Guest guest Posted August 10, 2011 Report Share Posted August 10, 2011 I'm sorry, Irene. Really, nothing more I can say but I'm sorry. It's all about them, isn't it? I hope your grandson recovers swiftly from his surgery. Nada? She can get over herself - yeah, right. Bpd's never do. But we can dream, right? :-) > Today was my husband's birthday. Today our grandson (16 months old) had surgery. > > Monday- spent day with nada as usual. She was fairly normal, insisted on treating hubby to lunch at a buffet since we couldn't celebrate on Wed. > > Tuesday - I called her, told her I wasn't sure when we would be home from the hospital and instead of calling her in the afternoon as usual, it would probably be later. She was fine with that. Chit, chat, listened to her complain about the neighbors. > > Wednesday - long day at the hospital. Grandson's surgery turned out more complicated than expected. A lot of pain in spite of pain killers. Our son-in-law is such a turd. He played the part of the dear daddy when nurses were there, then whined about holding his son because he was so heavy and his arm hurt. Yeah, 20 lb baby, hold for 5 minutes and then whine. It was not fun to be around the turd. > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 OMG nada is a turd and son in law is a turd!!! time to flush! > I'm sorry, Irene. Really, nothing more I can say but I'm sorry. It's all > about them, isn't it? I hope your grandson recovers swiftly from his > surgery. > Nada? She can get over herself - yeah, right. Bpd's never do. But we can > dream, right? :-) > > > > > > > Today was my husband's birthday. Today our grandson (16 months old) had > surgery. > > > > Monday- spent day with nada as usual. She was fairly normal, insisted on > treating hubby to lunch at a buffet since we couldn't celebrate on Wed. > > > > Tuesday - I called her, told her I wasn't sure when we would be home from > the hospital and instead of calling her in the afternoon as usual, it would > probably be later. She was fine with that. Chit, chat, listened to her > complain about the neighbors. > > > > Wednesday - long day at the hospital. Grandson's surgery turned out more > complicated than expected. A lot of pain in spite of pain killers. Our > son-in-law is such a turd. He played the part of the dear daddy when nurses > were there, then whined about holding his son because he was so heavy and > his arm hurt. Yeah, 20 lb baby, hold for 5 minutes and then whine. It was > not fun to be around the turd. > > > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He > knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't > talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going > out. " Then hangs up. > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's > going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for > attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the > attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's > dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm > thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having > his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so > much at times. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 I am so sorry, Irene. Both your mother and the SIL sound like very selfish people. Hard to deal with especially when you already and worry on your mind about your grandson. I hope he makes a full recovery. > > Today was my husband's birthday. Today our grandson (16 months old) had surgery. > > Monday- spent day with nada as usual. She was fairly normal, insisted on treating hubby to lunch at a buffet since we couldn't celebrate on Wed. > > Tuesday - I called her, told her I wasn't sure when we would be home from the hospital and instead of calling her in the afternoon as usual, it would probably be later. She was fine with that. Chit, chat, listened to her complain about the neighbors. > > Wednesday - long day at the hospital. Grandson's surgery turned out more complicated than expected. A lot of pain in spite of pain killers. Our son-in-law is such a turd. He played the part of the dear daddy when nurses were there, then whined about holding his son because he was so heavy and his arm hurt. Yeah, 20 lb baby, hold for 5 minutes and then whine. It was not fun to be around the turd. > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 I'm so sorry for your situation. I am going through some serious medical stuff right now and my bpd mother keeps claiming she is going to have a heart attack etc. The attention always has to be on them even if someone else is really sick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Thought I'd let you know what was so important that she couldn't talk. I expected her to call me at 6 am to cancel my Thursday visit. But she didn't. So I went on over. She answered the door looking like ****, dressed in a ratty pink robe. She spent an hour complaining about how sick she's been, thought she was going to die, same old stuff. I finally spoke up and asked, " So where did you go last night at 7:00? " She said she went to her neighbor's house to get some information about the lady's doctor. I told her that when my husband called her, she was so abrupt, said she couldn't talk and had to go, we had no idea what was going on, wondered if there was an emergency. Then she said she had to go right away because her neighbor goes to bed early and she wanted to catch her. Turns out the neighbor didn't answer the door anyway. Later, after she got dressed, had my full attention and I'd taken her shopping