Guest guest Posted March 17, 2012 Report Share Posted March 17, 2012 My Mom was an only child of a dominant and neglectfull Mother. She would wait hours to be picked up from school. She says her best friend was her dog. At 19 her friend were helping to take her car to get repaired and were in a head on wreck. Her Mom was sued for all she had and my Mom was institutionalized. She married my Dad, had 4 kids in 5 years. I was the only girl. She hates women. So, I am living in a ghost relationship where I am one of 3 and one of the 3 is dead. I grew up with terrible selfesteem, left home at 17 and have done okay for myself. I did marry another BPD ( wouldn't you know it.) My problem is, my Dad is dying. He is a wonderful brillant man. Gentle, kind and forgiving. With his impending death from cancer; my mother has gone off the deep end. She blames me for just about everything - partly I think because of anger transferal issues and partly because I am the traditional scapegoat. She says I am doing things " for " Dad with the expectation of " getting " something in return. Dad is coming to stay with us while he gets experimental cancer treatments. She is tormenting dad with spittal about how rotten I am. It makes me so very sad. He has neither the strength nor the will to deal with her. I am at my wits end. Why do all the sane folk get pulled down the rabbit hole with the crazies. It doesn't even help that I truely understand why she is doing this. All I know is that it hurts me and my father. And he is pulling away from me because of the constant stream of badgering. So very sad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 22, 2012 Report Share Posted March 22, 2012 (((((dragonbird))))) You have such a compassionate soul; I'm so sorry you are having to go through such a devastatingly sad thing as your beloved father dying of cancer, while your bpd mother berates you and castigates you unfairly. You are right, I think; in my opinion your mother is really escalating her disordered, paranoid, delusional behaviors with these fierce, gut-wrenching verbal attacks on you. My guess is that she experiencing the emotional equivalent of drowning right now, and probably in a state of mindless panic. The borderline pd fears abandonment more than anything else, and death is the ultimate abandonment. But you are right, even KNOWING all the back-story and underpinnings of her disorder, it hurts like hell to be lashed out at unfairly, even when you understand intellectually that nothing she says is true, it still hurts. Welcome to the Group; this is a safe place to share your pain and get emotional validation and support. -Annie > > My Mom was an only child of a dominant and neglectfull Mother. > She would wait hours to be picked up from school. She says her best friend was her dog. At 19 her friend were helping to take her car to get repaired and were in a head on wreck. Her Mom was sued for all she had and my Mom was institutionalized. > > She married my Dad, had 4 kids in 5 years. I was the only girl. She hates women. > > So, I am living in a ghost relationship where I am one of 3 and one of the 3 is dead. I grew up with terrible selfesteem, left home at 17 and have done okay for myself. I did marry another BPD ( wouldn't you know it.) > > My problem is, my Dad is dying. He is a wonderful brillant man. Gentle, kind and forgiving. With his impending death from cancer; my mother has gone off the deep end. She blames me for just about everything - partly I think because of anger transferal issues and partly because I am the traditional scapegoat. > > She says I am doing things " for " Dad with the expectation of " getting " something in return. > > Dad is coming to stay with us while he gets experimental cancer treatments. > > She is tormenting dad with spittal about how rotten I am. It makes me so very sad. He has neither the strength nor the will to deal with her. > > I am at my wits end. Why do all the sane folk get pulled down the rabbit hole with the crazies. > > It doesn't even help that I truely understand why she is doing this. > All I know is that it hurts me and my father. > > And he is pulling away from me because of the constant stream of badgering. > > So very sad. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hugs, Dragonbird. I'm so sorry for the grief of watching your father fade away with your mother attacking you all the while. As you said, it's painful for you AND your father. He's in no shape to take that on right now. I really admire your insights into your mother's behavior. I know it doesn't completely help deal with her, but you know it's not about you. I'm glad your dad is staying with you during his treatments. It will give you the opportunity to spend time with him away from her. Again, hugs. Fiona > > My Mom was an only child of a dominant and neglectfull Mother. > She would wait hours to be picked up from school. She says her best friend was her dog. At 19 her friend were helping to take her car to get repaired and were in a head on wreck. Her Mom was sued for all she had and my Mom was institutionalized. > > She married my Dad, had 4 kids in 5 years. I was the only girl. She hates women. > > So, I am living in a ghost relationship where I am one of 3 and one of the 3 is dead. I grew up with terrible selfesteem, left home at 17 and have done okay for myself. I did marry another BPD ( wouldn't you know it.) > > My problem is, my Dad is dying. He is a wonderful brillant man. Gentle, kind and forgiving. With his impending death from cancer; my mother has gone off the deep end. She blames me for just about everything - partly I think because of anger transferal issues and partly because I am the traditional scapegoat. > > She says I am doing things " for " Dad with the expectation of " getting " something in return. > > Dad is coming to stay with us while he gets experimental cancer treatments. > > She is tormenting dad with spittal about how rotten I am. It makes me so very sad. He has neither the strength nor the will to deal with her. > > I am at my wits end. Why do all the sane folk get pulled down the rabbit hole with the crazies. > > It doesn't even help that I truely understand why she is doing this. > All I know is that it hurts me and my father. > > And he is pulling away from me because of the constant stream of badgering. > > So very sad. