Suicide Threats

[Guest guest]

My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my voicemail at 2 am

telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so fragile.  She's been making

comments about not wanting to live lately and i'm scared.  I am so burned out

from her threats that I don't have the empathy when she makes new threats and

comments; but, hearing this message has got me REALLY worried.  Have any of you

been through anything like this?  

________________________________

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 12:49 AM

Subject: the worst done to me..

 

The worst thing my PD Mother has done and still does is be jealous of me in

every way.

Jealous of my successes because they detract from her....

Jealous of my failures because they detract from her....

It hurts me so still that I can do no right...

If I am good, it somehow becomes that it was bad.

If I am even a little bit bad, I am evil...

There is no pleasing her...

I am done.

Re: Re: One instance of her craziness

How sad she did that to you. These monsters are really insane.

On Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM, nicolegawlik@... <

nicolegawlik@...> wrote:

> **

>

>

> I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one

> night and told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister

> needed her more now. I laid awake all night saying over and over to

> myself ...... " I have ME, thats all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME.

> Just me and me and me and me and that is all I need. "

> Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew

> this 34 years ago.

>

>

> > >

> > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had

> > > a

> request.

> > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > >

> > >

> > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she

> was taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as

> a daddy more than I did.

> > >

> > >

> > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could

> > > I

> have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > >

> > >

> > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing

> > > my

> boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time,

> she forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until

> he wised up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > >

> > >

> > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real

> > > dad...she

> had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > >

> > >

> > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > >

> > >

> > > Amy

> > >

> > >

> > > barrycove@

> > >

> > >

> > >

> > >

[Guest guest]

Yes. My therapist said if this ever happens call 911. She will be taken in for

an evaluation, and put on suicide watch. If she is serious and this is. Ot a

manipulation she will get the help she needs. If it is a manipulation, it is a

tactic she will never use on you again.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my voicemail at 2

am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so fragile. She's been

making comments about not wanting to live lately and i'm scared. I am so burned

out from her threats that I don't have the empathy when she makes new threats

and comments; but, hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Have any of

you been through anything like this?

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 12:49 AM

> Subject: the worst done to me..

>

>

>

> The worst thing my PD Mother has done and still does is be jealous of me in

> every way.

> Jealous of my successes because they detract from her....

> Jealous of my failures because they detract from her....

>

> It hurts me so still that I can do no right...

> If I am good, it somehow becomes that it was bad.

> If I am even a little bit bad, I am evil...

>

> There is no pleasing her...

> I am done.

>

> Re: Re: One instance of her craziness

>

> How sad she did that to you. These monsters are really insane.

>

> On Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM, nicolegawlik@... <

> nicolegawlik@...> wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one

> > night and told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister

> > needed her more now. I laid awake all night saying over and over to

> > myself ...... " I have ME, thats all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME.

> > Just me and me and me and me and that is all I need. "

> > Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew

> > this 34 years ago.

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had

> > > > a

> > request.

> > > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> > wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she

> > was taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as

> > a daddy more than I did.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could

> > > > I

> > have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> > emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing

> > > > my

> > boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time,

> > she forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until

> > he wised up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real

> > > > dad...she

> > had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Amy

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > barrycove@

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm so sorry you are being subjected to this kind of stress. Its very abusive

and manipulative to use threats of suicide to force other people to pay

attention to you.

The truth is that you are not responsible for how your mother feels. She is

responsible for her own feelings, and for getting herself help if she is feeling

depressed or suicidal.

Its also true, most of the time that (a) the family members of those with mental

illnesses are not equipped or trained to help anyone who is making suicide

threats or making actual suicide attempts, and ( psychologists and surgeons

normally do not treat their own family members: they are too emotionally close

to the patient to maintain professional objectivity.

