Guest guest Posted March 7, 2012 Report Share Posted March 7, 2012 I've always thought that my abilitiy to lie was completely based on the necessity to hide things that made me happy that would have caused severe rages by my nada. If I couldn't hide it, then I learned to lie about it again to save myself from nada's wrath. I think it has definately desensitized me to feeling bad about lying. I felt like it was just a part of surviving and avoiding being attacked. C > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I think you're right: you lie b/c you're so conditioned to do so to avoid fear rejection, ridicule, cruel remarks. I've done that, definitely. Not about things like lunch, but about things like where I went on vacation. I still sometimes can feel intimidated like I did with my father if he asked me something. Afraid to say the truth, I would say what I thought he wanted to hear. Easier way to survive! > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I openly admit I can be selective with my truth with people at times - for fear of judgement or becuase sometimes I feel it is about " choosing your battles. " I know I tell little lies to my nada all the time to keep her off my back. I always feel my intent behind this behaviour is self preserving so I don't feel badly about doing it. Koko > > > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > > > -ine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 No; I didn't tell little tiny lies, I told great big whopping lies to my nada because I was terrified of her and her scary rages. As a child I learned to be a consummate, oscar-winning liar out of sheer self-preservation, and it worked most of the time. But it made me feel horribly guilty; I knew it was bad to lie. It was in high school that for whatever reason, I decided to just be honest, let it all hang out so to speak and take whatever punishment was coming if I did something wrong. By the time I was 15 nada had stopped physically beating me, so I guess my animal-level terror of her was gone by then, or maybe I had simply emotionally numbed out to the point where I just didn't care anymore. Not sure exactly what got me to that point of deciding to be honest, but I do remember being caught looking at another student's paper during a test (or trying to, I was so nearsighted that it was an exercise in futility) and when confronted by the teacher after the test was over, I just admitted it. The teacher said he was disappointed by my behavior, but he did not rage at me or subject me to terrifying, shameful, humiliating, sadistic punishments; I simply had to take a new test and promise to not try to cheat again. I was amazed. Relieved and amazed. Honesty seemed to be a better policy at school, at least, if not in my own foo. -Annie > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 actually, I got by with my FOO and BPD nada by telling the truth (to a fault) as honesty seemed to obviate getting punished or verbally abused for whatever objective and real misdeed I had committed and precluded her raging at me. it stole her thunder, in a manner of speaking. ( it was rthe stuff Idid not actually do that really irked nada because BPDs seem to " make things up as they go along. "  ) it helped with my credibility within the FOO vis a vis nada's irrational nonsense.  this has served me well in later life.  so to this day I do resent it when people imply I am not honest about what I do or what I might say to them.  I can handle it when they imply  I may not be entirely forthcoming about how I FEEL because as  KO's of a BPD (adult child of alcoholic parents is optional here) we learned to repress/suppress and doubt our true feelings to the point we don't know always what those feelings are.  as to nada, before I went LC/NC as an adult, I  chose my words very carefully so as to still be truthful " but not give away the store "  and thereby head off her irrational nonsense at the pass. it worked, most of the time.  To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2012 7:04 PM Subject: little lies  Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. -ine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 I too struggle with little lies. I was always coming up with a normal life as kid so others would either not worry about me or call CPS (my Nada was severely alcoholic as well as BPD) and I was skilled at “painting a picture†a very young age. Now at times I think it is easier to tell others what they want to hear vs. creating confrontation of any kind (which was also trained right out of me as a little one too). PS – these posts are closed, yes? Meaning they will not come up with a Google search. Somebody please confirm. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Sent: Thursday, March 08, 2012 1:01 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: little lies actually, I got by with my FOO and BPD nada by telling the truth (to a fault) as honesty seemed to obviate getting punished or verbally abused for whatever objective and real misdeed I had committed and precluded her raging at me. it stole her thunder, in a manner of speaking. ( it was rthe stuff Idid not actually do that really irked nada because BPDs seem to " make things up as they go along. " ) it helped with my credibility within the FOO vis a vis nada's irrational nonsense. this has served me well in later life. so to this day I do resent it when people imply I am not honest about what I do or what I might say to them. I can handle it when they imply I may not be entirely forthcoming about how I FEEL because as KO's of a BPD (adult child of alcoholic parents is optional here) we learned to repress/suppress and doubt our true feelings to the point we don't know always what those feelings are. as to nada, before I went LC/NC as an adult, I chose my words very carefully so as to still be truthful " but not give away the store " and thereby head off her irrational nonsense at the pass. it worked, most