advice about dealing with irritating co worker

[Guest guest]

So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years. I've

done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses, cancer

cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences. She

stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with them

for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

way required to follow her orders.

I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to attend.

How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait until

she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do that

again?

Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

[Guest guest]

I think the best way to handle this would be to find a way to

keep the co-worker busy doing something that prevents her from

standing behnd you. Failing that, talking to her beforehand

might be a good choice. I'd recommend starting out with a

non-accusatorial tone. If she reacts badly, then you might have

to ramp things up a bit but if she's not intentionally trying to

cause problems, you probably stand a better chance of correcting

the problem if she doesn't feel accused of wrong-doing. If she's

intentionally trying to cause problems for you, different

tactics are probably called for, depending on why she's doing

it.

At 01:53 PM 08/02/2011 Girlscout Cowboy wrote:

>So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14

>years. I've

>done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community

>events, health

>care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics,

>new ways to

>battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted

>houses, cancer

>cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

>

>I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press

>conferences. She

>stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues

>orders. She

>doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that

>I do.The

>client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive

>worked with them

>for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and

>I am in no

>way required to follow her orders.

>

>I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want

>to attend.

>How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do

>I wait until

>she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to

>ever do that

>again?

>

>Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

>

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

(((Girlscout)))

You are just too nice of a person. So am I. Here is someone who is clearly being

rude and you think twice about standing up for yourself. You doubt your own

expertise and experience in questioning if/what to say to her. You are a super

star. Act like it! =)

Okay, now really, if you want to be diplomatic, and not do what I would want to

do (which is turn to her when she starts hissing and say " please be quiet; this

is not the appropriate time to discuss this " ) I might say something like this

before the event to her: " I appreciate that you have feedback you'd like to

share on the press event, but I need you to wait until after the event to share

it with me so that I can focus on the task at hand. Thank you. "

Rock it, GS.

>

> So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years. I've

> done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses, cancer

> cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

>

> I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences. She

> stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with them

> for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> way required to follow her orders.

>

> I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to attend.

> How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait until

> she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do that

> again?

>

> Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Oh thanks so much guys!!! She is actually a nice person - I like her. She

just tends to be controlling. Have you ever worked with someone like that?

They mean well but their inner kindergarten teacher won't allow them to let

go of the reins and let the expert take charge.. . . Yeah, I like those

suggestions. I don't think she is trying to piss me off - but she is!!!!

We'll see how it goes. I guess another option is I don't tell her where it

is ha ha. Or I could be flippant and say " hold up there cowgirl, this here

is my rodeo! " and make a joke. I don't think I will do that because she may

not realize how serious it is.

In other office news, my office manger (queen of the cell phone account) and

I aren't speaking still - 3 weeks later. I showed my T her e-mail message

and she described it as abusive and felt I need to take it up the ladder.

Only prob is that the office manager's boss is also an asshole and he

creates the culture that promotes that behavoir.

I need to start my own company and get the eff out of here. . .

> **

>

>

> (((Girlscout)))nd

>

> You are just too nice of a person. So am I. Here is someone who is clearly

> being rude and you think twice about standing up for yourself. You doubt

> your own expertise and experience in questioning if/what to say to her. You

> are a super star. Act like it! =)

>

> Okay, now really, if you want to be diplomatic, and not do what I would

> want to do (which is turn to her when she starts hissing and say " please be

> quiet; this is not the appropriate time to discuss this " ) I might say

> something like this before the event to her: " I appreciate that you have

> feedback you'd like to share on the press event, but I need you to wait

> until after the event to share it with me so that I can focus on the task at

> hand. Thank you. "

>

> Rock it, GS.

>

>

>

>

>

> >

> > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> I've

> > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> cancer

> > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> >

> > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> She

> > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> them

> > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > way required to follow her orders.

> >

> > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> attend.

> > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> until

> > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> that

> > again?

> >

> > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Maybe just say, " Hey, sorry, but I'm very busy just now and can't discuss the (a

totally unrelated topic) with you; later, OK... " The idea that you are

relaying with this bizarre response, is that her comments to you are so

unimportant to you that the fact that she's attempting to be a back-seat driver

isn't even registering with you. She is a fly you are brushing away. Shoo,

fly.

Or perhaps, " Oh, hi there. Hey, since you're here, be a doll and get me a

refill, would you? That would be super... " (said vaguely over your shoulder

after you've handed her your cup, and are walking away from her.) Treat her as

a minion, since she has no real function there; put her to work. Ask her to run

an errand for you that will take her somewhere else, away from you. Like,

across town. Ask her to pick up your dry-cleaning, there's a love.

