Guest guest Posted August 11, 2011 Report Share Posted August 11, 2011 Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for getting better even is. Thanks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Hi and welcome! So sorry to hear you are going through a serious illness and much rely on your BPD mother. I totally understand how that is: when they begrudgingly help you and then hold it over your head. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking to feel like they don't care about you and are only doing it because they get some kind of leverage. This might be an impractical solution but it could save you the pain of having your mother there. Most hospitals have shuttle services for patients who need assistance, I think. Also, is it possible to get a nurse or an aide to assist you while you recover? You could possibly argue that your mother is causing you additional stress and making your condition worse so you need outside assistance? I know you said you have no other family; do you have any good friends that could at least give your mother a break(and you a break)that would help out, maybe on weekends or in the afternoon? I know it totally sucks to have to rely on them, and, of course, in many ways, they love it. Gives them fuel to say " oh, but I do love you! Look what I did for you! " even though at the time they treat you like crap because you need them and they don't want to give of themselves. Well, at least that's how my nada is. Anyways, I hope perhaps one of those solutions might be helpful. Welcome to the group. You'll find a very supportive atmosphere here. We all really understand what it's like to have a parent with BPD. > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for getting better even is. > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 ((((())))) I'm so, so sorry you are going through this crazy, hostile behavior from your bpd/npd mother (who also drinks), when you are in such a vulnerable state. How horrible for you. I wish I could reach through the screen and give you a hug. It is just so not fair. Its the unfairness that feels so crushing. Is there any way you could maybe arrange for a visiting nurse to come and check on you once a day or so? Just a little in-person human contact might lift your spirits. I hope that you will recover your strength and mobility soon, get back to full health soon, and meanwhile you can always come here to this Group and vent. We get it, what you're up against. Your mother's inability to care about anyone but herself, her lack of empathy and compassion toward you when you are ill, even tormenting you when you are ill, is just... well, its the very personification of mental illness. I agree with you, that is not how someone treats you if they actually love you. (And that is what finally made me decide to go No Contact with my mother; the way she spoke to me and about me... you don't say those things to or about someone you love.) So, we're here for you. Concentrate on getting well, dear. -Annie > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for getting better even is. > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Thank you all so much. Unfortunetly I cannot hire a nurse as this has left me in a very bad position financially. I am trying to get what I need from a string of acquaintances and it's very hard to orchestra when I'm not well, I'm very overwhelmed. All this stress and having to do so much on my own is really taking a toll on my body. I go back and forth between thinking I should take what I can get from her to help myself or just suffering it out so I don't have to deal with her. I asked her to get groceries this morning and she referred to herself as my servant and delivery person so I told her to forget it and am trying to arrange something else. On top of that I have to be back at work because I need the money so badly and I'm in a lot of pain. It's so frustrating that her new therapist doesn't pick up on this, but I know she only tells them her version which paints me as the bad guy. Although I don't know how anyone coming out of the hospital could be painted that way.When I got home from work yesterday I slept for 10 hours and am still tired. I'm just so scared, alone and overwhelmed. Thanks for listening On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 11:36 AM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > ((((())))) > I'm so, so sorry you are going through this crazy, hostile behavior from > your bpd/npd mother (who also drinks), when you are in such a vulnerable > state. How horrible for you. I wish I could reach through the screen and > give you a hug. > > It is just so not fair. Its the unfairness that feels so crushing. > > Is there any way you could maybe arrange for a visiting nurse to come and > check on you once a day or so? Just a little in-person human contact might > lift your spirits. > > I hope that you will recover your strength and mobility soon, get back to > full health soon, and meanwhile you can always come here to this Group and > vent. > > We get it, what you're up against. > > Your mother's inability to care about anyone but herself, her lack of > empathy and compassion toward you when you are ill, even tormenting you when > you are ill, is just... well, its the very personification of mental > illness. I agree with you, that is not how someone treats you if they > actually love you. (And that is what finally made me decide to go No Contact > with my mother; the way she spoke to me and about me... you don't say those > things to or about someone you love.) > > So, we're here for you. Concentrate on getting well, dear. > > -Annie > > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > getting better even is. > > > > Thanks > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Totally understand about the finances. One more suggestion though: is there a charity/nonprofit in your area (maybe Google search) that provides some kind of social services that might do this for free? The hospital might know of a place that has volunteers. Working with an illness is terrible. My heart goes out to you. > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > > getting better even is. > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 That's good thinking RE investigating other arrangements about the groceries; at least its one less irritant RE having to rely on nada. There are some chain grocery stores that provide shopping services: you send them your list and they deliver the groceries to you. There is a fee, but its not outrageous. There is a service in my area called " Pink Dot " that home-delivers both meals and groceries. I used them when I had a very bad all-over flu for a week & literally couldn't stray far from the w.c. Hang in there; maybe it will help to think of a " countdown " , as in you're only going to be ill for x amount of time and then you'll be better and nada can go stuff herself. (Sometimes it helps me to replace my feelings of sadness with anger: righteous indignation. Depression makes me feel passive and helpless, whereas anger makes me feel empowered and active. The problem is turning the anger off when I don't need it anymore; its like... heroin? Its addictive, because anger feels safer to me than fear and sadness.) Anyway. Thinking ahead is good. Thumbs up for thinking about possible alternative plans RE getting your needs met. -Annie > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > > getting better even is. > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks. Unfortunely there are no services like that in my area, so everything requires a lot of work and figuring out on my part and it's exhausting right now. I just wish there was someone who loved me to offer support On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 12:34 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > ** > > > That's good thinking RE investigating other arrangements about the > groceries; at least its one less irritant RE having to rely on nada. There > are some chain grocery stores that provide shopping services: you send them > your list and they deliver the groceries to you. There is a fee, but its not > outrageous. There is a service in my area called " Pink Dot " that > home-delivers both meals and groceries. I used them when I had a very bad > all-over flu for a week & literally couldn't stray far from the w.c. > > Hang in there; maybe it will help to think of a " countdown " , as in you're > only going to be ill for x amount of time and then you'll be better and nada > can go stuff herself. > > (Sometimes it helps me to replace my feelings of sadness with anger: > righteous indignation. Depression makes me feel passive and helpless, > whereas anger makes me feel empowered and active. The problem is turning the > anger off when I don't need it anymore; its like... heroin? Its addictive, > because anger feels safer to me than fear and sadness.) > > Anyway. Thinking ahead is good. Thumbs up for thinking about possible > alternative plans RE getting your needs met. > > > -Annie > > > > > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. > I > > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was > the > > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out > of > > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and > forth > > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either > complained > > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my > head. > > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized > and > > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her > lack > > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I > would > > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp > parent. > > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation > for > > > getting better even is. > > > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Also, regarding the anger. I am completely angry. My problem is I always want to stand up for myself to her. I have no problem telling her how awful she is being etc. She just sent me a message asking if I wanted egg salad (wtf?) I want nothing more to write back some remark about not bothering the put upon servant but I know she won't get it and I'll just be creating an upsetting situation for myself. But really I just want to scream, how dare she treat her only child, the only person she has in the world like that? How dare she equate being a servant with helping her sick child with a life threatening illness? It's not fair and she shouldn't get away with saying such horrible things with no consequences. On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 12:57 PM, Sheriff <asmyguitarweeps@... > wrote: > Thanks. Unfortunely there are no services like that in my area, so > everything requires a lot of work and figuring out on my part and it's > exhausting right now. I just wish there was someone who loved me to offer > support > > > On Fri, Aug 12, 2011 at 12:34 PM, anuria67854 wrote: > >> ** >> >> >> That's good thinking RE investigating other arrangements about the >> groceries; at least its one less irritant RE having to rely on nada. There >> are some chain grocery stores that provide shopping services: you send them >> your list and they deliver the groceries to you. There is a fee, but its not >> outrageous. There is a service in my area called " Pink Dot " that >> home-delivers both meals and groceries. I used them when I had a very bad >> all-over flu for a week & literally couldn't stray far from the w.c. >> >> Hang in there; maybe it will help to think of a " countdown " , as in you're >> only going to be ill for x amount of time and then you'll be better and nada >> can go stuff herself. >> >> (Sometimes it helps me to replace my feelings of sadness with anger: >> righteous indignation. Depression makes me feel passive and helpless, >> whereas anger makes me feel empowered and active. The problem is turning the >> anger off when I don't need it anymore; its like... heroin? Its addictive, >> because anger feels safer to me than fear and sadness.) >> >> Anyway. Thinking ahead is good. Thumbs up for thinking about possible >> alternative plans RE getting your needs met. >> >> >> -Annie >> >> >> > > > >> > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch >> & >> > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I >> have >> > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with >> her. I >> > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she >> was the >> > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and >> out of >> > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and >> forth >> > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a >> panic >> > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no >> > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either >> complained >> > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my >> head. >> > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized >> and >> > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her >> lack >> > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I >> would >> > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp >> parent. >> > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation >> for >> > > getting better even is. >> > > > >> > > > Thanks >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> > > >> > >> > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 I understand your anger. Remember though, she is mentally ill and cannot (or will not) control herself, so engaging her by putting a jab back at her will only fuel the fire and make it worse. It's hard to do, but you have to separate the thought of her as your MOTHER from what she really is: a person suffering from a mental illness who doesn't value the connection of mother/daughter the way you do or the way society does. There is a technique on here that others have used called medium chill. If you search the messages for it, you will find the description. It's a way to get through necessary interaction with the BPD in your life without going crazy. Please, go ahead and vent your anger on here though, don't keep it bottled up inside. Unfortunately, if you express it to your mother, she is not going to respond the way you want. > >> > > > > >> > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch > >> & > >> > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I > >> have > >> > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with > >> her. I > >> > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she > >> was the > >> > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and > >> out of > >> > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and > >> forth > >> > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a > >> panic > >> > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > >> > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either > >> complained > >> > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my > >> head. > >> > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized > >> and > >> > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her > >> lack > >> > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I > >> would > >> > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp > >> parent. > >> > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation > >> for > >> > > getting better even is. > >> > > > > >> > > > Thanks > >> > > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Thanks, I think medium chill is a great technique, it just take a while to be able to implement it well. The thing that gets me is that she can at least seem motherly and helpful even though I know if is just self serving, but I get accustomed to it and then she snaps into witch mode and I feel even worse because I got use to having her there at least going through the motions of being helpful. It would almost be easier if she was mean all the time. > ** > > > I understand your anger. Remember though, she is mentally ill and cannot > (or will not) control herself, so engaging her by putting a jab back at her > will only fuel the fire and make it worse. It's hard to do, but you have to > separate the thought of her as your MOTHER from what she really is: a person > suffering from a mental illness who doesn't value the connection of > mother/daughter the way you do or the way society does. > > There is a technique on here that others have used called medium chill. If > you search the messages for it, you will find the description. It's a way to > get through necessary interaction with the BPD in your life without going > crazy. > > Please, go ahead and vent your anger on here though, don't keep it bottled > up inside. Unfortunately, if you express it to your mother, she is not going > to respond the way you want. > > > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with > witch > > >> & > > >> > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I > > >> have > > >> > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with > > >> her. I > > >> > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and > she > > >> was the > > >> > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in > and > > >> out of > > >> > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back > and > > >> forth > > >> > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a > > >> panic > > >> > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made > no > > >> > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either > > >> complained > > >> > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over > my > > >> head. > > >> > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, > traumatized > > >> and > > >> > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over > her > > >> lack > > >> > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with > it. I > > >> would > > >> > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a > bdp > > >> parent. > > >> > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my > motivation > > >> for > > >> > > getting better even is. > > >> > > > > > >> > > > Thanks > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 I hear you! > > > >> > > > > > > >> > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with > > witch > > > >> & > > > >> > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I > > > >> have > > > >> > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with > > > >> her. I > > > >> > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and > > she > > > >> was the > > > >> > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in > > and > > > >> out