My own personal suggestion is to say something to your mother like, " I can hear

that you are very upset and thinking about harming/killing yourself, mother. I

don't know how to help you, so I am going to hang up now and call 911; the

ambulance should be arriving to help you very shortly. "

If your mother is genuinely feeling suicidal then she needs professional help,

and you are doing her a kindness by calling 911. If she is just being

manipulative, then calling 911 is good because you are not rewarding her with

your attention for being manipulative, and she will be explaining her behaviors

to the paramedics.

There was a very stressful period of time for my Sister, mostly, during which

our mother was just functional and competent enough to be considered able to

take care of herself, but she began calling Sister at all hours (and mother was

calling the manager of the apartment complex she herself lived in as well) to

complain about one thing or another. Mother was beginning to display increasing

paranoia, and delusional thoughts and feelings, more than usual. She had always

had paranoid and delusional thoughts, but they became more intense and frequent.

But then mother's mental state deteriorated rather rapidly; she began to

actively hallucinate. She called the police to come and take care of the

" circus people " she was seeing, became hysterical and belligerent with the

police, and they ended up taking her to a hospital for a 72-hour psychiatric

evaluation.

At that time mother received a second diagnosis of senile dementia, and Sister

was able to gain guardianship and get mom relocated into a residential care home

with an Alzheimer's unit.

So, you may be experiencing a transition point with your mother, possibly,

particularly if she is elderly.

I hope that helps.

-Annie

> > > >

> > > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had

> > > > a

> > request.

> > > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> > wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she

> > was taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as

> > a daddy more than I did.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could

> > > > I

> > have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> > emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing

> > > > my

> > boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time,

> > she forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until

> > he wised up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real

> > > > dad...she

> > had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Amy

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > barrycove@

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

My advice is to treat all suicide threats as serious threats and

call the authorities if she says she's going to kill herself. If

she is really suicidal, they may be able to get her into a

treatment facility, at least for a short time, and if she is

just trying to manipulate her, she'll hopefully see that the

reaction she's getting is not the one she wants. No matter what

she does, please remember that it is her own choice and that the

fault doesn't fall upon you no matter what she says.

My nada made one pretend suicide attempt. She drove a couple

hours away from home, parked by the river, and swallowed some

aspirin along with enough booze of some sort to knock herself

out. She's a nurse and I'm sure she knew that what she swallowed

would not kill her so I don't believe it was a real suicide

attempt. She wanted attention. The attention she got was not the

kind she wanted though. The police found her and had her taken

to the hospital where she got her stomach pumped. After that she

got sent to the local mental hospital for a while. She found

both the stomach pumping and the mental hopital to be not to her

liking and never did anything like that again. (She said the

people at the mental hospital treated her like she was crazy.

Imagine that! She knew that they were wrong though.)

At 05:11 AM 03/16/2012 Blakeley wrote:

>My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my

>voicemail at 2 am telling me how much she loves me and she

>sounded so fragile. Â She's been making comments about not

>wanting to live lately and i'm scared. Â I am so burned out

>from her threats that I don't have the empathy when she makes

>new threats and comments; but, hearing this message has got me

>REALLY worried. Â Have any of you been through anything like

>this? Â

--

Katrina

[Guest guest]

I have had to call 911 on my mom twice, including Christmas Day when she didn't

show up. I had no other choice. She was talking about suicide and then stopped

answering anyones calls, didn't show up on Christmas... I was so scared. The

Police showed up, she put on a fake face (which she is soooo good at) and they

called me and said they didn't see any reason to take her in. Two months later

she drove herself to the ER and they committed her for 2 weeks. She will be mad

at you, but at least she will still be here. Hell, they are always mad at us for

something, right? 

I'm sorry you are going through this too. 

________________________________

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Cc: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 2:52 PM

Subject: Re: Suicide Threats

 

Yes. My therapist said if this ever happens call 911. She will be taken in for

an evaluation, and put on suicide watch. If she is serious and this is. Ot a

manipulation she will get the help she needs. If it is a manipulation, it is a

tactic she will never use on you again.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my voicemail at 2

am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so fragile. She's been

making comments about not wanting to live lately and i'm scared. I am so burned

out from her threats that I don't have the empathy when she makes new threats

and comments; but, hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Have any of

you been through anything like this?