Just some possibilities to consider.

-Annie

>

> So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years. I've

> done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses, cancer

> cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

>

> I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences. She

> stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with them

> for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> way required to follow her orders.

>

> I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to attend.

> How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait until

> she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do that

> again?

>

> Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HAAAA!!! YES, give her a job, that's a fantastic idea!!!

On Tue, Aug 2, 2011 at 2:00 PM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Maybe just say, " Hey, sorry, but I'm very busy just now and can't discuss

> the (a totally unrelated topic) with you; later, OK... " The idea that you

> are relaying with this bizarre response, is that her comments to you are so

> unimportant to you that the fact that she's attempting to be a back-seat

> driver isn't even registering with you. She is a fly you are brushing away.

> Shoo, fly.

>

> Or perhaps, " Oh, hi there. Hey, since you're here, be a doll and get me a

> refill, would you? That would be super... " (said vaguely over your shoulder

> after you've handed her your cup, and are walking away from her.) Treat her

> as a minion, since she has no real function there; put her to work. Ask her

> to run an errand for you that will take her somewhere else, away from you.

> Like, across town. Ask her to pick up your dry-cleaning, there's a love.

>

> Just some possibilities to consider.

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> >

> > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> I've

> > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> cancer

> > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> >

> > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> She

> > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> them

> > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > way required to follow her orders.

> >

> > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> attend.

> > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> until

> > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> that

> > again?

> >

> > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

You seem like a pretty forthright person. Maybe you could tell her beforehand,

" if you come to the press conference tomorrow, it's better if you don't whisper

or talk to me while I'm working. I appreciate your support, but it's kind of

distracting. Thanks! "

If it were me and I left confrontation to the moment-of, I would get testy and

say, " could you please STOP that??! " Which wouldn't be so bad, either, I guess!

Or you can just tell her to **** off!!

Whatever you think will work with the least damage!

Fiona

>

> So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years. I've

> done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses, cancer

> cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

>

> I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences. She

> stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with them

> for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> way required to follow her orders.

>

> I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to attend.

> How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait until

> she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do that

> again?

>

> Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HAHA Yeah I think i have to tell her, both she and our other team mate on

the project tend to give me attitude, get in my way and act like they need

to approve my ideas. they don't I'm the ranking team member - 5 years based

on one year each for them plus zero experience for them in the press dept.

The thing I keep thinking of saying is wait for her to do it (my T suggested

this because she said if I bring it up out of no where I look like a bitch,

whereas if I just respond I look like I " m responding and she looks like a

bitch) and then say something like " this is my event to run. please back

off. If you don't like the way I do my job you are welcome to ask the big

boss to take one of us off this project. "

Emphasis on " one of us " ha ha because it might be me and it might be her.

And I have 5 times more experience on this project so who knows. And if I

were taken off the project it would be no big loss. But she would never ask

that anyway.

But that saying that will take either guts or addrenaline. . . ugh.

I'm going to practice it with my T on Thursday. the thing is on Tuesday. The

thing is, it must really bug me if I have been thinking about it weeks

ahead. . .

> **

>

>

> You seem like a pretty forthright person. Maybe you could tell her

> beforehand, " if you come to the press conference tomorrow, it's better if

> you don't whisper or talk to me while I'm working. I appreciate your

> support, but it's kind of distracting. Thanks! "

>

> If it were me and I left confrontation to the moment-of, I would get testy

> and say, " could you please STOP that??! " Which wouldn't be so bad, either, I

> guess!

>

> Or you can just tell her to **** off!!

>

> Whatever you think will work with the least damage!

>

> Fiona

>

>

>

> >

> > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> I've

> > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> cancer

> > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> >

> > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> She

> > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> them

> > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > way required to follow her orders.

> >

> > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> attend.

> > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> until

> > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> that

> > again?

> >

> > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Maybe it would be less stressful if it were clearer what the organizational and

reporting structure *is*.

I'm not getting a clear understanding of who reports to whom; sounds rather

vague and messy to me. Why are these two co-workers of yours even at this event

in the first place if they have no job to do there? Or... is it supposed to be

a team effort, with specific areas of responsibility for each of you to manage,

at equal levels of power, and all three of you report to a big boss...? But if

they're just spectators, and neither is your supervisor, then how is it that

they're telling you what to do? That all sounds so bizarre to me! Ack!!