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Hugs to you, dragonbird... You have a lot of grieving to do...do you have support in your " real " life? Friends, therapist, etc.? You can always come here, too... Death is the ultimate " abandonment " ...no surprise your nada is totally triggered right now. Sounds like she's doing lots of projection onto you, too. I hope you will be able to keep up your boundaries and refuse to be blamed. And that you are able to have some good final moments with your dad. Wishing you peace, Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Thank you Teri > (((((dragonbird))))) > > You have such a compassionate soul; I'm so sorry you are having to go through such a devastatingly sad thing as your beloved father dying of cancer, while your bpd mother berates you and castigates you unfairly. > > You are right, I think; in my opinion your mother is really escalating her disordered, paranoid, delusional behaviors with these fierce, gut-wrenching verbal attacks on you. My guess is that she experiencing the emotional equivalent of drowning right now, and probably in a state of mindless panic. The borderline pd fears abandonment more than anything else, and death is the ultimate abandonment. > > But you are right, even KNOWING all the back-story and underpinnings of her disorder, it hurts like hell to be lashed out at unfairly, even when you understand intellectually that nothing she says is true, it still hurts. > > Welcome to the Group; this is a safe place to share your pain and get emotional validation and support. > > -Annie > > > > > > My Mom was an only child of a dominant and neglectfull Mother. > > She would wait hours to be picked up from school. She says her best friend was her dog. At 19 her friend were helping to take her car to get repaired and were in a head on wreck. Her Mom was sued for all she had and my Mom was institutionalized. > > > > She married my Dad, had 4 kids in 5 years. I was the only girl. She hates women. > > > > So, I am living in a ghost relationship where I am one of 3 and one of the 3 is dead. I grew up with terrible selfesteem, left home at 17 and have done okay for myself. I did marry another BPD ( wouldn't you know it.) > > > > My problem is, my Dad is dying. He is a wonderful brillant man. Gentle, kind and forgiving. With his impending death from cancer; my mother has gone off the deep end. She blames me for just about everything - partly I think because of anger transferal issues and partly because I am the traditional scapegoat. > > > > She says I am doing things " for " Dad with the expectation of " getting " something in return. > > > > Dad is coming to stay with us while he gets experimental cancer treatments. > > > > She is tormenting dad with spittal about how rotten I am. It makes me so very sad. He has neither the strength nor the will to deal with her. > > > > I am at my wits end. Why do all the sane folk get pulled down the rabbit hole with the crazies. > > > > It doesn't even help that I truely understand why she is doing this. > > All I know is that it hurts me and my father. > > > > And he is pulling away from me because of the constant stream of badgering. > > > > So very sad. > > > > > > > TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo! > Why men will lie in their relationships > Niecy Nash gets a group of guys to fess up on when and why they hide the truth from women. > Privacy Policy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 23, 2012 Report Share Posted March 23, 2012 Thank you It helps to talk Teri > Thank you > > Teri > > > > > (((((dragonbird))))) > > > > You have such a compassionate soul; I'm so sorry you are having to go through such a devastatingly sad thing as your beloved father dying of cancer, while your bpd mother berates you and castigates you unfairly. > > > > You are right, I think; in my opinion your mother is really escalating her disordered, paranoid, delusional behaviors with these fierce, gut-wrenching verbal attacks on you. My guess is that she experiencing the emotional equivalent of drowning right now, and probably in a state of mindless panic. The borderline pd fears abandonment more than anything else, and death is the ultimate abandonment. > > > > But you are right, even KNOWING all the back-story and underpinnings of her disorder, it hurts like hell to be lashed out at unfairly, even when you understand intellectually that nothing she says is true, it still hurts. > > > > Welcome to the Group; this is a safe place to share your pain and get emotional validation and support. > > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > My Mom was an only child of a dominant and neglectfull Mother. > > > She would wait hours to be picked up from school. She says her best friend was her dog. At 19 her friend were helping to take her car to get repaired and were in a head on wreck. Her Mom was sued for all she had and my Mom was institutionalized. > > > > > > She married my Dad, had 4 kids in 5 years. I was the only girl. She hates women. > > > > > > So, I am living in a ghost relationship where I am one of 3 and one of the 3 is dead. I grew up with terrible selfesteem, left home at 17 and have done okay for myself. I did marry another BPD ( wouldn't you know it.) > > > > > > My problem is, my Dad is dying. He is a wonderful brillant man. Gentle, kind and forgiving. With his impending death from cancer; my mother has gone off the deep end. She blames me for just about everything - partly I think because of anger transferal issues and partly because I am the traditional scapegoat. > > > > > > She says I am doing things " for " Dad with the expectation of " getting " something in return. > > > > > > Dad is coming to stay with us while he gets experimental cancer treatments. > > > > > > She is tormenting dad with spittal about how rotten I am. It makes me so very sad. He has neither the strength nor the will to deal with her. > > > > > > I am at my wits end. Why do all the sane folk get pulled down the rabbit hole with the crazies. > > > > > > It doesn't even help that I truely understand why she is doing this. > > > All I know is that it hurts me and my father. > > > > > > And he is pulling away from me because of the constant stream of badgering. > > > > > > So very sad. > > > > > > > > > > > > > TODAY(Beta) • Powered by Yahoo! > > Why men will lie in their relationships > > Niecy Nash gets a group of guys to fess up on when and why they hide the truth from women. > > Privacy Policy > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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