I find out I'm pregnant and nada comes out of the woodwork. Shocking!

[Guest guest]

We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to all

of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her expectant

daughter.

She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails about

how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling ok......after

weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

I'm not falling for it this time.

She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick behavior

because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly " cares " about

me.

[Guest guest]

PUUUUUUUKE

does not surprise me but does sicken me. Sorry

And CONGRATS!!!!!

> **

>

>

> We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

>

> My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

> all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

> expectant daughter.

>

> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

> about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

> ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

>

> My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my

> first child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got

> pregnant, she flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all

> of sudden.

>

> I'm not falling for it this time.

>

> She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet

> her need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

>

> I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

> behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

> " cares " about me.

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Good for you for not falling for it. I can just picture my nada

acting the same way if I'd had children.

My nada loves babies. All I heard for years was how I ought to

provide her with grandchildren. When I was in my teens and early

twenties and told her I didn't intend to have children she

offered to raise my children for me. What a horrifying idea that

was! Finally my brother got married and had two children, which

really made him her favorite. She's getting less entranced with

her oldest grandchild though. When my brother and his family

came to visit a few months ago, she told me that she thought my

nephew didn't like her anymore. He's five and old enough to

think and have opinions of his own. The golden period is over

for him. I'm so glad that my brother lives on the opposite side

of the country so that his children are not exposed to nada very

often.

At 05:56 PM 08/02/2011 big_sister_03 wrote:

>We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

>

>My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep

>daughter to all of a sudden being the loving, doting,

>oh-so-concerned mother about her expectant daughter.

>

>She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy

>voicemails about how worried she was and she wanted to make

>sure I was feeling ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I

>didn't answer.

>

>My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant

>with my first child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and

>as soon as I got pregnant, she flipped the switch and wanted to

>be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

>

>I'm not falling for it this time.

>

>She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her

>and meet her need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

>

>I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this

>very sick behavior because no one else understands why I am

>reviled that she suddenly " cares " about me.

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

Its sort of similar to the way that acquaintances and relatives you barely know

are suddenly your bestest best friend ever if you win millions in the lottery.

Um. Right. I think its very wise of you to comprehend the big picture RE your

nada's mercurial behaviors.

-Annie

>

> We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

>

> My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

>

> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails about

how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling ok......after

weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

>

> My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

>

> I'm not falling for it this time.

>

> She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

>

> I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

>

[Guest guest]

>> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

>

FLASHBACK! FLASHBACK! MAKE IT STOP!!!

(J/K, kind of. This has happened to me more than a few times ;-)

Her behavior during my first pregnancy was the worst, especially toward the end.

She was calling every day during my last few weeks, and no matter how many times

I asked her to stop or told her I'd call her when I was in labor, it continued.

I stopped answering the phone, and she had an extinction burst. I got sick of

the phone endlessly ringing and the dozens of messages and finally answered, and

she said, " When you don't answer the phone, that makes people think you must

have gone to the hospital! " She was obsessed.

I'm glad you know what to expect, having gone through this before, because maybe

it will help you know what boundaries you need. My mom was like yours. If I said

I was fine, she'd keep asking, like she wanted a different answer. And if I'd

say, " I already answered that, " she'd say, " Oh, but I just love you and want

everything to be ok, I'm worried about you. " Really? Because it seems to me,

Mom, if you really cared about me and wanted my pregnancy to go well, you

wouldn't be throwing your negativity at me and expecting me to absorb it for

you. I'm fine, I'm not worried, and my only real problem is that you simply

refuse to let me gestate in peace!

It's annoying how they dress up their harassment as care and concern. I think

they even believe they're doing what they're supposed to when they do that.

Anybody looking at it from the outside just thinks, " Oh, what a loving mother,

and she's so excited about having a grandbaby! " But we know it doesn't feel

loving, and that they don't really care at all what we really need. It's all

about them. They want to feel in control, and they want to feel important enough

to know more than anyone else about our babies. It's exhausting to try to grow a

baby and also be expected to cater to their infantile needs.

Medium chill worked well for me. Or as well as anything could work with someone

like my mother. That and just telling her, NO, and setting other boundaries.