she said she was so glad I came over. I make her feel so much better. (feel the Hoover effect?) I again brought up that I wasn't sure if I should come over after the phone conversation the night before. I didn't know what to expect since she didn't explain what was going on. The jab went right over her head. Imagine if I had talked to her on the phone like that? It would have been world war 3. - - - - - - - - -- - > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Reading your posts about how your nada acts and communicates, it really is a lot like trying to discuss an adult-level issue with a three year old. I think that some nadas must stop developing emotionally at a very young age (maybe some reach older levels of emotional development, maybe up to puberty, but some stop at 2 or 3) Their intelligence/reasoning ability continues to grow and develop, but its like we're looking at an adult level of intelligence in an adult body... and the " driver " is three years old. Its a scary concept and difficult to even wrap our mind around. We can understand immediately when we observe someone who has the *intelligence* level of a three year old in an adult body; that person is intellectually impaired. And we feel pity for them and we don't expect them to understand adult concepts or behave like an adult. But Adult Body + Adult Intelligence + Toddler Emotions... it just doesn't seem possible, somehow. And yet we were raised by such individuals. -Annie > > Thought I'd let you know what was so important that she couldn't talk. > > I expected her to call me at 6 am to cancel my Thursday visit. But she didn't. So I went on over. She answered the door looking like ****, dressed in a ratty pink robe. She spent an hour complaining about how sick she's been, thought she was going to die, same old stuff. I finally spoke up and asked, " So where did you go last night at 7:00? " She said she went to her neighbor's house to get some information about the lady's doctor. I told her that when my husband called her, she was so abrupt, said she couldn't talk and had to go, we had no idea what was going on, wondered if there was an emergency. Then she said she had to go right away because her neighbor goes to bed early and she wanted to catch her. Turns out the neighbor didn't answer the door anyway. > > Later, after she got dressed, had my full attention and I'd taken her shopping she said she was so glad I came over. I make her feel so much better. (feel the Hoover effect?) I again brought up that I wasn't sure if I should come over after the phone conversation the night before. I didn't know what to expect since she didn't explain what was going on. The jab went right over her head. > > Imagine if I had talked to her on the phone like that? It would have been world war 3. > > - - - - - - - - -- - > > > > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 My Nada has actually told me that her psychologist has said she's " stuck " at five years old. The more I think about this in relation to her behavior, the more things start to make some semblance of sense. Too bad she also thinks this excuses all of her emotional tirades ( " I am MENTALLY ILL. I can't help it. " What utter BS.). It really is frightening to think that I was raised by someone with the emotional competence of a five year old. It just reinforces the argument to disallow BP people to raise children alone (if at all). How can a child raise another child? > Reading your posts about how your nada acts and communicates, it really is a lot like trying to discuss an adult-level issue with a three year old. I think that some nadas must stop developing emotionally at a very young age (maybe some reach older levels of emotional development, maybe up to puberty, but some stop at 2 or 3) > > Their intelligence/reasoning ability continues to grow and develop, but its like we're looking at an adult level of intelligence in an adult body... and the " driver " is three years old. Its a scary concept and difficult to even wrap our mind around. > > We can understand immediately when we observe someone who has the *intelligence* level of a three year old in an adult body; that person is intellectually impaired. And we feel pity for them and we don't expect them to understand adult concepts or behave like an adult. > > But Adult Body + Adult Intelligence + Toddler Emotions... it just doesn't seem possible, somehow. And yet we were raised by such individuals. > > -Annie > > > > > > Thought I'd let you know what was so important that she couldn't talk. > > > > I expected her to call me at 6 am to cancel my Thursday visit. But she didn't. So I went on over. She answered the door looking like ****, dressed in a ratty pink robe. She spent an hour complaining about how sick she's been, thought she was going to die, same old stuff. I finally spoke up and asked, " So where did you go last night at 7:00? " She said she went to her neighbor's house to get some information about the lady's doctor. I told her that when my husband called her, she was so abrupt, said she couldn't talk and had to go, we had no idea what was going on, wondered if there was an emergency. Then she said she had to go right away because her neighbor goes to bed early and she wanted to catch her. Turns out the neighbor didn't answer the door anyway. > > > > Later, after she got dressed, had my full attention and I'd taken her shopping she said she was so glad I came over. I make her feel so much better. (feel the Hoover effect?) I again brought up that I wasn't sure if I