Welcome to the Group, bluepeepers

March 5, 2012

(((((Bluepeepers)))))

I'm so sorry you are experiencing this callous, even cruel treatment from your

own mother, or " nada " , for " not a mom. " We're here for you as you discover what

your own path to peace and healing is, whether you choose to maintain low or

limited contact with firm boundaries in place, or whether you choose to go No

Contact altogether.

Only you can figure out what works best for you. My own opinion is that your

nada sounds more narcissistic to me than borderline, but whatever her diagnosis

is her behaviors are very selfish, uncaring and actually cruel. Its so not

fair.

Wishing you much healing, both physically and emotionally, and peace.

-Annie

>

> Hi I am new to the oz community. I am not new to the devastation that my Nada

Bpd has caused in my life and many others. I am 38 and still cry like a baby

everytime I think about the mother I need in my life. I have been NS from her

for three years this time. We have had a very hot and cold relationship for

ever, I always thought I could make it better not knowing that I was dealing

with a nada with bpd. I was the bad/ black daughter and my sister was the good /

white daughter. My nada and sister have been like a tag team of bpd in full

swing.

> My birthday is coming up and that is the time of year when my nada always

starts the emotional roller coaster. She calls it our birthday. This year the

texts started 9 days before my birthday. She feels intitled to see me, asking if

she could come to our home to give me a gift. I share our home with my husband

that my nada does not like. I told her " the situation is to stressful, sorry " .

She replyed have the happiest of birthdays. Her text triggered a 3 day migrain.

I thought it was over nope,she texted me again yesterday wanting to drop the

gift off in my mailbox. I didnt answer her text.

> I have been disabled for five years with a back injury, I have three ruptured

discs and require major surgery. My nada has never offer to do a single thing to

help me since I got injured. My husband is my total caregiver, I would be all

alone without him. My nada has no respect for him. He was doing the grocery

shopping yesterday and ran into my nada. The gave him a smug look and kept

walking. He couldnt control himself, he ripped into her. Stating she hasent done

a darn thing to help her disabled daughter in five years the only time she calls

is once a year on my birthday and it stirs everything up. He sees me in pain all

the time over the situation. I have been crying for three days since her first

text. My husband was crying last night because he got so angry and yelled at

her. I keep thinking about my nada being in pain, Im in pain and my husband.

> The reason for the most resent ns is because my nada told me I ruined her life

because I didnt have grandchildren for her. This is a very very painful subject!

We didnt have the choice, I became injured two years into our marriage and have

progressivly getten worse in the last five years. I have chronic pain that

requires pain medication and my injury is to bad to carry a child. Not to

mention I cant take care of myself. She knows all of this and still chose to

hurt me to the core. Blue

>

March 5, 2012

Welcome!

Annie's right, there's a mish mash world of PD disorders. And within borderline

personality are different " types " such as witch, waif, hermit, and queen (as

discussed in " Understanding the Borderline Mother " ). And the BP can be one or

more of all 4. It's ridiculous how the brain works. Your nada sorta sound like a

queen.

No contact works best for me too. It's impossible to maintain a relationship

with my nada. Your nada's behavior sounds typical... trying to turn what should

be a happy event (a birthday!) into something that makes you upset. If the

borderline isn't the center of attention (the person with the birthday gets the

happiness and attention) then they will find a way to turn the attention to them

and ruin it for you. Trust me, I also get scared and anxious on my birthday, on

holidays... you name it. It's scary when BP parents figure out texting... I wish

there was a way to block calls and texts from a cellphone.

I am sorry for your injury. You have a wonderful husband who cares for you and

loves you. It would be difficult not to lash out when he knows how much pain she

has caused you.

If you don't want to read those texts or answers those calls on your birthday or

any day: You do not have to. Your nada cannot control you anymore.