If management has structured itself in a vague way, with " dotted line "

reporting, i.e., putting multiple bosses in charge with equal power and

overlapping responsibilities, then, yes, I personally find that hideously

stressful and crazy-making, myself.

I REALLY dislike having to report to several people, each of whom has the same

degree of say-so. I find that ulcer-inducing; its one of the reasons I left my

former employer. That goony company insisted on establishing multiple bosses

with overlapping areas of responsibility that they continually fought over like

snarling dogs, and I was perpetually stuck in the middle, in a totally no-win

position: ACK!!! Stand back, I feel an ANEURISM coming on!!

I want ONE boss: ONE individual with the final say-so/final approval. THAT I

can do, really well. That's how I function best, anyway.

-Annie

> > >

> > > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> > I've

> > > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> > cancer

> > > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> > >

> > > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> > She

> > > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> > them

> > > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > > way required to follow her orders.

> > >

> > > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> > attend.

> > > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> > until

> > > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> > that

> > > again?

> > >

> > > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yeah, it must really be bothering you, I guess because, as you said, she's a

nice enough person and you don't dislike her, right? Maybe that's why?

Practicing it with your T is a great idea. Good luck!!

> I'm going to practice it with my T on Thursday. the thing is on Tuesday. The

> thing is, it must really bug me if I have been thinking about it weeks

> ahead. . .

>

[Guest guest]

Hey Annie, ok so I am in one department. the other two are in another dept.

A mid level manager leads each of the departments - so we have different

bosses who are medium level. I've discussed this prob with my manager , and

she encouraged me to speak up. Though when I do I doubt she will remember

saying that ha ha. Then the owner of the agency is the big boss.

I think the problem is less an issue of organizational structure and much

more an issue of office culture. Trust can be low, my coworkers all treat

each other liek every idea is stupid unless its their idea, people polk

holes in everyone elses projects etc. It's kind of a negative culture. My

boss is a waif. 1/4 of our office is in a dept where they get treated like

gods. and basically everyone acts like what they do is more important and

their opinions are more important than anyone else. So I've adopted the

attitude that I keep careful records of everything I possibly can, and I

work to please my client and my coworkers can go eff themselves for the most

part. Because if I try to please them nothing will end up getting

accomplished because everyone thinks their idea is the only good one. I also

compartmentalize a lot and divide my responsibilities into a careful pile,

take care of them carefully and efficiently and then I ignore everything

else that goes on. i also refuse to let others get involved in my pile as

much as possible.

So I'm used to being heckled, mocked and questioned while inthe office. What

I'm not used to is having the " haters " follow me out into the real world

where the rubber meets the road and mock and heckle me there - in the heat

of the moment - where I am in charge of everything and I have up to 10

reporters watching as well as the client, guests etc. . .

Yes, they just come as spectators. I often use one of them, the lower

ranking male (I feel like I'm talking about a gorilla community instead of

people ha ha) occaisionally has a role in the stunt. Basically, if we need

to have someone wear a costume then he would do that. Other than that they

have no job and no reason to attend. I think they come to be " supportive. " I

don't know why else they would.

I don't mind if they come so long as they stay back, let me run it, and then

if an emergency comes up - say for instance a sign blows down, or someone

needs CPR, they would be welcome to deal with that problem. Otherwise If I

need help I'll ask for it.

> **

>

>

> Yeah, it must really be bothering you, I guess because, as you said, she's

> a nice enough person and you don't dislike her, right? Maybe that's why?

>

> Practicing it with your T is a great idea. Good luck!!

>

>

>

>

> > I'm going to practice it with my T on Thursday. the thing is on Tuesday.

> The

> > thing is, it must really bug me if I have been thinking about it weeks

> > ahead. . .

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Ah! OK, that makes it clearer to me, thanks. They truly are just spectators at

your events, and actually have no business being there at all. Interesting.

Perhaps this is a job you can assign to your security staff. Maybe at your next

event, have your team wear special badges to be allowed inside the perimeter

where you are. These two spectators would not be getting those badges, so

security will not let them inside the perimeter; they wouldn't have the chance

to come near you.

Or, if that would be too abrasive and perceived as unfriendly (which would be

counterproductive in the long run, since you have to interact with these people

in the office) perhaps cheerfully escort them to a " special observation area "

where they will " have a great view " or even chairs to sit in, but which is quite

a good distance from where you need to be, and arrange for a security person to

keep them there.