of the time. From: elmtree_speaks <elmtree_speaks@... <mailto:elmtree_speaks%40yahoo.com> > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> Sent: Wednesday, March 7, 2012 7:04 PM Subject: little lies Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. -ine Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 8, 2012 Report Share Posted March 8, 2012 Actually the owner of this Group, Randi Kreger, writes in her description of this Group that " you must post anonymously. " This is to protect us so our posts will be absolutely private. If you are posting using your real, full name then you might want to create an anonymous user name and use it to create a new e-mail address, then rejoin. But while you are logged in in your current account you can remove all your old posts that are from your real-life name, and they won't appear at the online Yahoo! Group site any longer. (But they won't disappear from the mailboxes of those who receive Group posts as e-mail.) -Annie > > I too struggle with little lies. I was always coming up with a normal life as kid so others would either not worry about me or call CPS (my Nada was severely alcoholic as well as BPD) and I was skilled at “painting a picture†a very young age. Now at times I think it is easier to tell others what they want to hear vs. creating confrontation of any kind (which was also trained right out of me as a little one too). > > > > PS †" these posts are closed, yes? Meaning they will not come up with a Google search. Somebody please confirm. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Here is another twist on this lying question. Does anyone else ever feel like they are lying when they actually are not or at least wondering if you were and not being sure? I went so much of my life not having my perspective validated, that I think I sometimes feel like I am lying or at least I feel confused about whether I am, especially in the face of skeptical foo members. I had this experience in spades at a family reunion several years ago. It was truly horrific. I ended up in a hugely over aroused and dissociated state after a brief period of time. It was scary. It was like these people did not see me as me, so when I would talk about myself and they responded negatively, skeptically or judgmentally, I started to wonder if I was the me that I had thought I was or if I was making myself up, like maybe I was actually the me that they thought I was (it is a long story, but I was never close with these people and they had a lot of preconceived notions about me for complicated reasons). It was freaky. It took me a lot of therapy and time to recover. It is hard to explain the experience I am trying to convey. It was a little like being in alien territory surrounded by enemies, thinking you were the good guy, but being brainwashed really quickly into believing you were in fact the bad guy because people kept responding to you as though you were. Can anyone else relate to this? HC > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 I think you've explained it very well. And I completely understand what you mean. I often wonder whether or not I'm lying about mundane things or about myself when I know I'm not. Especially when it has to do with illness or injury. For the past 6 weeks I've been dealing with a severe shoulder injury. A cortisone shot last week was supposed to help, if the injury was what the doctor thought. He said that if it didn't help, that it might be a tear. Well, I've had sports injuries a number of times, and it always ends up being painful but not anything serious, like a tear. So I have been second-guessing myself, doubting my own pain, and basically going through major anxiety about whether or not I'm even feeling the pain. This is all ridiculous because I am in serious pain and I need to have the MRI done (scheduled for Monday). But sometimes, when I haven't moved my arm for awhile and the pain numbs for an hour, I start to doubt whether or not I'm injured. Of course, then I start to move it and it goes right back to being unbearable. But that's just an easy analogy with an injury. All the time, when I list my skills and professional experience, I feel like a fraud. All the time. It's part of the calculated, systematic invalidation and purposeful self-doubt that our nadas created. Stay true to yourself and believe in yourself. That's all I can say. > > > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > > > -ine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 I feel like this a lot...I sometimes wonder if I just made the whole thing up, even though I wrote a lot of stuff down. I haven't been back to where my dad and stepmom live(and where I lived at the time) in a couple of years, and then I really didn't visit anyone. I feel that my stepmom is telling everyone I know what a horrible stepdaughter I am being, after everything she's done for me, and that everyone I know there believes it, because I am not there to defend myself. Intellectually, I know this isn't true, but it's how I feel. And, I feel like if I tell someone I know, someone from my past, they wouldn't believe it, as my stepmom puts up what I call her " public " face...all nice and perfect and wonderful. It is no longer a part of my life, but I still deal with the emotions involved. Janet  Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.  In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.  Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.  