Cvidz

> >

> > Hi I am new to the oz community. I am not new to the devastation that my

Nada Bpd has caused in my life and many others. I am 38 and still cry like a

baby everytime I think about the mother I need in my life. I have been NS from

her for three years this time. We have had a very hot and cold relationship for

ever, I always thought I could make it better not knowing that I was dealing

with a nada with bpd. I was the bad/ black daughter and my sister was the good /

white daughter. My nada and sister have been like a tag team of bpd in full

swing.

> > My birthday is coming up and that is the time of year when my nada always

starts the emotional roller coaster. She calls it our birthday. This year the

texts started 9 days before my birthday. She feels intitled to see me, asking if

she could come to our home to give me a gift. I share our home with my husband

that my nada does not like. I told her " the situation is to stressful, sorry " .

She replyed have the happiest of birthdays. Her text triggered a 3 day migrain.

I thought it was over nope,she texted me again yesterday wanting to drop the

gift off in my mailbox. I didnt answer her text.

> > I have been disabled for five years with a back injury, I have three

ruptured discs and require major surgery. My nada has never offer to do a single

thing to help me since I got injured. My husband is my total caregiver, I would

be all alone without him. My nada has no respect for him. He was doing the

grocery shopping yesterday and ran into my nada. The gave him a smug look and

kept walking. He couldnt control himself, he ripped into her. Stating she hasent

done a darn thing to help her disabled daughter in five years the only time she

calls is once a year on my birthday and it stirs everything up. He sees me in

pain all the time over the situation. I have been crying for three days since

her first text. My husband was crying last night because he got so angry and

yelled at her. I keep thinking about my nada being in pain, Im in pain and my

husband.

> > The reason for the most resent ns is because my nada told me I ruined her

life because I didnt have grandchildren for her. This is a very very painful

subject! We didnt have the choice, I became injured two years into our marriage

and have progressivly getten worse in the last five years. I have chronic pain

that requires pain medication and my injury is to bad to carry a child. Not to

mention I cant take care of myself. She knows all of this and still chose to

hurt me to the core. Blue

> >

>

March 6, 2012

I'm so sorry Blue. " Our birthday " - that's awful. Remember that the rest of the

world sees it as your birthday, only your nada is including herself and she's

wrong.

I agree that she sounds narcissistic, on top of splitting you and your and your

sister which is classic BPD. Look into the Cluster B personality disorders

(borderline, narcissistic, antisocial, and histrionic). They're the " me me me "

disorders. Many people's traits don't fit cleanly into one. I'd class my nada

as 2/3 BPD and 1/3 NPD (my fada's got some NPD traits, so I really hit the

jackpot). In addition to books for children of borderlines, there are some for

children of narcissists, and reading both has really helped me see what's going

on. " Children of the self-absorbed " is a good one for NPD.

Your nada is not entitled to anything from you. When you were a child, you were

entitled to love, care, and respect from her. No adult is entitled to anything

unconditionally, family or not. And you set the conditions, not her or society

or anyone else. You have to eat and you have to refrain from walking in front

of buses, but you do not have to have contact with your crazy family.

Happy Birthday. I wish you the gift of peace.

-ine

> > >

> > > Hi I am new to the oz community. I am not new to the devastation that my

Nada Bpd has caused in my life and many others. I am 38 and still cry like a

baby everytime I think about the mother I need in my life. I have been NS from

her for three years this time. We have had a very hot and cold relationship for

ever, I always thought I could make it better not knowing that I was dealing

with a nada with bpd. I was the bad/ black daughter and my sister was the good /

white daughter. My nada and sister have been like a tag team of bpd in full

swing.

> > > My birthday is coming up and that is the time of year when my nada always

starts the emotional roller coaster. She calls it our birthday. This year the

texts started 9 days before my birthday. She feels intitled to see me, asking if

she could come to our home to give me a gift. I share our home with my husband

that my nada does not like. I told her " the situation is to stressful, sorry " .

She replyed have the happiest of birthdays. Her text triggered a 3 day migrain.

I thought it was over nope,she texted me again yesterday wanting to drop the

gift off in my mailbox. I didnt answer her text.

> > > I have been disabled for five years with a back injury, I have three