Guest guest Posted March 26, 2012 Report Share Posted March 26, 2012 I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the other is highly abusive. I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am or do. I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for 10+ years. " I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am not sure how to speed this up. The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? Koko Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2012 Report Share Posted March 26, 2012 Hi Koko, I believe everything will fall into place. Yes, for some reason life if throwing you some nasty curve balls that seem an unending trial. I would feel very badly if my pets could not live with me. As for nada, do what you must to keep your conscience clear after she is gone, and try not to listen to her rantings. I imagine your nada is focusing on you simply because you are the one who has been there. She hates herself, so she disdains the ones who treat her as if she has any value. I know, mixed up thinking. Keep trying hun. <hugs> Echo > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the other is highly abusive. > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am or do. > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for 10+ years. " > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am not sure how to speed this up. > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > Koko > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 26, 2012 Report Share Posted March 26, 2012 Thanks Echo - I appreciate what you said. Koko > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the other is highly abusive. > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am or do. > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for 10+ years. " > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am not sure how to speed this up. > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > Koko > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 27, 2012 Report Share Posted March 27, 2012 YW and a big hug back! > > > Thanks Echo - I appreciate what you said. > Koko > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 That does sound frustrating! If your goal is to control someone else's behavior--in other words, if you expect your boundaries to teach your BPDer to respect you and care how you feel and see you as an independent person--then no, they don't work. If you expect them to listen and remember and do what you say, then no, they won't work. If, on the other hand, your goal is to take care of yourself and honor your own needs *whether or not* anybody else does, then, yes, they can work quite well. We can't control what other people do, only what we do. Goal that will fail: Get BPD to stop calling me after 9 pm. Goal that will succeed: Turn off my ringers after 9 pm. Goal that will fail: Get BPD to understand that it hurts me when she calls me names. Goal that will succeed: Leave or hang up when anyone calls me names. Sveta Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Well said! Boundaries are for the person who sets them, not for the other person. They are there to define to yourself what you will and won't put up with and what you'll do when someone transgresses them. At 07:21 PM 03/30/2012 svaktshka wrote: >That does sound frustrating! > >If your goal is to control someone else's behavior--in other >words, if you expect your boundaries to teach your BPDer to >respect you and care how you feel and see you as an independent >person--then no, they don't work. If you expect them to listen >and remember and do what you say, then no, they won't work. > >If, on the other hand, your goal is to take care of yourself >and honor your own needs *whether or not* anybody else does, >then, yes, they can work quite well. > >We can't control what other people do, only what we do. > >Goal that will fail: Get BPD to stop calling me after 9 pm. >Goal that will succeed: Turn off my ringers after 9 pm. > >Goal that will fail: Get BPD to understand that it hurts me >when she calls me names. >Goal that will succeed: Leave or hang up when anyone calls me >names. > >Sveta -- Katrina Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 Very helpful remarks > Well said! > > Boundaries are for the person who sets them, not for the other > person. They are there to define to yourself what you will and > won't put up with and what you'll do when someone transgresses > them. > > At 07:21 PM 03/30/2012 svaktshka wrote: > >That does sound frustrating! > > > >If your goal is to control someone else's behavior--in other > >words, if you expect your boundaries to teach your BPDer to > >respect you and care how you feel and see you as an independent > >person--then no, they don't work. If you expect them to listen > >and remember and do what you say, then no, they won't work. > > > >If, on the other hand, your goal is to take care of yourself > >and honor your own needs *whether or not* anybody else does, > >then, yes, they can work quite well. > > > >We can't control what other people do, only what we do. > > > >Goal that will fail: Get BPD to stop calling me after 9 pm. > >Goal that will succeed: Turn off my ringers after 9 pm. > > > >Goal that will fail: Get BPD to understand that it hurts me > >when she calls me names. > >Goal that will succeed: Leave or hang up when anyone calls me > >names. > > > >Sveta > > -- > Katrina > > > > ------------------------------------ > > **This group is based on principles in Randi Kreger's new book The > Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and > Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells, available at www.BPDCentral.com.** > Problems? Write @.... DO NOT RESPOND ON THE LIST. > > To unsub from this list, send a blank email to > WTOAdultChildren1-unsubscribe . > > Recommended: " Toxic Parents, " " Surviving a Borderline Parent, " and > " Understanding the Borderline Mother " (hard to find) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 30, 2012 Report Share Posted March 30, 2012 This is really well put, svaktshka. I like your direct and streamlined examples. Its really hard for us adult kids of bpd parents to grasp that setting boundaries is about changing OUR behavior, NOT about changing the bpd's behavior. KOs often feel compelled, even honor-bound, to get their bpd parent to *understand* and *agree* to our boundaries... but the bpd parent just really, truly is not capable of that. They can't understand and agree to respect our needs and our feelings any more than a 2 year old can understand and agree calmly and rationally that no, its not a good idea for him to have a big scoop of chocolate ice-cream just before dinner, or that its not OK to pick the kitten up by the tail and swing it around because it really hurts the kitten. Boundaries are for *us*, to give us protection by establishing rules for how *we* are going to respond to certain behaviors by the bpd parent, from now on. -Annie > > That does sound frustrating! > > If your goal is to control someone else's behavior--in other words, if you expect your boundaries to teach your BPDer to respect you and care how you feel and see you as an independent person--then no, they don't work. If you expect them to listen and remember and do what you say, then no, they won't work. > > If, on the other hand, your goal is to take care of yourself and honor your own needs *whether or not* anybody else does, then, yes, they can work quite well. > > We can't control what other people do, only what we do. > > Goal that will fail: Get BPD to stop calling me after 9 pm. > Goal that will succeed: Turn off my ringers after 9 pm. > > Goal that will fail: Get BPD to understand that it hurts me when she calls me names. > Goal that will succeed: Leave or hang