My parents have used my kids as a narcissistic supply, too. I understand what

you mean about your mother wanting to be around your child because it makes her

feel good. My mother wanted to rock my babies all night long in the recliner.

When I had the last one, we were already so LC that I only let my parents visit

for 2 hours when they met her, and she was so disappointed that I wouldn't let

her rock the baby all night. *blech* And one of my DDs gave her a painting once,

but the other hadn't wanted to paint that day, and my mom kept asking her to

make a painting for her too. I had to step in and stop it because my other DD

kept saying she didn't feel like it, and my mom was taking it personally.

Anyway, I can sympathize. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and do whatever you

need to do to protect yourself and your baby and your family from the stress

your mother wants to give you.

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Sveta annd Katrina,

Your stories are horrifically similar to how my nada acted when my brother had

his kiiids. I lived with him when the 1st was born. And nada lives on the East

coast while bro and I are on the West. She did those same things with his two

sons. The rocking them 24 hours a day...the abandonment when the eldest got to

having his own opinions. I'm actually getting enraged thinking about how she

treated all of us throughout those times. I could put a hole in a wall with my

fist right now.

Ug!

amanda

> >> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

> >

>

> FLASHBACK! FLASHBACK! MAKE IT STOP!!!

>

> (J/K, kind of. This has happened to me more than a few times ;-)

>

> Her behavior during my first pregnancy was the worst, especially toward the

end. She was calling every day during my last few weeks, and no matter how many

times I asked her to stop or told her I'd call her when I was in labor, it

continued. I stopped answering the phone, and she had an extinction burst. I got

sick of the phone endlessly ringing and the dozens of messages and finally

answered, and she said, " When you don't answer the phone, that makes people

think you must have gone to the hospital! " She was obsessed.

>

> I'm glad you know what to expect, having gone through this before, because

maybe it will help you know what boundaries you need. My mom was like yours. If

I said I was fine, she'd keep asking, like she wanted a different answer. And if

I'd say, " I already answered that, " she'd say, " Oh, but I just love you and want

everything to be ok, I'm worried about you. " Really? Because it seems to me,

Mom, if you really cared about me and wanted my pregnancy to go well, you

wouldn't be throwing your negativity at me and expecting me to absorb it for

you. I'm fine, I'm not worried, and my only real problem is that you simply

refuse to let me gestate in peace!

>

> It's annoying how they dress up their harassment as care and concern. I think

they even believe they're doing what they're supposed to when they do that.

Anybody looking at it from the outside just thinks, " Oh, what a loving mother,

and she's so excited about having a grandbaby! " But we know it doesn't feel

loving, and that they don't really care at all what we really need. It's all

about them. They want to feel in control, and they want to feel important enough

to know more than anyone else about our babies. It's exhausting to try to grow a

baby and also be expected to cater to their infantile needs.

>

> Medium chill worked well for me. Or as well as anything could work with

someone like my mother. That and just telling her, NO, and setting other

boundaries.

>

> My parents have used my kids as a narcissistic supply, too. I understand what

you mean about your mother wanting to be around your child because it makes her

feel good. My mother wanted to rock my babies all night long in the recliner.

When I had the last one, we were already so LC that I only let my parents visit

for 2 hours when they met her, and she was so disappointed that I wouldn't let

her rock the baby all night. *blech* And one of my DDs gave her a painting once,

but the other hadn't wanted to paint that day, and my mom kept asking her to

make a painting for her too. I had to step in and stop it because my other DD

kept saying she didn't feel like it, and my mom was taking it personally.

>

> Anyway, I can sympathize. Congratulations on your pregnancy, and do whatever

you need to do to protect yourself and your baby and your family from the stress

your mother wants to give you.

>

> Sveta

>

[Guest guest]

First off, congratulations!! That's great news!

You put it well: grandchildren worship them, they're too little to know better,

so the nadas love it. My mothers began being critical and distant from my older

daughter once she (my dd) started realizing what nada was really like. As my dd

says, " All grandma does is nag me. Why would I want to hang out with that? "

It's true.

And btw, good for you for not returning her sappy voice mails.