should come over after the phone conversation the night before. I didn't know what to expect since she didn't explain what was going on. The jab went right over her head. > > > > Imagine if I had talked to her on the phone like that? It would have been world war 3. > > > > - - - - - - - - -- - > > > > > > > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > > > > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Amen to that. It is scary to think of leaving a little child (or an infant, or even a puppy) alone in the care of another little child. Its just wrong! -Annie > > > > > > Thought I'd let you know what was so important that she couldn't talk. > > > > > > I expected her to call me at 6 am to cancel my Thursday visit. But she didn't. So I went on over. She answered the door looking like ****, dressed in a ratty pink robe. She spent an hour complaining about how sick she's been, thought she was going to die, same old stuff. I finally spoke up and asked, " So where did you go last night at 7:00? " She said she went to her neighbor's house to get some information about the lady's doctor. I told her that when my husband called her, she was so abrupt, said she couldn't talk and had to go, we had no idea what was going on, wondered if there was an emergency. Then she said she had to go right away because her neighbor goes to bed early and she wanted to catch her. Turns out the neighbor didn't answer the door anyway. > > > > > > Later, after she got dressed, had my full attention and I'd taken her shopping she said she was so glad I came over. I make her feel so much better. (feel the Hoover effect?) I again brought up that I wasn't sure if I should come over after the phone conversation the night before. I didn't know what to expect since she didn't explain what was going on. The jab went right over her head. > > > > > > Imagine if I had talked to her on the phone like that? It would have been world war 3. > > > > > > - - - - - - - - -- - > > > > > > > > > > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > > > > > > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > > > > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 That explains why rationalizing with them or explaining complex interdependent issues doesn't work. K > > > > > > Thought I'd let you know what was so important that she couldn't talk. > > > > > > I expected her to call me at 6 am to cancel my Thursday visit. But she didn't. So I went on over. She answered the door looking like ****, dressed in a ratty pink robe. She spent an hour complaining about how sick she's been, thought she was going to die, same old stuff. I finally spoke up and asked, " So where did you go last night at 7:00? " She said she went to her neighbor's house to get some information about the lady's doctor. I told her that when my husband called her, she was so abrupt, said she couldn't talk and had to go, we had no idea what was going on, wondered if there was an emergency. Then she said she had to go right away because her neighbor goes to bed early and she wanted to catch her. Turns out the neighbor didn't answer the door anyway. > > > > > > Later, after she got dressed, had my full attention and I'd taken her shopping she said she was so glad I came over. I make her feel so much better. (feel the Hoover effect?) I again brought up that I wasn't sure if I should come over after the phone conversation the night before. I didn't know what to expect since she didn't explain what was going on. The jab went right over her head. > > > > > > Imagine if I had talked to her on the phone like that? It would have been world war 3. > > > > > > - - - - - - - - -- - > > > > > > > > > > > Got home around 7 pm. Hubby called my nada. She barks out, " WHAT!? " He knows what she's like so he kept it light - Hi Mom. She snapped, " I can't talk now. " He just said " Oh? " She snaps again, " I can't talk now; I'm going out. " Then hangs up. > > > > > > > > > > Sure, she never leaves the house alone because she can't drive. So she's going outside or has she talked a neighbor into taking her to ER again for attention? Who knows and she isn't saying > > > > > > > > > > I know her, after 58 frickin' years I know how she works. If the attention is off her, she gets angry and shuts you out or decides she's dying and needs medical attention. So why is my stomach churning and I'm thinking thousands of 4 letter words? No concern about our grandson having his genitals cut open. No worry about being rude to us. She pisses me off so much at times. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 I'm sorry your health is suffering. It's tough to do battle with disease and family. You just can't juggle both. When I was going through some heart procedures my nada kept going on about how I just couldn't die; after all what would happen to her? Or we'd be out in public and she would use my heart issues to get attention for herself, acting as if she was the worried mommy. I would walk away. It's hard to pry their claws off our private lives but please take care of yourself first. If your nada decides to have a heart attack, there are qualified people out there who can help her. It's not your problem. > > I'm so sorry for your situation. I am going through some serious > medical stuff right now and my bpd mother keeps claiming she is going > to have a heart attack etc. The attention always has to be on them > even if someone else is really sick. > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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