suicide threats

March 12, 2012

My Nada has for many years used the treat of suicide as a way to manipulate me

and my Father. 2 and a half years ago they moved near my Wife and I. My Nada's

bouts with depression always center around financial issues mostly. She is

obsessed with having money, but when she does have it she blows through it

faster than I've ever seen anyone. She always talks about being too giving, but

she buys expensive gifts and gives money away subconsciously so that she can

then say. " I am so depressed I have no money coming in. If only I hadn't

bought this or that for you I would be in much better shape. " I have learned to

stop accepting things from her. A couple weeks ago she asked what the kids

wanted for Easter, and I told her they would be very happy with a card and a bag

of jelly beans. Instead she wanted to send gifts and DVD's. She remembers

every gift she has ever given, and uses them as leverage when she pours on the

guilt.

When they first moved here they went through one of their whirlwind financial

hardships, (which they always get out of). My Mom in that time worked out a new

will, told her best friend to be the conservator, and then called me to tell me

where all their important papers were in case anything should happen to both of

them at the same time. The whole time she was in tears. Well, my Nada and Fada

(not BP but brainwashed) worked out a plan where he would shoot her in the head,

and then kill himself. She told me not to worry, they would call the police

beforehand so I didn't have to find them like that. I know this pattern and

have seen it many times throughout my life (she has done something like this at

least 10 times.) Needless to say I didn't sleep for a week. Of course their

business got through the brief hard time and she was acting like nothing had

happened a few days later.

After a few months I get a call " get over here right now! Your Father is going

to blow his brains out! " To which my wife said " HELL NO!!! You aren't going to

a crazy person's house that has a gun. Tell her you are calling the police. "

(my wife is awesome.) Well, the idea of the Police calmed things down really

quickly. She said the only thing that kept them from killing themselves was

that they didn't know what they would do with their stupid English Bulldog, and

how much he would miss them. Nothing about my family. Nothing about the

grandkids.

We are LC now. What really made her mad last time is I told her that I would

NEVER tell my kids that I would commit suicide as a way to control them. Oh my

God. Big mistake. She went ballistic saying that I was making her pain and

terror about me. The fact that I have had to seek counceling because of all

this is my problem, not hers, and she will apologize about nothing especially

after all she has given me in my life. I also told her that I never understood

why she wrote me out of her life on so many occasions (these multiple

separations were meant to TEACH me and show me how good I had it when we were in

contact. Every time she hoovered me she always told me it would be on " her

terms " . Because I obviously was not interested in her pain, or being there for

her, she set up boundaries on our relationship this time thinking I would

object. She would not tell me anything personal about her or my Fada again. I

wouldn't know anything unless they died. These boundaries were given with a

" how do you like them apples " kind of way. When I wrote back and told her that

I was going to suggest the same boundaries to her, and that I hadn't because I

didn't know how she would react shocked her. I also said that she would get no

more personal information about myself or my wife. (which she is addicted to,

and uses against us all the time) We would talk about the weather and her

grandkids and that was all. I am to the point now of trying to push her buttons

so she can say that she thinks I need some time without her in my life to learn

to appreciate her. When that happens all I want to say is " good. Do not EVER

call me, write to me, try to contact my children again. " I really want nothing

more to do with her. I have reached the end.

March 12, 2012

I can understand why you have reached the end of your rope and want no further

contact. Being subjected to suicide threats as a form of manipulation or

punishment is so ghastly. Jeez, Louise.

You are to be commended for choosing to not ever let your children spend time

alone with your nada and fada; your parents are too unstable and emotionally

immature to be responsible enough to be around kids, in my opinion. A child

witnessing a parent or grandparent threatening to kill or mutilate themselves is

highly traumatizing.

Back when we had our family crisis about 4 years ago, when Sister and I decided

to take a hard stance with our nada and go No Contact with her until she had

gone to therapy and shown some improvement in her behaviors, nada made a couple

of suicide threats.

Sister and I, and my Sister's adult son, decided that if nada made any

additional suicide threats we (well, Sister and my Nephew, who lived near nada)

were going to call 911. We realized that none of us were equipped to handle a

real suicide attempt, and that if nada was just threatening suicide to be

manipulative or to inflict punishment on us, that having the paramedics arrive

and possibly taking her in for an involuntary psychiatric observation would not

be what nada had in mind.

(In the end, nada did succumb to dementia and was taken in for an involuntary

observation at a psychiatric hospital by the police.)

Its just sad, any way you look at it. Its sad for the loved ones and for the

person with the mental illness.

Your wife sounds like a wonderful person and very supportive of you; that's

great!

-Annie

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> My Nada has for many years used the treat of suicide as a way to manipulate me