Guest guest Posted July 30, 2011 Report Share Posted July 30, 2011 god bless and hugs. welcome to the group, your last paragraph really touched me, the part about 'wanting attention', that is sooooooo what they tell us, that we are selfish and spoiled and just want attention. they pervert our natural instincts into something offensive so that we are afraid to breathe lest we commit some other heinous sin. it takes a long, long time to unlearn. I started posting here a couple years ago (?, maybe three) and have been back and forth, it's only the last little while that I have really 'seen' what is the truth about my mother, my father is NPD and way easier to peg, but she was so subtle. This is a GREAT place to get validation for having a BPD parent, probably the best I have ever found, and I needed it badly, after spending years in 'recovery' and being told to always look at my part, I was still screwed up and miserable inside and now I know why, because that was how I was groomed to be, to not trust my own instincts and interpretations but to look to her to dictate them because that way it was easy to manipulate me. Keep coming back and posting and sharing your story, people here understand like no one else does. Hugs. > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > -Angelina > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2011 Report Share Posted July 31, 2011 Thank you so much. I am looking for some kind of validation, someone to tell me and for me to realize that its not MY fault. How did you learn to trust your own instincts, to have your own independent thoughts? I feel like a lot of my thoughts are about others and how or what they might think or feel. I don't think for me. How did you change that? > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > -Angelina > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 31, 2011 Report Share Posted July 31, 2011 Hi Angelina, Im , 23yrs, with BPD mother. I only found out about her condition a couple of months ago. Before talking to people here and reading " stop walking on eggshells " i was really confused, i started questioning if I was the 'crazy' one. re-gaining your own individuality is all about 'validation'. We have to learn to validate our own emotions; its ok to be resentful, angry, confused sometimes. Dont try and push that away, allow yourself to feel that. And always share things with this group, i promise it helps. Because we know what you have been through, we know how hard it has been. Im also having issues with re-gaining my bubbly, outgoing personality that i used to have. The next step im taking is to get back into my dancing classes, I loved it so much during school years and it made me happy and gave me so much more energy (nowadays i feel tired ALL THE TIME!). So think of something that might bring back that energy that you miss. > > > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > > > -Angelina > > > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2011 Report Share Posted August 1, 2011 Hi Angie, Welcome. Boy, you ask an excellent question here. Right to the heart of it. I totally understand what you are asking. At 52 and just realizing my mother is BPD and my father was most likely NP ( recently died) I can honestly say most of my 52 years I have not really felt comfortable or even able to articulate what I feel or want. I am always putting others first and considering how or what they feel before how I feel. It is really truly a process to emerge as your own person and put your feelings and thoughts first. Or at least consider them at all! And you ask, how do you trust yourself? I have wondered that too, how could I be so duped for so very , very long and not realize that I was so manipulated? I have to say I do now have a bit more of a filter (wall I sometimes call it) I put up in my family of origin. And I have since I can remember felt as if I was a misfit in my family. I felt too sensitive, and too caring, and often felt this was seen as a weakness. Now in my fifties and with my dad recently gone, my mother and one of my sisters can come of as mean girls together at my expense. I am so shocked by it, won't ever get used to it. Up I bring the wall. I have decided that I cannot adopt their methods or ways and will always be the odd man out, but that is okay. Someone has to and I feel I am probably much healthier because of it. I play a role when I am with them. A counselor once told me some helpful advise: Be your authentic self until it hurts too much and then play your family of origin role to a degree - it is survival. And I now set paramaters around how much time I spend with my mother or extended family. I have too. And for a day or so after being with them I need time to recover. Sounds weird, but it is always true. I too struggled for years with the " what do they think of me? " . Not anymore. I do the best I can in my life, take the high road, am a true friend, consistent, present and thoughtful wife and mother and consistent and caring, but not doormat, daughter and sister. I do my best and do not do anyone intentional harm. What else can I do? I like who I am and respect myself and treat others with respect. I am trustworthy and honest. If someone doesn't like me - its going to happen. We can't please em all and be authentic. So I would advise this course for you. You are at such a young age, you have come to some keen realizations quite young. Be true to yourself. Remember, your boundries and comfort are important. I get a lot of support from the several book I have read " Stop Walking on Eggshells " , " Changing Course- Healing from Abandonment and Loss " and " Understanding the Borderline Mother " . Also have gone to a counselor in the past for a while, and get a lot of support from my husband and kids. They see things in my family of origin as I do and help me a lot. You perhaps have some healthy relationships in your life with friends or extended family members? Healthy meaning relationships based on mutual support and self resonsibility. And of course this board too! Remember you are not alone and you are not imagining it all. How you feel matters and what you think counts. > > > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > > > -Angelina > > > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 1, 2011 Report Share Posted August 1, 2011 I think your insights are right on target, , and well put. And I'd love to see this phrase on a T-shirt; any KO would " get it " and appreciate it, I think: " How you feel matters, and what you think counts. " -Annie > > > > > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > > > > > -Angelina > > > > > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 6, 2011 Report Share Posted September 6, 2011 Hey Everyone, My name is Leila hope you dnt mind me coming into the convo.. I too am seeking validation of experiences through sharing and listening with/to others and have already found some through just reading your posts so thank you! I am 24 and have finally worked out in the last year that my mother doesnt just have bipolar she more predominantly has BPD. It it so severe that she has gone through an absolute succession of relationships and moving house everytime a relationship fails (at least once a year) - we have moved house 38 times since I can remember! Anyway this means that NO ONE has stuck around and lived with her for more than a few years other than MYSELF. I have watched her emotionally destroy fully grown men time and time again and men that I loved as my stepfathers etc (the ones she married). Her relationships have included two physically abusive men - the abuse i listened to and observed and was even involved in as a child. The loss and abandonment i feel from my stepdad who hit her etc is still one of the biggest i have ever