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[Guest guest]

Wow... in the last 2 days I have realized that my mother undoubtedly has BPD.

I just devoured Walking on Eggshells and found myself sobbing through various

descriptions that were word for word exactly the things that my mother has done

or said to or about me in the last 33 years. And while I intellectually KNOW

that I didn't cause any of her issues, reading a whole book that absolved me in

a way that I truly needed absolution was just incerdibly powerful.

To make a long story short, I'm the " never-been-good-enough " daughter. I had

my own crisis in my mid twenties and sought therapy to overcome it and in the

time since then have been less and less accomodating and/or enabling of my

mother's behaviors resulting from what I wholeheartedly believe is BPD. Since I

have had children of my own it's become worse than ever, and it resulted in a

suicide threat from her last year that got her a few days of inpatient treatment

(she's uninsured, homeless, and trying to get on disability so finding treatment

for her has been a huge challenge) where she was diagnosed with major depression

and bipolar disorder, which I've now read is a frequent mis-diagnosis for people

with BPD who haven't been consistent enough in treatment for a professional to

catch what's truly going on. After a major abusive episode following the birth

of my second child in January, my husband and I have been on the receiving end

of the blame game and she's gotten many members of my family to believe that

what she's saying about us is true. So now I have to figure out where to go

from here. I'm in therapy again myself because although I intellectually know

that I can't fix her and that I am absolutely justified in not allowing her to

be in my life or my daughters' lives, the emotional fallout of having a mother

this ill coupled with the destruction of the relationship I had with the rest of

my family has been, to say the least, heartbreaking.

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the Group, mandi,

You've found a bunch of fellow adult kids of bpd parents who understand the

heartbreak you are going through. (I too was never good enough for my bpd/npd

mom or " nada. " )

That's good that you are educating yourself about bpd: reading about it really

can help the adult child overcome misplaced, inappropriate feelings of guilt and

responsibility for her parent's feelings. The children of bpd parents are

often " parentified " by them; its a complete role-reversal in which the child is

saddled with adult-level care-taking of her parents' emotional needs. Its very

abusive to do that to your own child.

It takes a LOT of courage to put firm boundaries in place and maintain them, in

order to protect yourself and your own children, and you are not alone in this.

This Group has many members who have had to do pretty much the same thing, and

are experiencing the same kind of " smear campaign " the bpd parent initiates with

other family members.

It is heartbreaking but not uncommon for bpd parents to do this when thwarted or

given reasonable boundaries to observe and respect.

You'll find a lot of validation and support here, and I hope you find as much

peace and healing as I have.

-Annie

>

> Wow... in the last 2 days I have realized that my mother undoubtedly has BPD.

I just devoured Walking on Eggshells and found myself sobbing through various

descriptions that were word for word exactly the things that my mother has done

or said to or about me in the last 33 years. And while I intellectually KNOW

that I didn't cause any of her issues, reading a whole book that absolved me in

a way that I truly needed absolution was just incerdibly powerful.

>

> To make a long story short, I'm the " never-been-good-enough " daughter. I

had my own crisis in my mid twenties and sought therapy to overcome it and in

the time since then have been less and less accomodating and/or enabling of my

mother's behaviors resulting from what I wholeheartedly believe is BPD. Since I

have had children of my own it's become worse than ever, and it resulted in a

suicide threat from her last year that got her a few days of inpatient treatment

(she's uninsured, homeless, and trying to get on disability so finding treatment

for her has been a huge challenge) where she was diagnosed with major depression

and bipolar disorder, which I've now read is a frequent mis-diagnosis for people

with BPD who haven't been consistent enough in treatment for a professional to

catch what's truly going on. After a major abusive episode following the birth

of my second child in January, my husband and I have been on the receiving end

of the blame game and she's gotten many members of my family to believe that

what she's saying about us is true. So now I have to figure out where to go

from here. I'm in therapy again myself because although I intellectually know

that I can't fix her and that I am absolutely justified in not allowing her to

be in my life or my daughters' lives, the emotional fallout of having a mother

this ill coupled with the destruction of the relationship I had with the rest of

my family has been, to say the least, heartbreaking.

>

[Guest guest]

I too have just completed the Stop Walking on Eggshells book. It was extremely

insightful and I found myself still wanting more. I found this website featured

throughout the book and I though I would give it a try.