But if all else fails, if they are not taking any hints and are still being

annoyingly intrusive and distracting, maybe just have a talk with them about it

after the event, in a polite and emotionally neutral way. " Hey, I don't mind

you observing me at all, in fact its kind of flattering that you want to see how

I do things, but its important to me to not have my attention distracted during

the event. I need to remain very focused during the event and talking with you

then is too distracting for me. So, thanks for understanding. And I promise in

turn to not kibitz at your events, too. "

-Annie

> >

> > > I'm going to practice it with my T on Thursday. the thing is on Tuesday.

> > The

> > > thing is, it must really bug me if I have been thinking about it weeks

> > > ahead. . .

> > >

> >

> >

> >

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I like it, I like the special section, i could call it " VIP " . I also like

the idea of giving them a job a lot - I think I can do it at my next event

because its basically a big art project so I can put them to work.

PREVENTION. Great idea. Thanks guys HUGS HUGS HUGS and HUGS.

On Wed, Aug 3, 2011 at 10:38 AM, anuria67854 wrote:

> **

>

>

> Ah! OK, that makes it clearer to me, thanks. They truly are just spectators

> at your events, and actually have no business being there at all.

> Interesting.

>

> Perhaps this is a job you can assign to your security staff. Maybe at your

> next event, have your team wear special badges to be allowed inside the

> perimeter where you are. These two spectators would not be getting those

> badges, so security will not let them inside the perimeter; they wouldn't

> have the chance to come near you.

>

> Or, if that would be too abrasive and perceived as unfriendly (which would

> be counterproductive in the long run, since you have to interact with these

> people in the office) perhaps cheerfully escort them to a " special

> observation area " where they will " have a great view " or even chairs to sit

> in, but which is quite a good distance from where you need to be, and

> arrange for a security person to keep them there.

>

> But if all else fails, if they are not taking any hints and are still being

> annoyingly intrusive and distracting, maybe just have a talk with them about

> it after the event, in a polite and emotionally neutral way. " Hey, I don't

> mind you observing me at all, in fact its kind of flattering that you want

> to see how I do things, but its important to me to not have my attention

> distracted during the event. I need to remain very focused during the event

> and talking with you then is too distracting for me. So, thanks for

> understanding. And I promise in turn to not kibitz at your events, too. "

>

> -Annie

>

>

>

> > >

> > > > I'm going to practice it with my T on Thursday. the thing is on

> Tuesday.

> > > The

> > > > thing is, it must really bug me if I have been thinking about it

> weeks

> > > > ahead. . .

> > > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

amen on starting your own company. if you are thinking it then you've probably

been qualified to do so for a while now. I think us KO's have a terrible time

believing in ourselves. I have been reading a book about people changing careers

in midlife and it has blown me away the descriptions of people setting

themselves up as 'experts' in their field when they knew they were about to be

canned, and moving themselves into a more lucrative position as a consultant or

writer or what have you just on a few years of experience. 14 years of

experience in a field is a lifetime nowadays. And once you start walking in this

direction it will change your entire life, and you won't even care about the

psychos as much.

> > >

> > > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> > I've

> > > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> > cancer

> > > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> > >

> > > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> > She

> > > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> > them

> > > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > > way required to follow her orders.

> > >

> > > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> > attend.

> > > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> > until

> > > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> > that

> > > again?

> > >

> > > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

it sounds like you are surrounded by sharks. In a normal situation you could

probably handle it like a normal person and tell her in exact terms what is

going on and to stop but with having problems already with a superior it scares

me she might go psycho and go to your superior or cause trouble for you at the

conference yourself. with coworkers it is so hard because you have to discern,

is this a normal person who can take constructive criticism or is it a bpd type

who is going to be mortified internally and seek to ruin my life. if it's a

normie you can just express yourself, if it's not, i would guess that the less

said the better (because there is less for her to repeat/exaggerate/twist in a

dramatic retelling to coworkers and superiors). Probably the first thing I would

try when the conference is going on is just to turn and look at her, purse your

lips and hold up your finger to your lips, the international sign for " stfu " ,

lol. Then, you can move to " shhhhhhhhhhh!!! " if that doesn't work. I hope for

your sake it is a person with a normal psychology because it sounds like work is

stressful enough and you need to be able to hash out situations without it

creating more drama. But if she's not a normie it reminds me of something I read

once that an attorney wrote, something like 'never talk when you can grunt,

never grunt when you can nod, and never put anything in an email'...

