Re: Hi. It's good to be here. I think!

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group, presenting.

I found that it really did help me to discover that I wasn't the only one who

was having such a hard time having a relationship with my own mother, or " nada " .

That's good that you are reading and educating yourself about borderline pd,

that can really help take some of the " sting " out, to realize that its not you,

its that your mother actually does have a severe mental disorder, and that you

didn't not cause it and you can't cure it.

The kinds of abusive behaviors that we adult children of bpd parents are

subjected to vary, but two major sub-types of abusive behaviors are (a) bpd

parents that are too smotheringly enmeshed with and exploitative toward their

own child, and the opposite behavior, the one you are experiencing ( the bpd

parent(s) banish their child from the family as punishment for not being or

doing exactly what the bpd parent(s) want them to do.

Both the emotional (and even financial) vampirism, and the rejecting, banishing

behaviors are abusive, truly.

I'm sure that there are members here who have experienced " banishment " or No

Contact As Punishment also, and can share their experiences with you, whether

they've figured out a way to manage low contact with boundaries in place, or

whether they chose to accept No Contact and develop other close relationships.

We're here for you as you figure out your own path toward peace and healing.

-Annie

>

> Over a week ago my therapist suggested that my mum is very possibly BPD. I

knew nothing about BPD at that stage. I have read everything I can get my hands

on since then and instinctively know that it is the truth. I can identify with

so much of what is said. I am nearly fifty one years of age and only now am I

beginning to see the truth. I feel such a fool. All these years trying to make

something work which was never going to work. I feel totally confused. Trying so

hard to break free but finding it very difficult. So glad to find this support

group as I feel so alone and confused. My mother is once again not talking to

me which means that my father is also ignoring me and my brother is blaming me

for " escalating " things. I am so tired of all this and want to be free but not

sure how to go about it.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi & welcome!

I figured out the BPD part at age 46, just after a cross country trip with my

mother (aka 'the trip to hell'). My father is still in the picture, and I was

googling my father's wimpy behaviors/tolerances in his marriage and there it

was--a perfect portrait of my mother. Suddenly the decades of struggling to

please someone who is unable to be happy, normal, reliable, accountable or

consistent started to make sense. And for once I saw the difficulty in our

relationship was not my fault, & that nothing I could do was ever going to make

our relationship normal.

This information is life changing. Read all you can, journal and consider

searching out a good therapist to help you deal with all this new found

knowledge.

Again, welcome to our little oasis!

>

> Over a week ago my therapist suggested that my mum is very possibly BPD. I

knew nothing about BPD at that stage. I have read everything I can get my hands

on since then and instinctively know that it is the truth. I can identify with

so much of what is said. I am nearly fifty one years of age and only now am I

beginning to see the truth. I feel such a fool. All these years trying to make

something work which was never going to work. I feel totally confused. Trying so

hard to break free but finding it very difficult. So glad to find this support

group as I feel so alone and confused. My mother is once again not talking to

me which means that my father is also ignoring me and my brother is blaming me

for " escalating " things. I am so tired of all this and want to be free but not

sure how to go about it.

>

[Guest guest]

Hello presenting,

I know how you feel that you feel like a fool, " getting it " , finally, after all

these years.

I'm 44 and finally got it, too -- that I don't have to live this way, that

living under nada's shadow is NOT normal, that talking 5-8 times a day is not

normal, that her exploding when I don't run to her side immediately when she

summons me is not normal.

That's great that you're reading about BPD and seeing a therapist; those 2

things helped me a great deal.

You're not alone anymore and your confusion will slowly fade away, b/c there are

so many of us here who have gone through and are going through the same things

as you.

I know it's hard, you might feel guilty, but now that your mother's not talking

to you, enjoy it. Embrace the " time off " from crazy; decide when *you* are ready

to talk to her. Your father and brother (like mine) are just blindly caught up

in it and want you to go along with her games so there's " peace. "

You do what you need to do. I'm happy for you that you're getting out from under

her shadow and turmoil.

Anytime you need to unburden yourself, this board is a great place to do so.

Fiona

>

> Over a week ago my therapist suggested that my mum is very possibly BPD. I

knew nothing about BPD at that stage. I have read everything I can get my hands

on since then and instinctively know that it is the truth. I can identify with

so much of what is said. I am nearly fifty one years of age and only now am I

beginning to see the truth. I feel such a fool. All these years trying to make

something work which was never going to work. I feel totally confused. Trying so

hard to break free but finding it very difficult. So glad to find this support

group as I feel so alone and confused. My mother is once again not talking to

me which means that my father is also ignoring me and my brother is blaming me

for " escalating " things. I am so tired of all this and want to be free but not

sure how to go about it.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Presenting!

Oh my gosh...when I first began to read your words, I thought it was me talking.

That I had somehow posted without realizing it- your experience so much like my

own! Like you, I am 51 years old and just discovered BPD and that my nada had it

4 months ago. After a lifetime of frustration and struggle, I decided to go NC

with my nada immediately in order to find my own voice and equilibrium. The

first three months away have been some of the toughest I've ever experienced and

I've struggled with feelings of loss and grief- losing the old enmeshed me and

my nada's control over me which was the only way I knew how to live.

Recently, in the last month, I have discovered the rewards of being away. I no

longer have to deal with my nada's negativity clouding how I view the world and

because I don't hang on the phone for hours with her each day, I now have time

to put toward my own pursuits. Light and love and laughter with my friends, kids

and husband now color my day rather than the control and blame from my nada and

those under her thumb (my brother and sister).

Time and distance from my nada has changed my viewpoint on life for the better

but I still have confusion about how I would handle our relationship if I were

to try to return to it on a LC basis. I simply don't know if I could manage it,

afraid my nada would sweep back in and begin to run my life again. I am starting

to feel that unless my nada gets help for her BPD, I will stay NC. I know most

BPD people never get help so I will probably have to remain NC forever.

Just know that what you are feeling now is a lot to take in but over time you

will come to terms with it and begin to determine what will be the best course

of action for you. Just be glad that you don't have to live another day not

knowing about your nada's BPD- that you are now essentially free .

Best of luck to you!

Darcy

>

> Over a week ago my therapist suggested that my mum is very possibly BPD. I

knew nothing about BPD at that stage. I have read everything I can get my hands

on since then and instinctively know that it is the truth. I can identify with

so much of what is said. I am nearly fifty one years of age and only now am I

beginning to see the truth. I feel such a fool. All these years trying to make

something work which was never going to work. I feel totally confused. Trying so

hard to break free but finding it very difficult. So glad to find this support

group as I feel so alone and confused. My mother is once again not talking to

me which means that my father is also ignoring me and my brother is blaming me

for " escalating " things. I am so tired of all this and want to be free but not

sure how to go about it.

>