I am currently at a crossroads in my life. I was not considered never good

enough but instead no one was ever good enough for me. I was my mother's (who

has undiagnosed BPD) emotional caretaker. I took care of my two younger sisters

when I was just a child myself. My mother even bought me Mother`s Day cards when

I was only fourteen years old. I always knew that there was something wrong with

my mother but it was a part of my " normal " . Now I am in Graduate school and have

been married one year. My mother is on her fourth divorce for which she involved

me in her drama. I can not continue this unhealthy relationship the way it is. I

know I can not change her so I am trying to fill up my toolbox so I can

effectively communicate my needs and boundaries. Sometimes I feel like I am the

only one going through this.

> >

> > Wow... in the last 2 days I have realized that my mother undoubtedly has

BPD. I just devoured Walking on Eggshells and found myself sobbing through

various descriptions that were word for word exactly the things that my mother

has done or said to or about me in the last 33 years. And while I intellectually

KNOW that I didn't cause any of her issues, reading a whole book that absolved

me in a way that I truly needed absolution was just incerdibly powerful.

> >

> > To make a long story short, I'm the " never-been-good-enough " daughter. I

had my own crisis in my mid twenties and sought therapy to overcome it and in

the time since then have been less and less accomodating and/or enabling of my

mother's behaviors resulting from what I wholeheartedly believe is BPD. Since I

have had children of my own it's become worse than ever, and it resulted in a

suicide threat from her last year that got her a few days of inpatient treatment

(she's uninsured, homeless, and trying to get on disability so finding treatment

for her has been a huge challenge) where she was diagnosed with major depression

and bipolar disorder, which I've now read is a frequent mis-diagnosis for people

with BPD who haven't been consistent enough in treatment for a professional to

catch what's truly going on. After a major abusive episode following the birth

of my second child in January, my husband and I have been on the receiving end

of the blame game and she's gotten many members of my family to believe that

what she's saying about us is true. So now I have to figure out where to go

from here. I'm in therapy again myself because although I intellectually know

that I can't fix her and that I am absolutely justified in not allowing her to

be in my life or my daughters' lives, the emotional fallout of having a mother

this ill coupled with the destruction of the relationship I had with the rest of

my family has been, to say the least, heartbreaking.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Wecome to the Group, amother,

You are not alone. There are many here who were also " parentified " by their own

bpd mother or father. Its so wrong to do that to one's own child.

You will find a lot of emotional support here as you figure out how to set some

reasonable, adult boundaries with your bpd mom (or " nada " ) and reach a more

normalized level of emotional separation from her.

I suggest that the more you read about and understand borderline pd, the more

you will be able to accept that your feelings of responsibility for your

mother's feelings, and your feelings of guilt and obligation to be her

care-taker are misplaced and inappropriate.

" Surviving A Borderline Parent " and " Understanding The Borderline Mother " are

often recommended here. There are so many good books out there now about

setting up boundaries, overcoming co-dependency, etc.

You've found a great bunch of fellow " KO " s here: adult Kids Of borderline pd

parents.

I hope you will find much healing and peace here.

-Annie

> > >

> > > Wow... in the last 2 days I have realized that my mother undoubtedly has

BPD. I just devoured Walking on Eggshells and found myself sobbing through

various descriptions that were word for word exactly the things that my mother

has done or said to or about me in the last 33 years. And while I intellectually

KNOW that I didn't cause any of her issues, reading a whole book that absolved

me in a way that I truly needed absolution was just incerdibly powerful.

> > >

> > > To make a long story short, I'm the " never-been-good-enough " daughter.

I had my own crisis in my mid twenties and sought therapy to overcome it and in

the time since then have been less and less accomodating and/or enabling of my

mother's behaviors resulting from what I wholeheartedly believe is BPD. Since I

have had children of my own it's become worse than ever, and it resulted in a

suicide threat from her last year that got her a few days of inpatient treatment

(she's uninsured, homeless, and trying to get on disability so finding treatment

for her has been a huge challenge) where she was diagnosed with major depression

and bipolar disorder, which I've now read is a frequent mis-diagnosis for people

with BPD who haven't been consistent enough in treatment for a professional to

catch what's truly going on. After a major abusive episode following the birth

of my second child in January, my husband and I have been on the receiving end

of the blame game and she's gotten many members of my family to believe that

what she's saying about us is true. So now I have to figure out where to go

from here. I'm in therapy again myself because although I intellectually know

that I can't fix her and that I am absolutely justified in not allowing her to

be in my life or my daughters' lives, the emotional fallout of having a mother

this ill coupled with the destruction of the relationship I had with the rest of

my family has been, to say the least, heartbreaking.

> > >

> >

>