Mother's Day in the UK (good title for a song, lol!)

[Guest guest]

Hi folks, i've only just gotten round to writing about this a week after it

happened, cos i've felt so s**t the past 7 days.

Last Sunday was Mother's Day here in the UK. My husband drove up to the rest

home where my Mum lives, which is an hour and a quarter's drive away.

Without going into too much detail, i got very upset and felt how i used to feel

before going nc with her for 2 years. I'm feeling a bit better now, but was

wondering ...does anyone else struggle with the realisation that your mother is

not a very nice person? I've always known the facts, but it's as if for the

first time i'm finally having to acknowledge that she is a selfish, mean and

cruel woman. I've said these things about her all my adult life, but seeing it

as the " truth " is strange.

Also, does anyone else see their mothers as rather sinister? I know I do. She

knows when she is being cruel but deliberately carries on with the behaviour.

[Guest guest]

I'm sorry you had such a rough time of Mother's Day. I always have a bad day on

Mother's Day, no matter what's happening, just because I once again grieve the

mother I never had.

I completely understand what you're saying about your mother being sinister.

Before I realized that my nada was BPD, I did a lot of research into personality

disorders in general. I wondered for a long time if she was a psychopath because

of her inability to connect or empathize. Sadly for us, there is a certain

amount of psychopathology in a borderline, as well as narcissism. " Sinister "

isn't inaccurate, damn it all!

Just wanted you to know you're not alone. Hang in there, and keep healing.

>

> Hi folks, i've only just gotten round to writing about this a week after it

happened, cos i've felt so s**t the past 7 days.

>

> Last Sunday was Mother's Day here in the UK. My husband drove up to the rest

home where my Mum lives, which is an hour and a quarter's drive away.

>

> Without going into too much detail, i got very upset and felt how i used to

feel before going nc with her for 2 years. I'm feeling a bit better now, but

was wondering ...does anyone else struggle with the realisation that your mother

is not a very nice person? I've always known the facts, but it's as if for the

first time i'm finally having to acknowledge that she is a selfish, mean and

cruel woman. I've said these things about her all my adult life, but seeing it

as the " truth " is strange.

>

> Also, does anyone else see their mothers as rather sinister? I know I do.

She knows when she is being cruel but deliberately carries on with the

behaviour.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Jeanie,

Sorry to hear about your rough mothers day as well as a rough week to follow. I

know what that nada " hangover " feels like and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I

definitely relate to what you are saying. There are times when I accept what my

nada is and other times when i feel so sad for her for what must have happened

to her to make her this way. I also get nostalgic for the part of my nada that

was actually a mother to me- when she was that way, she was really great and was

truly a great mother. But its that splitting that has screwed me up so badly so

even the good is no good. I have read a lot in various messages about the

importance of mourning the loss of the mother you didn't have. I'm thinking that

accepting the " loss " of such a mother will make it easier to accept the nada

that is not a mother and that, at times, can be sinister and even cruel. You've

definitely been NC longer than I (i'm working on a month) but I'm finding that

having the NC time is forcing me to begin looking at the loss of a mother and

begin to grieve. Its not fun, i'm crying a lot, but i'm trucking along. Maybe

this brief run in with your nada can be a blessing in disguise if it leads you

to further process your grief and loss and it gets you to a new understanding. I

hope you will use this group to help you along your way. Sending you a big warm

smile of encouragement :-)

Tucket

> >

> > Hi folks, i've only just gotten round to writing about this a week after it

happened, cos i've felt so s**t the past 7 days.

> >

> > Last Sunday was Mother's Day here in the UK. My husband drove up to the

rest home where my Mum lives, which is an hour and a quarter's drive away.

> >

> > Without going into too much detail, i got very upset and felt how i used to

feel before going nc with her for 2 years. I'm feeling a bit better now, but

was wondering ...does anyone else struggle with the realisation that your mother

is not a very nice person? I've always known the facts, but it's as if for the

first time i'm finally having to acknowledge that she is a selfish, mean and

cruel woman. I've said these things about her all my adult life, but seeing it

as the " truth " is strange.

> >

> > Also, does anyone else see their mothers as rather sinister? I know I do.

She knows when she is being cruel but deliberately carries on with the

behaviour.

> >

>