One instance of her craziness

[Guest guest]

When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a request.

I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted to use

my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from me for

herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have said.

She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally already

and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my boyfriend

until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid my

brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had to

take away the men in my life as well.

I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

Amy

barrycove@...

[Guest guest]

(((((Amy)))))

How to express this.... the level of dysfunction that can still pass as " normal "

to the public is astonishing. The tragedy is that those least able to perceive

and protect themselves from the dysfunction are at the most risk for damage: the

children of such individuals.

Seems I recall reading in one of the excellent books recommended here, that

borderline pd is a dysfunction of intimacy. The greater the level of intimacy

you have or wish to have with the individual with bpd, the more damage you will

receive.

-Annie

>

> When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a request.

> I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

>

>

> She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted to

use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from me

for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

>

>

> I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have said.

She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally already

and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

>

>

> This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my boyfriend

until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid my

brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

>

>

> I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had to

take away the men in my life as well.

>

>

> I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

>

>

> Amy

>

>

> barrycove@...

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

It's true; I wish I knew so much of what I know now, back then.

I knew something was always off kilter, but had no way of knowing.

It sounds from your post like that one request from your mother was just a

sampling of many similar ones. It gave me shivers as I read it. And I would

have said, like you, " sure, ok. you can have him. " What else could you say,

right?

She sounds like my mother as well in that she was threatened by any one else in

mine or my brother's life.

>

> When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a request.

> I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

>

>

> She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted to

use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from me

for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

>

>

> I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have said.

She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally already

and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

>

>

> This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my boyfriend

until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid my

brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

>

>

> I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had to

take away the men in my life as well.

>

>

> I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

>

>

> Amy

>

>

> barrycove@...

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

" Seems I recall reading in one of the excellent books recommended here, that

borderline pd is a dysfunction of intimacy. "

That is such a spot-on description of it.

> >

> > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a request.

> > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> >

> >

> > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted to

use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from me

for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

> >

> >

> > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have

said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally

already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> >

> >

> > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my

boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid

my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> >

> >

> > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had to

take away the men in my life as well.

> >

> >

> > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> >

> >

> > Amy

> >

> >

> > barrycove@

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one night and

told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister needed her more now.

I laid awake all night saying over and over to myself ...... " I have ME, thats

all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME. Just me and me and me and me and that is all

I need. "

Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew this 34 years

ago.

> >

> > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a request.

> > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> >

> >

> > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted to

use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from me

for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

> >

> >

> > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have

said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally

already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> >

> >

> > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my

boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid

my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> >

> >

> > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had to

take away the men in my life as well.

> >

> >

> > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> >

> >

> > Amy

> >

> >

> > barrycove@

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

How sad she did that to you. These monsters are really insane.

On Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM, nicolegawlik@... <

nicolegawlik@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one night

> and told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister needed her

> more now. I laid awake all night saying over and over to myself ...... " I

> have ME, thats all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME. Just me and me and me and

> me and that is all I need. "

> Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew this 34

> years ago.

>

>

> > >

> > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a

> request.

> > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > >

> > >

> > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was

> taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy

> more than I did.

> > >

> > >

> > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I

> have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > >

> > >

> > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my

> boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she

> forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised

> up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > >

> > >

> > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she

> had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > >

> > >

> > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > >

> > >

> > > Amy

> > >

> > >

> > > barrycove@

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

gawlik,

How did we ever grow up with stuff like this?????

I can't believe I didn't take my own life when i was in my twenties.

She certainly drove me to so much pain, but I guess I really loved life and

didn't want to die. I just wanted to be out of pain.

hugs to you. what a horrible memory.

amy

barrycove@...

[Guest guest]

(((((nicolegawlik)))))

No child should ever have to experience rejection like that from her own mother.

Its so wrong on so many levels for a child to be left virtually alone in the

care of a parent with a moderate to severe and untreated personality disorder,

who either:

* can't love the child, or

* actively resents the child as an unwanted burden, or

* who considers the child mere property to be exploited, or

* perceives the child to be a rival, or

* is so disconnected from reality that the child is perceived and treated as the

parent's appendage/clone, or a stand-in for the parent's mother/father (a

care-giver for the pd parent), a stand-in for the parent's spouse, or as

another adult, etc....

So instead of being perceived and treated as the individual, unique, abjectly

dependent and trusting human being with feelings, needs, and rights of his/her

own that the child actually IS, the child of the severely personality disordered

parent is either emotionally/physically abandoned by the parent, emotionally or

physically tortured, or emotionally or physically exploited. Or worse.

And I agree, it is kind of an epiphany when it finally does hit us that it

wasn't us, we didn't cause this mistreatment, we didn't deserve it, and instead

WE were betrayed by those who were entrusted by society and biology to be our

protectors and nurturers.

-Annie

> > >

> > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had a

request.

> > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > >

> > >

> > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she wanted

to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she was taking him from

me for herself. She told me that she needed him as a daddy more than I did.

> > >

> > >

> > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could I have

said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me emotionally

already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > >

> > >

> > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing my

boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time, she forbid

my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until he wised up and left

(and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > >

> > >

> > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real dad...she had

to take away the men in my life as well.

> > >

> > >

> > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > >

> > >

> > > Amy

> > >

> > >

> > > barrycove@

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >