Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 Hi all, I haven't read posts yet but now I *really* wish I was adopted. I've been having some odd symptoms for a few weeks, trouble sleeping well, heart racing, fine tremors and I went to the doctor yesterday. She ran a test for thyroid trouble as it runs in my family. My nada and her mother both had hyperthyroid (Grave's disease) and wouldn't you know my tests came back today and it looks likely I have it too. I'm going to have further tests next week to see for sure. It is very treatable compared to the many things that can go wrong with a person - odds are I'll have the radiation treatment and have to take supplements to replace my thyroid hormone the rest of my life. Some people say it is no big deal, other people say they never feel quite right again. And I'm so damn angry. How much, how much more do I have to pay for being her daughter? When does it stop? When I'm dead? I also have a family history of cancer coming from her too, guess that's friggin next. I'm a " glaucoma suspect " because of her too and I've inherited cornea problems from her and uterus problems. When does it stop? It's bad enough I'm psychologically so damaged that I can't live a normal life, but now my body breaks down too. And the awful thing is that even now I want to call her for her support, I want to call some family, any family and have them care. But they won't. Or they'll pretend to and then make it all about them within ten seconds of me telling them. I'm glad you guys are here. It's kind of scary for me to put this out here, but I've got to let it out before I go crazy you know? Thanks Eliza Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 hugs, Eliza--sending lots of hugs your way. Hopefully you won't need the radiation treatment or the supplements, but at least it is, as you said, treatable. I hear you on the broken-down body, though! Mental illnesses run incredibly strongly on both sides of my family. Depression is the only diagnosed one, but I wouldn't be surprised if my mom's nada had BPD. Sure sounds the hell like it. And then there's fada, of course. So I'm scared that any kids I have would have BPD. A cousin had really bad PPD on top of her regular depression, so my psychiatrist is definitely considering that a risk. My cousin is brave enough to talk about it, but who knows about my other relatives? That's not to mention breast and liver cancer. I'm definitely a high risk for breast cancer, especially since I started estrogen so young for my uterus problems. I probably am sub-fertile,. And then there's the migraines. Then there's my vision. I'm the only one in the family who needed glasses, besides fada. So there's a chance I'll get glaucoma. So, I hear you. ((hugs)) Hereditary problems SUCK, and especially so when one has a fada or nada. And like you said, not to mention the fact that they completely screwed up our mental wellness. Anyway, we're all here whenever you need to vent away On Sat, Mar 17, 2012 at 9:49 PM, eliza92@... < eliza92@...> wrote: > ** > > > Hi all, I haven't read posts yet but now I *really* wish I was adopted. > I've been having some odd symptoms for a few weeks, trouble sleeping well, > heart racing, fine tremors and I went to the doctor yesterday. She ran a > test for thyroid trouble as it runs in my family. My nada and her mother > both had hyperthyroid (Grave's disease) and wouldn't you know my tests came > back today and it looks likely I have it too. I'm going to have further > tests next week to see for sure. It is very treatable compared to the many > things that can go wrong with a person - odds are I'll have the radiation > treatment and have to take supplements to replace my thyroid hormone the > rest of my life. Some people say it is no big deal, other people say they > never feel quite right again. > > And I'm so damn angry. How much, how much more do I have to pay for being > her daughter? When does it stop? When I'm dead? I also have a family > history of cancer coming from her too, guess that's friggin next. I'm a > " glaucoma suspect " because of her too and I've inherited cornea problems > from her and uterus problems. When does it stop? It's bad enough I'm > psychologically so damaged that I can't live a normal life, but now my body > breaks down too. And the awful thing is that even now I want to call her > for her support, I want to call some family, any family and have them care. > But they won't. Or they'll pretend to and then make it all about them > within ten seconds of me telling them. > > I'm glad you guys are here. It's kind of scary for me to put this out > here, but I've got to let it out before I go crazy you know? > > Thanks > Eliza > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 Thanks so much Holly. And you are right hereditary problems just suck. Maybe if I felt better about who I was inheriting them from I'd feel a little more accepting about it. I hope you don't have any of your stuff materialize or at least as little as possible. I think there should be some sort of cosmic legal clause that the price paid of having a childhood with a BPD parent is enough and all inherited health problems should be waived. Eliza > > hugs, Eliza--sending