Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. Meikjn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thanks, Meikjn. It sounds heartbreakingly similar to what my fada did to all us kids, though I mostly remember when he did things like that to my little siblings (who are 10-16 years younger than me.) The fact that you're actively working on being a better parent makes you an excellent parent. Everyone screws up sometime, but most parents learn from their mistakes. Not so much for our fadas and/or nadas. I shared it on FB with my friends. > ** > > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting > sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to > snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever > played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see > that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and > rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do > with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at > reciprocating love. > > Meikjn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thank you for posting this article. I can remember the exact moment that my mother broke me. My father...I don't know if I ever quit trying with him. When I was about five years old, my grandfather read me a story. I sat on his lap. This is the only memory I have of being read to, ever. I remember when Oprah had a guest who asked, " Do your eyes light up when your child walks in the room? " and I thought, " WHAT? " My parents almost always looked at me with disgust, anger, irritation, annoyance...I thought that was just how every family was. I still live in the state where I was born, and there is a bird that makes a call. That call instantly brings me back to the intense loneliness of being in my room and playing by myself. Just hearing that call fills me with sadness and loneliness. I have a friend who told me about the time he mortified his mother. He was five and they were at the grocery store. The store manager came over and kneeled down to unlock the safe under the register area, so he was at my friend's height. My friend whispered to him, " Are you a burglar? " His mother was *mortified* and she STILL brings up the story about the time he embarrassed her and he is in his forties. I imagine him, this wonderful guy, this precious little boy spirit, saying this adorable thing and being shamed for it. I think, this stupid woman lost her chance! Her opportunity to laugh at his cute behavior. Instead she shamed him and continues to shame him for it. He doesn't see it the way I do. It makes my heart ache. Deanna > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. > > Meikjn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and abusive language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Thanks for sharing that blog article, it was awesome. I hope lots and lots of people will read it. Its very inspiring. All too often, I observe mothers with small children waiting in line, behaving in very similar ways: they are not disciplining their child they are crushing their child's sense that the child is even loved, right there in public, as though treating their child with such contempt is normal and OK. I guess everyone can have an off day, be feeling sick, be worried sick, or running on their last fumes of good humor, so I'm sure that all parents can behave in similar ways toward their little child every once in a while. But when that kind of treatment is chronic, ongoing, and relentless, when the rejection is done with that level of hostility and venom on a daily basis... well, to me that screams the message that the parent actually hates their child. Such behavior is not coming from a loving heart. So if the parent treats his or her child like that frequently or continuously, then the parent is either mentally ill / personality disordered or they actually despise their own child. To the child, its the same as hearing, " I hate you, and I wish you would just die and leave me alone. " In my opinion. -Annie > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. > > Meikjn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Yes, Annie! That is the message I felt from both of my parents. You're annoying. I can't stand you. You make me angry. You're stupid. Go away. I don't care about your feelings. I think it's funny when you're hurting. All without *saying* it, which makes it weird, like, was that really my experience? Was I too sensitive? And all that self doubt... Spot on. > > > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. > > > > Meikjn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Wow, I would swear we share the same mother! > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012  I think the BPD patient/parent looks to the hurts (real or imagined) of the past and can't or won't let them go. That was true of my nada eons ago, when my hapless father would tell her to " stop living in the [hurts of] the past. "  The BPD does not look to the future (other than to plan more mischief) for very long and does not " live in the present moment. "     It has an unfortunate effect on us KO's (now adult kids of a BPD) in that some of us get BPD " fleas " and sometimes (or always?) are haunted by or ruminate upon our own past hurtful memories or mistakes involuntarily because nada taught us unconsciously to become attached to or hooked on conflict and crisis (akin to the adult children of alcoholic parents).  