Hello - I am new..

[Guest guest]

I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

E-

Thanks,

" To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group, .

I hope you will find as much emotional support and validation, and healing here

as I have. We're here to encourage you as you find out what will work best for

you. Its very individual. Some of us can manage having limited contact with

firm boundaries and consequences in place, and others of us need to go No

Contact either temporarily or permanently, in order to heal.

My suggestion for you is to read as much as you can about borderline pd, which

can help you to not feel as though any of her toxic, abusive behaviors are your

fault. I highly recommend " Understanding The Borderline Mother " , and others

here have recommended " Surviving A Borderline Parent. "

You have found a bunch of other people who truly " get it. " Some members here

are in a similar situation as yourself, acting as their nada's full time

care-giver. Its not a good space to be in, I know. I was there too, but I

could only barely tolerate being her full-time, live-in caregiver for a couple

of months + a couple of weeks, knowing that it was temporary.

My younger Sister was our nada's part-time care-giver for a decade, and it drove

my Sister into a scary, rather severe depression. Sister is much better now,

after therapy. And, our nada died just before this last Christmas, so my

Sister's ordeal is over.

Anyway, welcome to the Group.

-Annie

>

> I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

> that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

> mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

> alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

> drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

> I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

> friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

> back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

> E-

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> " To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

> plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I think it sounds very painful, I can't

imagine having to take care of my nada. She's better than she was when I was a

kid, but I still end up having lots and lots of conversations with my supportive

family trying to prevent her little barbs from sinking in and creating sadness

and anxiety in me. It's like a reality check, talking to normal people about the

crazy things she says or does. Because if I don't do that, then I tend to

believe her, which is where you end up sliding back into depression.

I think people should go NC or LC with someone who causes them to feel anxiety

and depression. If you have to be in contact with her, then you have to spend

just as much time taking care of yourself. Think of it as a scale, for every

minute with her you need to get two minutes talking to a sane person who will

balance you back into a sane world-view. That person might be a therapist, or

another family member, or a spouse or maybe just this group here. And I don't

mean small talk - I mean really talking about her behavior and your feelings.

My advice is to take this seriously, this is your own health and happiness on

the line. Don't destroy it for someone else.

Terri

>

> I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

> that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

> mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

> alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

> drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

> I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

> friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

> back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

> E-

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> " To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

> plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

,

My younger brother got sucked back in when nada's husband got sick and died,

cried about how there was no one there for her and that he was young and single

and that he should come help her and be there for her. He gave up seniority in

his company and cashed out his 401K with penalties and moved back to an area

that barely had any jobs BEFORE the recession. He did finally find a job again,

but not before nada started being abusive toward him like she had done when he

was young. Didn't beat on him like back then, but rages and nasty comments, yes.

Within a year, he went no contact with her and hasn't spoken to her since,

except when she shows up at his work about once a year. He is still terribly

unhappy and looking to move back out here closer to me.

Do yourself a favor, get out, and soon. IF you live with them, then find a job

and move out and get as far away as possible as soon as you can.

C

>

> I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

> that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

> mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

> alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

> drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

> I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

> friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

> back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

> E-

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> " To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

> plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

, find some place to go... a church, a volunteer group, check with your

local mental health agencies for some kind of support group,and if nothing

better comes up stay with the support group for children of alcoholics. Try to

get a part time job. Anything to get you out of that house. We had Fada with us

for 2yr and 8m he is 88 and having him here was a prison of torture and abuse. I

really feel for you. Thank God, I had a job and a reason to leave every day. We

finally put Fada in a nursing home and I am recovering slowly. Keep a journal

somewhere where stepdad and nada can't get to it. Buy " Stop Walking on Eggshells

and it's workbook they do help.

Good luck!

Kay

>

> I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

> that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

> mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

> alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

> drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

> I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

> friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

> back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

> E-

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> " To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

> plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Welcome, welcome. This group is the ideal place to find understanding. You won't

hear any of those comments about " but she's your mother! " as if that means we

have to adore and enjoy her. It's like hugging a dragon.

It was just a couple years ago that I realized that my nada (mom) was BPD. The

counselor recommending reading Stop Walking on Eggshells. It's an excellent book

for a general overview of BPD. It was hard to read but gave me hope and strength

and skills for dealing with her.

Lately I've fallen off the wagon so to speak in re to my nada. I thought I had

the boundaries up, my feelings under control but she managed to get under my

skin again. Now I'm back with the group and I'm reading " Understanding the

Borderline Mother. " This is very specific for those of us with moms like this.

It's hard to read; I'm doing it in bits. But it's incredibly helpful.

I hope you'll find encouragement here. And yes, we feel free to say the things

buried deep in our hearts. It's not always pretty but it's a safe place.

>

> I am eventgal, and don't even know where to begin. All I will say for now is

> that I am now in my 40s and was brought up by what I know now to be a BP

> mother. All my life I have been seeking help for adult children of

> alcoholics but somehow my situation never fit. Now I know she's BP and the

> drinking was only part of that. Sadly, she got sick a almost a year ago and

> I moved 3 states to her side at the request of my stepdad. Now I am here, no

> friends, no life and being abused as I was as a child (and sadly sinking

> back to my anxiety and helplessness that I had then. How far we can slide...

> E-

>

>

>

>

>

> Thanks,

>

>

>

>

>

> " To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only

> plan, but also believe. " -Anatole France

>

>

>

>