Fiona

>

> We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

>

> My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

>

> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails about

how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling ok......after

weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

>

> My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

>

> I'm not falling for it this time.

>

> She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

>

> I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

>

[Guest guest]

Again, Congratulations!

Sadly, I'm not surprised your nada is freaking out like this either.

I remember my grandnada showing up for like weeks from the opposite side of the

country when my younger siblings were born. Of course, she had done this for me

and my brother as well but I was too young to remember those. I would assume as

a new grandmother, you would want to decrease the stress on your daughter and

son in law, but whenever Grandnada came to town, all hell broke loose.

My nada LOVES babies. Sickeningly so. She's a neonatal nurse and everything.

After she had 4 of us and was sick of us having our own opinions, she got dogs.

They're her babies now and outrank us in the family.

She asked me once if I was going to be a good daughter someday and give her

grandchildren. I laughed and told her that I wasn't sane enough to have kids

thanks to her. The funny part is she completely ignored that comment and started

telling me how good with kids I am, and I should think about it especially since

I'll be getting married in the next several years. It's crazy how desperate they

are.

So. Good for you for not returning those awful voicemails and standing up for

your rights as both a human being and expectant mother! Do what will give you

the peace of mind needed to bring this lovely child into the world, and if that

means limiting contact or altogether excluding nada, go for it.

Again, congratulations on the excitement and soon-to-be new addition. Bask in

the love you have in your family rather than let Nada suck it out.

> >

> > We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

> >

> > My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

> >

> > She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

> >

> > My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

> >

> > I'm not falling for it this time.

> >

> > She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

> >

> > I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

After my first 2 pregnancies, I learned that the best thing to do when telling

your BPD mom that you're pregnant is lie about the due date - make it later!

It's the only way to avoid the hourly phone calls in those last few weeks asking

how you're feeling, whether you're in labor yet, etc...

And on my 3rd child, I didn't even tell her when I went into labor. Waited until

the baby was born and then called - in the middle of the night - to let her

know. In hindsight, I should have waited until I left the hospital. My father

ended up driving her up to my hospital room and DROPPING HER OFF. It was pure

hell.

I don't think you were looking for advice, but I just wanted to pass on that

after 3 pregnancies, I finally realized that pregnancy should be treated like

all other things - no information to your BPD parent (or very very little) is

always best.

Good luck!!!

> > >

> > > We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

> > >

> > > My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter

to all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

> > >

> > > She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

> > >

> > > My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my

first child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant,

she flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

> > >

> > > I'm not falling for it this time.

> > >

> > > She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet

her need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

> > >

> > > I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

yep it's like a brand new potential supply of NS (narcissistic supply) coming

into the world, kind of gives me the heebie jeebies.

I don't blame you for being wary, it seems like this is an attempt at blackmail

(I am being nice to you so why you have to given me carte blanche with my

grandchildren blah blah blah).

Good for you for having the resolve not to fall for it...

>

> We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

>

> My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

>

> She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails about

how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling ok......after

weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

>

> My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

>

> I'm not falling for it this time.

>

> She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

>

> I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

>

[Guest guest]

my nada did the same thing... it is sick and only fufills their needs...so

wrong.

It is good that you are aware of her true motives.

> >

> > We told our parents this weekend we were expecting.

> >

> > My mom does a paradigm shift from me being horrible, blacksheep daughter to

all of a sudden being the loving, doting, oh-so-concerned mother about her

expectant daughter.

> >

> > She called me TWICE yesterday and TWICE Sunday, leaving sappy voicemails

about how worried she was and she wanted to make sure I was feeling

ok......after weeks and weeks of silence. I didn't answer.

> >

> > My memory went back to years ago - right before I got pregnant with my first

child, my mom was in her " horses ass " phase and as soon as I got pregnant, she

flipped the switch and wanted to be " loving wonderful mom " all of sudden.

> >

> > I'm not falling for it this time.

> >

> > She LOVES babies and loves grandchildren because they adore her and meet her

need of having someone to worship her. GAG. PUKE.

> >

> > I just needed to vent my complete and total repulsion of this very sick

behavior because no one else understands why I am reviled that she suddenly

" cares " about me.

> >

>