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 12:49 AM

> Subject: the worst done to me..

>

>

>

> The worst thing my PD Mother has done and still does is be jealous of me in

> every way.

> Jealous of my successes because they detract from her....

> Jealous of my failures because they detract from her....

>

> It hurts me so still that I can do no right...

> If I am good, it somehow becomes that it was bad.

> If I am even a little bit bad, I am evil...

>

> There is no pleasing her...

> I am done.

>

> Re: Re: One instance of her craziness

>

> How sad she did that to you. These monsters are really insane.

>

> On Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM, nicolegawlik@... <

> nicolegawlik@...> wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one

> > night and told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister

> > needed her more now. I laid awake all night saying over and over to

> > myself ...... " I have ME, thats all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME.

> > Just me and me and me and me and that is all I need. "

> > Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew

> > this 34 years ago.

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had

> > > > a

> > request.

> > > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> > wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she

> > was taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as

> > a daddy more than I did.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could

> > > > I

> > have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> > emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing

> > > > my

> > boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time,

> > she forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until

> > he wised up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real

> > > > dad...she

> > had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Amy

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > barrycove@

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for the advice about calling 911.  The rationale is right on.

 It truly is a roller coaster

________________________________

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Saturday, March 17, 2012 1:01 AM

Subject: Re: Suicide Threats

 

I have had to call 911 on my mom twice, including Christmas Day when she didn't

show up. I had no other choice. She was talking about suicide and then stopped

answering anyones calls, didn't show up on Christmas... I was so scared. The

Police showed up, she put on a fake face (which she is soooo good at) and they

called me and said they didn't see any reason to take her in. Two months later

she drove herself to the ER and they committed her for 2 weeks. She will be mad

at you, but at least she will still be here. Hell, they are always mad at us for

something, right? 

I'm sorry you are going through this too. 

________________________________

To: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Cc: " WTOAdultChildren1 " <WTOAdultChildren1 >

Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 2:52 PM

Subject: Re: Suicide Threats

 

Yes. My therapist said if this ever happens call 911. She will be taken in for

an evaluation, and put on suicide watch. If she is serious and this is. Ot a

manipulation she will get the help she needs. If it is a manipulation, it is a

tactic she will never use on you again.

Sent from my iPhone which makes me very cool and gives me the appearance of

being important and technologically savvy.

> My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my voicemail at 2

am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so fragile. She's been

making comments about not wanting to live lately and i'm scared. I am so burned

out from her threats that I don't have the empathy when she makes new threats

and comments; but, hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Have any of

you been through anything like this?

>

> ________________________________

>

> To: WTOAdultChildren1

> Sent: Friday, March 16, 2012 12:49 AM

> Subject: the worst done to me..

>

>

>

> The worst thing my PD Mother has done and still does is be jealous of me in

> every way.

> Jealous of my successes because they detract from her....

> Jealous of my failures because they detract from her....

>

> It hurts me so still that I can do no right...

> If I am good, it somehow becomes that it was bad.

> If I am even a little bit bad, I am evil...

>

> There is no pleasing her...

> I am done.

>

> Re: Re: One instance of her craziness

>

> How sad she did that to you. These monsters are really insane.

>

> On Thu, Mar 15, 2012 at 4:22 PM, nicolegawlik@... <

> nicolegawlik@...> wrote:

>

> > **

> >

> >

> > I will never forget when I was in 3rd grade my Mom tucked me in one

> > night and told me that she was done being my mother. My little sister

> > needed her more now. I laid awake all night saying over and over to

> > myself ...... " I have ME, thats all I need now. Its Ok, I have ME.

> > Just me and me and me and me and that is all I need. "

> > Its crazy to now FINALLY know why she was like this. I wish I knew

> > this 34 years ago.

> >

> >

> > > >

> > > > When I was about 22, my mother got me in private and said she had

> > > > a

> > request.