(I am extra paranoid about situations like this because I have worked with so

many lying, manipulative lunatics).

>

> So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years. I've

> done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses, cancer

> cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

>

> I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences. She

> stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with them

> for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> way required to follow her orders.

>

> I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to attend.

> How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait until

> she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do that

> again?

>

> Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Thanks Llell, i needed to hear that! in the past few hours i have spent

about 4 hrs on the phone dealing with hostile people. One client insisted

that I WAS free Monday night after hours to teach a three hour long training

to youth and that it would ruin her life if I wasn't free. she threatened,

cajoled, ordered, sighed - all the old tricks. I said actually I am busy and

I typically plan my schedule MUCH further in advance than 3 biz days for

such an important commitment etc etc. she ended up changing the time after

threatening to find someone else. i said go ahead, look for someone. She

then asked me to help her find someone else. I changed the subject. Duh I'm

not going to give you another contact who can do what I do a and b, im not

asking my friends to do something I'm not willing to do myself.

Then I found out that the doctor I have been working for has been trash

talking me behind my back. and I am going to meet him at 7 am tomorrow. Why

am I working early for someone so hateful? I have a bunch of flippant

remarks planned to try to diffuse the situation without giving him the upper

hand. But if he crosses my lines I'm outta there - and he can go find

someone else to take his piss poor budget and piss poor ideas and piss poor

message and try to make something of it. Apparently he is told my coworker

today that he is going to send us an invoice for him fixing my work. i plan

to say, if he tries that, " oh good for you. how did it go? I'd love to see

the stories you generated. " Which will be ZERO!!!

If he keeps pushing me I'm going to ask him if he is challenging me to a PR

duel. And if he is I'll accept with excitement. How fun it would be to duel

an evil man using your very very very best skill. Yeah lets go!

and then if he is a dick I'm going to say we need ground rules for the

conversation. He breaks them and I will wish him good luck and say i have

better ways to spend my time. so that's that. i tried to discuss it with

waif boss but she got confused and stopped caring. She never really did

care, if I'm the star of the drama she just changes the channel.

> **

>

>

>

> it sounds like you are surrounded by sharks. In a normal situation you

> could probably handle it like a normal person and tell her in exact terms

> what is going on and to stop but with having problems already with a

> superior it scares me she might go psycho and go to your superior or cause

> trouble for you at the conference yourself. with coworkers it is so hard

> because you have to discern, is this a normal person who can take

> constructive criticism or is it a bpd type who is going to be mortified

> internally and seek to ruin my life. if it's a normie you can just express

> yourself, if it's not, i would guess that the less said the better (because

> there is less for her to repeat/exaggerate/twist in a dramatic retelling to

> coworkers and superiors). Probably the first thing I would try when the

> conference is going on is just to turn and look at her, purse your lips and

> hold up your finger to your lips, the international sign for " stfu " , lol.

> Then, you can move to " shhhhhhhhhhh!!! " if that doesn't work. I hope for

> your sake it is a person with a normal psychology because it sounds like

> work is stressful enough and you need to be able to hash out situations

> without it creating more drama. But if she's not a normie it reminds me of

> something I read once that an attorney wrote, something like 'never talk

> when you can grunt, never grunt when you can nod, and never put anything in

> an email'...

>

> (I am extra paranoid about situations like this because I have worked with

> so many lying, manipulative lunatics).

>

>

> >

> > So I run press conferences for a living. I have for going on 14 years.

> I've

> > done them for politicians, businesses, artists, community events, health

> > care campaigns, financial instiutions, technology, epidemics, new ways to

> > battle disease,olympics, marathons, sporting events, haunted houses,

> cancer

> > cures, fundraisers, concerts, celebrities etc etc

> >

> > I have a sort-of-new coworker who likes to come to my press conferences.

> She

> > stands behind me and hisses in my ear what to do and issues orders. She

> > doesn't specialize in my field. She's never done the work that I do.The

> > client that we share she has worked with for a year. 'Ive worked with

> them

> > for five years. She doesn't out rank me, she isn't my boss and I am in no

> > way required to follow her orders.

> >

> > I have another one coming up on Tues that I think she will want to

> attend.

> > How do I handle it? Do I talk to her in advance about it? Or do I wait

> until

> > she hisses in my ear what I should do and then tell her not to ever do

> that

> > again?

> >

> > Would love advice - living in the now SUCKS!!!

> >

> >

> >