up when anyone calls me names. > > Sveta > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 Boundaries don t work if your goal is to change a BP s behavior. They do work to help YOU have a measure of sanity. If nada violates your boundaries over and over, then she may be making the choice that will lead to LC or NC in your relationship. We cannot control thier behaviour, or heal them from BPD. We can build our fence, and keep closing the gate. If we find that, like the neighbor s cat, they come and shit on our roses every time we let them in, them we may have to keep that gate closed. That is sad, but we can choose our health and sanity, or cleaning up cat shit. I dont like cat shit. How about you? Doug > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the other is highly abusive. > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am or do. > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for 10+ years. " > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am not sure how to speed this up. > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > Koko > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted March 31, 2012 Report Share Posted March 31, 2012 Doug, you really nailed it there, I think. It is so difficult to see that distinction at times (boundaries are for the person imposing them, not the other way around). And it is so hard to really, fully come to terms with the fact that we cannot change the BP's behavior. For me anyway, it is so hard because I can't seem to stop thinking that there is some way I can get my nada to really see and accept just how much she has hurt me over the years (which would ideally lead to be hanging her behavior) I do know deep down that is impossible and she only continues to make that clearer with everything she does. I cannot do that and she will most likely beer change her behavior. My goal with boundary setting/enforcement really is about what you just said - to give me a measure of sanity and not have to keep cleaning up cat shit. - Meredith > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > other is highly abusive. > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > or do. > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > 10+ years. " > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > Koko > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 I like your metaphor Doug. I think that each time I set a boundary for myself to get some down time or to just have a breather from nada's insanity - she " suddenly " gets so sick or has an attack of some kind that requires hospitalization. I just recently came home from having to be at her house (due to my cats) because she was hospitalized for 4 days due to a stomach bug - this occured right after I had set a boundary whereby I was not staying over and only going by to medicate and feed the cats. If I track it back her attacks or health nose dives when I have gone LC or if I have anything good going on for me such as a little holiday or time with a friend. It is tricky to go NC while my cats or with her but I am working on it - until that time she will pull her health card each time to get me roped back in as she knows I would never walk away from my pets. I feel that I am getting close to closing the gate completely with her or she may die before that! I will share an email a friend recently sent me from the " divorcing a BPD forum " : " I was not placed on this earth solely for you. I was meant for my own journey, to do bigger things than simply witness your painful journey and absorb your wrath. My world is much larger than just your angst. " Thanks everyone Koko > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > other is highly abusive. > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > or do. > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > 10+ years. " > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > Koko > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Why on earth are your pets with her??? I haven't been around much lately so I missed the history. Have you read all the terrible stories of nadas and pets on this board? There might be an animal rescue group out there that would be willing to give them foster care while you work things out. Sorry if this is ground you've totally covered already. About nadas seeming to " know " whenever you get the tiniest bit of space and amp it up, OH YES. I have an intermittent meditation practice, and during times when I finally get back into it and start getting benefit she immediately has a big crisis. I don't even have to tell her about something good going on, just me seeming a little happier and freer somehow seems enough. It was that way especially when I was a kid growing up. Somehow me being happy (which I wasn't most of the time) seemed a trigger at minimum for her being angry at me about something. Eliza > > > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > > other is highly abusive. > > > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > > or do. > > > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > > 10+ years. " > > > > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > > > Koko > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 Hi Eliza My cats are with her because when I moved back I couldn't find a place that would allow pets so I left them at her place - She is actually OK with the cats so far since they are also a " hook " to get me back so she wouldn't do anything to them. I go by almost every day to see to them. I have looked into a lot of other options for them but since one of them is very old and sick, I don't want to place in a strange place - at least nada's is familiar to them and they are close by. I know what you mean about " seeming a little freer and happier " - even if they don't see us our nadas seem to have this sixth sense for knowing we our moving into our own skin and want to sabotage it. I find it really creepy - it is like being stalked on an emotional level. I am in the process of applying for jobs outside of the city and away from her and my brothers and at that point we (me and my cats) will be away forever. I will not discuss it with her though. Any hint a BPD has of us trying to break free will bring on some sort of " episode " to rope us back in. A friend once told me to never let a person with BPD know of your plans. Koko > > > > > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > > > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > > > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > > > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > > > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > > > other is highly abusive. > > > > > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > > > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > > > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > > > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > > > or do. > > > > > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > > > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > > > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > > > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > > > 10+ years. " > > > > > > > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > > > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > > > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > > > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > > > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > > > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > > > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > > > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > > > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > > > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > > > > > Koko > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 1, 2012 Report Share Posted April 1, 2012 I agree with your friend RE never letting the bpd individual know your plans. My suggestion: when you do find a new job and a new place to move into, do not breath even a hint of any of it to nada. After you've made all your preparations & arrangements, and your new place is ready for your cats, you arrive at nada's as though you are just there to feed your cats as usual, but instead you scoop them up as quickly and efficiently as you can into cat carriers (maybe bring a friend with you to help), put them in your car, and leave. The idea is not to leave your cats alone with your nada after she knows you are moving away. Its just too risky. Once she realizes the truth she could snap and do something atypical for her, something impulsive like being mean to your cats in a fit of " I'll get you back for this. " Or not. But me personally, I'd rather be safe than sorry. But I think its worth taking those extra precautions to protect your cats. You know your nada better than anyone, though, so you're the one to make the risk assessment. Best of luck to you, I hope you find a great new job and new place soon! -Annie > > > > > > > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > > > > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > > > > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > > > > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > > > > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > > > > other is highly abusive. > > > > > > > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > > > > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > > > > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > > > > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > > > > or do. > > > > > > > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > > > > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > > > > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > > > > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > > > > 10+ years. " > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > > > > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > > > > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > > > > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > > > > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > > > > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > > > > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > > > > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > > > > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > > > > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > > > > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > > > > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > > > > > > > Koko > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2012 Report Share Posted April 2, 2012 Good luck with your secret escape plans Koko. I've found that also that any important plan, even if it seems to have nothing to do with my FOO, is best kept secret for good results. I'm glad your nada is okay with your cats, but I'll still breathe a sigh of relief for you and them when you can get them out of her house. I left my childhood cat with my nada when I was in college and she didn't even tell me he was ill, he died without any medical care and I was told after the fact. Hard to let go of that one. I wish you a swift escape! Eliza > > > > > > > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > > > > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > > > > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > > > > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > > > > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > > > > other is highly abusive. > > > > > > > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > > > > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > > > > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > > > > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > > > > or do. > > > > > > > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > > > > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > > > > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > > > > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > > > > 10+ years. " > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > > > > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > > > > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > > > > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > > > > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > > > > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > > > > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > > > > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > > > > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > > > > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > > > > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > > > > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > > > > > > > Koko > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted April 2, 2012 Report Share Posted April 2, 2012 Thank you Annie and Eliza. Annie, I wil definitely take your suggestion about how to move the cats. Nada has been " ramping up " her BPD behaviours lately in her contact goal for more attention so who knows what she can do. I live in constant anxiety and fear of what stunt she will pull around this. I also pray for and want a swift end to this arrangement and the freedom to not have to go by there every day. Koko > > > > > > > > > > > > I have come to the realization that my nada doesn't give a sh*t about > > > > > whether I am in her life. As she gets older and sicker (she has 2 types > > > > > of cancer), I see her BPD behaviours getting worse towards me. I am the > > > > > scapegoated child who has given most of her like to helping her and > > > > > caring for her. I am NC with both of my brothers as one has NPD and the > > > > > other is highly abusive. > > > > > > > > > > > > I see the more I do for her, or don't do doesn't matter because she > > > > > actually displays open hatred for me these days....she seems to go out > > > > > of her way more and more to ensure that she praises her golden sons to > > > > > the hilt when I am around her and then villifies me for everything I am > > > > > or do. > > > > > > > > > > > > I believe Annie's post this last February really sums up my situation: > > > > > she " treats the mostly Scapegoated Child (ME) with disrespect and barely > > > > > concealed hostility, even though my Sister had been the one right there > > > > > helping nada, caring for her, and physically being there for nada for > > > > > 10+ years. " > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > I have played with being NC with her up until now but it is difficult > > > > > becuase my 2 cats live with her - I still have not been able to secure a > > > > > place that I can afford for the cats to be with me. I will not leave > > > > > them with her and I have to check on a daily basis if they are OK. > > > > > > > > > > > > Lately I have been embarking on a job search in a new field and I am > > > > > trying to find a completely new location to be able to take my cats and > > > > > get the hell away from my sick toxic family. The process is > > > > > furstratingly slow and I am hindered by very limited income for a long > > > > > distance move and I am on my own. I so deperately want NC with her, I am > > > > > not sure how to speed this up. > > > > > > > > > > > > The stress I feel some days is overwhelming - is this one of those > > > > > examples that it has to get really bad before it can get better???? > > > > > > > > > > > > Koko > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.