> > > > I knew from experience that this request would be strange.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > She asked me that since she didn't grow up with a real father, she

> > wanted to use my dad (her husband) as her father...meaning that she

> > was taking him from me for herself. She told me that she needed him as

> > a daddy more than I did.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I, not totally surprised, said OK to her request. What else could

> > > > I

> > have said. She was right, she did need him more. He had abandoned me

> > emotionally already and was full time there for her and her childish ways.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > This happened at the same time she was systematically harrassing

> > > > my

> > boyfriend until he could no longer take the stress. At the same time,

> > she forbid my brother's girlfriend from ever entering our home...until

> > he wised up and left (and married her). He moved out immediately for good.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I believe that since she felt the void of not having a real

> > > > dad...she

> > had to take away the men in my life as well.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > I wish I knew all this stuff back then.

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > Amy

> > > >

> > > >

> > > > barrycove@

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

> > > >

[Guest guest]

When I was 14, I came home to find my mom lying on the floor, having

cried all day. As soon as I came in the door, mind you, I m a 14 year

old kid, she starts to scream that no one loves her, and her life is not

worth living. She runs to the kitchen, digging in the knife drawer, and

I have to wrestle a knife from her, the assure her repeatedly that Yes

mom, I do love you, don t do this.

The next day it was an overdose of her nerve pills.

And so it went. Once, she cried in hysterics till she passed out, and

I called for an ambulance. While I was on the phone she woke, and cried

and begged me not to let them come and take her to the psych ward.

Suicide attempts, always waiting carefully till I was there to stop her.

Suicidal ideations, telling me her life was not worth living, she wished

she were dead, so that I would then comfort her and tell her how it was

ok.

These formed a pattern for her, and my , life. Her game. You doubt

that? I was in school when this started. Yet her " suicide attempts "

always occured just as I got home to stop her, not just as I left on the

bus. She had no intention of dying, just manipulating me into giving her

what she wanted. Now, I understand that some 10% of bpds do die of

suicide. I contend that in most of those cases it was poor planning on

thier part. They did not intend to die, but thier game blew up on them.

Still, you should take it seriously.

When I was in my 40s, she finally pulled her game, for a game it was, in

her Dr s office. Weeping, wailing, oh my life is worthless, I d just be

better off dead. Her Dr got her psychiatrist on the phone, and

committed her for a week in a psych hospital. Oh she was furious. She

let them both know, everytime she ever saw them, for the rest of her

life, what dirty dogs they were.

But she never, ever, again made a suicidal ideation or faux attempt.

Doug

>

> My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my

voicemail at 2 am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so

fragile. Â She's been making comments about not wanting to live

lately and i'm scared. Â I am so burned out from her threats that I

don't have the empathy when she makes new threats and comments; but,

hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Â Have any of you

been through anything like this? Â

>

>

[Guest guest]

(((((Doug)))))

I'm so sorry your mother put you through that, Doug. Good Lord.

Its yet another example of why I feel there needs to be a huge paradigm shift in

the way personality disorders are perceived by the psychiatric community, there

desperately needs to be more awareness of just *how toxic, destructive and

damaging* a pd parent can be to his or her own child.

A parent who repeatedly attempts suicide or threatens suicide or physically

attacks her child with objects or weapons is WAY too mentally ill and unstable

to be raising a child.

I mostly blame the non-pd parents: the dishrag moms and dishrag dads out there

who *let this happen* because they either leave the marriage themselves or just

turn a blind eye and deaf ear to their spouse's disturbed behaviors, because

they don't want to " upset " their spouse. Cowards!

-Annie

>

>

>

>

> When I was 14, I came home to find my mom lying on the floor, having

> cried all day. As soon as I came in the door, mind you, I m a 14 year

> old kid, she starts to scream that no one loves her, and her life is not

> worth living. She runs to the kitchen, digging in the knife drawer, and

> I have to wrestle a knife from her, the assure her repeatedly that Yes

> mom, I do love you, don t do this.

>

> The next day it was an overdose of her nerve pills.

