I hate my phone

[Guest guest]

Hi everyone,

I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would get online

and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space. I've been

NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my siblings

too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really screwed

up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that past my

nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up every

morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact from

them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch with

my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My heart

started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this happens.

Thanks for listening.

Tucket

[Guest guest]

Tuckett,

When I saw the title of your post, my first thought was ringtones. I have NC

with nada for almost 6 years, and there is one particular ring tone that if I

hear I still cringe (I had assinged her a specific ringtone, so I could prepare

for the 5-10 or more phone calls a day).

I have to say letting your phone go to voicemail is the best thing you can when

it rings and its someone you aren't sure about talking to. I used to do that to

nada and fada, and its pissed them off so much I would get yelling, screaming,

hatefilled, cursing voicemails (I look back on that now and almost laugh at how

crazy they were just becuase I didn't pick up the phone). With a lot of deep

breathing, and other relaxation techniques, you can listen to the voicemail (on

your own time) without worrying about how to respond in the moment. I used to

write down what I was going to say before calling them back. It's a horrible

way to have to communicate with someone, but when they treat you like this, you

have to set boundaries for yourself.

Good luck with future phone calls and congratulations on your upcoming wedding!

Alyssa

p.s. dogs are THE best relaxation

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would get

online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space. I've

been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

>

> I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this happens.

Thanks for listening.

>

> Tucket

>

[Guest guest]

I am so sorry, what you are describing is the same PTSD phone triggers that many

of us also have. It is easy to become fearful and avoidant of answering our own

phones.

After years of 'phone fear' on Friday I finally *just* got caller id finally,

and set up ringtones for my fav callers, plus a discordant one for nada & fada.

It gave me joy.

I'm thinking your sister has finally decided to come around and act like a

sister toward you. I know its at the last minute and you don't need any more

family stress. But maybe it really was an olive branch from her?

>

> Hi everyone,

>

> I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would get

online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space. I've

been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

>

> I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this happens.

Thanks for listening.

>

> Tucket

>

[Guest guest]

I agree: caller ID display and being able to choose identifying ringtones are

kind of like small miracles. Before I went NC, I used to startle and jump

whenever my phone rang and I'd feel compelled to answer it, dreading that it

might be my nada.

And its funny how one can actually miss a person who has a long HISTORY of being

abusive to you. I guess that's about simply missing something or someone you're

*used to*? Maybe part of our brain craves familiarity: even if the

interactions are negative or abusive, at least its familiar (?)

-Annie

> >

> > Hi everyone,

> >

> > I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would get

online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space. I've

been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

> >

> > I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this happens.

Thanks for listening.

> >

> > Tucket

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh dear, the beloved phone.

I'm in the midst of setting limits with fada over the frequency of our calls

and/or his demands on how soon I respond to a message. When I take a step back,

yeah it's kind of funny to see how enraged a person can get just because you

don't...answer a phone. I get the same reaction as a parent would give a

thirteen year old who spent $500 on a pair of jeans - -guilt guilt guilt and why

don't you ever see how you're HURTING someone else.

Now fada is playing his favorite game, the silent treatment. I do miss the

patterns, like Annie said, even though they are negative. But it's a blessing

and curse all in one, and slowly, very slowly, I am realizing it's completely

unreasonable to be expected to pick up every call and return it within a

two-hour time frame. The world will keep spinning, and I have no doubts that

fada will contact me again, soon.

> > >

> > > Hi everyone,

> > >

> > > I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would get

online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space. I've

been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

> > >

> > > I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this

happens. Thanks for listening.

> > >

> > > Tucket

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I remember that after 18 months of escalating abusive texts, voicemails and

emails, I finally had to take out a restraining order against a former friend.

His favorite weapon was the toxic text message. When he threatened to shoot me

and then called the cops on ME, he ended up going to jail charged with

harrassment because I had informed him via text to no longer contact me in ANY

fashion just two days before. I only just figured out that he is probably BPD as

well. It got to where I would cringe when I heard my text alert go off and would

just tense up all over until I could see if it was him or not. I changed my text

alert even after he was no longer legally allowed to contact me because I would

still find myself tensing up when I heard it.

C

> > > >

> > > > Hi everyone,

> > > >

> > > > I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would

get online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space.

I've been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

> > > >

> > > > I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this

happens. Thanks for listening.

> > > >

> > > > Tucket

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I find myself thinking, " do I really have

PTSD???? " The signs and symptoms are all there but how in the heck did this

happen? Its so hard to make sense of it when the behaviors of my nada were

always rationalized away so it wasn't " ok " to think it was abusive but clearly

emotional abuse is still abuse! I think my reaction to my phone coupled with my

nightly nightmares about my nada and family in general has led me to realize

that PTSD fits. As if my anxiety, depression, and intimacy issues weren't

enough, lets add one more thing to the " Thanks for that, nada " pile!

> > > > >

> > > > > Hi everyone,

> > > > >

> > > > > I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I would

get online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into space.

I've been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all of my

siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a really

screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night (in that

past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but wake up

every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some contact

from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the couch

with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called me. My

heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang. Well, ok, I

grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was more like i

was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she said something

about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six months- its

two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a phone call-

and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so much??? I

feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart hurts too, in

more ways than on.

> > > > >

> > > > > I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this

happens. Thanks for listening.

> > > > >

> > > > > Tucket

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>

[Guest guest]

You bet is likely PTSD after a lifetime of emotional abuse! We are so used to

putting out needs last, being told one way or another that our fears, our pain

is inconsequential. Because it really ISN'T to the BPD in our live.

But all this suppression of our 'self' takes a huge toll.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Hi everyone,

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I just had a really strong reaction to my phone and I thought I

would get online and post about it rather than sitting staring mindlessly into

space. I've been NC with my nada for maybe a month now and have been LC with all

of my siblings too. As all of this has unfolded, I have realized that I have a

really screwed up relationship with my phone. I turn my phone off every night

(in that past my nada or BPD sister would send me hateful texts at night) but

wake up every morning wishing that when I turn my phone on there will be some

contact from them- the silence is killing me. But then, I was just laying on the

couch with my dog listening to the rain when out of the blue, my sister called

me. My heart started pounding and i just stared at the phone while it rang.

Well, ok, I grabbed it immediately to answer it but then decided not to- it was

more like i was paralyzed. She left a message. It was nice but confusing- she

said something about wanting to help plan my wedding- i've been planning for six

months- its two months away, its planned, why is this coming up now? Its just a

phone call- and one I have been wishing for every day, why does it upset me so

much??? I feel light headed and its hard for me to think straight; my heart

hurts too, in more ways than on.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > I'm glad I have a place to go so I dont have to be alone when this

happens. Thanks for listening.

> > > > > >

> > > > > > Tucket

> > > > > >

> > > > >

> > > >

> > >

> >

>