lots of hugs your way. Hopefully you won't need the > radiation treatment or the supplements, but at least it is, as you said, > treatable. I hear you on the broken-down body, though! Mental illnesses run > incredibly strongly on both sides of my family. Depression is the only > diagnosed one, but I wouldn't be surprised if my mom's nada had BPD. Sure > sounds the hell like it. And then there's fada, of course. So I'm scared > that any kids I have would have BPD. A cousin had really bad PPD on top of > her regular depression, so my psychiatrist is definitely considering that a > risk. My cousin is brave enough to talk about it, but who knows about my > other relatives? > > That's not to mention breast and liver cancer. I'm definitely a high risk > for breast cancer, especially since I started estrogen so young for my > uterus problems. I probably am sub-fertile,. And then there's the > migraines. Then there's my vision. I'm the only one in the family who > needed glasses, besides fada. So there's a chance I'll get glaucoma. > > So, I hear you. ((hugs)) Hereditary problems SUCK, and especially so when > one has a fada or nada. And like you said, not to mention the fact that > they completely screwed up our mental wellness. > > Anyway, we're all here whenever you need to vent away Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 (((((Eliza))))) I wish I could offer some really uplifting or insightful comment; I hope you will get that treatment soon and feel better. Sending you a virtual hug. -Annie > > Hi all, I haven't read posts yet but now I *really* wish I was adopted. I've been having some odd symptoms for a few weeks, trouble sleeping well, heart racing, fine tremors and I went to the doctor yesterday. She ran a test for thyroid trouble as it runs in my family. My nada and her mother both had hyperthyroid (Grave's disease) and wouldn't you know my tests came back today and it looks likely I have it too. I'm going to have further tests next week to see for sure. It is very treatable compared to the many things that can go wrong with a person - odds are I'll have the radiation treatment and have to take supplements to replace my thyroid hormone the rest of my life. Some people say it is no big deal, other people say they never feel quite right again. > > And I'm so damn angry. How much, how much more do I have to pay for being her daughter? When does it stop? When I'm dead? I also have a family history of cancer coming from her too, guess that's friggin next. I'm a " glaucoma suspect " because of her too and I've inherited cornea problems from her and uterus problems. When does it stop? It's bad enough I'm psychologically so damaged that I can't live a normal life, but now my body breaks down too. And the awful thing is that even now I want to call her for her support, I want to call some family, any family and have them care. But they won't. Or they'll pretend to and then make it all about them within ten seconds of me telling them. > > I'm glad you guys are here. It's kind of scary for me to put this out here, but I've got to let it out before I go crazy you know? > > Thanks > Eliza > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi Annie, thanks much for being here and hugs back at ya. I'm calming down a little now that I'm going into research mode trying to learn all I can to make good choices. Eliza > > (((((Eliza))))) > > I wish I could offer some really uplifting or insightful comment; I hope you will get that treatment soon and feel better. Sending you a virtual hug. > > -Annie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Hi Eliza, I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid (Hashimoto's syndrome) and so am on a thyroid replacement, this has been for the past six years. Mine isn't so bad except for the fact that you can't eat for two hours after taking them and its hard to get breakfast in in the morning rush, and no surprise, I'm terrible about taking regular medication. But working on that. The interesting thing about the diagnosis, besides the fact that its probably related to my immune system being on hyperarousal all my life, is that about 5 years before the diagnosis my NADA and I went away for a yoga wknd and we both had an energy healing treatment. It's the only one I've ever had fyi, and I gotta say, if I lived near that woman I would go back to her in a second. This is why. When she did my treatment, she said, " Your throat is all blocked. No one is listening to you. Why doesn't anyone listen to you? " And I'm like, " What, I don't know. I think everyone listens to me. I certainly yell loud enough " ; ) I didn't really say that last sentence. She also told me I was afraid of getting the breast cancer that runs in my family. Which I " m not anymore, because I think I'm straightening out my mental attitude and have adopted a que sera sera approach to all that business. (I mean along with being responsible about my annual diagnostics and trying to eat right/exersize etc). Anyhoo, when she did my Mom, she told my Mom that she had a lot of rage in her womb. And my Mom was like I'm not angry I worked through all that stuff. Well, a few years later mom was diagnosed with the ovarian cancer that would