>

> And so it went. Once, she cried in hysterics till she passed out, and

> I called for an ambulance. While I was on the phone she woke, and cried

> and begged me not to let them come and take her to the psych ward.

>

> Suicide attempts, always waiting carefully till I was there to stop her.

> Suicidal ideations, telling me her life was not worth living, she wished

> she were dead, so that I would then comfort her and tell her how it was

> ok.

>

> These formed a pattern for her, and my , life. Her game. You doubt

> that? I was in school when this started. Yet her " suicide attempts "

> always occured just as I got home to stop her, not just as I left on the

> bus. She had no intention of dying, just manipulating me into giving her

> what she wanted. Now, I understand that some 10% of bpds do die of

> suicide. I contend that in most of those cases it was poor planning on

> thier part. They did not intend to die, but thier game blew up on them.

>

> Still, you should take it seriously.

>

> When I was in my 40s, she finally pulled her game, for a game it was, in

> her Dr s office. Weeping, wailing, oh my life is worthless, I d just be

> better off dead. Her Dr got her psychiatrist on the phone, and

> committed her for a week in a psych hospital. Oh she was furious. She

> let them both know, everytime she ever saw them, for the rest of her

> life, what dirty dogs they were.

>

> But she never, ever, again made a suicidal ideation or faux attempt.

>

> Doug

[Guest guest]

HI Doug,

Yes, I've had a suicide threat episode. My therapist told me to deal with it

directly by calling 911 if it was an immediate threat (ie: she's taken the

pills, or in the process of it right now). If not start by asking her directly:

1. if my mother had a plan and 2. if she had the means and 3. tell her that I

love her and I was not responsible for her decisions or actions. That her

suicide was not my fault.

So I did this, but what when the answers were yes? I don't exactly know what to

do when the answer is " yes I have a plan and yes I have the means. " I think each

episode is different. When this happened to me, I think my nada was just

testing the boundaries and my response. The fact that I refused responsibility

for her actions and refused to engage/get emotionally sucked in was enough to

make it stop that time. I directed her to get professional help because I was

not qualified to deal with suicide. It was very hard and scary to NOT swoop in

and save her and cry with her, and blah blah blah. Even though I'm beyond

enabling in an effort to help our relationship, this suicide episode was still

extremely uncomfortable and worrisome and heart wrenching and frustration and

irritating and made me angry. It was just awful all the way around.

Additionally, I think it must have been on a forum that I read to tell the

nada/fada that " No I am not coming over right now. I am calling 911 right now. I

will always call 911 when you are considering/threatening suicide because I am

not qualified to help you " and hang up. Then DO IT call 911 and tell them of the

suicide threat, means/plan, mental illness and description of behaviors, and

list of meds. I think it's a good idea to keep this simple list (prepared ahead

of time) by the phone to support clear thinking in a time of crisis.

Anyhow, those are my two pennies to contribute. I'm sorry you've had to go

through this. I know how awful it is. You will make it through.

> >

> > My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my

> voicemail at 2 am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so

> fragile. Â She's been making comments about not wanting to live

> lately and i'm scared. Â I am so burned out from her threats that I

> don't have the empathy when she makes new threats and comments; but,

> hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Â Have any of you

> been through anything like this? Â

> >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I agree. Even older children and teen children of mentally ill parents need to

understand clearly that he or she, the child, is NOT responsible for another

person's suicide threats or attempts, not even their own parent's suicide

threats or attempts, not even if the bpd parent is blaming the child for

" making " the bpd parent feel suicidal.

" Call 911 " needs to be a response that a child can understand and do.

And yet, that places an adult-level burden of responsibility on a minor child

that should NOT be placed on him or her to begin with. My own opinion about

this is that a minor child actually needs to be removed from the care of a

parent who is prone to making suicide threats and attempts, but, thats a whole

other issue.

Doug was being assaulted with his nada's suicidal behaviors (apparently

repeatedly) when he was only 14 years old, with no dad in the home (or any other

trusted adult) to manage the situation. That's a pretty severe trauma to put a

young teen through, over and over.