of > > > >> > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back > > and > > > >> forth > > > >> > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a > > > >> panic > > > >> > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made > > no > > > >> > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either > > > >> complained > > > >> > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over > > my > > > >> head. > > > >> > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, > > traumatized > > > >> and > > > >> > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over > > her > > > >> lack > > > >> > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with > > it. I > > > >> would > > > >> > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a > > bdp > > > >> parent. > > > >> > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my > > motivation > > > >> for > > > >> > > getting better even is. > > > >> > > > > > > >> > > > Thanks > > > >> > > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > > >> > > > > >> > > > > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Yes, its so damned frustrating and unfair to be treated abusively, off and on, when you're in no position to just walk away from it. Wishing you strength and endurance. -Annie > >> > > > > >> > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch > >> & > >> > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I > >> have > >> > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with > >> her. I > >> > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she > >> was the > >> > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and > >> out of > >> > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and > >> forth > >> > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a > >> panic > >> > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > >> > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either > >> complained > >> > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my > >> head. > >> > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized > >> and > >> > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her > >> lack > >> > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I > >> would > >> > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp > >> parent. > >> > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation > >> for > >> > > getting better even is. > >> > > > > >> > > > Thanks > >> > > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > > >> > > >> > > >> > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 These are all good suggestions. A few more ideas: Check with the hospital social worker for more leads or any other community welfare offices as well as high schools. Sometimes these places have connections to volunteers who just want to help out or to fulfill graduation requirements (high school students usually need at least 20 hours of volunteer time to graduate). Also - doesn't Walmart deliver to your home now? Perhaps in your area there is a grocery store who will deliver, I know one of my area pharmacies does and I am in a suburb. I would also suggest contacting your insurance carrier to see what you have for inhome care services covered. Given your situation, perhaps you qualify for something. True > > > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > > > getting better even is. > > > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 12, 2011 Report Share Posted August 12, 2011 Hi , welcome! My nada hasn't been a hermit since I was an infant, so I barely remember that part. But I know the witch/queen very well! Add to that the fact they become more childish as they become older. And you being the only child makes it an incredibly stressful situation for you. You are not alone <<HUGS>> > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for getting better even is. > > Thanks > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 13, 2011 Report Share Posted August 13, 2011 Thank you. It really does seem to be getting worse as she gets older. She is getting more witch/queen everyday. I feel like I'm losing the mother I never really had. > ** > > > Hi , welcome! > > My nada hasn't been a hermit since I was an infant, so I barely remember > that part. But I know the witch/queen very well! Add to that the fact they > become more childish as they become older. And you being the only child > makes it an incredibly stressful situation for you. > > You are not alone <<HUGS>> > > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > getting better even is. > > > > Thanks > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted August 15, 2011 Report Share Posted August 15, 2011 Amen to that. It is very unsettling I have to agree. What we thought was wasn't, what we thought we had we didn't. Makes one question everything. Know you are not alone with your feelings and thoughts. Have you had any luck with other sources of support? > > > > > > Hi, I am new to this list. My mom has bpd mostly hermit, with witch & > > queen tendencies. I am an only child and I have no other family. I have > > worked in therapy on and off for years to set good boundaries with her. I > > had been doing pretty well, but last week I became very ill and she was the > > only person that could help me as I couldn't walk etc. I was in and out of > > the hospital and the entire time she was drinking and going back and forth > > between being helpful and screaming at me triggering me to have a panic > > attacks. I developed a life threatening complication and it made no > > difference. Since I have been out of the hospital she has either complained > > about every little thing she has to do for me or holding it over my head. > > Yesterday she screamed at me like a manic. I am so sick, traumatized and > > lonely. I have always struggled with her meanness and getting over her lack > > of love for me, but this is the absolute worst time to deal with it. I would > > just appreciate any support from people who understand having a bdp parent. > > I'm not sure how I'm going to get through this or what my motivation for > > getting better even is. > > > > > > Thanks > > > > > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.