Fada figures out my survival tactics. Now what?

[Guest guest]

Growing up with fada I've learned to please others outside my family. People are

always so amazed with how happy I am, how my energy to help never goes away (but

really, it's a facade). It's what I've learned out of some subconscious fear

that non-BPs will explode on me if I'm not always happy/pleasing them/etc. I

won't complain, it's served me well, and helped me to make friends and brighten

people's days, but when it comes to being around fada, my demeanor just changes.

Fada has pointed this out to me several times: When I'm around other people, I

am happy and talk to them etc, but when I'm around him I can barely carry on a

conversation. I've tried to change this, but sometimes I just go into shutdown

mode around him. It's my way of surviving. Sometimes it's shutdown mode and

sometimes I'm just tired or having a bad day. Either way, he quickly compares me

to the way I act around other people and gets upset I am not as happy around

him. I feel terribly guilty for acting this way and I wish I could be more

respectful, but I just don't know how. And in some ways, pretending to always be

happy around him would make me buy more and more into the guilt and paranoia he

puts on me.

Just another example of walking on eggshells, and I'm not sure if in this case,

it's worth it.

Have any of your nada/fadas recognized that you act toward them differently than

you do to other people? How have you responded in a way that still respects

them but guards you from the unnecessary guilt?