It seems to me also that calling 911 is the " go to " response whether the

individual is only attempting to gain attention and sympathy by making suicide

threats or gestures, or whether the attempt is genuine/in progress.

Either way, calling 911 is the most effective response. But placing a child or

teen in the position of making that decision, especially if the bpd parent is

raging, violent, hysterical and begging the child not to call 911... well, that

is emotional torture, and highly traumatizing for a child.

The most natural response: to dive into the bpd parent's " drowning pool " and

rescue them personally, give them hands-on attention and comfort, *just

reinforces the behavior* ( " Hey... threatening suicide WORKS!! " ) The only

result: it encourages the person with bpd to do it AGAIN the next time they feel

out-of-control/desperate and need a " fix " of drama and attention.

I agree with you that remaining calm and calling 911 instead is truly the best

way to handle a suicide gesture or a suicide threat by a bpd parent. (And I

virtually never say things like " best way " or " only way " to handle something

bpd-related; this is the exception to my " rule " , I guess.)

-Annie

> > >

> > > My Mom is in such despair and left a hysterical message on my

> > voicemail at 2 am telling me how much she loves me and she sounded so

> > fragile. Â She's been making comments about not wanting to live

> > lately and i'm scared. Â I am so burned out from her threats that I

> > don't have the empathy when she makes new threats and comments; but,

> > hearing this message has got me REALLY worried. Â Have any of you

> > been through anything like this? Â

> > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Sorry somehow I duplicated some of my passages. This one is fixed.

> I remember my nada driving me home from a meeting we had with a counselor. It

was the only time we had a counselor that wasn't one of her AA friends. The AA

friends never stood up to her for me, because that would really be against her

wishes and my nada controlled anyone around her to cater to her insanity.

Anyway this wonderful counselor we only saw twice told my mother how

inappropriate she was in inserting herself into my decisions particularly

whether I was going to sleep with my boyfriend or not. I had never slept with

anyone and was in love for the first time. I was 19 and living on my own.

> As we were driving home my nada was fuming so nada said to me " do you want me

to start drinking again! I am going to go into a liquor store and buy alcohol

and start drinking right now. " She quickly jerked the steering wheel like she

was going to pull into the parking lot right then. I said go ahead. I don't

care.

> It had gotten to the point where I just couldn't care anymore. All the

tirades, the physical abuse, the mental abuse. I could not drug up the stuff to

react and play the " oh mom I love you… you mean something to me… please don't do

it. " Not Anymore. I could not get the energy up to be sucked into that crazy

shit vortex anymore.

> But I have to say that the times my nada used suicide or threatened to resume

drinking again were not her most damaging events for me> because it made it so

utterly repulsive that I had total clarity about absolutely rejecting her

blaming me if she was going to do it. She's a liar and I knew I didn't trust

her. I also understood that I was expected to play a role. I hated that.

> I hate that enmeshed role playing shit.

>

> Another time my BPD sister called and left a suicidal druggy goodbye message

that my 14 year played. I was on my way home and knew my family experience and

too not get to excited as though it were believable. The problem was that my

kids never experienced that, we live across the country from my family. So

when I arrived home I called all of my sister's phone numbers and said if she

didn't call back in 30 minutes I had no choice but to react and call the police.

When I didn't hear from her I did call the PA. police. She was able to act her

way out of it. I regret that I did not tell the police everything and ask

specifically for a mental health hold. It might have been enough to get her in.

And she was really depressed. My sister screamed at me that she never called us

and that I was making it all up! WTF? She insisted over and over that she never

called but would not listen to the recording. And that it was my fault because

her answering machines volume was turned down. It did end my participation in

their dramas but I do still think they do it with other people.

>

> I also strongly disagree that the only successful BPD suicides were

unintentional. I think we all hear that they can be in a great deal of pain and

that their lives are not working out peacefully. And we know how impossible it

is to get them the help they need.

> Sue

>