Fortunately we can get therapy and if therapy is not an option or not working there is EFT, FasterEFT, Tapas Technique [great for PTSD !], Silva Mind, and even The One Command method. (Google these.) The first three one can learn for free on the internet. The local lending library should also have: The Tapping Cure by a Temes, The Silva Mind Control Method by Silva, The One Command. It is possible to get The One Command e-book for free from www.TheOneCommand.com  To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Tuesday, March 13, 2012 10:59 AM Subject: Re: breaking the cycle  What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and abusive language. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Hi Meredith, Its so sad and hurtful when our bpd parent behaves that way. And incredibly stressful. My Sister learned to cut off her feelings entirely for our mother, in effect completely emotionally distancing herself or " divorcing " herself from nada but still looking after her as though our mother was simply one of her clients. I wasn't able to do that, so I kept getting re-traumatized when nada would verbally attack me; I had to go No Contact. This behavior of attacking, blaming and projecting is simply one of the things those with borderline pd do. Its part of their " black and white " thinking. If she has painted you " all black/all bad " , then nothing you do is right and she'll even dredge up things from 20 years ago to criticize you about. If you want to maintain contact, there are a lot of good books out there now with techniques for managing having a relationship with a person with bpd. Randi Kreger's books are good. I personally recommend Lawson's " Understanding The Borderline Mother. " -Annie > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 I am not a parent, but I have a dog who is barely a year that I just adopted. He has been with me almost 4 months. We've been through obedience class (which I liken to parenting classes), and I've learned the proper ways to discipline him. When I see and read about the way people treat their children (and yes, the way nada treated me), I am disgusted because I wouldn't treat my DOG that way. And my dog has times when he is overly rambunctious in public and I have to deal with him, just like a parent does with a child. What do I do? I remove him from the situation, calmly, and have him sit while I allow him to calm down. Once he's calmed down and focused again, we continue with what we were doing. It always works. I don't yell at him, I don't hit him, I don't crush his doggie spirit, I just allow him to calm down and show him how I want him to behave. You see parents who ignore their children's warning signs that they are getting over-excited, let their children run around and scream in public places, then go totally the other direction punishing and " disciplining " their children. Obviously, kids are harder to raise than dogs (hence why I'm only a doggie momma), but some people treat their children worse than animals. I just don't get it. How we, as a society, can see this happening on such a widespread basis, and we just turn the other way. I'm at the point where I feel like there are more bad parents out there than good ones. I really respect good parents, because just like me and how I respect my puppy, they respect their kids and understand the responsibility they have to their children. Kids don't owe their parents; parents owe their kids. At least that's my opinion. > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. > > Meikjn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 Get it, get it totally. I often felt that my own mother focused solely on the negative things in her past, and actually sought negative events to remember. Before dementia set in she could dredge up an event from 60 or 70 years before - the silliest things, always involving her being wronged or someone doing something to another person or to her, and usually imagined. The older she got the more she grew to hate others - black and white thinking completely. They would be good and then one day painted black and that was it - cut out of her life. She was convinced that people were up to things, and imagined preposterous scenarios. One time she told us, in all seriousness, that the local news channel anchorwoman was having an affair with the anchorman, and that was why she had a lot of makeup covering what looked like a black eye, because her husband had probably given her a black eye when he found out. Say what? Complete and utter fiction! I've often wondered if there is a glitch in the BPD brain that allows them to hone in on negativity than the average person. > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 13, 2012 Report Share Posted March 13, 2012 No, you weren't too sensitive, none of us were. I only got through about a third of the blog post before I started to cry and stopped reading. It breaks my heart to see or read about children being treated like I was, and it breaks my heart whenever people mention their children. I have no children, I have no spouse, I don't know how to start or maintain a relationship thanks to my parents' abuse. I can't imagine having something as precious as a family in my life and showing cruelty to them. > > > > > > I found this blog rant encouraging. I really struggle with parenting sometimes. I am what I would call boring. I do fine when it comes to snuggling, but it is really hard to break the cycle sometimes. no one ever played with me. my siblings and most people at school left me out. I see that my kids need me to