new to group-trying to deal with mom and gmom with this issue

July 29, 2011

So I am in my 30's and have chosen career in psych to help deal with fact that

my mom's been diagnosed with Bipolar since I was a tiny kid-memories of visiting

Ancora at 5 yrs old still pretty vivid-once i learned about BPD things started

to make so much more sense about my gmom's actions and the older my mom get the

more i see it in her too-now that my gpop has passed (he used to absorb the

stress) alot of things fall on me-I am an only child and my mom's not

marries/disabled and gram had destroyed all other family relationships so

holidays with the 3 of us are extra fun(kidding)-both continue to try to

manipulate and triangulate things and both can be pretty mean and emotionally

abusive-just trying to see my way through these relationships without developing

self doubt, guilt, and resentments as much as possible-would appreciate any

feedback since i know that not feeling alone is very healing-namaste and thx for

reading

July 30, 2011

Hi, and welcome!

I understand the family history of BPD. I'm pretty sure both of my grandmothers

had it, and one of my grandfathers likely had NPD. My uncle also developed NPD

and married a couple of times; the aunt I knew is a Borderline also. So my

dishrag dad thinks everything my BPD mother does is perfectly normal, and as the

only child of a Borderline mom herself, so does she. It's like yelling at deaf

people trying to get them to understand.

What kinds of boundaries do you have in place to protect yourself from their

attempts to absorb you? When you visit your FOO, do you have an escape plan

ready? Do you have a T you can talk to about these issues?

Sveta

July 30, 2011

Welcome bstacie,

It really helped me to realize that other people had experienced nearly the

identical things that I had experienced growing up with a borderline

pd/narcissistic pd mother. That's got to be very difficult for you if your

mother has both bipolar disorder AND borderline pd, AND your grandmother has

those disorders also; extremely difficult and stressful.

My suggestion is to gradually detach so that you have less frequent contact with

your mother and grandmother: less physical contact and less emotional closeness

with them, since they are toxic and destructive toward you. Develop interests

and friendships and activities that take up more of your free time. Start using

your vacation time to take trips on your own or with friends; you are not

obligated to spend every vacation and every free moment with your foo (family of

origin.)

Your mother and grandmother are adults. They are responsible for their own

feelings, responsible for entertaining themselves, for developing their own

friendships and their own interests; its not your job or your responsibility to

entertain them, keep them company or make them feel happy inside themselves,

with themselves. Nobody can do that for another person.

In my opinion it does not make you a bad human being or a bad daughter to desire

your own, independent, joyful adult life. In fact, its your right. You can be

a good daughter even if you don't spend every moment of your free time with your

mother and grandmother.

I recommend " Understanding The Borderline Mother " and " Surviving A Borderline

Parent " if you haven't already read those; they can help you understand the

dynamics of the disorder and help you detach from feeling inappropriately guilty

and responsible for their feelings.

-Annie

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> So I am in my 30's and have chosen career in psych to help deal with fact that