eventually claim her life. We all know where that originates from right? And that repressed rage is a major factor in the development of NPD/BPD (I forget which board i'm on but she had both). Also when I left the treatment, call it placebo effect, but I did feel very much lighter and brighter. So I'm sorry you have thyroid problems, but in my experience I have found it's liveable and totally related to all these other problems. I know of some people who have treated this with meditation, healthy eating, and spiritual work, but I am not THERE! yet. Big hug, SR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 (((Eliza))) I'm sorry. On top of all the frustration about the choices she made, the genes on top. It adds to the sense of helplessness which is so ingrained in us from childhood, in addition to being a constant reminder of someone who traumatized us. I think my nada's nada had NPD or even antisocial PD, and I know her childhood was awful. Any issue that I share with her is hard, because I end up empathizing and " catching " her misery, when I really need to keep up my anger right now to stay safe from her. I also have mental illness in my family, and got the severe recurrent depression from nada. I used to call her for support in college, and while she did validate my symptoms, it was through recitation of her own: " I know, you just feel like you're defective and want to die, and no one can help you, etc. " Just like her, the pills they gave me didn't work and made me fat, and she harassed and shamed me mercilessly for that. Now I'm on the right pills and I'm thin, so she gets jealous in private while fishing for compliments on her beautiful daughter in public. > > Hi all, I haven't read posts yet but now I *really* wish I was adopted. I've been having some odd symptoms for a few weeks, trouble sleeping well, heart racing, fine tremors and I went to the doctor yesterday. She ran a test for thyroid trouble as it runs in my family. My nada and her mother both had hyperthyroid (Grave's disease) and wouldn't you know my tests came back today and it looks likely I have it too. I'm going to have further tests next week to see for sure. It is very treatable compared to the many things that can go wrong with a person - odds are I'll have the radiation treatment and have to take supplements to replace my thyroid hormone the rest of my life. Some people say it is no big deal, other people say they never feel quite right again. > > And I'm so damn angry. How much, how much more do I have to pay for being her daughter? When does it stop? When I'm dead? I also have a family history of cancer coming from her too, guess that's friggin next. I'm a " glaucoma suspect " because of her too and I've inherited cornea problems from her and uterus problems. When does it stop? It's bad enough I'm psychologically so damaged that I can't live a normal life, but now my body breaks down too. And the awful thing is that even now I want to call her for her support, I want to call some family, any family and have them care. But they won't. Or they'll pretend to and then make it all about them within ten seconds of me telling them. > > I'm glad you guys are here. It's kind of scary for me to put this out here, but I've got to let it out before I go crazy you know? > > Thanks > Eliza > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 My Sister became interested quite a few years ago in the whole spiritual healing thing, and took me to see a reflexologist on one of my visits to her part of the country. I have to admit that I felt better afterwards. On subsequent visits we went to a place she found, called a " Psychic Healing Faire " , where you could get an ionic foot bath and various kinds of massages as well as psychic readings, and I have to say that the whole experience was lovely. So-o-o relaxing! Just getting a nice massage anywhere on the body feels so darn good, that its got to be healing in and of itself. So whether or not there is any spiritual or psychic energy process going on, I can vouch for the pure physical joy of having a neck/shoulder massage, foot/leg massage, or other types of hands-on massages; there is great value in skin-to-skin contact. -Annie > > Hi Eliza, > > I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid (Hashimoto's syndrome) and so am on a thyroid replacement, this has been for the past six years. Mine isn't so bad except for the fact that you can't eat for two hours after taking them and its hard to get breakfast in in the morning rush, and no surprise, I'm terrible about taking regular medication. But working on that. > > The interesting thing about the diagnosis, besides the fact that its probably related to my immune system being on hyperarousal all my life, is that about 5 years before the diagnosis my NADA and I went away for a yoga wknd and we both had an energy healing treatment. It's the only one I've ever had fyi, and I gotta say, if I lived near that woman I would go back to her in a second. This is why. > > When she did my treatment, she said, " Your throat is all blocked. No one is listening to you. Why doesn't anyone listen to you? " And I'm like, " What, I don't know. I think everyone listens to me. I certainly