Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 For the most part due to a family illness that has caused me to return home to stay with my parents, I've been a become a bit shaken to the point that I've booked an appointment to see a real shrink on my return home to be assessed for my many years of untreated anxiety, depression. I also wanted to discuss what I have discovered over the past couple months about myself and my mum both here and by reading around the BDP topic and Daughters of Madness (I really recommend it). I did something which I don't normally do which is to make contact with a long lost friend who I haven't seen for around 12 years. I was a little nervous because she was/is incredibly bright, lovely, tall, very attractive and married to a beautful man - they were devoted to each-other - and I sometimes feel awkward still being single and am conscious of my struggle through life. Sadly I discovered that her husband died a few years back which is shocking in itself because she is not much older than I and her husband was, in my mind at least, too young. But the reality is far worse since his death was due to suicide by hanging only a couple of weeks after she found him after a first suicide attempt. (Failure of the mental health care system?) I can't imagine how terrible it must be for her but am concerned that I don't say the wrong thing...I'm unsettled myself and would hate to accidentally do or say anything that might hurt her. Does anyone know what would be a good way to help someone who has gone through this kind of devastating experience whilst still being unsettled themselves due to other reasons? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 (((((Lavender))))) A friend of mine's cousin whom she loved very much, killed himself a couple of years ago, and all I did was I just hugged my friend and told her I was so, so sorry, that suicide is such a horrible tragedy, particularly in young people. He was 22, I think. You have offered your friend your condolences; she knows that you care and are wishing her well. Perhaps there is a favorite charity of his that you could make a small donation to in his name, as a way of honoring him. I think you have done pretty much all you can do. Your friend has to go through her grieving herself, at her own pace and in her own way, perhaps with the help of her therapist. In my opinion its not your job to be her therapist or to help her grieve, particularly if you are feeling vulnerable to depression or anxiety yourself. Your first priority is to get yourself feeling as healthy and strong as possible, then you may find that you have the desire and ability to reach out to others who are grieving. That's just my two pennys' worth. And I hope you won't have to stay with your bpd parents for very long, I can understand how that could exacerbate negative symptoms and trigger traumatic memories for you. I'm wishing you all the strength and endurance you need to get through this. -Annie > > For the most part due to a family illness that has caused me to return home to stay with my parents, I've been a become a bit shaken to the point that I've booked an appointment to see a real shrink on my return home to be assessed for my many years of untreated anxiety, depression. I also wanted to discuss what I have discovered over the past couple months about myself and my mum both here and by reading around the BDP topic and Daughters of Madness (I really recommend it). I did something which I don't normally do which is to make contact with a long lost friend who I haven't seen for around 12 years. I was a little nervous because she was/is incredibly bright, lovely, tall, very attractive and married to a beautful man - they were devoted to each-other - and I sometimes feel awkward still being single and am conscious of my struggle through life. Sadly I discovered that her husband died a few years back which is shocking in itself because she is not much older than I and her husband was, in my mind at least, too young. > > But the reality is far worse since his death was due to suicide by hanging only a couple of weeks after she found him after a first suicide attempt. (Failure of the mental health care system?) I can't imagine how terrible it must be for her but am concerned that I don't say the wrong thing...I'm unsettled myself and would hate to accidentally do or say anything that might hurt her. Does anyone know what would be a good way to help someone who has gone through this kind of devastating experience whilst still being unsettled themselves due to other reasons? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 ((Lavender)) so, so sorry about your friend's husband. It reminds me that things aren't always what they seem, people who seem so very happy sometimes aren't. Anyway, I'm not very good in those kind of situations, that is, knowing what to say to someone who's gone through a crisis. In your friend's case, it is an utter tragedy. I just let the person know how sorry I am and offer to be there for them. Maybe you could offer to stay with her for a bit, not sure if that would make sense, esp since you haven't seen her in so long. Just a thought. > > For the most part due to a family illness that has caused me to return home to stay with my parents, I've been a become a bit shaken to the point that I've booked an appointment to see a real shrink on my return home to be assessed for my many years of untreated anxiety, depression. I also wanted to discuss what I have discovered over the past couple months about myself and my mum both here and by reading around the BDP topic and Daughters of Madness (I really recommend it). I did something which I don't normally do which is to make contact with a long lost friend who I haven't seen for around 12 years. I was a little nervous because she was/is incredibly bright, lovely, tall, very attractive and married to a beautful man - they were devoted to each-other - and I sometimes feel awkward still being single and am conscious of my struggle through life. Sadly I discovered that her husband died a few years back which is shocking in itself because she is not much older than I and her husband was, in my mind at least, too young. > > But the reality is far worse since his death was due to suicide by hanging only a couple of weeks after she found him after a first suicide attempt. (Failure of the mental health care system?) I can't imagine how terrible it must be for her but am concerned that I don't say the wrong thing...I'm unsettled myself and would hate to accidentally do or say anything that might hurt her. Does anyone know what would be a good way to help someone who has gone through this kind of devastating experience whilst still being unsettled themselves due to other reasons? > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Thank-you Annie, I'm very grateful for your calm and thoughtful reply and I think you're right. As you can probably tell I've slide into a bit of anxiety by just being here with my parents and not looking forward to what's coming now that I have arrangements to return home. Thank-you for your support and my apologies for not thanking your for your responses to my earlier posts, but they did reach me. > > > > For the most part due to a family illness that has caused me to return home to stay with my parents, I've been a become a bit shaken to the point that I've booked an appointment to see a real shrink on my return home to be assessed for my many years of untreated anxiety, depression. I also wanted to discuss what I have discovered over the past couple months about myself and my mum both here and by reading around the BDP topic and Daughters of Madness (I really recommend it). I did something which I don't normally do which is to make contact with a long lost friend who I haven't seen for around 12 years. I was a little nervous because she was/is incredibly bright, lovely, tall, very attractive and married to a beautful man - they were devoted to each-other - and I sometimes feel awkward still being single and am conscious of my struggle through life. Sadly I discovered that her husband died a few years back which is shocking in itself because she is not much older than I and her husband was, in my mind at least, too young. > > > > But the reality is far worse since his death was due to suicide by hanging only a couple of weeks after she found him after a first suicide attempt. (Failure of the mental health care system?) I can't imagine how terrible it must be for her but am concerned that I don't say the wrong thing...I'm unsettled myself and would hate to accidentally do or say anything that might hurt her. Does anyone know what would be a good way to help someone who has gone through this kind of devastating experience whilst still being unsettled themselves due to other reasons? > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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