My mom said she wished she never had me!?

[Guest guest]

in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had me

after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins. this

was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my dad

saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will always

take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember there

were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she has

an illness that finally has a name.....

[Guest guest]

 

Please understand that she is trying to transfer her angry feelings away

from herself by giving them to others, akin to " tag, now you're IT " .  I think

this kind of hurtful comment is typical.

My nada kept angrily repeating she " should have strangled " me at birth [ no,

I'm not kidding here]  and she has progressed to seething that had my

parents had the money  at the time she would have had an abortion instead of

carrying me to term.

 

This is of course nonsense. Logically, therapeutic abortions could not be had

on demand back in the day time, and, by all reports I was a wanted and beloved

child when I came along. Her BPD bad behavior  towards us all evidently

commenced later on.  I chalk it up to  seething BPD raging when she cannot

and does not  get her way. We are NC. 

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Sunday, March 18, 2012 3:55 PM

Subject: My mom said she wished she never had me!?

 

in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had me

after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins. this

was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my dad

saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will always

take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember there

were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she has

an illness that finally has a name.....

[Guest guest]

Sadly, this is a cruel tactic that BPs often use on their children... especially

with those children the BP has split as " all bad. " It's not uncommon for a BP

parent to tell their child they wish they had never had them/that they were the

worst thing that ever happened to them/they wished their child were dead etc...

My nada told my sister that she should have aborted her.

It's just an atrocious thing to say to a child/teen.

- Cvidz

>

> in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had

me after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins.

this was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my

dad saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will

always take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember

there were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

> I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she

has an illness that finally has a name.....

>

[Guest guest]

(((Donna))) that has to be one of the most painful things to hear, no matter

one's age.

I also remember, as a little girl, feeling that something was wrong with ME,

that I was doing something wrong to make my mother treat me so brusquely and

with such a lack of affection.

I'm glad you're here and know you'll find support with others who have been and

are going through it.

Hugs,

Fiona

>

> in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had

me after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins.

this was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my

dad saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will

always take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember

there were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

> I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she

has an illness that finally has a name.....

>

[Guest guest]

That is a horrible thing for her to say. I'm sorry you heard it--I'm sorry your

niece heard it--and I'm sorry your Dad doesn't tear her a new one for it.

I don't know if it helps, but I think when BP's say that--and they do say

it--it's usually projection: " I wish my parents never had me [because I'm so bad

and miserable]. " They don't know how to be parents and feel overwhelmed with the

job and then blame the child instead of actually, I don't know, MAKING AN EFFORT

to learn some skills.

And on the flip side, I think most of us have wished at some point that OUR

parents never had us, either--that is, that we'd been born to people who were

actually capable of loving us, not always necessarily that we didn't exist.

Anyway, whatever her reason for thinking these things, you can let her own

it--don't dare for a second believe it has ANYthing to do with you. That is HER

shame, not yours. We're all glad you're here =)

Sveta

[Guest guest]

Welcome to the club!

I heard that a lot growing up. Her favorite line, after I asked if she'd had a

good day (I was an only child, so I was constantly seeking her love and

attention) and she'd reply " Yes I did, but it would have been better if you were

dead! "

Then, I went through an EMO type teenage hood (can't imagine why!) and I did

truly try to kill myself at least once (left empty bottles all over the

bathroom...you know, being obvious and seeking attention) and the next morning

she quipped that I couldn't even do that right!

>

> in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had

me after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins.

this was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my

dad saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will

always take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember

there were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

> I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she

has an illness that finally has a name.....

>

[Guest guest]

My father was so cloying and fawning and my mother died before I was three but

even though he acted loving he made it clear I was a burden. After my mother

died I used to wake up in the middle of the night from the same nightmare, Fada

standing over my crib with a gun. Yes I was three and still in a crib (lots of

us had inappropriate beds), Subconsciously I knew he wanted me dead. As an adult

I always said he never should have had children. This statement caused my mother

in law no end of grief ( she loved me unconditionally even if my own father

didn't) Look around you for positive people and little things that helped you

get through life. Some how you have come this far and I bet there was a teacher,

a coach, a parent of a friend who was kind to you and validated you. Go back and

look for those little things because I guarantee they are what helped you

survive. We need to kind of expunge and dismiss Nada and Fada. We can vent on

here, but we also need to look for the other little things in our childhood and

current lives that keep us going so we can heal. After three years of Fada in

this house I realize how completely broken and empty he is and that I can never

touch or help him and finally that it is not my fault. When Fada was here and

life was agony I prayed every day to God asking " what am I supposed to learn

from this? " Now that Fada is in a nursing home and I can breathe again, I think

I needed to learn that I am innocent when he finally dies if he the S.O.B.

doesn't out live me, I will not have guilt.

Good luck, give yourself a hug from me and just keep saying Nada is broken but

she couldn't break me, and keep moving forward.

Good luck in your journey to healing.

Kay

> >

> > in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had

me after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins.

this was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my

dad saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will

always take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember

there were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

> > I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she

has an illness that finally has a name.....

> >

>

[Guest guest]

 <<and the next morning she quipped that I couldn't even do that right!>>

Please remember that this was  merely her projection that she herself could not

do [any thing] right. My nada was/is the same way.  I'm not trying to negate

the hurt this inflicted on you repetitively, merely reminding  you of how a BPD

nada thinks.

In fact my experience was that the only thing that  ever " got to " my nada was

her being told once that when it came to doing something  she couldn't even

get " that " [thing] right.  It took her months to come up with a clever,

nada-like response*, but it had obviously affected her. 

* by this I mean a response, which in true BPD fashion, set up a 

nonsensical and impossible-to-meet--burden of persuasion  if trying to refute

her response.

 

To: WTOAdultChildren1

Sent: Saturday, March 24, 2012 2:54 AM

Subject: Re: My mom said she wished she never had me!?

 

Welcome to the club!

I heard that a lot growing up. Her favorite line, after I asked if she'd had a

good day (I was an only child, so I was constantly seeking her love and

attention) and she'd reply " Yes I did, but it would have been better if you were

dead! "

Then, I went through an EMO type teenage hood (can't imagine why!) and I did

truly try to kill myself at least once (left empty bottles all over the

bathroom...you know, being obvious and seeking attention) and the next morning

she quipped that I couldn't even do that right!

>

> in my 40's now and few years back she told my niece she wished she never had

me after i questioned her why my niece couldn't go swimming with her cousins.

this was shocking in the least to have her say that about me. i confronted my

dad saying that is wrong for her to say those things and he agreed but will

always take her side. why? who knows...i have been a good daughter, I remember

there were times when i would cry in bed when i was a little child over her non

feelings for me.

> I'm so glad i have found this place to see that i am not the crazy one. she

has an illness that finally has a name.....

>