Nada wants to list me as her emergency contact

August 1, 2011

My nada just called me while I'm at work, sounding drunk, asking me if she could

list me as her emergency contact. I'm LC and have been that way since May after

a year of NC. I only answered the phone because I felt bad since I forgot to

return her call yesterday and we generally only talk on Sundays. From the little

bit of clear information I could get out of the conversation it sounds as if her

boyfriend (who she lives with) is going into the hospital in a few days for some

procedure and I think they were filling out some paper work or something and

that sparked the question for herself.

I told her yes, but honestly I don't want to be her emergency contact... I know

that must sound bad given she has no one else outside of her boyfriend to ask

(she's burned all her other bridges so to speak) but I feel like its just

another way to suck me into her chaos.

And she slipped in the statement " I don't know who you have listed as your

emergency contact... " to which I replied " I have an emergency contact already. "

She'll said we'll talk about that later which I know will likely lead to a blow

up since it's my aunt who she thinks is trying to replace her as my mother. She

doesn't get that I have to have someone else to depend on since I can't depend

on her...

How do you guys handle the emergency contact issue?

- b.

August 1, 2011

Wow, she asked? Mine would've just listed me, if she had a mind to do so.

My philosophy is if someone is asking you a question, they have to understand

that the answer may be " no " . In your case, she asked, and you have every right

to call her and say, " you know what, I don't feel comfortable being your

emergency contact. " Period. You don't need to explain any more than that. You

also don't need to discuss with her who your emergency contact is. The fact that

she seems to think it's open for discussion is just so, so personality

disordered.

>

> My nada just called me while I'm at work, sounding drunk, asking me if she

could list me as her emergency contact. I'm LC and have been that way since May

after a year of NC. I only answered the phone because I felt bad since I forgot

to return her call yesterday and we generally only talk on Sundays. From the

little bit of clear information I could get out of the conversation it sounds as

if her boyfriend (who she lives with) is going into the hospital in a few days

for some procedure and I think they were filling out some paper work or

something and that sparked the question for herself.

>

> I told her yes, but honestly I don't want to be her emergency contact... I

know that must sound bad given she has no one else outside of her boyfriend to

ask (she's burned all her other bridges so to speak) but I feel like its just

another way to suck me into her chaos.

>

> And she slipped in the statement " I don't know who you have listed as your

emergency contact... " to which I replied " I have an emergency contact already. "

She'll said we'll talk about that later which I know will likely lead to a blow

up since it's my aunt who she thinks is trying to replace her as my mother. She

doesn't get that I have to have someone else to depend on since I can't depend

on her...

>

> How do you guys handle the emergency contact issue?

>

> - b.

>

August 1, 2011

I have to be my mother's emergency contact, because there isn't anybody else to

do it (and I have her power of atty. for medical issues) - but when the hospital

or doctor's office calls me, the first words out of my mouth are, " Are you aware

of her mental illness? "

My mom uses medical " crises " to get attention, so I have received calls that

weren't really emergencies - she just told the nurses to call me because it

would be so much more dramatic that way. So when I ask whether they know about

her history of mental illness, they either say yes (and I can get the real,

salient details of her current illness) or they say no (and I can fill them in

so they're not manipulated by her).

Yeah, I wish there was somebody else they could call, but at least I can cut to

the chase and save everybody a lot of time when she's using " medical

emergencies " to get attention.

> >

> > My nada just called me while I'm at work, sounding drunk, asking me if she

could list me as her emergency contact. I'm LC and have been that way since May

after a year of NC. I only answered the phone because I felt bad since I forgot

to return her call yesterday and we generally only talk on Sundays. From the

little bit of clear information I could get out of the conversation it sounds as

if her boyfriend (who she lives with) is going into the hospital in a few days

for some procedure and I think they were filling out some paper work or

something and that sparked the question for herself.

> >

> > I told her yes, but honestly I don't want to be her emergency contact... I

know that must sound bad given she has no one else outside of her boyfriend to

ask (she's burned all her other bridges so to speak) but I feel like its just

another way to suck me into her chaos.

> >

> > And she slipped in the statement " I don't know who you have listed as your

emergency contact... " to which I replied " I have an emergency contact already. "

She'll said we'll talk about that later which I know will likely lead to a blow

up since it's my aunt who she thinks is trying to replace her as my mother. She

doesn't get that I have to have someone else to depend on since I can't depend

on her...

> >

> > How do you guys handle the emergency contact issue?

> >

> > - b.

> >

>

August 1, 2011

>

> Wow, she asked? Mine would've just listed me, if she had a mind to do so.

>

I was thinking the same thing!

It seems like in this case, it might have been more about getting the

reciprocation from alilpeace than about actually caring whether she wanted to be

listed. I get the feeling the nada just wants to feel validated, and " important "

enough to be listed as someone's contact. Especially after hearing the way she

just refused to accept a simple, " No, I already have one. "

Writermanque is right when she says that anyone who asks a yes-or-no question

has to understand that the answer might be " no. " I'm guessing this nada was

banking on that--but that might just be projection on my part. My nada loves it

when I say " no, " because then she can get all waify or tell me I'm a horrible

daughter for being so mean to her after all she's done for me. *gag*

August 1, 2011

yeah, i agree, i'm sure at this point it was about getting reciprocation and

feeling validated and important. i think she was looking for a reason to call me

and expecting me to say no so she could have a new reason to fight with me. just

over an hour later she called me again. any time she calls me multiple times

within a few hours its a pretty clear sign she's about to go off. i was on lunch

and didn't feel like being any more stressed out so i didn't answer. here was

her drunk voice mail:

" Hi, and as sad as it is, though I didn't mention it before…(dramatic pause)…I

saw an obituary for Percy…(dramatic pause)…this past weekend…(deep sigh)…I would

like to think that you would call me back, I won't heavily suggest it, I won't

pressure you in to doing anything since you don't like me…(dramatic pause)… but

B--- and L----- are some fucking stupid dumbasses and I love you always. You can

call me at any time, GOOD BYE! "

For clarity, the Percy she was referring to is my father's home health care

aide, who actually is very much alive. i think she saw a similar name in the

paper and assumed it was him. And B--- and L----- are my aunt and uncle. No,

there is no reason for her to be calling them names except that she thinks they

are trying to replace her in my life and is mad that they won't speak to her

anymore (they haven't spoken to her in over a year).

Not really sure what kind of response I'm even looking for at this point. Guess

I'm just thoroughly annoyed. Thanks for listening though.

- b.

" Wow, she asked? Mine would've just listed me, if she had a mind to do so. "