little lies

[Guest guest]

Does anyone else tell little tiny lies? I don't me sociopathic or grandiose

lies, I mean weird little ones. Like someone asks what I had for lunch and I

say a hamburger when really I had a salad. Or vice versa. This is as natural

to me as breathing.

I was on the subway yesterday and ran into an acquaintance. My brain

immediately kicked into frantically inventing a reasonable story about where I

was coming from and where I was going. I brainstormed places near the stop

where I got on that I could say I had been at, meanwhile hoping that maybe he

wouldn't see me and I could avoid the encounter. At the time, the real reason

for my trip wasn't even accessible in my mind (I was heading home from the store

where I buy my favorite brand of eggs). He asked where I was headed and I said

home, and I was very relieved that he didn't ask where I'd been. WHY? Nothing

wrong with buying eggs.

I'm not totally sure why I do this, but I think it's from the endless intrusions

and boundary violations, the punishment of showing my real thoughts and

feelings, and never knowing exactly what might set someone off. The truth can

be risky. If it was the right moment for a rage, telling my nada I had salad

for lunch might result in a declaration that I am a selfish wretch for eating

salad and now that she knows about it she'll never let me eat salad again. Or

maybe I'm such a good girl for eating salad, she needs a really big hug and

she'll tell everyone all about my lunch. So yeah, I guess it really is better

to hang that hamburger out there like a pinata.

-ine