yell loud enough " ; ) I didn't really say that last sentence. She also told me I was afraid of getting the breast cancer that runs in my family. Which I " m not anymore, because I think I'm straightening out my mental attitude and have adopted a que sera sera approach to all that business. (I mean along with being responsible about my annual diagnostics and trying to eat right/exersize etc). > > Anyhoo, when she did my Mom, she told my Mom that she had a lot of rage in her womb. And my Mom was like I'm not angry I worked through all that stuff. Well, a few years later mom was diagnosed with the ovarian cancer that would eventually claim her life. We all know where that originates from right? And that repressed rage is a major factor in the development of NPD/BPD (I forget which board i'm on but she had both). > > Also when I left the treatment, call it placebo effect, but I did feel very much lighter and brighter. > > So I'm sorry you have thyroid problems, but in my experience I have found it's liveable and totally related to all these other problems. I know of some people who have treated this with meditation, healthy eating, and spiritual work, but I am not THERE! yet. > > Big hug, > > SR > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 18, 2012 Report Share Posted March 18, 2012 Eliza,  I think you speak for a number of us.  We learn that we can get the BPD parent's " fleas " [acquiring BPD-like l behaviors learned from the parent, that is, until we cease them because we can!].  that their abuse just keeps on coming and that new boundaries we set  are seen as game-like challenges to the BPD parent.  Some people tell us we do things because it's karmic (in our genes), or, it's in our numerology ( especially when you have the same given or Christian name as your parent) as tho' we have no choice.  On top of the psychological damage, as you put it. Just the other day we see a link to an article where the author espouses that we get Fear of Success from our PTSD which of course came from our BPD parent's recurring abuse.    No, you won't go crazy, but I hear ya when you want to have it all stop: Enough Already!  Perhaps the best response, the best karmic response, is simply to endure, persevere, be a Light in life. Each moment of life is an opportunity to know yourself as the infinite source of love that you already are! The best way to experience it is to behave like the Sun and give your light away!  Each day you're given thousands of opportunities to practice. Today you will most likely give someone your attention, or offer them a smile. Try having no attachment to what comes back in return and see how freeing that feels. Then give someone else a positive message, a hug, a gentle listening ear, a generous gesture, a look of acceptance, or simply gentle eyes that say everything is OK. Practice giving for the experience of being radiant, unconditional, having no expectations like the infinite Sun.   > > Hi all, I haven't read posts yet but now I *really* wish I was adopted. I've been having some odd symptoms for a few weeks, trouble sleeping well, heart racing, fine tremors and I went to the doctor yesterday. She ran a test for thyroid trouble as it runs in my family. My nada and her mother both had hyperthyroid (Grave's disease) and wouldn't you know my tests came back today and it looks likely I have it too. I'm going to have further tests next week to see for sure. It is very treatable compared to the many things that can go wrong with a person - odds are I'll have the radiation treatment and have to take supplements to replace my thyroid hormone the rest of my life. Some people say it is no big deal, other people say they never feel quite right again. > > And I'm so damn angry. How much, how much more do I have to pay for being her daughter? When does it stop? When I'm dead? I also have a family history of cancer coming from her too, guess that's friggin next. I'm a " glaucoma suspect " because of her too and I've inherited cornea problems from her and uterus problems. When does it stop? It's bad enough I'm psychologically so damaged that I can't live a normal life, but now my body breaks down too. And the awful thing is that even now I want to call her for her support, I want to call some family, any family and have them care. But they won't. Or they'll pretend to and then make it all about them within ten seconds of me telling them. > > I'm glad you guys are here. It's kind of scary for me to put this out here, but I've got to let it out before I go crazy you know? > > Thanks > Eliza > " You were born with potential. You were born with goodness and trust. You were born with ideals and dreams. You were born with greatness. You were born with wings. You are not meant for crawling, so don't. You have wings. Learn to use them and fly. "  --- Rumi  Remember we are physically here for a short time and have some amazing experiences ahead of us. The best one by far is being the source of unconditional love, which you get to instantly experience by giving it away! And you can give it to anyone and everyone you choose, which means you can exclude Nada. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 19, 2012 Report Share Posted March 19, 2012 Thank you all so much for your support. This is a very special group indeed. I'm feeling a bit more emotionally balanced but also fuzzy headed and kind of sedated with the medicine I'm taking to counteract all the adrenaline. I'll not try individual replies right now, but thank you for each and every one. Hugs, Eliza > > Eliza, >  > I think you speak for a number of us. >  > We learn that we can get the BPD parent's " fleas " [acquiring BPD-like l behaviors learned from the parent, that is, until we cease them because we can!].  that their abuse just keeps on coming and that new boundaries we set  are seen as game-like challenges to the BPD parent. >  > Some people tell us we do things because it's karmic (in our genes), or, it's in our numerology ( especially when you have the same given or Christian name as your parent) as tho' we have no choice. >  > On top of the psychological damage, as you put it. Just the other day we see a link to an article where the author espouses that we get Fear of Success from our PTSD which of course came from our BPD parent's recurring abuse.   >  > No, you won't go crazy, but I hear ya when you want to have it all stop: Enough Already!  Perhaps the best response, the best karmic response, is simply to endure, persevere, be a Light in life. Each moment of life is an opportunity to know yourself as the infinite source of love that you already are! The best way to experience it is to behave like the Sun and give your light away!  Each day you're given thousands of opportunities to practice. Today you will most likely give someone your attention, or offer them a smile. Try having no attachment to what comes back in return and see how freeing that feels. Then give someone else a positive message, a hug, a gentle listening ear, a generous gesture, a look of acceptance, or simply gentle eyes that say everything is OK. Practice giving for the experience of being radiant, unconditional, having no expectations like the infinite Sun. >  > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 21, 2012 Report Share Posted March 21, 2012 Hi SR, I still feel kinda foggy but thought I'd try a reply here. Thanks so much for your support and sharing your experience with thyroid trouble. I truly hope that it will come down to taking a pill once a day and feeling normal. I've been doing a lot of research though and am worried it may not be that simple for the variety of thyroid trouble I have. I'm trying to remain calm...trying. That was VERY interesting about the energy healer. I too have had trouble being heard my whole life. I can speak, but have much trouble being understood. It doesn't surprise me at all to have throat (5th chakra issues). Did you feel more able to be heard or speak freely after your energy session? I've seen a few energy practitioners over the years and usually what they say about my nada and FOO makes my hair stand on end. Eliza > > Hi Eliza, > > I was diagnosed with an underactive thyroid (Hashimoto's syndrome) and so am on a thyroid replacement, this has been for the past six years. Mine isn't so bad except for the fact that you can't eat for two hours after taking them and its hard to get breakfast in in the morning rush, and no surprise, I'm terrible about taking regular medication. But working on that. > > The interesting thing about the diagnosis, besides the fact that its probably related to my immune system being on hyperarousal all my life, is that about 5 years before the diagnosis my NADA and I went away for a yoga wknd and we both had an energy healing treatment. It's the only one I've ever had fyi, and I gotta say, if I lived near that woman I would go back to her in a second. This is why. > > When she did my treatment, she said, " Your throat is all blocked. No one is listening to you. Why doesn't anyone listen to you? " And I'm like, " What, I don't know. I think everyone listens to me. I certainly yell loud enough " ; ) I didn't really say that last sentence. She also told me I was afraid of getting the breast cancer that runs in my family. Which I " m not anymore, because I think I'm straightening out my mental attitude and have adopted a que sera sera approach to all that business. (I mean along with being responsible about my annual diagnostics and trying to eat right/exersize etc). > > Anyhoo, when she did my Mom, she told my Mom that she had a lot of rage in her womb. And my Mom was like I'm not angry I worked through all that stuff. Well, a few years later mom was diagnosed with the ovarian cancer that would eventually claim her life. We all know where that originates from right? And that repressed rage is a major factor in the development of NPD/BPD (I forget which board i'm on but she had both). > > Also when I left the treatment, call it placebo effect, but I did feel very much lighter and brighter. > > So I'm sorry you have thyroid problems, but in my experience I have found it's liveable and totally related to all these other problems. I know of some people who have treated this with meditation, healthy eating, and spiritual work, but I am not THERE! yet. > > Big hug, > > SR > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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