I think my whole family must be BPD

August 7, 2011

Just a of background...I was put up for adoption as a baby, and adopted by a

loving family. When I was 14, my dad left my mom, who I found out years

later was in the middle stages of early onset alzheimers, and my dad married my

stepmom, and she is the one who I am having problems with, but not this time.

11 years ago, I found my biological mom, and we get along great, and have a good

relationship. And, I had an older brother who she didn't adopt out, but died 20

years ago. After she put me up for adoption, she met a man with two children

whose wife had died of cancer, they married, and later adpoted each other's

children. Now that I a part of the family, I sometimes wish I wasn't. The

stepbrother and stepsister and I have a civil relationship, but that's about

it. My stepsister has been mad at our mom since mom refused to cosign a loan

with the stepsiser and her husband, and, at least to mom, has made it clear that

she is now the

stepmom and not the mom, even though mom raised her since she was six. My

sister in law and stepsister don't get along either. My stepbrother and

stepsister and their dad don't think there's a problem and think mom and my sis

in law are the ones with the problem. Mom wants to talk about stuff in the

past, but the step bro and sis don't want to hear about anything bad, just the

good and how wonderful their dad is and was. So, mom tells me all those stories

because I am the only one that will listen. The only time my sis in law even

bothers to talk to me is when the stepsister is coming to visit, and then it's

just to complain about the whole thing. So, we have the family bbq when the

stepsis is here, and all the sis in law does is sit by me and make snide remarks

about the stepsis. So, next weekend is our town's homecoming, and the stepsis

is planning to visit. I had a text complaining session yesterday with the sis

in law, and I don't

mind listening, but I hate the snide commenting when we are together. I feel

like I have to be there for mom, because it's been made very clear that mom and

I are the second class citizens of the family. Fortunately, I may be able to

get out of the family bbq because I will probably have to meet my daughter's

other grandparents to pick her up from visiting with them. I just am tired of

all the politics involved in this. If I take mom's and the sis in laws side, I

am the bad person. If I take the stepsis's side, then my sis in law thinks I am

the bad person. The only one who wouldn't think that is mom. I am glad that I

probably won't be there to be in the middle of it all this time, but there's

going to be a next time.

Thanks for listening....I just needed to vent!

Janet

Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own

understanding.

In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.

Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil.

It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.

Proverbs 3:5-8

August 7, 2011

Hi, welcome to the group. You really don't have to take anyone's side. People

are manipulating you and exploiting you it sounds like. It sounds like the

relationship with your mother is the one you want to protect. The other two you

could just tell separately that you don't want to be involved in conflict

concerning the other one and you don't want to hear about it. It's not right

for the one to make snide comments to you about the other, you can get up and

move away if you need to, otherwise it almost looks like you are being

complicit. For the sake of your sanity you need to move yourself out of the

'middle' between these two...if your mom is in the middle that doesn't mean you

have to be. It sounds like you have a sense of needing to 'belong' and that you

are afraid if you assert boundaries you will feel left out or might be frozen

out...which sounds like what happened to your mom a bit. Not very nice,

especially over something financial. And I have to say, GOOD FOR YOUR MOM to

have not cosigned...if she can set hard boundaries like that then genetically

you have it in you as well. Hugs, it sounds like these sticky relationships are

going to take a while to hash out and reframe but *you can do it*. Sometimes it

helps just to talk about it and get it out on paper like you have done.

>

> Just a of background...I was put up for adoption as a baby, and adopted by a

loving family. When I was 14, my dad left my mom, who I found out years later

was in the middle stages of early onset alzheimers, and my dad married my

stepmom, and she is the one who I am having problems with, but not this time.

11 years ago, I found my biological mom, and we get along great, and have a good

relationship. And, I had an older brother who she didn't adopt out, but died 20

years ago. After she put me up for adoption, she met a man with two children

whose wife had died of cancer, they married, and later adpoted each other's

children. Now that I a part of the family, I sometimes wish I wasn't. The

stepbrother and stepsister and I have a civil relationship, but that's about it.

My stepsister has been mad at our mom since mom refused to cosign a loan with

the stepsiser and her husband, and, at least to mom, has made it clear that she

is now the

> stepmom and not the mom, even though mom raised her since she was six. My