It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones. Proverbs 3:5-8 ________________________________ To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 12:49 PM Subject: Re: little lies  Here is another twist on this lying question. Does anyone else ever feel like they are lying when they actually are not or at least wondering if you were and not being sure? I went so much of my life not having my perspective validated, that I think I sometimes feel like I am lying or at least I feel confused about whether I am, especially in the face of skeptical foo members. I had this experience in spades at a family reunion several years ago. It was truly horrific. I ended up in a hugely over aroused and dissociated state after a brief period of time. It was scary. It was like these people did not see me as me, so when I would talk about myself and they responded negatively, skeptically or judgmentally, I started to wonder if I was the me that I had thought I was or if I was making myself up, like maybe I was actually the me that they thought I was (it is a long story, but I was never close with these people and they had a lot of preconceived notions about me for complicated reasons). It was freaky. It took me a lot of therapy and time to recover. It is hard to explain the experience I am trying to convey. It was a little like being in alien territory surrounded by enemies, thinking you were the good guy, but being brainwashed really quickly into believing you were in fact the bad guy because people kept responding to you as though you were. Can anyone else relate to this? HC > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012  I think you are just expressing that your fada/nada taught you reflexive self-doubt, whether or not that's what you FEEL.   BPD parents enticed us all  into their own world of carnival fun-house distorting mirrors.  Stated differently, you just know what you state is accurate, but from prior experience with your BPD parent you still get that nagging latent feeling that you're actually wrong whenever a third party says something innocent connoting doubt or a question about what you've just said to them: " Two plus two is four. Oh, four? -----  Oh, geez, izzit five, like nada always said? "     BTW, Ringer, in one of his books (I forget which one), had a cartoon of the reader viewing another person ( who's in a cage wearing a sign labeled " neurotic " ) muttering: " Two plus two is five! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Two plus two is five! "  The intended  message there was that the reader isn't nuts even when the neurotic [here we can substitute Cluster B personality] contends:  " you're crazy, I'm sane! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Two plus two is five! " To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Friday, March 9, 2012 10:49 AM Subject: Re: little lies  Here is another twist on this lying question. Does anyone else ever feel like they are lying when they actually are not or at least wondering if you were and not being sure? I went so much of my life not having my perspective validated, that I think I sometimes feel like I am lying or at least I feel confused about whether I am, especially in the face of skeptical foo members. I had this experience in spades at a family reunion several years ago. It was truly horrific. I ended up in a hugely over aroused and dissociated state after a brief period of time. It was scary. It was like these people did not see me as me, so when I would talk about myself and they responded negatively, skeptically or judgmentally, I started to wonder if I was the me that I had thought I was or if I was making myself up, like maybe I was actually the me that they thought I was (it is a long story, but I was never close with these people and they had a lot of preconceived notions about me for complicated reasons). It was freaky. It took me a lot of therapy and time to recover. It is hard to explain the experience I am trying to convey. It was a little like being in alien territory surrounded by enemies, thinking you were the good guy, but being brainwashed really quickly into believing you were in fact the bad guy because people kept responding to you as though you were. Can anyone else relate to this? HC > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > -ine > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 I can definitely relate to not always being sure if I'm lying or not! I frequently question myself on this: asking if I'm lying to myself or not! It definitely comes from the experience of not being validated by my nada or fada, I think. I don't think I've had an experience quite as severe as what you described at the family reunion, but I do know the feeling of wondering if people are responding to the real me, or to something else. And the truth is, we do sometimes respond to other people based on our own internal projections about them, which may or may not be accurate. So, that confuses me more, like, are these people responding to something negative about me? or are they responding to *not* the real me, but something I am projecting out to them b/c I feel scared/anxious/angry/etc? or is it their own internal " stuff " they are responding to, and not me at all? or some crazy combo of this? aaaah so confusing! and so complicated! the good news is, according to my therapist this stuff just takes time and experience to build in what was never there, or replacing what was placed in some part where it does not belong. so we will get there! -T > > > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > > > -ine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 uh yes. I had the same experience this summer when i got together with family. I spent a lot of time believing crap and trying to convince people I am not what they think. the way you describe it makes perfect seance to me. it is so weird that someone understands this. thank goodness for WTO. also I lie too. I try to make my stories more acceptable somehow. it is over weird things. I think I do it because I don't want to be judged. Meikjn > > > > Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural to me as breathing. > > > > I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing wrong with buying eggs. > > > > I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata. > > > > -ine > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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