Hatred

March 24, 2012

Hi,

I haven't posted or responded to any posts in a while. I had maintained NC with

nada for many months and had felt very zen... until my husband and I began a

trial seperation. I needed help with child care and I panicked and allowed nada

in for a moment and now the usual cycle has occured and within only a few

conversations and only a few interations in person, I am left with murderous

rage. I don't want a life of negativity, hence why I keep trying to maintain nc

with nada, but I slipped and now am fighting a new level of rage that is unusual

for me. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions for how you have or continue

to overcome the anger and resentmentyou feel.

Thank you,

~B

March 24, 2012

My take on this is that feelings in and of themselves aren't bad or wrong, they

just are.

But when we avoid feeling our feelings, fight them or try to repress them, they

don't go away, they just fester. We can get " stuck " in that feeling.

The trick is to find a healthy way to express and release your normal,

understandable, justified feelings. Of course you feel angry at being betrayed

and feeling rejected, anyone would. Really express it, really feel it. If you

have access to a therapist, maybe he or she can help you find some good, safe,

healthy ways to express your feelings.

But sometimes, emotions can mask one another, sort of layered instead of simply

one emotion. This is something your therapist can help you discover: whether

that's happening in your own case. Perhaps for you, it feels " safer " to feel

anger than it is to feel the deep, wounding pain of betrayal or rejection.

(Other people mask their anger with fear or depression; funny how that works

sometimes.)

Once you can uncover the core emotion, like the core of an infected boil, the

infection/toxic emotions can drain away and the wound can heal.

Just some thoughts to mull over, which may or may not resonate with you. I'm

betting others here will have good insights and possibilities for you to

consider, also.

-Annie

>

> Hi,

>

> I haven't posted or responded to any posts in a while. I had maintained NC

with nada for many months and had felt very zen... until my husband and I began

a trial seperation. I needed help with child care and I panicked and allowed

nada in for a moment and now the usual cycle has occured and within only a few

conversations and only a few interations in person, I am left with murderous

rage. I don't want a life of negativity, hence why I keep trying to maintain nc

with nada, but I slipped and now am fighting a new level of rage that is unusual

for me. I would greatly appreciate any suggestions for how you have or continue

to overcome the anger and resentmentyou feel.

>

> Thank you,

> ~B

>

March 25, 2012

Something similar has happened to me a few times. I don't know if this will

resonate with you, but I can give you my perspective.

The few times I have slipped back and opened that door to less than LC/NC, of

course this always backfires on me. During those times I have experienced a lot

of hatred aimed at not only nada, but myself as well. Anger at myself for

'hoping' this time would be different, for thinking that I had some measure of

control over an impossible situation.

Usually a lot of journaling, exercise and crying helps to get me over that pain.

But the realization of how I contributed to my own misery is always a component.

I don't let nada off the hook for jacking everything up in the first place. But

part of my processing seems to be 'learning a lesson' through dealing with my

anger toward myself.