Guest guest Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 My dad passed away today. My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. Does BPD just stop affecting me now? Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we so often thought we'd feel so happy about? I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 I am sorry for your loss. You are entitled to feel grief and sadness, they are not mutually exclusive. Nor does feeling one or the other make you a hypocrite--it just makes you human. While part of it is over, you are still here and processing it all. Perhaps even some things that were painful to think about while he was still alive may surface in the next few months. I don't think we are ever all fixed up--we just transition to new understandings. Again, very sorry & <hugs> > > My dad passed away today. > > My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. > > Does BPD just stop affecting me now? > > Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we > so often thought we'd feel so happy about? > > I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 9, 2011 Report Share Posted August 9, 2011 My condolences on the death of your father. Its hard to lose a parent, even an abusive one. But, I think its normal to feel relief when someone stops hitting you on the head with a skillet, or stops emotionally torturing you. If you have a narcissistic pd / obsessive-compulsive pd (control freak) sister, you will probably continue to be the recipient of emotional abuse from her, but, perhaps you will have more control over that relationship and will more easily be able to cut visits with her short or hang up the phone (politely) when she acts out at you. I'm sending you my wishes for you to have the strength and endurance and courage you need to come through this whole and healthy. -Annie > > My dad passed away today. > > My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. > > Does BPD just stop affecting me now? > > Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we > so often thought we'd feel so happy about? > > I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 " I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. " (((Mac))), I'm so sorry for your loss. I do know how you feel. When my dad passed away a few years ago, I felt as you do. We weren't incredibly close and in fact, I stayed away from him before he got sick because he was just mean and critical and distant. But it still hurts when they die and it's painful to watch them die slowly and suffer. We're human, after all. > > My dad passed away today. > > My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. > > Does BPD just stop affecting me now? > > Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we > so often thought we'd feel so happy about? > > I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 I lost my nada 2 years ago. Look, a BP parent is not what we wanted. They let us down and hurt us in a number of ways. We feel, rightly, anger and frustration at what thier condition does to us. But they are still the only mom or dad we get, and of course we grieve their loss. The person whose parent dies after a long illness feels relief, and sorrow at the same time. Does it stop affecting you now? BP was a part of your life for, well, since you say Middle Age , lets go with 29 ( smile) years. No, it wont just go away. But you can choose new ways to get healthier now, and heal. Doug > > My dad passed away today. > > My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. > > Does BPD just stop affecting me now? > > Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we > so often thought we'd feel so happy about? > > I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 i agree, and sad to say i think the effects of our bp histories will linger until we too meet the grave.. lightened with understanding and work to help ourselves heal.. but they do remain with us in lesser form for the rest of our lives i believe. like i said it is a sad opinion and it is only mine, i hope yours is different. love to all, ann Subject: Re: It's Over.... To: WTOAdultChildren1 Date: Wednesday, August 10, 2011, 7:59 AM  I lost my nada 2 years ago. Look, a BP parent is not what we wanted. They let us down and hurt us in a number of ways. We feel, rightly, anger and frustration at what thier condition does to us. But they are still the only mom or dad we get, and of course we grieve their loss. The person whose parent dies after a long illness feels relief, and sorrow at the same time. Does it stop affecting you now? BP was a part of your life for, well, since you say Middle Age , lets go with 29 ( smile) years. No, it wont just go away. But you can choose new ways to get healthier now, and heal. Doug > > My dad passed away today. > > My mother is moving in with narcissist/control freak sister. > > Does BPD just stop affecting me now? > > Is it finally over? And if it is, why do we feel so sad about something we > so often thought we'd feel so happy about? > > I feel so hypocritical. It shouldn't hurt, but it does. It shouldn't be a relief, but it is. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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