threatening or inflicting Rage, Retaliation and Rejection. Neither of those scenarios (you as your parents' parent, you as your parents' possession/slave) are normal or OK and neither way of treating you constitutes actual loving concern for you; both scenarios are actually highly abusive and incredibly callous and unempathetic to your needs and feelings: aka highly narcissistic (in my opinion.) I truly hope that if you do not currently have a therapist, that you will consider seeking one out for some help breaking free of the FOG that is (probably) binding you to feeling that you are not allowed to (or don't deserve to) have any boundaries, and instead that you " have to " submit to being treated so abusively. We're here to offer you encouragement and emotional support. -Annie > > The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 4, 2012 Report Share Posted March 4, 2012 I discovered that my phone has a caller reject list, it is an LG slide. I programmed a list of callers that will go IMMEDIATELY to voicemail. My nada doesn't know how to text, so I am not sure if I could block that as well, because I've never needed to. I would check my phone and see. I do still get her voicemail messages, but if I put her on the list, my phone only puts the little symbol up that says I have a VM but I do NOT get a missed call alert or even a VM alert. some phone companies will even allow you to make a list of callers that will auto reject with no option to leave a message, however nadas can get around that by using someone elses phone if the suspect that is the case. I understand tho. I told my nada I had a very busy week coming up and that I wouldn't be calling for a while and naturally, she calls leaving me messages every damn day that week asking me questions wanting answers to stuff that I had already TOLD HER! I stuck to my original plan and didn't contact her until the week was over tho. She must have gotten the message, because I don't think she called me at all last week!. C > > The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 (((newlife))) I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know how you feel. It's a torment. Can you change your phone # or hand your phone to someone else so you can get a break? I don't know your situation, so I don't know if it will even help to tell nada she can call/text you on this day of the week, b/c then you will have time to listen/answer her. You just won't be able to the rest of the week...? We're here for you. > > The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Thanks all. Unfortunately fada still pays my cell phone bill (the only thing he pays for me still). I know that I could pay it on my own...I'd just about make it financially if I did, and I think that would make everything easier since I then have the excuse of getting a plan with fewer texts and minutes. He just would freak out if I even brought up the idea of paying it on my own. Weird, right? It makes him upset that I want to save him some money and figure stuff out ON MY OWN as an ADULT. So, I'm going to slowly introduce that one to him.... I am seeing a therapist, but it's only recent so she is still getting to know my story. It's nice to have a human to vent to though. It's also awesome to have this group - - as shattered as our lives were/are from having bpd parents, there's an unending amount of support that comes out of the mess. Thanks : ) > > > > The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 5, 2012 Report Share Posted March 5, 2012 Hi Newlife, I almost couldn't believe it when I logged on tonight and saw your post. What prompted me to visit the group tonight was a text from my nada in which she was baiting me to start a 'dance' with her. She and I were in a major conflict since October and finally got back to a good place in the past two weeks. My fiance warned me and I pseudo-warned myself not to get too comfortable with it because he and I know better to think that she would change (thanks to 30 years of experience). But wouldn't you know, as soon as the text came in and I read those words of criticism, blame, etc., I felt the panic welling in my chest. As I type, I feel it radiating down my arms and into my fingers. I HATE this feeling and at times I HATE her for doing this. At the same time, I have to remind myself that as an adult, it is now my responsibility to take care of myself in a healthy way and to set the boundaries I need to keep from being hurt by her ups and downs. I agree with everyone that therapy will be extremely helpful. I started five years ago and it really is a life saver. It took me time to get to the place that I was able to look at the damage that had been caused over all these years but I'm getting there. Otherwise, I do my best to keep my phone away from me whenever possible (she lives across the country so calls and texts are our only form of communication). I keep it at the front door when I get home at night (silly me for keeping it on the couch tonight. I have no clue how that happened...argh!!!) and I shut it off every night before bed so it doesn't disturb my already nightmare-ridden sleep. I get what you are saying though about the bizarre need to check it. I'm still working on that one and will let you know if I have any major insights! In the mean time, I am going to keep telling myself that I have the right to believe in my reality even if it differs from hers and that I have the right to set the boundaries I need to take care of myself. This might not apply to your situation but this is something that has been extremely helpful for me during this difficult time so I'll pass it along anyway. Also, if you haven't already- buy " Stop Walking on Eggshells " and another book that was recommended by one of the wonderful members of this group- I think its called " Surviving a Borderline Parent. " Its what I am beginning now. Good luck to you and take good care. > > > > The calls and texts just keep coming in, nothing I do can stop them and I am literally falling into panic attacks by not looking at/turning off my phone. I need to constantly watch it for some unknown reason. I feel like I'm going crazy. It feels like this is never going to end...and it's just going to get worse... > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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