play, but I really have to work at it. > > > > > > http://becomeabetterfather.com/family/you-just-broke-your-child-congratulations-\ by-dan-pearce-2/ > > > > > > my mom sometimes read to us, but she did it in a rather non-emotional and rushed way to get through it as fast as possible. my Dad had nothing to do with me really even though we lived in the same home. > > > > > > how much is missed when we are selfish in parenting. kids are amazing at reciprocating love. > > > > > > Meikjn > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 My mother alternates--between bringing up embarrassing moments in my life to stories of the times I was her 'perfect' child. More often it is the perfect child stories, since in the past those proved more manipulative. Your BPD parent is looking for a reaction from you, and these stories are just the form of manipulation they use to fill that need. > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 What I find interesting is that my mother thinks of me as an appendage to her - she lives vicariously through all my successes and tells all her friends about my career, my kids etc.. If and when I have failed at something, the verbal abuse and twisted regurgitation of " facts " about me and to me are so intense, vicious and abusive. I have realized that she takes it so very personally when I don't succeed, sees it as a reflection of her and that she regards my failure as undermining her. Take these things and couple them with her self -loathing and we have a BPD spiraling out of control, on the slippery slope of life. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of echobabe_is_free Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 2:14 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: breaking the cycle My mother alternates--between bringing up embarrassing moments in my life to stories of the times I was her 'perfect' child. More often it is the perfect child stories, since in the past those proved more manipulative. Your BPD parent is looking for a reaction from you, and these stories are just the form of manipulation they use to fill that need. > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 <<If and when I have failed at something, the verbal abuse and twisted regurgitation of " facts " about me and to me are so intense, vicious and abusive. I have realized that she takes it so very personally when I don't succeed, sees it as a reflection of her and that she regards my failure as undermining her.>>  Please be very good to yourself  if she does not praise You   for your successes in career and with your children, etc.  Sometimes the BPD nada presents one's  triumphs to others but deliberately withholds praise because she wants to resent  what she herself has not attained. Such praise would undermine her verbal abuse and her twisted recitation of events presented to you later for perceived less than stellar performance. It's all part and parcel of pushing her feelings of inadequacy onto a convenient " target. "   To: WTOAdultChildren1 Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:19 AM Subject: RE: Re: breaking the cycle  What I find interesting is that my mother thinks of me as an appendage to her - she lives vicariously through all my successes and tells all her friends about my career, my kids etc.. If and when I have failed at something, the verbal abuse and twisted regurgitation of " facts " about me and to me are so intense, vicious and abusive. I have realized that she takes it so very personally when I don't succeed, sees it as a reflection of her and that she regards my failure as undermining her. Take these things and couple them with her self -loathing and we have a BPD spiraling out of control, on the slippery slope of life. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of echobabe_is_free Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 2:14 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: breaking the cycle My mother alternates--between bringing up embarrassing moments in my life to stories of the times I was her 'perfect' child. More often it is the perfect child stories, since in the past those proved more manipulative. Your BPD parent is looking for a reaction from you, and these stories are just the form of manipulation they use to fill that need. > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Wow – brilliant feedback. Thanks. Very painful to finally come to terms with all the mind-twisting abuse, illogical thinking, condemning comments, death threats on everyone, hatred towards anyone who might say something she doesn’t like etc.. And my poor father with “Stockholm Syndrome†- cant imagine how he has stayed on this roller coaster of waking up everyday and not knowing what she is going to be like. Screaming at him, cursing, slamming doors and then in a docile tone asking what he wants for dinner. Go figure. From: WTOAdultChildren1 [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 ] On Behalf Of Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 2:47 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 Subject: Re: Re: breaking the cycle <<If and when I have failed at something, the verbal abuse and twisted regurgitation of " facts " about me and to me are so intense, vicious and abusive. I have realized that she takes it so very personally when I don't succeed, sees it as a reflection of her and that she regards my failure as undermining her.