Fada has made me and the kids his only source of happiness, guilting us to stay

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Nada and fada have been divorced for about 20 years. Fada is remarried. He has

always been verbally supportive, but not involved in my life. I lived with nada

growing up. I went NC from Nada about 4 years ago. My brother has choosen to

stay in contact with her, and does not talk to me for the most part, because

nada guilts him into not talking to me as long as I am NC with her. Also

brothers relationship is strained (LC) with fada. Like brother and I have each

taken on a parent, and our relationship, for that, has suffered.

Fada's mother passed away about 3 years and since he clings to me and my

children. He only goes to work (labor job) and comes home. NO hobbies, no

friends, though he does see his own siblings regularly enough. When ever we

talk, he tells me he will die doing this job. I don't feel like explaining the

whole story, but basically he has created this situation, and acts like there is

nothing he can do about it. He refused to go to a doctor, but reminds me of his

failing health. He has made it clear that the only thing he has left is me and

the kids. He is not involved in their lives though. He missed my son's birthday

party last year (he live literally 3 minutes away). He did not come to the

hospital for either child. I think there are some social phobias going on, but I

don't know.

DH and I want to move out of state to be near his family, mainly for help.

(Wouldn't be for at least a year) As we have no help here. A few months ago, I

call fada to see if he could take the kids because I needed to go to the docs

for gallbladder issues, and he got all flustered and wouldn't do it. He wants to

keep us enar by but NEVER comes over, never spends time with us unless we go to

his house, on his terms at certain times, and don't stay too long. The will not

take the kids over night. If he's watched my 4 year old 10 times since his

birth, thats a lot. I think I'm over estimating.

But the topic of us moving out of state sends him into a tailspin! Not rageful,

just guilt, guilt, guilt. He wants us near but he doesn't want to do anything to

be apart of our lives!

We just made plans to spend Christmas with DH family out of state, but I don't

even want to tell fada. I know he will give me guilt trips until the day our

flight leaves. I don't even feel like dealing with it. If I try to talk to him

about it, he says things like " Some day I'll be dead and gone, and none of this

will matter " ...

The crazy part is, he never used to be a guilter! Or maybe I didn't care. It

seems ever since his mother died, he's clung onto me. I must admit he moved back

in with his mom when my parents divorced (he was like 30) and never moved out.

Now he lives in her house, which is his.

For even sakes, we are moving next week to a bigger place like 20 minutes from

him, and he's already made sure to tell me he upset I'm moving that far

away...really???

I've found myself thinking that if he passed away (I can't believe I'm writing

this, I really love him, I don't want that) but if he did, I could move out of

stateguilt free...how sad is that?