felt as it was the only time ever i felt part of a family unit from ages 11-14 and that loss still hurts a lot. I have therefore taken the absolute brunt of all her emotinal difficulties which I guess you can only imagine the impacts this has had one me. Thankfully I saw my only output as running 300 miles away to study Medicine at Uni and getting away from home has been my strongest motivation in succeding in my career. This has thank fully resulted in my own life away from home but as you know a BPDs emotional grip on you can span any distance and time! I may be 'high functioning' but my personal relationships are a mess and i feel constant reminders of everyone elses ability to hold down a boyfriend and not attract the wrong kind of friends and boyfriends as i seem to do taunting at times. I agree with you Angie writing your heart out like this feels like you are being manipulative or attention seeking yourself as these are the feelings that have been created in you anytime you try to seek love from someone who frankly isnt capable of giving it! Hope you didnt mind reading and your thoughts/opinions would br greatly appreciated Thank you x x > > > > > > > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > > > > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > > > > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > > > > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > > > > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > > > > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > > > > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > > > > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > > > > > > > -Angelina > > > > > > > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 7, 2011 Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 Hi Angelina, Welcome to this group full or support and understanding. I am happy you have brought yourself here with recently learning about your mothers BPD, I'm around the same age as you and also recently figured out that my Mom has BPD however, I've always known that there must be something wrong with her. I completely hear what you're saying about constantly thinking about other people and not being able to hold conversation, I feel that mental block almost every time I talk to someone new. I've pretty much always been this way besides with my close friends and family who I always feel free talking to. Now that I'm going away to school, I want to work on learning how to feel confident in talking to people and holding up a conversation. It's all about letting your guard down, sometimes I can sometimes I can't. In having a Nada with BPD, you have to learn acceptance at a very young age. Accepting that you can not help or change them even thought you want to but most importantly, accepting yourself and who you are for what you've gone through and loving that self. Sometimes I get upset about how much I think about my Mom or just everyone in my life, I lay in bed unable to fall asleep and stop thinking all the time. This is why I'm moving away though because I know that putting myself in a different environment surrounded by different people will give me a chance to define myself apart from my Mom and everyone who has known the me I am with her. The first step to changing your own behavior or unwanted paranoia is recognizing those things and it sounds like your doing that which is fabulous. I've been working on the side of effects of having a bpd mother for a long time, when I start having feelings of shyness and worry for other people I just tell my self 'No, I don't need to think that, everything is okay. I am okay as a person.' Telling myself this enough has brought down my worry when it comes to meeting new people quit a bit, it's hard not to care so much but with enough practice and self awareness you get there. You are still young, you have so much life ahead of you to create your own life apart from your mother and her issues. So just keep remembering that, and go out for things you want to do ignoring the fear because you will most likely end up okay in the end. One more peace of advice, focus on relaxing your mind as much as possible. You can do this in so many ways, meditation, reading, music, exercise and so on. Anything that takes away the stress and worry do as often as possible, you actually end up realizing more about yourself and about the world than what you anticipate when you create a lifestyle that is full of these kinds of activities. Namatse, Cammisha > > > > > > > > > > > > Well, I'm going to start this off by introducing myself. I'm Angie, I'm 18 and my mother has BPD. Go figure. > > > > > > > > > > > > I've known for quite a few years that my mother has BPD, but never knew until recently the severity of her diagnosis. How could my mom, my best friend manipulate and control my sister and I without us even knowing? We've never imagined life without our mother, we knew she'd always be ther for us, now we know its we'd always be there for her. > > > > > > > > > > > > To be completely honest, I don't know what to do. I'm starved for love and attention, just like my mother and I'm having a hard time coping. I don't want to have to cut ties, but sometimes I think its the best option. She'll continue to reel us in with her lies and her " I'm ok, I'm happy now " attitude. > > > > > > > > > > > > Having lived with my mother for almost all of my life, I (along with my sister) have learned behaviors picked up in my childhood that are similar to those of my mother's. I.E. Self Worthlessness, no sense of identity, looking to others on how to act in certain situations, dissociation, lack of feeling and expressing emotions, etc. > > > > > > > > > > > > I've been focusing on loving myself and not feeling worthless and not stressing, but I feel as though I need some outside advice. I want to feel like this isn't me or that it isn't my fault and that this is just the way I was conditioned. But how? How do I become more open hearted, open minded, fearless, carefree, confident? > > > > > > > > > > > > A lot of the time there isn't much going through my head. Having a conversation with someone I don't know or have never met becomes scary. Holding a conversation can be hard too. Its like I have some kind of mental block and my brain won't let me think of anything witty, intellegent, or wise to say back to that person. It is like having no sense of reality or rationalization. My memory has gone to crap, I don't get sound sleep anymore, i'm constanly afraid of what people are thinking about me etc. > > > > > > > > > > > > I don't know what to do and this is the first time I've really tried talking to someone about how I really feel. Whenever I've dipped into the subject with family or friends, they all tell me the same thing, don't care about what others think of you, you're great, everyone goes through this, but I think its deeper than that. You can't change the way someone functions, thinks, or lives over night. Its taken them years to become who they are now, its not going to change in an instant. And I do know that. Everyday does get a little better. But how do I be carefree goofy,silly, quick witted angelina again? And not just around family and friends, but everyone? > > > > > > > > > > > > I can't even write this message without thiking that I just want attention and sympathy. I don't think thats it. I want someone to understand. To care. To stand by me and tell me this is just temporary. To hug. I just want some help. Advice? Please and Thank Yous. > > > > > > > > > > > > -Angelina > > > > > > > > > > > > P.s. I know my writing style is a little jumpy and goes from one subject to the next without a smooth transition. Sorry! > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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