>> Please be very good to yourself if she does not praise You for your successes in career and with your children, etc. Sometimes the BPD nada presents one's triumphs to others but deliberately withholds praise because she wants to resent what she herself has not attained. Such praise would undermine her verbal abuse and her twisted recitation of events presented to you later for perceived less than stellar performance. It's all part and parcel of pushing her feelings of inadequacy onto a convenient " target. " From: Meredith Paley <Meredith.Paley@... <mailto:Meredith.Paley%40talbots.com> > To: WTOAdultChildren1 <mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 11:19 AM Subject: RE: Re: breaking the cycle What I find interesting is that my mother thinks of me as an appendage to her - she lives vicariously through all my successes and tells all her friends about my career, my kids etc.. If and when I have failed at something, the verbal abuse and twisted regurgitation of " facts " about me and to me are so intense, vicious and abusive. I have realized that she takes it so very personally when I don't succeed, sees it as a reflection of her and that she regards my failure as undermining her. Take these things and couple them with her self -loathing and we have a BPD spiraling out of control, on the slippery slope of life. From: WTOAdultChildren1 <mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> [mailto:WTOAdultChildren1 <mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> ] On Behalf Of echobabe_is_free Sent: Wednesday, March 14, 2012 2:14 PM To: WTOAdultChildren1 <mailto:WTOAdultChildren1%40yahoogroups.com> Subject: Re: breaking the cycle My mother alternates--between bringing up embarrassing moments in my life to stories of the times I was her 'perfect' child. More often it is the perfect child stories, since in the past those proved more manipulative. Your BPD parent is looking for a reaction from you, and these stories are just the form of manipulation they use to fill that need. > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. She hates everyone - including me, her own daughter. She wishes > ill and death on friends, cousins, aunts, my dad's side of the family. > Her voodoo pin pricks are for anyone who has ever oh, so slightly > " crossed " her. She rages and spits out fire with verbal attacks and > abusive language. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 It took me longer than many, but I am in a healthy relationship now. I am unable to have children, even if I felt ready for it, but I do work with kids at a domestic violence shelter. I feel like I'm getting something out of that, like helping them helps me. Personally, I did lots of watching. Seeing how people are in relationships and asking myself if I thought their interactions were healthy and were something that I wanted. There is hope for everyone to build healthy relationships; it's never too late. > > > > Yes, Annie! That is the message I felt from both of my parents. You're annoying. I can't stand you. You make me angry. You're stupid. Go away. I don't care about your feelings. I think it's funny when you're hurting. > > > > All without *saying* it, which makes it weird, like, was that really my experience? Was I too sensitive? And all that self doubt... > > > > Spot on. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 Thanks. I'm hopeful, cautiously, at least. I've been reading a book on complex PTSD in child abuse survivors (Rebuilding Shattered Lives by Chu), and he has an interesting analogy. He says imagine someone takes you onto the roof of a tall building, and says ok, lets walk off the edge and we'll just float down to the ground. Now imagine they look at you like you're nuts because you don't want to try, so they go ahead and walk off the edge and float to the ground. Then you see some other people do it. How do you feel? I thought about that, and I realized that it's exactly how I feel about getting into close relationships. Terror in the pit of my stomach over doing something that other people do comfortably. > > > > > > Yes, Annie! That is the message I felt from both of my parents. You're annoying. I can't stand you. You make me angry. You're stupid. Go away. I don't care about your feelings. I think it's funny when you're hurting. > > > > > > All without *saying* it, which makes it weird, like, was that really my experience? Was I too sensitive? And all that self doubt... > > > > > > Spot on. > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 15, 2012 Report Share Posted March 15, 2012 > > What is it about a BPD parent bringing up things from the past? My BPD > mother still brings up things that I did from when I was 5, 7, 10, 14 > years old. I am now 44. She still relentlessly hammers me with stories > - reciting times I " embarrassed " her, shamed her, answered her back, > failed a test, didn't study, talked too much in the phone as a teenager > etc.. My mother does, that, too--ESPECIALLY if she is feeling defensive and trying to distract me from talking about her...she will throw something up about me. She likes to cite something I did as a 9-year-old as evidence that I " make things up " and never recall things accurately (um, hello, gaslighting!). It's about shifting blame. At least for my nada. For instance, once after she kept asking me, I finally told her that yes, I had been suicidal before and that when I begged her to help she refused to take me to a T. Her response was that I once refused to fix my hair. Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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