Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 Ok this limited contact thing is a pain when Nada's resist it. I told her I would send one e-mail a week. and I wanted no more phone contact for a while. I need it for my physical and emotional health. I only claimed physical to her. she barley buys that let alone mental health she believes no one really has that. unless she is trashing on them. so I got a nasty letter yesterday. first she apologized for stomping on the boundary by claiming she did not read my more clarifying e-mail until after. (not sure what the excuse is for the phone call after she read it) then she " hoped " it was ok for her to send this ONE (underlined too) letter. seriously? then she told me that she can't imagine what she has ever done to deserve this, but " respects " that I need space. she did acknowledge that she may have asked too many questions about certain things that she A. was not supportive of, and B. are none of her business. but she did so by telling me that I should not be upset about that because she is just curious. (I never actually complained about that to her, so clearly she is not stupid) she went on to tell me that I was " creating a dialog " like when I was a teenager. (code for making crap up) I found it funny that she said this. she is gas lighting me when I never actually explained what I am upset about. then she told me that only possibly DH can possibly love as much she does. she also informed me that the family is my " biggest fan club " and told me that I have lived far away too long, and it is making me hate them... ? is that how that happened? she told me that they have been " refined " (code for aren't as crappy now) and that I had matured (wait. didn't you just tell me I was a winy teenager?) I am really not mad at the rest of the family but, I guess if she wants to believe that she can. interpretation: she loves me and is so proud. now STEP IN LINE! and while you are at it admit your life never happened and forgive me for my selfless life... there was more, but that pretty much covers it. the sad thing is I think she actually thinks this was a loving supportive letter. yeesh. intimacy deficit is an accurate description here. I received it right before I went to therapy, and read it there. it was nice to have some proof of her crap. isn't it nice that nada respects my space and loves me the most? ahhhh.... Meikjn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 That's good that you were able to take her " supportive " letter with you to your therapist; I hope your therapist was able to give you some in-person validation RE " Yes, your mother is trying to guilt you into not sticking with the very reasonable boundary you established. " You did well! The next step is to not even read the emails or listen to the phone messages (or even think about nada at all, if possible) until your once-a-week time slot dedicated to corresponding with nada rolls around. Its a pretty common thing when a KO first decides to establish a boundary, for the bpd parent to react with something called an " extinction burst. " That means an *escalation* of their demanding, intrusive, controlling or whiny, dependent behaviors; that's nada attempting to drive a Sherman tank over your boundary. Its kind of a power play, but could also be due to the bpd trait of " fear of abandonment. " Me personally, I think its more a " fear of loss of power. " They are used to having total control of their ability to access you any time she wants to; its a power position and nada won't give up her power or status easily. Anyway: hang in there! -Annie > > Ok this limited contact thing is a pain when Nada's resist it. > > I told her I would send one e-mail a week. > > and I wanted no more phone contact for a while. I need it for my physical and emotional health. I only claimed physical to her. she barley buys that let alone mental health she believes no one really has that. unless she is trashing on them. > > so I got a nasty letter yesterday. first she apologized for stomping on the boundary by claiming she did not read my more clarifying e-mail until after. (not sure what the excuse is for the phone call after she read it) > > then she " hoped " it was ok for her to send this ONE (underlined too) letter. > > seriously? > > > then she told me that she can't imagine what she has ever done to deserve this, but " respects " that I need space. > > she did acknowledge that she may have asked too many questions about certain things that she A. was not supportive of, and B. are none of her business. but she did so by telling me that I should not be upset about that because she is just curious. (I never actually complained about that to her, so clearly she is not stupid) > > she went on to tell me that I was " creating a dialog " like when I was a teenager. (code for making crap up) I found it funny that she said this. she is gas lighting me when I never actually explained what I am upset about. > > then she told me that only possibly DH can possibly love as much she does. > > she also informed me that the family is my " biggest fan club " and told me that I have lived far away too long, and it is making me hate them... ? is that how that happened? she told me that they have been " refined " (code for aren't as crappy now) and that I had matured (wait. didn't you just tell me I was a winy teenager?) > > I am really not mad at the rest of the family but, I guess if she wants to believe that she can. > > interpretation: > she loves me and is so proud. now STEP IN LINE! and while you are at it admit your life never happened and forgive me for my selfless life... > > there was more, but that pretty much covers it. the sad thing is I think she actually thinks this was a loving supportive letter. yeesh. intimacy deficit is an accurate description here. > > I received it right before I went to therapy, and read it there. it was nice to have some proof of her crap. isn't it nice that nada respects my space and loves me the most? ahhhh.... > > Meikjn > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 14, 2012 Report Share Posted March 14, 2012 actuality the therapist told me to consider NC until I heal a bit. I am probably just not going to send and e-mail this week. it was very validating to have other people see it instead of just taking my word for it. sometimes I still doubt myself, but this is better evidence. my husband was pretty mad too. that is validating as well. Meikjn > > > > Ok this limited contact thing is a pain when Nada's resist it. > > > > I told her I would send one e-mail a week. > > > > and I wanted no more phone contact for a while. I need it for my physical and emotional health. I only claimed physical to her. she barley buys that let alone mental health she believes no one really has that. unless she is trashing on them. > > > > so I got a nasty letter yesterday. first she apologized for stomping on the boundary by claiming she did not read my more clarifying e-mail until after. (not sure what the excuse is for the phone call after she read it) > > > > then she " hoped " it was ok for her to send this ONE (underlined too) letter. > > > > seriously? > > > > > > then she told me that she can't imagine what she has ever done to deserve this, but " respects " that I need space. > > > > she did acknowledge that she may have asked too many questions about certain things that she A. was not supportive of, and B. are none of her business. but she did so by telling me that I should not be upset about that because she is just curious. (I never actually complained about that to her, so clearly she is not stupid) > > > > she went on to tell me that I was " creating a dialog " like when I was a teenager. (code for making crap up) I found it funny that she said this. she is gas lighting me when I never actually explained what I am upset about. > > > > then she told me that only possibly DH can possibly love as much she does. > > > > she also informed me that the family is my " biggest fan club " and told me that I have lived far away too long, and it is making me hate them... ? is that how that happened? she told me that they have been " refined " (code for aren't as crappy now) and that I had matured (wait. didn't you just tell me I was a winy teenager?) > > > > I am really not mad at the rest of the family but, I guess if she wants to believe that she can. > > > > interpretation: > > she loves me and is so proud. now STEP IN LINE! and while you are at it admit your life never happened and forgive me for my selfless life... > > > > there was more, but that pretty much covers it. the sad thing is I think she actually thinks this was a loving supportive letter. yeesh. intimacy deficit is an accurate description here. > > > > I received it right before I went to therapy, and read it there. it was nice to have some proof of her crap. isn't it nice that nada respects my space and loves me the most? ahhhh.... > > > > Meikjn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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